Author: SG

What if you lose your passport?

So this friend went on a road trip to France and Spain and while on the road, he lost his passport. Ofcourse he had two options. One was to get panicked and run from pillar to post. The other was to figure out the way to get it resolved.
So if you are abroad and you lose your passport, you need to do the following.

  1. Lodge an FIR with the nearest police station. So before you head out to a new country, you need to have the phone numbers of the tourist police and the emergency number (like they have 100 in India and 911 in US).
  2. Once you have the FIR, you need to goto the Indian consulate. This may or may not be in the same city as you are in. Get prepared to travel to the city that has the consulate. Here is a list of all Indian Embassies abroad. 
  3. At the consulate, you would need to give the FIR, your photographs and an identity proof that ascertains that you are an Indian. It would be perfect if you have a scanned copy of your passport but if you dont, your Indian driving license and other such documents would suffice. 
  4. And then follow the process the consulate recommends. Surprisingly, unlike the most Indian government offices, the consulate offices are surprisingly efficient and they issue either an Emergency Certificate or a new passport within 24 hours (An emergency certificate allows you to travel back to India and your passport allows you to carry on your itinerary as planned).

And that’s about it. Losing a passport is a very common thing and happens to a lot of people. If you DO lose your passport, its not the end of the world (unless you tear it away yourself and you are seeking refuge :D). Just follow these 5 things and you are sorted. And if you do come back, please get me some postcards!

At the cost of repetition, here is a checklist before you head out to a new country for a road trip.

  1. Always keep a scanned copy of your passport on the internet. Use services like Dropbox to ensure that its easily accessible. In fact on my Dropbox, I have this folder called legal that has almost all the legal documents that I may need (driving license, PAN card etc) at any time.
  2. Always carry a cheat sheet about the places you are going to visit. I use this sheet that I made for myself. This is one printed side of an A4 and has all the things that I may need – emergency contact numbers, hotel numbers, airline PNR, address of the nearest Indian consulate etc.
That’s it! 

The Angry (and not so) Young Man

Without the formality of an introduction (or a beginning), let me dive straight into the heart of the issue. At this instant, I am a very very angry man. Here is why.

I live in a lower middle class locality of the capital city of a developing nation. And as a result, there are a plenty of problems – high density of population, bad traffic, lawlessness, petty crimes, broken roads, lazy officials etc. But then, I have had the privilege of getting really good education (private schools, bachelors in computer science and a MBA from one of the best colleges in India) and my job takes me to places that I can never afford, even if I was paid a bomb. As a result, I know how amazing life could be. Things could actually be perfect and there could be an Utopian world where everything is in order and you can work on things that are worth investing time in (rather than chasing people to get your Internet connection fixed). This dichotomy, of my aspirations of living in a Utopian world vs the expectations from the Banana Nation where I actually live, is in one word, fucking my head. Note to self: that’s three words Mr. Garg!

Coming back, here is a small list of things that has gone haywire in the last one week or less. And this is not even exhaustive.

  1. Its simply too hot to live in Delhi. I can live in extreme cold but I cant stand heat. Even at 7 in the morning, the heat is that harsh that you cant sit in the open. You have to have air conditioning. 
  2. I crashed my car. Almost got attacked by a bunch of rowdy taxi drivers. And paying through my nose for the repairs. Will get the car back in about 15 days and as a result, I cant move around the city as well. I can take Metro but I am not a woman and men refuse to take bathes or use deodorants. 
  3. The Internet does not work. I have an Airtel connection and they have the most incompetent helpline (or customer care, as they call it) ever. Apparently they always ALWAYS have some “server problem” and they can not even lodge a complaint. And there is no supervisor or an escalation process to expedite resolution. Airtel used to be good, till about two years back, but now, they are worthless. Oh, did I mention that they charged me 50 paisa, per minute, to lodge complaints? I am sure TRAI can do something about it. I will write into them soon. And no, the @airtel_presence on twitter is of no use either. 
  4. There is no current. And no, I am not talking about the city of Delhi but in a block of 20 houses. From my balcony, I can see the shining street lights, the well lit advertising boards, the shining LED board for a gym and the constant hum of the ACs at my neighbors. But its me and some 20 other fortunate neighbors that have been blessed by the power cut. Apparently there is some short circuit somewhere. Despite repeated calls to BSES, no one wants to fix and I am left poking in the electric board with a wooden stick, hoping that I would live another day and actually write a few more of these blogposts. 
  5. I have been thinking of a month long vacation. Nothing important but I think I am stuck at what I do an I need to recharge my batteries. I also want to take it easy, get fit and read. Every place that I have called (have spoken to at least 15 places), everyone is booked till July/August! Imagine, the entire world wants to go to Himachal in the month when I want to go. How fair is that? 
  6. And then, apart from all these things that I cant control, there is that issue of not knowing what I want in life. I am almost 30 and in a few months, I would be on the wrong side of life and I wont know what my epitaph would say! How bad is that! All this while, I have always joked around about me suffering from QLC. Now I know what QLC/MLC actually feels like. There are days when I want to see a shrink but then I wish I could afford one. 
The funny thing is that I have tried everything that I could have. I called up the cops when I got into that accident. I have tried waking up early so that I may avoid traffic and heat while going to office. I have tried complaining against Airtel at all possible forums. I have called BSES multiple times, each time getting assurance about someone fixing the bug. Have called and exhausted all travel portals, agents, Justdials of the world. And have planned and thought about what I want from life. 
I guess my effort hasnt been that great and I need to do more. I dont know! All I know right now, is that, I am a very very angry young man. I now believe that the world indeed is an unfair place. Its definitely not a movie and there are no guaranteed happy endings. Reminds of that line from a song… “…yeah you bleed, just to know you’re alive”. I wish I had realized this while I was 20. 

And end-note, please do not make impressions about me just by reading this. I want to believe that I am far saner than this. If saner is a legitimate word.
I am a mere human, suffering from the curse of mediocrity, wading through life, surrounded by more vegetables and I dont even see a sliver of hope from any corner.

Dear BJP and other political parties

Dear BJP and other such “political” parties,
I heard that you guys had called for a countrywide bandh today. From what I know and understand, a bandh, ideally is a peaceful activity wherein people and businesses supporting the activity, show their allegiance by not working. 
Today however was something else. More than businesses shutting shop by their own accord, it was the hired goons and muscles that forced people to down shutters. The ones who protested were bashed up! There were reports of violence in many parts of the country and the public infrastructure was damaged in at least three states.
You guys must be really proud of what you cooked up. I am sure all of you will sleep peacefully, probably as calmly as as child, tonight. You would have loved every second of the 15 minutes of fame that you enjoyed today, at the cost of us Indians. 
And why would you summon for a bandh in the first place? You wanted to bring things to notice? There are other ways to do it. Lets start with logic and reason. Who stopped you from doing a large campaign on the national media (the kind you do when you are fighting elections) and trying to make people understand why is that fuel prices are going up the spiral? You could have posted intelligent questions in the Assembly and hold the leaders responsible?
Agreed that inflation is getting out of control. I understand that the petrol prices are going through the roof. I know that its getting increasingly difficult for a common man to live a happy and content life in India. But does that mean we make it even more difficult for people! 
Dear BJP and the brains at the helm, a bandh is as anti-progress as anything else could be. If we were to strike about everything, we would not have reached where we are. The prehistoric man, could have decided to strike against the animals of the jungle. And we wont have had a civilization. Gandhi could have sat at home against the British and we wouldn’t have had a free India. Stop looking that far back in the history. If businessmen like Tatas and Ambanis decided to call for a bandh every other day for stupid reasons, they wouldn’t have had those empires that they have. You know, a man’s destiny is not really “written” by some God. Its the man’s actions that actually help him create that destiny. While you were forcing the bandh around the country, there were a few men and women who were still working and trying to make this country a far better place to live in. Hats off to them and salute to their spirit. 
You know, with time, typically, political parties grow in stature and they command respect. Their actions earn respect for them. This move has undone a lot of all the hard work you guys may have had done in past few years. I was not really sure if I wanted to get involved with politics but you guys have made my resolve much stronger. Hopefully I would live to see a day where political propaganda like this would not be encouraged by people.
Till then,
A proud Indian.

A real-life coward

A couple of days back, I was going to meet my agony aunt. I was in Gurgoan and I was driving at may be 40 and was singing out loud to my music. There are a few big decisions I needed to take and I wanted her opinion. I was thinking of all the things that I wanted to talk to her about. And I heard a loud noise. I was in an accident!

The other vehicle was a taxi, plying for Spicejet (I would come to Spicejet bit in a minute). The taxi was being driven the way taxis are driven – fast, furious, reckless and brash. I was driving the way I drive. And there was a blind turn. The crash was inevitable.Thankfully no one got hurt in the accident. The two cars got damaged like crazy. Especially mine is beyond recognition.

What had to happen, happened. But right after the crash, at least twenty other taxi drivers ganged up against me. They surrounded me from all sides, hurling abuses at me. Since everyone in an armchair activist, everyone had their version of the story and everyone seemed angry. At least two of them even held my shirt collar. They pushed me around and put my back against a wall. No one hit me but if I had opened my mouth and had uttered a single word, it would have been ugly and I would have been bashed up like crazy. I was held hostage by all these people, most of them dint really have a business being there, and I could not do a thing!

It was broad daylight and there were atleast 100 other spectators. The worst part, the damn voyeurs were actually laughing and enjoying the show. Not a single soul bothered to even try and help me. All the empty noises that I make about being a hero, standing up for what you think is right, being strong, being confident and all that, came flashing in front of my eyes. I was destroyed. I dint know if I was to voice my thoughts and get killed for real or if I was to become a coward and stand there with my head hanging like a guilty man.

At that instant, I realized that I am only good when the person in front of me is logical and understands the situation. There is no way I can handle a mob. Especially a gang of thugs, that is constantly looking for some problem to meddle into. These people are out there to kill or get killed. And for no apparent reason.

Thankfully  this was close to office. I called up a few colleagues, they came immediately. And once they arrived, I took a breather. I finally had someone who I could trust. Even the police turned up after a while. They merely stood there and told us to “reach a compromise” and not bother them with complaints and formalities of FIR etc. I was aghast at their behavior and I was surprised. Aren’t they supposed to serve and protect? Aren’t they supposed to maintain law and order? Arent they supposed to talk to those goons who had ganged up on me and put some sense in them?

Finally three hour after the arguments and counter-arguments, we reached a “compromise” and everyone left for their respective homes/offices etc. For me, the only outcome is the realization that I am by myself in this wild world. It’s like back to those prehistoric days where every animal was for itself and had to fend itself from everything else in the jungle.

In 2012, it’s a modern day jungle out there. I am a tiny creature and I need to look for myself.

And Spicejet, I sincerely wish I had a way of reaching your transport department and telling them the kind of people they’ve hired. But then one things for sure, I am not going to fly Spicejet anytime soon. And all the stock that I own, I would sell. Today.

Movie Review – Vicky Donor

So I finally saw Vicky Donor, the movie that everyone cant stop talking about. Here is the review!

The plot.
The movie is about a typical young Punjabi guy from Delhi. Like all young Punjabi guys in Delhi, he is jobless, clueless and spends his time in bed, cricket field, malls, clubs and other such places of pleasure. And like all Punjabi guys, he can talk fast and knows all the slang that we use in Delhi.

One fine day when life was hunky dory and he was whiling away time, he stumbles upon an opportunity to donate his sperm and make some quick buck. Apprehensive in the beginning, he eventually gets around and starts enjoying the riches that her sperm gets him. Riches include Plasma TV, a “blue” bedroom, lava lamps, neon bulbs, cash etc.

Then, like all Bollywood movies, he falls in love and gets married. The twist in the tale is that that the man who’s been playing the mythical stork, donating sperm to the entire world and showering them with babies, cant have a baby of his own because the leading lady cant conceive for some reason.

And then something happens, followed by something else and some more something elses. The story starts dragging, dragging, dragging and dragging. And eventually the movie ends.

The good 
Few character are brilliantly written. And brilliantly enacted. No, no the leading gentleman or the lady. But Dr. Chaddha, Pepsi Aunty, Mrs. Arora, DaadiJi, the desperate friend. I could totally relate to all of them (no, I dont have any such characters living next door but they are believable and familiar for some reason).

Then, there are few shots that are gorgeous, for want of a better word. They havent made a tourist movie out of Delhi or Kolkatta but some bit is shot outdoor and its been shot well. I particularly love a scene where the heroine is sitting on a bus stop and is crying. Its a visual treat, the way it has been shot. I wish it was slightly longer. I couldn’t seem to have enough of it.

And when they get married, the wedding song is hilarious. I have always wanted a court marriage for myself but after I saw that wedding scene, I am very sure I want to have a Punjabi wedding with cars stacked with “whiskey”! Must must see this bit.

The bad
The story in the second half could have been MUCH MUCH better. I cant digest the sudden anger, departure for Kolkatta, reconciliation for a mere party of an acquaintance, even more sudden dispersal of all the pent up anger and the they-lived-happily-ever-after ending. More thought would have made the story more convincing.

The final word.
I would give the movie a 2.5 on 5. Rest upto you. Go see it. The part before the interval is really nice and it does make you laugh. And no, its not thought provoking at all. And no, no comments on the acting skills of the hero or the heroine.

The Outlier!

Recently I was applying for a visa to a difficult country. Difficult because they take great pride in screening who visits their motherland. The screening is downright humiliating at times but then its ok, it’s a little price you have to pay to be an Indian.

So, these guys wanted copies of my income tax returns for last three years. Now I dont really bother about these official documents. I just give all my papers to my accountant and he files the requisite papers. I dont even check with him. I trust him blindly. Today was thus the first time in almost 18 months when I pulled these documents out. And I was shocked to realize that my total income in the last year was exactly half of my total income in my first year post MBA!

I passed out from MDI in 2006. I got placed on day 0 and was picked by GE Money. GE dint pay a lot of money but it was a lot for someone who had no clue how the world works and definitely had no clue what value could he add to a company that took pride in its 100 year old legacy. Obviously I wasnt complaining and I was happy with my 7 6 figure salary. Imagine being catapulted from a zero to seven six figures. And all you had to do for that was play Counter Strike and faff!

So, in almost 6 years since my MBA, while all my friends and peers have moved on to bigger, larger things post their campus jobs, I have moved sideways and actually went down. And went down how. I am on my third job right now and at both places (post GE), I took substantial paycuts. And as a result, I am struggling at low seven six figures (compare it to a few friends who are now at 9 8 figures). And in a world where you are measured by the amount of money you make, the car you drive and by the phone you keep, when I look in the mirror, I see an outlier, on the extreme left of the bell curve! Life is being what it is best at, being a bitch!

But then I dont think I cant blame anyone else for this. While moving on from GE and CLA, I decided that I dint want to work at boring companies and do shitty work. I mean am not too sure if what I do right now is interesting, but well, thats a debate for a different day!

EDIT… And just to prove that I am still a nincompoop, I calculated my measly 6 figure salary as 7 figures. I just cant get maths! Apologies for all the heart breaks 🙁

Bittersweet Symphony

In my Chennai office, amongst regular folks there are a couple of North East Indian boys. Nothing wrong with them and nothing against them but the sight of them lifting heavy cables, lights and other equipment under the harsh sun was really saddening. It made me want to cry.

I totally agree to the notion of dignity of work and I dont think any work is below human standard but here are two boys, who would have spent most of their childhood and youth in mountains, next to gentle streams of water, amongst beautiful flowers, in the green misty valleys, running after one another on those twisting and turning mountain paths, climbing up and jumping down in probably the best weather that God has showered upon us humans.

Call it twist of fate, most probably they left home for some Rupees and somehow landed in Chennai. Where the life is totally opposite to what they are used to back home!

If God had planned life and things little better, he would have made each community self sustainable. May be he did and us humans spoiled it all trying to chase material comforts and such things. Whatever it is, if I could play God, I would either not give anyone any emotions or I would ensure that everyone from the same kith and kin stayed together. To end it, a famous line from The Verve.

Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life.
Trying to make ends meet
You’re a slave to money then you die

Personal Email Policy

So here is my mail policy. I would divide my emails into two. Things that can be finished in a minute or two. And things that would take longer than five minutes.

For everything that can be done in less than 2 minutes, I would do those, at the moment I get the email (thanks to push mail). This could include delegating things, forwarding messages to people, allocating tasks, replying to quick requests etc. I reckon that these would be about 80% of emails that I get in a day. I also assume that for these emails, since the replies would be short, I wont have to be at the mercy of a laptop as I can use my phone to get these done.

The tasks that would take longer, replying to long emails, emails to friends and family, guest post requests etc, I would take them up in one sitting. For these tasks, I would check my email twice. Once at the morning and other towards the evening or before I sleep. Each time I would allocate as much time it takes to get done with them.

Everyday, I would sleep with my mailbox empty with all requests.

And along with, I would need a system to track the followups since I would start delegating a lot more things and experience tells me that people are generally lazy. I have been trying to do the followup using tasks with  Google Calendar. So far it looks nice and easy. Lets see how it goes and how I use it over a long term.

The new email policy would also mean that I would have to unsubscribe from all those newsletters that I love reading (Gapingvoid, Seth Godin, Vimrod, Jason Calacanis etc). And subscribe to those from a regular feed reader or something. Finally, the bigger picture (of having an email policy) behind all these changes, is to try and simplify life over the next few weeks. And reach a point where these things dont clutter my head and I am free to think and work on larger issues.

Originally posted on Sandbox.

Airplane Mode

Last few days have been hectic and I have been forced to work a lot of on the planes. And I think I like the entire concept, except my motion sickness and a 3 second long attention span. Its surprising that how much work gets done on a plane. I wish I could duplicate the airplane mode while I am on ground.

Thing with working on the flights is that there are no distractions. You don’t have internet, there is no phone and there is no one to bug you with odd requests of booking tickets for them, making a presentation, getting an approval from a client etc. You get all the time you want. You can concentrate on the task at hand. There is nothing that can distract you. Not even music!

Except that the flights are full of kids and the airlines keep paddling things and try and squeeze every penny out of your pocket. These are minor aberrations and tolerable since these are not your kids and you can ofcourse yell obscenities at them. 

Anyways, can you create an airplane mode in your daily routine? A time of the day when you switch off the wifi and turn off the urge to check twitter and facebook every second minute? A place where no one can disturb/distract you?

Originally posted at Sandbox.

Project 1000. Day 4.

After a five day hiatus, I am back. Blame it on my travel and general laziness. But I am back nonetheless. And now that I am back, lets get 1000 words rolling. This post is specifically intended for Project 1000. As I am typing this, I have no clue what would I write about but I am sure I would use at least 1000 words. I am sitting at a studio floor and we are in between shifts. Everyone gone for their lunch and I have this entire floor with the set and cameras and everything to me. I am using this time to play my favorite music and typing this text. And no, I am not the director or the producer of the manager or even an extra. I am a silent and meek spectator.

This is the second time I am writing this post (last time I wrote something), I hit the refresh button and the entire thing disappeared. The damned auto save did not work!

So cutting the long story short, last time I wrote this, somehow, the conversation diverted towards difference between a rant and a post. In bullet points, I said that a rant is personal, meant for individual consumption, is short lived as it is a temporary outburst and does not move an iota in the scheme of things in the universe. A post on the other hand needs to go beyond an individual, is meant for consumption for a large audience, can live for long and is aimed at changing things, big or small.

Then I said that most of things that I write about are more in the territory of rants, rather than being posts and thus I am not really improving the craft!

And finally I said that I would write about the upcoming posts on aspirations and dreams of being a travel writer, life of a spot boy, poker and why is India poor. Do watch out for those.

Project 1000. Day 3. Joe Nobody.

So today, I dont have anything specific to talk about. So rather than wasting time trying to find a plot to write about, I would try and create something. A character map! When I say I’d create a character, I mean that I would think of a man and try to create a world around him. Most movies, novels and other such things make these character maps to ensure that character and his behavior is consistent in different situations while he is in the plot. After from helping me reach the 1000 word a day goal, this would help me create characters and use them, as and when that elusive book happens.

I’d start with the most cliched character of them all, a computer hacker. 

So we start with the basics. Facts. 
Name: Joe Nobody
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Height: 5′ 11″
Body type: Athletic, fit
Education: Dropout from college but very good with computers

Family, Friends and Key People in Life
He is the only son of a single mother. His mother stays in a different city with her sister and both of them work in a hospital. The mother is perpetually worried about his health and marriage but Joe pays no heed. Joe meets the mother once every month or when he drives down to meet her. Joe also has a cousin from the aunt. She lives in the same city as Joe and they get along well. The cousin works with a bank and has no clue about Joe’s personal life. This last Sunday of the month is a routine that has been around for more than three years now. All four get together and goto a movie and have dinner. Its as definite as the sun rising in the east. In last three years, Joe has never missed this meeting with his mother and aunt.

Till about a year back, Joe was seeing a woman from work. The woman was two years older to Joe and worked with the marketing team. Now, she has moved onto a different man and a different job. They are no longer in touch. He sorely misses having that female company and is on the active lookout for someone.

His best friends are friends from work. He gets along really well with A, B and C. A and B are managers with electronics and gaming sections respectively. C works in B’s team. All 4 are very close friends and hang out together after work and all. Their common interests include hiking, biking, gaming and pub hopping. Apart from that all four are huge fans of the local cricket team, especially when the cricket season is on.

While in school he was very quiet and kept mostly to himself. He had only a couple of friends back then and he has lost touch with them. He has fond memories of the school but he often quips that if he was to get back to school with his friends, it would be so boring.

Overall he is content with having a few people in life. He has largely been independent and likes to be alone. And yet he misses that female company

Occupation 
Joe has been working at BestBuy for more than 5 years now. He started as a sales rep and has grown through the ranks to become the highest level an employee can reach  on the shop floor. The next promotion, due in another 6 months will see him become the lowest “suit”. Right now, he is the supervisor of the computer hardware section. Has about 15 retail employees reporting into him. His key responsibilities are to train and supervise the on floor employees. His job requires him to stay up to date with latest happenings in the computer hardware. He knows more than he speaks and most people around him know this and thus treat him with respect. He is known as a true geek that knows everything about hardware. However when it comes to software, he seems to know nothing and relies on his team for help. At times he even calls his team from home and asks them how to fix Internet.

On the other hand, the 8 hours that he is not working at the BestBuy, he is a very active member of the underground hacking community. And he is considered as an authority here as well. He does all these things from a van parked in his garage. If someone comes and looks at his home, there is only one desktop in the living room where he checks his email. In his van, however, there are two row fulls of computers and electrical equipment. There are times when he goes to the BYOC hacker conventions. He prefers to keep things in the van as he loves to work in solitude and space in the van is really limited and thus there cant be anyone else around when hes working.

Personality
Like most geeks he likes to hang out with his kinds. He thus gets along very well with his team. He is good natured and always has a smile on his face. He is always willing to help and actually goes an extra mile to ensure that he is liked by everyone. At times people do take him for granted. And he knows that people take him for granted but he still lets go.

He lives by the maxim of “live and let live”. Though he does things that arent really on the right side of the law, he has had no brush with the criminals as yet. 

He does not believe in showing off. In fact he wants to keep as low a profile as possible. At times he gets himself called stupid because of how he acts to conceal his secret identity.

What made him what he is?
While growing up, he has heard stories of people living in fancy mansions and access to clubs and lounges that reek of money. He wants all those things. And he wants them bad. He is very happy go lucky and very content with his life, except for a woman. He like living and he ensures that he has a lot of fun. He has no major hangups in life. He has no dark secrets. The darkest is the fact that he got his first girlfriend when he was 31 and despite that he could not keep the relationship going.

What keeps him awake at night?
At the job front, he is worried about his promotion. He realy likes it on the floor and does not want to move away from there. And on the side project, he wants to win the upcoming hackerCon. He knows that he can easily win it but he still needs to practice and beat competition. And since he has been doing it for some time now, he doesnt really get kicks out getting secrets or winning a competition but its like the trophy that everyone wants!

What is his role in the story? Why is he important?
Depends on the story. If my life was fiction, I would use Joe to help me hack into the banks and get all the money from all the places.

That’s about it. And here is a humble request to more established writers and authors, what did I miss in this character map? What are best practises in the same? How can I improve this? Thanks a ton!