Category: Break

What books have changed your life?

One simple question. 
What books have changed your life? What books have made you think, made you give a hard look at your life, your choices, your decisions and everything that you stand for?

Thing is, starting Monday, I am hoping to not touch an electronic device. And for someone like me who literally lives on the Internet, this is going to be one of the toughest things I’ve ever done.

While I am on this digital detox, I am hoping to feed myself healthier things, including books! So, I am trying to gather a selection of books that I could read when I dont have technology around me.

Some of the books that I plan to read in this break. 

Which one would you recommend? Some books that I am considering are…

  • Factfulness, Hand Rosling 
  • Bad blood (not too keen but Bill Gates has recommended this and thus) 
  • Measure What Matters 
  • Deep Nutrition 
  • Headstrong 
  • Principles, Ray Dalio 
  • Walden (old but I’ve been meaning to read this forever) 
  • Seneca’a Letters from a Stoic
  • Autobiography of a Yogi
  • 21 Ideas for 21st century, Yuval Harari 

What else? I dont want to read fiction. And I dont want to read books that are centred around one idea (say, Tipping Point). I would rather read biographies, health books, narratives et al. 


I know am being ambitious that I will be able to read these many books in 10 days. But I think with zero access to tech, I think I’ll just read and do nothing else! And thus, I am hopeful. And even if I cant read al the books, I will have a list of supertexts that I can eventually read!
Help!! 

The Rite of Passage, Dubai 2018, Day 01

In most cultures, traditions, societies, civilizations, communities, when a man has learnt enough and is ready to be the “person in charge”, he is often sent on a trip, a rite of passage of sorts where he comes of age. He comes back better and stronger and is ready to discharge the higher duty – the purpose for which he’s been sent, or created, if you will. In fact in his seminal work, Hero With A Thousand Faces, Joseph Campbell talks about the journey that any Hero has to undertake to find resolution to the conflict that requires his heroism. And while the Hero is on the journey, he often discovers who he really is.

As an individual and a storyteller, I’ve always been fantasised about such a journey.

As an individual, I’ve longed for that unknown adventure that makes me better, stronger and richer. That helps me discover my true purpose. That tells me what I ought to do. That guides me. And makes me richer – richer as in emotionally and mentally. And of course financially ;). Make me stronger – as in a stronger personality that can impact lives and things around me. And make me better – as in a better human being. So that I am not swayed by this newfound strength or wealth.

As a storyteller I want to observe, capture and narrate the story of someone who’s taking the journey. I want to tail the someone and experience with him the highs & lows, the trials & tribulations, the wins & the losses and everything else in between.

Blame it on my innate curiosity, by being the traveller and the writer, I’ve wanted to evaluate and understand if the trip, the journey is worth taking. I mean, what the heck! Every Hero seems to have taken the journey. For example, The Pandavas took to Vanvas and Agyatvas before they could battle it out and claim what was apparently rightfully theirs (Pandavas come to mind because I am consuming Geeta on this break).

There must be something that happens on those trips! There are umpteen examples. These stories and the journeys are scattered all over the place – in popular culture, in mythology, in even those little tales that we create for ourselves.

I tried to find people who’ve taken these and come out better. But I couldn’t locate anyone. So I thought, may be it’s about time I took one myself?

Thing is, for someone like me who loves to shoot from the hip (and do things before I think them through), if I were really fascinated by the journey, I would’ve probably taken it by now.

But of course I haven’t.
May be because I am not sure if I am ready to go on the journey.
May be I don’t feel the need to go and discover myself and come back stronger or more mature or whatever.
May be I am scared, like it happens with all such things.

But then the call of the adventure, the beckoning got the better of me and I planned the trip. Tentatively at first. And with more gusto and conviction eventually. Probably because the longing got to me. Reminds me of what Anais Nin said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

If you replace risk with pain (or charm), you’d know where I am coming from.

So, fast-forward three months. Here I am! At a Starbucks (where else) somewhere in Dubai. Trying to discover things. Today is first day!

Even though I am here and it’s the first day, there is that fear, that tentativeness in my thoughts and actions. Truth be told, as I approached the date of travel, I tried to cancel this trip on multiple pretexts. I even postponed the trip by a few days. I was that scared!

Fear. I always thought I wasn’t the kinds to be scared of the unknown. It’s an emotion that I thought did not exist in my head. After all I have always been the one to walk up in a dark alley behind a tall building and gawk at whatever lies up ahead. I have always embraced uncertainty and my pitch to most of my clients and friends is, lets do this and then we’d see what happens. I believe in doing first and apologising later (if apologising is still required). And I’ve found that in most cases, apologies are not required. So, yeah. Fear hasn’t stopped me ever. And thus the surprise on this perpetual delay.

Coming back.

Even though I was scared, I had to take the journey. I heard someone say that “the teacher comes when the student is ready”. Now that I am here, to be honest, I am not sure if I am ready but I can not wait for the teacher to arrive. I want to go seek. Shoot from the hip. Act. Find the teacher. I want Saurabh Garg to evolve into ‘The Saurabh Garg’. The damn the makes all the difference.

I don’t even know if the break would do me any good. It’s just a vague notion. Maybe I’ll come back the same. May be I would merely blow up a lot of money while I am here (on expensive coffeeshops and even more expensive commute). May be I will lose opportunities back home.

What I do know is that I had to do this. Take the break.


Thing is, I have been planning dreaming of a break for years. A break where I go off the radar and don’t have access to anything that defines me (people, things, ideas etc.). In an ideal world, I would go to the mountains where there are hardly any people around and the loudest sound is of your intimidated heart, fluttering at the thought of the height of the peaks and the depth of the gorges. Or I’d probably goto to some beach where I will have the endless spread ahead of me and there’s nothing else that surrounds you but the sun, the sand and the loneliness. Either would’ve required a lot of work in terms of planning and logistics.

So I decided to hole up with a friend in a different country. This will allow me to be separated physically and stay detached. And the only person I knew outside of India that I could trust is the guy I am living with. He and I know each other for more than 25 years (if not 30 years). We don’t talk on a regular basis but I trust him as much as I can trust anyone ever.

Oh, this is not the first time I am taking a break like this. In 2009, I had just quit from CLA and was trying to figure out what to do with my life. I went for a 10-day Vipassana course. I am not sure it changed me but it did teach me that I could do tough things (back then, if someone said I could not speak for 10 days on the trot, I would have laughed at them. But I did it!). The benefits were not really tangible (I should’ve ideally practised after I finished the course but I did not). Oh, it did make me fitter. Also, it was my first stint with intermittent fasting though I did not know about it back then.

So, this time I am on a 15-dayish break. Not really meditating. But I plan to cut off from my regular life (I plan to NOT use any social media tools, NOT check my email, NOT use whatsapp etc). I will continue to stay in touch with close friends (VG), family and work (limited to one phone call a day). This will allow me to get away from non-essential timesinks.

Of course I plan to explore Dubai – I don’t really want to see the touristy places (been here enough times in the past and done all that needs to be done) . I will meet some old acquaintances, probably make new friends, expose myself to new ideas and try to soak in the life here.

In the next few days, I hope to eat right (do a 16-8 IF and if not Keto than low-carb for sure), sleep right (I had thought of experimenting with Polyphasic sleep but I am sure if I can do this in an alien environment), write a lot (blogposts, ideas, book2 etc) and get fit (go for long walks, meditate etc.).

There are other agendas – work (need to figure out what to do in with life – continue the hustle and try to make it big, or get back to the safe havens of a full-time naukri where I get peanuts to make someone else rich), relationships (with parents, friends, colleagues, co-workers, strangers and the all important “better half”. I am sure that I don’t want to “settle down” but as I grow old, I am told by every sage (aka learned person) around me that I will need a companion at some point in time. I am not sure. I need to think on it), review my annual goals, and finish my todo list (that has more than 400 items as we speak; and I use Asana for managing my tasks and projects).

Most important of them all is that I need to learn how to do things solo. I’ve always done things in groups or with close friends. I haven’t done a lot of solo travels. This trip, I hope I learn what it takes to do a solo thing in an alien location.

I also want to go through the motions of trying to move to a different country, inspired by Jan Chipchase (who I think is one of the most interesting people ever). Of course I am not moving per se and I don’t have what it takes to just leave my family and life behind. But I want to understand what goes in the head when you do that. I’ve moved cities but it’s always been easy (the language, food, people, experience and other things are very similar even within a country that’s as diverse as India in). Moving to a new country is a different ballgame altogether! One of my long term goals is to be a true global nomad (with luxurious homes in multiple countries and no permanent base – and I can do it – I hardly have any material possessions that I want to move around; more on this later).

So yeah! There is so much that I wish to pack in the next 15 days!

Wish me luck.

And while we are at wishing and all that, how about you think of taking a similar break and come back better, stronger etc?

–
Saurabh Garg
April 13, 2018
Dubai

And on the 7th day

via: Vectortoons.com

Since I started working (full-time, post my MBA in 2006), I have never ever felt the need of a “weekend” or a break. I could work long hours and I could continue to work long hours for weeks on the go (My personal “best” is a 4-day long “workday,” without sleep and with a lot of food and gas).

Until the week gone by.

I can’t remember of a time when I was so tired exhausted with work that I needed a vacation. May be because I take tons of time off to travel and engage in a thousand projects and a million hobbies. I do multiple things at the same time and thus I use different parts of my brain at different times. Or may be because I have worked in advertising, events and startups where every day is a new challenge and work is not repetitive. May be because I have always had great bosses to work for and they allowed me all the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do. Or may be I was plain lucky?

I dont know the reason but as such I’ve never sort of ‘appreciated” the concept of a weekend.

Until the week gone by.

For some reason, the last week brought about a change. Even before the weekend started, I prayed, wished hard and I did not want the Monday to arrive. When it finally dawned, I wanted it to get over fast. Tuesday I did not want to get out of my house, but I had to. I was exhausted by Wednesday. Thursday, I crawled out of my home. I hated everyone. I was grumpy. I was rude to people for no reason. I was not me. I wanted to ask a girl out – I blew it. Friday I was literally begging for the week to end and give me some time to recuperate. And as luck would have it, Friday turned out to be the longest day. And when I finished work on Saturday afternoon, I was so elated that I could actually count it as amongst the happiest moments of my life!

Of course throughout the week, I continued to work and tried to give my best — which at times is brilliant (from my lens), most times good enough (for people I work for) and often half-baked-half-hearted attempt (for #sgMS). I could elaborate but this is a rant for a different place, different time.

You know, thing is, the world I come from, either you work or your parents set you up a grocery store or a sweets shop (Garg Kirana or Garg Mishthan Bhandar). And as such, I have inherited middle-class ethos where work is above everything else and you simply do what you are asked to do. There is no time to crib, to be tired, to get exhausted, to look forward to the weekends, to crack jokes, to be happy about life. Money is tight and there is no entitlement that helps you tide over the hard times. You work. Or you sit at your grocery store and peddle soaps and shampoos. Of course you could choose to live under a bridge and die of hunger.

With time, thanks to the world we live in, things have become easy and I no longer have to hold a steady job. I have enough work that allows me to make some money, helps me pay my bills and yet have some left over to buy things I like, travel to places I want to, get those occasional gifts for the ones I love. And I am so so thankful to the stars that have allowed me to reach such a place. I know I am luckier than a lot others. I got dealt a pretty ok hand in the ovarian lottery. And the stars dont really work for you unless you put in time and effort. So, there was never a thing about weekends. There was never a break.

Until the week gone by.

I really needed a break. And I actually loved my sleep last night. I missed my Sunday breakfast ritual with VG but that’s ok. He’d understand.

While I write this, I am thinking what changed over the years is wrong with me. Lemme indulge my obsession with (of?) making lists and try to list the things that come to my mind.

  • A, I am definitely older (and more depressed). And I am not getting younger (or happier) ever. So I have less physical energy, more stubborn ways, more toxins in my body, more patterns that are so set that I dont want to disturb, lesser neurons, more judgmental decisions and so on and so forth. It hampers my inability to get things done!
  • B, I am suffering from a terrible mid-life crisis and I am trying to overcompensate by drowning myself in work. I am jealous of everyone around me who seems to be happy (look at their FB timelines), doing meaningful work (that is actually changing the world and putting that ding, making money (the convertibles and automatics and third houses that these people are buying), climbing up the corporate ladder and doing well on all such metrics.
  • C, I am trying just too hard. For everything – money, relationships, achievements. And I am not seeing any results. May be because I dont know the direction that I want to move in. It sucks to work like an ass. And come to think of it, I have always talked about smart work being better than hard work. More than results, it is my inability to drive my destiny.
  • D, my inability to get things done. I mean look at this idea that I’ve been sitting on for almost 6 months. I just cant get it to work. While I sit on the sidelines, the world has taken it and went to another level altogether!
  • E, as #sgMS says, my mediocrity. Thing is, if I were dumb, I would have been content with a job that gave me some money, some respect, lot of grief, long weekends and occasional 5% raise. Or if I were brilliant, I would have had some impact on the world already (look at other 30-odd years old men – Zuckerberg, Altman, Dhoni et al. Hell, I dont need to go far. There are examples in my immediate surrounding – one of my ex-bosses, my classmates from MDI, my friends from school and college). Most people today know what they want in (aka from) life. And they are at it. Moving forward. If not fast, then one step at a time. I, on the other hand, am taking pleasure in ranting about my life. Case in point? These two tweets. 
  • F, oh my fetish with Masochism and Self-flagellation. I revel in misery I think. No wonder I dont have many friends. And funny thing is, life has been very kind to me. Really kind. I am a man of my free will. I am fat (and thus have enough food in my belly). I can afford a spacious place in Mumbai. I can take occasional weekends off. And I can dream. And I have all the things that are required to get that ding-worthy project off the ground. I want to enable people to see their purpose and do grand things – I have the opportunity to go ahead with it. I just dont do it. I dont know why. 
  • G, I leave too many open windows. More on this later. 

Phew! I am tired. And elated. Tired because I am generally tired. And elated because I just wrote for some 40 minutes (this post). And writing gives me happiness like no other thing.

And in an otherwise ok mood because I am rested. I have an exhibition to go to. Hope it is worth the time and effort. Hope you’re having a great weekend. Hope things are working out. Lemme end this with a cartoon by Hugh.

And of course, hope you (and I) do something that matters!

Over and out.

Notes to self
1. Elaborate on half-baked-half-hearted attempts and Open Windows some time. 
2. Stop using to many ands.
3. Find a solution for self-flagellation.