Category: Dreams

The unconnected unrest – Part 2

Part 1 is here.

Last night, I slept at 730. I woke up at 630 this morning. Thats 11 hours of sleep. No, I am not to sleep for this long. Like Frank, I have often hated the necessity of sleep. And food for that matter.

The thing is, I’ve always got by with limited amount of sleep. My metabolism is reasonably high and I can function pretty well even when I’ve slept for 4ish hours. Just that I cant tolerate garmi. Rest is ok. Most people who know me know that I dont sleep much. And when I tell them that there are days when I sleep for 11-12 hours, they get surprised.

And honestly, I surprise myself as well. A, I dont get enough air in my lungs to be able to sleep for that long, thanks to my nasal polyp. And B, I have a million things happening right now (between AWSL, Book 2, C4E, xT etc). So, I know that I could rather work and not sleep. Like I say, sleep is such a waste of time!

I did what I do when I get some ailment. I decided to read on the Internet about the probable reasons. And I found that if you sleep for that long, you are either tired. Or depressed. Take a pick 🙂

The other non-scientific reason is that I dont have a computer. That means I cant work or entertain myself. For me work = reading, writing, connecting people etc. Entertain = youtube, TED, Big Bang and now that 5th season is out, a date with Claire and Frank. Both happen over the Internet. And Internet means Computer.

Coming back to sleep. I am sleeping a lot and it sucks. And no, I am not enjoying all the freshness that you get after sleeping for that long. Oh, I do remember some of the dreams. One of them featured me left at an unknown place with tight alleys with dogs roaming around. And I change my path because I am scared of dogs. Even in the dream, I am telling myself that I need to confront my fears (I have actually become a motivational speaker). The other dream, I dont recall now but I saw a friend – Nalin taking a chartered flight to somewhere.

. . .

Anyhow. I dont know what to write. The mind is THAT blank in absence of the computer. And here are some unrelated thoughts.

1. Since I moved all my data to cloud (Google Drive, Dropbox, Evernote et al), I had assumed that I can work from any location, on any device. I was so wrong. I need MY laptop, MY settings, MY table to be able to function. I so need to change this in case I want to become time and location independent.

Or may be because I am on a Windows machine and its super inefficient, it is tough to get things done? I worked on a Mac and while I missed my files, once I was logged into Chrome, I got access to all my files (including bookmarks etc).

And no, I suck at using the phone for work. Like really do.

2. For me, work has always been on a computer. I cant fathom what work could get done without a computer. The ball does NOT move unless its marked on a to-do list. And for work, since I have always been on strategy side, most output is measured on Powerpoint presentations and Excel sheets. I dont do any REAL work per se. May be thats why I failed with 5×5. In fact as I gear up for xT, I need to be able to learn how to work without a computer as a lot of work would be on the ground.

3. Why do I write this blog? Its like an echo chamber. Where I talk to myself. I could be doing this in between the pages of a notepad. Or on a secret folder buried deep into a laptop. But I like the idea of making thoughts public. I love the concept of serendipity. Someone could read this and connect with me for something unrelated. Life is anyway a huge punt. Why not keep enough and more doors and windows and crevices and nooks open? Let new things come in and then grab them by the…

Oh, I write this on insistence of Vivek. He is probably the only reader that I have left. But then who cares about the readers – I write foe the sake of writing. Writing helps me clear my head. Writing helps Vivek stay unbored. And those are more than enough reason to continue to write.

Thats it for the day. Catch you tomorrow. Or may be not. If I am forced to work on Windows machine!

ABCD

Looks like acronyms are in vogue. After the last post on MIA, here is another one. This time, I will talk about ABCD. No, not the movie. But 4 things that I want to do in life. Why do I call these ABCD? Because I suck at naming things.

And since this is my personal blog, the post may appear as a rant on life. And no, dont expect me to come up with nuggets like the days are long and decades short or the seven intelligent fanatics. And dont expect any enlightening talks about how to work and all that. That’s something that I leave for people on Quora and for younger and more established people – which pretty much includes everyone. At my age, you see, most people are younger, richer, healthier, smarter and all that. I am a mere mortal who’s trying to live happily. Ever after. If only sgMS agreed to be a part of the ever after story.

So I am going to talk about things I do. After all that’s the point of a personal blog. These are simple silly things that non-achievers like me do and engage in.

So I primarily spend my time on doing 4 things. These are…

Thing A gives me money.
Thing B makes me happy.
Thing C is future earnings.
Thing D is all the hobbies (poker, guitar, #sleep, #book2 etc).

— Saurabh / SG (@saurabh) July 11, 2015

Let me talk about these for a bit.

A, is my freelancing gigs. 
Where I work on event planning, event management, brand strategy, brand planning, marketing strategy, social media strategy and other such things for brands. I do this via my engagement with few agencies. Out of three “live” contracts (irregular work), I have worked with two as an employee and have hired the third as a vendor at some point in time. Lesson learnt? Relationship. Not talent, not hustle. Relationship.

In terms of talent, what I do is questionable. In term of hustle, the effort in put in is questionable. But end of the day, if I am pretty average with what I do and I am happy living in the closed confines of a 1RK shanty in an obscure corner of Mumbai and a third-hand Tata Nano, I can continue to do this!

But is that what I want from life? Isn’t being an illegal immigrant in US and working at car washes at minimum wage better? I think so!

You know, wolf and sheep?

Source: GapingVoid

B, is writing. 
It could be a simple act of putting pen to paper. Or keystrokes on a laptop. And even though I may not be any great shakes with what I write. I may think of cliches all the time, I may use simple words to express simple thoughts, I may not able to write flowery language but I definitely am happy when I see words appearing on screen when I let my fingers do their trance-like dance.

In a few years I may realize that I do not have what it takes to be a writer that a large set of people may love to read. But I do know that if nothing else, I shall continue to write this blog. Of course time shall tell.

From my book, The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Did you buy?

Or may be I will continue to write my books with simple plots and simpler descriptions and non-evocative journeys etc.

C, is future earning. 
This is where I open opportunities by talking to people, companies, friends, family and strangers. Hoping that they’d hire me some day. Assuming they can afford me.

This is probably the toughest part. In fact last two, three days I have been stuck with this and this is what has been eating me from inside out. I’ve written about this in detail in the past. As I go along, I will talk more about this as I spend a large chunk of my time on this.
 Anyhow, when days like this happen one after the another, I tend to go back to pop-culture motivation-porn of Mr. Will Smith. Do see the following video. I hope it is not but even if it is scripted and Will has a team of people working for him, the video is insane.

I can watch it over and over and over.

And Oh, one more thing. Once I am done with this post, I am going to go start my hustle. What about you?

And D, ladies and gents, is hobbies. 
This is where I go to recreate (of the recreation fame). Where I unwind. Where I chill. Where I am in the moment. Where I know I want to take a break from A, B and C. Things that include hobbies are poker, guitar, writing (combination of B). For each hobby, I have a tangible goal. For example, for poker, I want to win the WSOP ME some day (which incidentally is happening as we speak and there are two Indian-origin players in the final 101. For guitar, I want to perform on a stage. For travel, I want to do a RTW. For photography, I want to be able to sell my photographs to people for a million dollars and more.

Lofty? May be. Achievable? Yes!

I mean who thought Stu Unger could win WSOP ME three time? And back to back two times?

Stu Unger. The Idol.

So yeah!

These are the 4 things that keep my busy. And, as I leave, here’s a chart that I keep looking at all the time. IF there was a way to clue A, B, C and D, I would be achieve bliss.

No?

Source: Unkonwn. The point? Do things that you love and the world will pay for!

Over and out!

P.S.: Post # 3 in as many days!

Source: The sandcastle baby.

Jerry, Micky and SG!

Note: This is part 1 of a series. What I want in life, Part 2 is here.

I now know what I want to do in life. And unlike all previous times, this time I am serious. So serious that I am going all-in this time.

So before I talk about it, have you guys seen Jerry McGuire? The guy who magically gets Rod Tidwell another contract, just when everyone else had dismissed him? And if you dont know Jerry, do you know Micky Goldmill? Rocky’s manager? In the Rocky series? The guy who gets Rocky to perform those magical things in the boxing ring? The power behind Rocky’s famously powerful punches?

No? Ok, so Jerry is a celebrity manager and is supposed to manage professional career of athletes. Micky is supposed to help Rocky with his fights.

Either man has no direct correlation to what their clients make their living from. And yet, by their mere presence around the character, they impacted the careers and lives of their clients. And what if they are fictional characters? The dreamer in me refuses to believe that these characters can’t be for real!

I did my research and my experience with Gravity came in handy. I realized that a very similar profession does exist in India as well. We call them artist managers. However unlike the western counterparts, we don’t really manage careers or impact lives. All we do is sell their time and carry their bags around when they are jet-setting the world.

And that, my friends, is what I want to do in life. Manage a superstar and carry his/her bags around the world as we s/he performs all over the world at exotic locations. And nothing else.

I in fact tweeted this a few minutes back.

I know what I want to do in life. Carry bags of a big film star on all her shows. The ideal place to work would be the likes of @CAA_KWAN
— Saurabh / SG (@saurabh) October 12, 2013

I thought after this tweet, I would be inundated with job offers from all parts of the country. I even wrote apology letters to the ones who don’t select me.

But alas, no one replied. May be today being the middle of the weekend, people did not see it. May be you, dear reader, could help.

So, if you are a superstar and you need a brilliant porter to carry your coffee, tea, bags, puppies, phones etc around, you know what to do. I can speak English and Hindi, I get visas easily and I hold a MBA degree. Oh, I have about 2000 twitter followers and once you hire me, I assure that the number would only swell up. This could come handy when we you are performing somewhere and want your fans to take a note. Do call me for an interview and I can show around my talent with bags and visas.

And, most importantly, here are my contact details.

On dreams. And yet another project.

Today I made the first tranche of payment for yet another project. For the record, this is the third time when I am paying for a project and substantial amounts at that. Both the previous ones, sadly did not do well. Heck, what do I mean “do well”? I didn’t even work on those apart from outsourcing a few simple tid bits and paying through the roof for those. FYI and FMI, the other two projects are
Saboon (aka Made With Love) and Brownie Points.

This one, unlike the last two where I sunk money and did nothing about, I plan to get off the ground. Let me park this bit, for a bit.

Unrelated note, Neo sent me this awesome quote, which is apt here…

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. -Anonymous

So far I have spent my entire adult life in building dreams for others. I have spent countless sleepless nights working on those dreams, I have lied for those dreams, I have done things that I have hated doing for those dreams, I have almost sold my soul for those dreams and I have put in my best years to work on those dreams. And if not a major one, I have definitely made notable contributions to those dreams.

Connecting this and the thought I parked above, its about time I did something about my dreams. I mean I dont really know what my dreams are but I know that it definitely does not include what I am doing right now. I dont even know if this project is my dream. But its a step up for sure. After 55555, this is the second thing that I am working on in 2013. And unlike the previous ones, I promise myself that I would bring this to an end.

While I am writing this, I remembered, one of my ex-bosses captured me in a brilliant line. He said that I am a very good beginner but a very poor finisher (prospective employers, judge me). When I look back, I realize that not finishing has been a common theme in my life across all spectrum – relationships, work and my dreams. And its time to bring things to a conclusion, on all the three facets.

Starting with this one.

More details on this as and when I come close to the finishing it. Like always, I am looking for co-conspirators. If you liked Jerry Mcguire, you could be interested in this. Please contact me of leave your details in comments below.

Lance, I am with you.

I have always been big on sports and sportsmen. So much so that I have always had this voice at the back of my head that wants me to be a professional athlete. For me, sports are unlike any other human pursuit, for, it is while playing when the true character and strength of an individual is revealed  It is while playing that a person can grow individually and in stature. And most importantly it is while playing you can test your limits. Limits of endurance, hunger, achievement and so on and so forth.

Sportsmen, similarly are an awesome lot. They are like average Joe’s who have that dream to do something great. And it is by their sheer grit, determination and hard-work that they do go the extra mile to achieve their dreams and take that shot at glory. Isn’t that what life is movies are made of?

Lance Armstrong

Amongst a long list of illustrious athletes that I admire, Lance Armstrong will always be close to the top. Not because of those 7 Tour De France titles but for all the other things that he has done away from the bicycling arena (the Livestrong Foundation). Reason is more personal that grounded in rational thought. His foundation gave strength when I found myself alone and continues to do so (a really really really good friend suffered from the disease and is back to being normal now. There’s another friend who is on her way to recovery. She would be back to being awesome soon, inshallah). Thing with being alone is that you have people around you and you have all the hopes that the medical advances give you but end of the day, deep down inside, you are left alone to struggle with all the nightmarish thoughts. And this is when you need someone to hold on to. Some call it praying to God, some call it belief, some call it divinity. I dont know what metaphor to use but it would have been really really tough without it.

Coming back, Lance is someone who I’ve always looked upto. I dont know much about the sport but I know that winning 7 titles, back to back, is a near inhuman feat and it must have taken a man of great strength to actually do it. I have always taken inspiration from him and have wanted to touch greatness, like he has done. If I was the kinds to maintain a desk with pictures on it, I would put Lance on it, along with Steve, WEB, sgMS and few more other people. May be soon. Lance, in other words, is my hero. And I am thankful to him for his mere existence and his efforts.

So, today, when I woke up, I loved the feeling. Don’t really like waking up early but today was different. A stupid dream was interrupted by a phone call. In that dream I get a boil on my sole and I show it to Mujeer Sir, who is normally quite. He looks at it and starts laughing at it and asks me to stop trying hard. And this is when the phone rang. So when I woke up, I was loving the feeling that I was alive. It was about 7ish in the morning and there was this dim light in my hotel room and it was slightly cold, the kinds that gives you goosebumps. There was this standard white hotel quilt and as array of pillows with different densities. I was comfortable and I was sleepy-awake-sleepy. I even had a message from sgMS sitting in my phone. The world was perfect. And I was raring to go, take it on, head on and work on something grand, just like Lance and other heroes.

And like everyday, I started sipping onto my water and grooving to my morning playlist and was generally checking on the world when I realized that Lance has done a no holds barred interview with Oprah. And in that video, he has confessed to using banned substances to help him win Tour De France. And as I saw it, with each answer I started to got numb. They were direct, easy to understand, pointed questions. And Lance was supposed to answer in simple yeses and nos. And with each one word answer, it started to suck.

For all these years, I was happy being part of the group of people who just stay on the sidelines and keep their true opinions with themselves. But for Lance, I would be vocal, if someone asked me for an opinion and I would live in the world of denial. For me, Lance was a God, who could do no wrong. I dint go around to wearing yellow bands and showcasing my devotion to Lance and foundation. But Lance was/is an important to me. With his confession, the entire thing about him came crashing down around me. From a giant who worked hard and pushed his personal limits, for an instant, he was left on the sidelines as someone who took the easy way out when he could choose to take the road less travelled. From being a winner, he is now the biggest loser that the world has seen.

I dont know how the world would react to it, for me, Lance its a loss beyond comprehension. I feel cheated and it sucked as if I lost in a race that I was participating myself. You were that important to me Lance. You were my role model. If I could I would have modelled my life on yours. And it sucks to know that it was all a pack of lies. I have no clue why would you do it. I am sure there must be some larger reason, than merely winning the race. May be you were fighting against the unpredictable life, by using its own methods or whatever. May be you were greedy. May be you were not. May be you were blinded. I dont know.

But like a delusional disciple of a cult religion, I refuse to see the reason and I want to believe that there was more than what meets the eye. End of the day, Lance, you have my support. I am with you, always will be. You are still my hero. You are still someone who has been able to push boundaries that no one else could. You are still the epitome of human endurance and strength for me.

And, thank you for everything.

The Outlier!

Recently I was applying for a visa to a difficult country. Difficult because they take great pride in screening who visits their motherland. The screening is downright humiliating at times but then its ok, it’s a little price you have to pay to be an Indian.

So, these guys wanted copies of my income tax returns for last three years. Now I dont really bother about these official documents. I just give all my papers to my accountant and he files the requisite papers. I dont even check with him. I trust him blindly. Today was thus the first time in almost 18 months when I pulled these documents out. And I was shocked to realize that my total income in the last year was exactly half of my total income in my first year post MBA!

I passed out from MDI in 2006. I got placed on day 0 and was picked by GE Money. GE dint pay a lot of money but it was a lot for someone who had no clue how the world works and definitely had no clue what value could he add to a company that took pride in its 100 year old legacy. Obviously I wasnt complaining and I was happy with my 7 6 figure salary. Imagine being catapulted from a zero to seven six figures. And all you had to do for that was play Counter Strike and faff!

So, in almost 6 years since my MBA, while all my friends and peers have moved on to bigger, larger things post their campus jobs, I have moved sideways and actually went down. And went down how. I am on my third job right now and at both places (post GE), I took substantial paycuts. And as a result, I am struggling at low seven six figures (compare it to a few friends who are now at 9 8 figures). And in a world where you are measured by the amount of money you make, the car you drive and by the phone you keep, when I look in the mirror, I see an outlier, on the extreme left of the bell curve! Life is being what it is best at, being a bitch!

But then I dont think I cant blame anyone else for this. While moving on from GE and CLA, I decided that I dint want to work at boring companies and do shitty work. I mean am not too sure if what I do right now is interesting, but well, thats a debate for a different day!

EDIT… And just to prove that I am still a nincompoop, I calculated my measly 6 figure salary as 7 figures. I just cant get maths! Apologies for all the heart breaks 🙁

5 Crores on Kaun Banega Crorepati

Sushil Kumar, Anonymous, finally has won the grandest prize of all on Indian television, 5 crores in a game show hosted by Amitabh Bachchan (KBC). What makes the story so captivating and gut wrentching is the fact that the guy who won, makes 6000 bucks a month working as a computer operator and a private tutor. On the promo, he comes across as under confident, miss understood, dreamer and everything else that I can easily relate to.

Like, I was thinking yesterday, its not about the amount but about the fact that any individual from anywhere in the country today can realize his dreams. It reinforces my belief that nothing is impossible in life!

And yes, blame me for being yet another fool that Indian Television Industry has been monetizing for decades.

I (too) have (had) a dream

THIS IS A REAL STORY. Of a dream I saw. Yesterday night.

I am in a building attending some talk or something and suddenly a guy comes and whispers in the ears of someone important. Like they do in President’s ears in most movies. And since I observe people, I understand that something is wrong. And then someone announces that we have been surrounded by terrorists. I guess (in the dream) that they might take us hostage but I get this feeling that I am going to die. I check out. There are two escape routes. I peek through the window on the left. I see one guy dressed in a pathan suit (images) and crouched near the wall of the courtyard. Yes there was a courtyard. And a wall. And yes I get these many details in my dreams. I get vivid dreams. (Not that vivid). So I see that there is a terrorist. And he was talking to someone on the phone (or was it a walkie-talkie?) and making gestures towards someone on the other side of the wall. I then go and check the other entrance/exit. I dont remember what I see there. And then I realize that I am going to die. I think that what a waste. A life where you promised a lot and ended by a gunshot. Without a warning. Aint that how most lives end? Anyways so once I realize I was going to die, I try to find places to hide (yes first thoughts were to find places to hide). I also think about possibilities of locking the building down. I also think of ways to control the people there and use their help to save ourselves. Now that I am writing, somehow the thought of calling for help dint come that time!. And then, I have no clue what happened. Next thing I remember is my cellphone buzzing and showing that its 5:30 AM and time to get up!

Thats it. Short and simple. Sans climax. Any interpretations?