Then and Now

Lemme try a new style. For the lack of imagination and better words, Id call this, Then and Now. And ofcourse this is about sgMS. I am thinking that I should start a new blog all together and call it “Letters to sgMS” or something. May be. But for the time being, here is the post. 

Then
Wake up. Think of her. Think of all the things that I could do. Make a plan of action of things that I could do during the day. Look forward to the day ahead.
Now
Wake up. Sulk. Go back to sleep.

Then
Call her moment I leave for work. Even before I lock the doors to my one bedroom existence or step into a rickshaw. I know that I would meet her during the day eventually but still, call her moment I am out.
Now
Wait for her call, message, email, something. Hope that something from her comes my way. Of course I cant call or send messages. All I can do is write things and then hope that someday she reads these. I know that these would lose meanings when (and if) she reads these but then I can only try.

Then
Reach work. Boot up my computer. Message her that I have reached. Get a feedback on what I am wearing. Share my office gossip with her. Hear her office gossip. Play music that she likes. Tell her about the music that I am playing. Take requests even though she may not hear them.
Now
Reach work. Regain sanity after a two hour drive. Ignore what I am wearing. Do not participate in gossip. Try and play some music. Shut the music before the first song is over. Sulk.

Then
During the day, after I have done some work, take a break and go get a coke for myself. Take VP or Rr with me for a walk to the coke shop. Talk to them about whatever. Try and bring her up in the conversation without anyone knowing about it. Miss her.
Now
During the day, do nothing. The entire day is a break. No coke. Miss being with her. Miss talking about her. Miss talking to her.

Then
Look forward to the evening when I would actually get to spend time with her. Even if its at any of those coffee shops.
Now
Dread the fall of the evening. Once its evening, wonder what to do. Kill time wondering. Get dejected and head home. Struggle through traffic for two hours.

Then
End the day, alone on my bed, trying to sleep and thinking about her. Conjuring up dreams of she and I living happily ever after.
Now
End the day, alone on my bed, trying to sleep and thinking about her. Conjuring up dreams of she and I living happily ever after.