echoChamber

The Daily Grind – 2711 – 310718

7:45 AM, Mumbai
31 July 2018

I know I said that I wont rant.
I know I said that I will rather talk about lessons (and not rants).
I know I’ve promised myself to be not harsh on myself.
I know it all. [haha]
But this is important. I have to rant out. There is no one else that I confide in and can be honest about things. [Funny. I am confiding in a blog that is open for the world to see. Dear prospective employer (or client), if you are reading this, please know that this too shall pass.]

So, I dint write yesterday. Or the day before. Both days I could’ve written – I had the time and all that. But I dint. Not because I was lazy. But because something happened that put this shroud of misery over my head that made me so sad that I could do nothing but sleep.

And I want to talk about this.

This = misery.
Not the specific incident.
That is captured on echoChamber.
But the generic reason for my misery.

So, here goes.

The way I am made, I have this deeeeeeeee[insert infinite Es here]eeeeeep need to be respected.
I can live with all the ambiguity. I can stand whatever comes at me. I am ok with extreme cold (not garmi though), hunger, lack of comfort, physical abuse and other such things. I can survive around negativity and all that. But when someone is rude to me, I get ticked off.

And when I say that I get ticked off, I dont mean that I blast off. I just curl up into my shell, crawl under the shroud and cut myself from the world. And my world is anyway tiny – handful of friends and acquaintances.

And do what?
Sleep!
Sahi jawab. Aap jeet-te hain ek crore rupye!

Thing is, I am one of those who “live and let live.”
I make sure that I dont bug anyone. And I dont want to be bugged.
I talk to everyone with respect. And I want others to talk back to me with respect.
I set high standards for myself and I expect the same from others.
I take ownership of my actions and I expect others to do the same.
I apologise when I am wrong. And I am ok with a public castration.
And I try VERY hard to not repeat my mistakes.
If I cause a monetary loss, I pay back for it. This is one of the chief reasons that I am struggling financially – I have paid to compensate at places where I felt I was responsible, even though I was not. Since all that matters to me is how I feel, if I fucked up, I believe that if I pay up, I can reduce the pain!
If I do well, I do not crave for recognition. I dont. Really. All I want is respect. And no, I dont demand it. I want to earn it. And I am ok to work very hard to earn the respect.
If I say something, I do it. Of course I miss deadlines and all that but I am human. I try to reduce these misses and not that I am near perfect but I will reach there at some point in time.

If you cant understand this, I am ok to stay away. Life is way too short to be doing things that dont keep you at peace.

Call this my personal code of conduct or whatever. I try to ensure that this code is adhered to. Every person I get into any relationship with (personal, professional, etc), I try to set an example by being the first to offer this conduct. And once this has been tabled, the strain of commonsensicality in my brain tells me that it should be easy for the other party to respect this code.

But no.

I am often subject to whims and behaviour that is diametric opposite to what I expect. And that’s where the problem it! That is what fucks me up. This is what fucked me up. Something happened and someone really important to me was rude to me for no fault of mine.

And like I said I cant stand rudeness for no reason. And I since I am not the kinds to retaliate or talk back and all that, I just came home and put the AC on 22 and went to sleep. Of course I was doing all that you expect me to do – working, talking, even throwing parties, walking, eating and all that. Just that I was on auto-pilot. I even played Peak and now that I think about it, no wonder I was scoring so low on games that I am a pro with.

I think I have finally woken up today. Time to make the day count!

***

So, lemme shift gears and talk about something that I did for a first time EVER in my life.

I hosted some people at my place! I cant remember when was the last time I called people home just to chill. I have had poker parties in the past and birthday celebrations etc. But I have never ever called people over to just chill and sit around and do things that people do at these house parties – get drunk, play those inane party games and all that.

Oh, this gathering happened while I still reeling under the influence of the thing…

I called my tribe over and we did all of the above.
The people at the gathering were aged 36 (me), 32, 28, 24, 20 and 19. That’s some range.

And it was interesting af. I think what you do in a house party clearly defines who you are. You are uninhibited and you are your true self. This is a great tool to evaluate people, if you ask me.

For example, if you looked at my behaviour while I was in the party, my number 1 concern was that we dont make so much noise that it makes me neighbours come knocking on my doors and ask us to shut up. If you looked at this other person, all he was bothered about was taking care of one of us who was sick. I on the other hand couldnt care less about the sickness as long as the volume levels were kept down. That tells me that dude is more human than me. So, maybe I need to keep that person close to me.

Got the drift? More on this after I do this one more time. I will have more empirical evidence.

In the meantime, here are a few observations and lessons from incidents over the last few days.
See I did list a few lessons 🙂

1. I do not enjoy dancing.
Even if its with the closest set of people.
I hate when I am put at the spot with requests to dance.
I hate to say no to my people.
So, I need to avoid going to places where the dance shite may happen.
I know dance is like a primal thing for us humans, but its not for me.
Sorry, ladies and gents.
Oh, I have expressed the desire to learn Bhangra in the past but that to me is workout. And not an action under influence of alcohol and societal pressure.

2. Alcohol IS fucked up.
I have no clue what makes people consume alcohol.
You ought to be high on things in your head and not on fumes from some foreign substance.

Once you are drunk, you forget what is right and what is wrong and you become someone else.
Some people say you show your true colors. Some say you become better. I am not sure.

All I know is that in my experience, alcohol makes you irrational and often lands you in trouble. And I dont want any trouble of any sort. I HAVE to cut ties with anyone who has an alcohol problem. Even if its borderline.

Having said that, I am still undecided on Psychotropics. I want to try and see the effect. Lets see. Any experts?

3. What I eat controls my mood.
I was sick in the head anyway and then I ate some Dal and rice. May I say that the Dal was good? And I felt so bloated that I had to actually lie down. I had that Dal at around 3 PM yesterday and its 9:05 AM right now and out of these 18 odd hours, I’ve slept for about 12. Not kidding. I dont know if its the sadness, or the bipolarity (or the depression) or the Dal.

What I know is that I need to fix this. I cant be sleeping this much if I have to reach where I want to. And if that means abstaining from foods that I’ve liked in the past, I will.

4. Money drives the world.
Of course I’ve always known this. I’ve been the kinds to assume that money is a mere byproduct of doing good things. But I guess that’s not the case. At least for the world around me.

Here’s a quick story. I loaned some money to some friends. I needed some of it back to invest on a project. I reached out to all those people. And of all those people that I’ve trusted with money, just about 3 of them came back to me with an offer to return. What about the other 5? Well…

Lesson for me?
Choose your friends well.
Make more money.
Try not to loan it – it always causes a trouble.

***

So yeah, that about it. Happy to have written some.

To end this, I need to put this on some index cards and remind me from time to time.
I need to…
I need to start running.
I ~~need~~ HAVE to make more money.
I need to stop giving into urges and not eat crap.
I need to sit still and meditate for 45 minutes per day.

That’s about it for the day.

Oh, the post about luck? I havent worked on that in 2 days. Maybe today I will. I promise that that will be the next one. Till then, over and out.

The Daily Grind – 2714 – 280718

I did not write yesterday. I could’ve. I just dint feel like it. No, not cool. Need to overcome these bouts of laziness if I am to get ahead. No, not being harsh at myself. But looking at myself from a few feet in the air and evaluating what am upto.

Anyhow, without further ado, here’s the post of the day.

So, Krishna read the posts that I’ve been making over the last few days and told me to get married.

When I asked him about his rationale for saying so, he couldnt give me a specific answer. He said, it just felt like saying that.

Now when someone says that, it either comes from deep experience. Or from deep insight. Or from the gut. In any of these cases, if I trust the other person, even though they say something that is counter-intuitive or something that I dont agree with, I tend to give things a thought. The other filter (apart from trust) I use is if they have skin in the game. In this case Krishna doesnt. But I know that he cares deeply about me, I am inclined to give things a thought.

So, I am thinking.

About two things.

One, That if I should get married.

Two, and if what I write prompts the outsiders to evaluate me as a lonely, miserable man, I need to fix it. Fix both – what I write. And how I feel.

And after all the jamming, I think I have answers.

One.
No, I am not getting married.
I am selfish af.
I dont have enough to love someone more than myself.
And to me, my dreams, my ambition is greater than anything else.
However if things go the way they are going and I am forced to take a full-time employment, I will revisit this piece.

Two.
I will not write about my deepest darkest fears and all that here.
I will push them on echoChamber.
The point is to not run away but to give the tribe (the set of people that read my blog – yeah there is a set now!) something that adds value (rather than give them gossip that they can anyway get from a million other sources).

The other thing that needs fixing is how I feel. Now, I am not sure how to do that. What I write on this blog is true. Nothing is manufactured. Things here are as true as my existence is. Each word posted here is as close to truth as I’ve ever known. I’ve written shit here that my closest friends dont know. If I am misunderstood and I have no one but this blog to pour the grief on. If I am elated, I celebrate by writing a post here.

I’ve had great days, superb victories, glorious falls, bouts of melancholic days on stretch and much more. And for each thing, this blog has been the place where I’ve shared it all. This is closest to a soulmate that I’ve had.

I know its funny.
That I seek company of strangers.
And for someone who wants to change the world and make money in the process and enable people with that money, I dont have enough people for company.
Its ironical but that’s how it is.
I am as alone as that lone camel in that infinite desert.
Or as an actor under the lights when he’s asked to perform.
Lol. That’s some creative writing.

Anyhow, I cant run away from what I have or who I am. The point is, I need to fix how I think and what I pour out here.

Hence forth I will.

So, the big change would be that on this blog, while I will write personal things, I will not rant. Except those one off days. Even the most serious magazines have cartoons section :D.

I’d instead write about ideas, projects, things that I am working on, things that I need help on, things that I can help with.

I will talk about big ideas and themes that I am passionate about, causes I want to contribute to. For example, I’d talk about eduction and platforms that enable people. I’d talk about health. I’d talk about pushing the human limits – mental and physical. I’d make this blog a place where I raise a storm (even if its in a mere teacup).

If I cant think of ideas, I will write about what I learnt in that day. I’ll probably write 10 ideas and work on working out the idea muscle. I’ll write about what I observed during the day. I will write about things that ought to get looked at. You know, become an activist!

Basically, I will write about things that make you wiser.
Or more informed, if you will.
Starting ~~tomorrow~~ today.

So, what did I learn today that I think world at large ought to know?

I am the most effective when I wake up early and get some work done before the world wakes up. While this is applicable to me, I sincerely think you should try this. Try getting up early. I have had friends who love nights like they love life. And when they started getting up early, magical things started to happen for them! So, there may be a merit in becoming a morning person. Try it. For a week and if it doesn’t work, big deal!
There are two kinds of people. One, who are willing to work to reach where they want to go. And second, who’d just talk about it. Which one are you? Are you the one who acts upon their desires? I am clearly the second one. And I need to become the first one. And how do I straddle from being the second to the first? Any inputs?

And what is the big idea of the day?

You need to find your “blue zone of work.” What is a blue zone of work? Inspired by blue zones where on an average people live longer, a blue zone of work is a place where you get your best work done. Where you get in the flow with rather ease. For me, the blue zone is at a Starbucks outlet (the one in Powai). I cherish my time there and I dont let anyone interrupt me while I am there. For some, its their office desk. Some people are most effective when they are at home. What is your blue zone?

And I think thats about it for the day. For tomorrow, thanks to a prompt by SN, I am writing this super long post on manufacturing luck. Watch out this space 🙂

That’s it for the day.

Over and out.

PS: Thanks to VG for prompting me to write. Need more people in the tribe to do so (push me to write when I havent written. Are you guys listening?).

PPS: I fucked up on the day count on the blogposts (count of the days remaining till to Jan 1, 2026. I got the count wrong on the last few days. Fixing it today on. As of today, its 2714 days to go. Here is the proof.

Fork in the road

So, Yogi Berra apparently said, “when you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Here’s a fork.

Starting today, I am moving my personal rants to a closed blog. No access to it ever. Its like an echoChamber.

This makes the number of blogs I (try to) maintain upto 523321842. Of course apart from this one and the one I maintain for C4E, most remain dormant. I will work on those at some point in time.

For the time being, to know more about the fork, please refer to this short QnA I did with, well, myself!

So what happens to the War of Words?
It stays! Stays the way it is. Except posts where I get super critical about myself. Those go on my personal blog.

I will not post things related to work here. Those things go on C4E blog. Or may be on S101. Or I dont know where. But not here. This has been and shall remain a place where I park my personal thoughts (dude, all thoughts ARE personal). Fuck all the jazz about building personal brands and all that. This is me. And thats how it will be.

Oh, some posts will go on multiple blogs. But this blog will become a repository of EVERY post that I write. Except the ones that I write for myself, for the echoChamber.

Why this segregation?
As I grow up in life (lol), I am beginning to realise my raison d’etre (though I cant pronounce the word yet, damn French or whatever language is) — a billion lives, a billion dollars and The Everest. And to do that, I need to be able to get access to people, ideas, opportunities and other things that will enable me to fulfill the purpose.

And that wont happen if I am known as someone who’s super critical about things.

Thing is, I think, to do large things, you need a tinge of irrationality, the blind faith in your ability and a big dollop of hope. Not a pragmatic, critical, type A personality – which I think I am. So I need to get out of the mould. And to do that I will have to do ~~some~~ lot of things that I havent done in the past. Such as be conscious of the signals that I send out. No, I dont mean that I will stop being who I am (last few days, have got so many lessons on authenticity that I would be a fool to get away from it). But that means that I will consciously chase things rather than letting them happen to me. And if that means changing how the blog sounds like, I will do it. This year, by hook or by crook, I have to make it big. And I am on my way.

Ok I am digressing. Next question please.

You must be nuts, dude.
You dint know that already?

Actually, more than nuts, I think I am like Louis. And this blog, is like Norma – a consistent echo-chamber that has been around since I think I have started thinking.

Coming back, what about your fans? The ones who read this blog religiously?
Lol! You gotta be kidding me! Fans hote hain #bhairoxx ke. Humare to readers hai. Wo bhi ek-do. And they’d understand. Any more questions?

How will the shape of this blog change as we go along?
I dont know that. I gave it a cursory glance and tried to read it like a stranger would. Here’s what I think of WoW as a stranger.

First thing is that most posts are long by the snacky-listicles standards that we are used to seeing on the Internet. Boring for most people who spend time online. Assuming that someone does stumble upon something they do want to read, to people who dont know the author, all the posts would remain meaningless. Each posts requires way too much context before someone could make sense. Even if you have “fans” from the book, dont think they’d be keen on reading what you rant about. Agreed there are posts about how you’re trying to improve and all that. But then, as a stranger, am I interested? Dont know.

Also, side note. Most blogs tend to have a theme – say technology, writing, design, marketing et al. This blog has no theme. Its a potpourri of things that the blogger is interested in. I will never bookmark because the interests are so varied that its tough to track. Plus none of the posts is deep. I mean the dude is clearly not an expert on any topic that he writes on. So, why would I read it?

Ok. So, if I need to chase the ambitions, I need to try and talk to people who’s push me ahead on the path of those ambitions. That means I will have to talk about impacting people and inspiring them (essentially about making better decisions, pushing thyself, learning new things, identifying the limitations, failure, life, making the world a better place, et al), money (work, opportunities, ideas etc. P.S: Of course I will not get into specifics. Those will go on work blog. Here, I will talk about lessons am taking home, the mistakes am making and pitfalls that I am getting stuck in) and the Everest (fitness, the journey, baby steps that am taking towards it etc.).

I will need to create deep, meaningful content that has to be contextual to the themes that I am chasing. For example, if I want to write about brands, I need to make it so relevant, so interesting that marketers actually want to read it! Makes sense.

May be the blog needs to get three distinct headers. Say, wow.in/inspire, wow.in/work, wow.in/everest. And each talks about a certain thing. Whoever is interested in whatever section can choose to read that section alone and then come back to it. Or not. Depending on how they like it.
a

Wait. Where do things like poker, travel, short stories et al go?
Ummm… they could go under personal?

Lol! that’s where you started. No?
Ok. They could go under inspire. And the content could be lessons I learn from various incidents that prompted me to write that particular post.

For stuff like short stories and other projects that I announce regularly, may be I do need to create a section called misc. or something that I can dump everything in. And with time, try and reduce the amount of content I create for the misc bucket.

Yes yes. Makes sense. Carry on.
That’s it dude. Nothing else to carry on with. Lets just do it. So 4 sections or themes as we go along. Be Better (inspired by well, inspire), Work Better (inspired by work), Live Better (inspired by Everest) and Misc. You’d probably notice em on the sidebar (for the time being till I figure out the new design etc).

All the best!
Thank you, it was a pleasure. Oh, if you are reading this, any thoughts? Inputs? Please?

P.S.: Love this echochamber!