Of course you know that I am homeless. Will be till the 20th. And while it’s an amazing feeling to have and I loved the idea of it when I was staring at the homelessness, now that I am living through it, it sucks.
Like S. U. C. K. S.
Really.
I know this is not how I imagined homelessness to be. I had high hopes from the experience. Heck, I even romanticized it a few days ago (on this blogpost). And the romance was gorgeous af (need to up my vocabulary. To do that, need to read more. To do that, need to make more time. To do that… wait. Get back to writing).
But now that I am actually homeless, like I said, it sucks.
No I cant do anything that could change and get me a roof. I will have to slog it out for three more days.
But what I can do, is reflect on how and why this happened. And talk about the mistakes that I’ve made! And list all those other thoughts that are clouding my head. So, here’s a list.
A. I fucked up.
At so many levels that I am questioning all those things (books, blogs, podcasts) that I consumed around decision making. I shouldve been wiser and shouldve taken a better decision. I mean I could have avoided this situation so easy that if someone else took the decision that I took, I would’ve castrated them!
I had a thousand options to choose from and I took the worst of them all.
The future landlord did offer me an alternate accommodation.
Dipanker suggested that I move to Delhi (and thus get some work done while am homeless).
Vivek gave me unrestricted access to his house, his car.
Ankit stuck with while I was on the road.
I had a thousand options. What did I choose? The American Dream!
B. Faith got reiterated in the fact that I am destiny’s child.
When this entire house-hunting was happening, I needed some working capital to pay for the move. I could’ve taken it out from work but I did not want to touch the money that is meant for the business. And this is when Universe stepped in.
I got some unexpected work from a client that I hadnt spoken to in a while (that I think is Universe’s way of paying me when I am in need) and while it was a small ticket project, I made enough money to pay for the move, the fuel (since I lived in the car for a few days), the hotel (because I cant live at shady places) and all the coffee that I have consumed (because I am working from the likes of Starbucks et al).
C. Empathy for the ones that dont have a place
This entire concept of not having a roof on my head was alien to me.
Since I can remember I had a decent enough place to live at. As I grew up and grew in life, my wants have grown and thankfully I have been able to grow my resources resources available to me have grown to be able to afford the wants (well, almost. I have always been short by about 50%). So I dont know how it feels to not have a bed to go back to.
But what about the ones that don’t have a house, a roof?
I routinely see people sleeping on the streets. So many of those, at almost all cities in India that I have grown a blind spot to cover the homeless. I’ve dismissed their existence and justifying their misery by telling myself that if anyone is poor in this day and age, it is because of their respective shortcomings. The world is rife with opportunities and while you may not be able to make a billions dollars, you can make enough to have a decent place!
I think this needs to change. My thinking I mean. I need to have a little more empathy for people who are on the streets. No one wants to be on the streets.
I need to find ways to get them to rise. Get them gainful, meaningful and respectable employment. That gives them enough to have a bed to sleep on and a roof to give them shelter.
And how would I do it?
I dont know.
But I do know I have to work on this. Maybe if I can sort the education piece, I would have found a solution to a lot of other issues. Including homelessness. Lets see.
In the end,
Finally, as I edit this, I realise that while I may not feel too good about who I am living right now, I have a lot going on for me.
I know that what keeps me occupied and busy and all that (house hunting, operational shite and all that) is far far apart from what my ambition, #lifeGoal is (make the world a better place by inspiring others and give them the shoulder that they need), I do have a lot. For example, I have enough (friends, money, capability et al – in that order) that despite not having a home, a house, I have slept well.
So yeah, thank you, Universe. I hope that the sunshine stay on me. Just that I need to make better decisions.
Till then, over and out.