epiphany – 922

Day 11 of 21daysOfLockdown

Day 11 of the lockdown.

Day 16 otherwise.

So today, I finally decided to stop cooking at home. Even though it is super risky to order in, I still want to go ahead and do it. My theory is that these restaurants have been operational for a while now and that means they are taking care of the safety requirements in terms of food and all. Plus the amount of time and mental trauma it takes to cook, clean, cook, clean twice a day is not something that I can’t handle. I have learned enough to be able to do it if there is an absolute need. But for the time being, I am happy to order. The only trouble is that most restaurants that you can order from are cutting corners (at least the ones I have been ordering from) and sending in smaller portions. And I think it’s ok. I want to judge but lemme take a step towards stoicism.

The food situation is thus sorted. I need to reduce the amounts I eat so that I can actually lose some weight without working out – who doesn’t want that? Apart from that, I also want to (and will work on) my sleep. For starters, I plan to sleep at 930 PM till the time lockdown is lifted. I mean if I cant do this at this time, when would I do? In terms of headspace, thanks to Naval’s 60-day meditation challenge, I have been thinking hard about things. Harder than I’ve ever thought. And on things that are important. And has made me realize things that I never knew about myself. For example, today I realized that I am no longer a details person. I like to think and execute the macro and want someone else to do the dirty work. Of course, no ships were built by people that did not do the dirty work themselves but if that’s a tradeoff I have to make, I will! At the age I am at, while I do want to learn new things and upskill myself, I do not want to undo what I have.

If I do these three (not waste time on chores, sleep well and think deeper), I think I should be ok. I will have enough time to be able to do things that I have planned to do in this break. This IS a break! I mean most of us are getting paid while we are at home. If you can read this, you for sure are. It may be less, it may have reduced a bit, it may be under a threat but as of today, you are getting paid. And all that you have is today! Not yesterday, not tomorrow. Yes, learn from the past and plan for the future. But live in today.

Anyhow. So that’s that. Today was day 11. We are at more than the halfway mark. If we survived for this long, we can do whatever is left. As always, please take care, be good!

See you guys soon!

Previous posts in the series – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7*, 8*, 9*, 10

* – the days I did not post

The mess in my head

I was not happy (Not unhappy. There’s a difference between not happy and unhappy) over the last few days. I was not even content, not at peace – the default state I want to be in. I could not put a finger on what was stopping me from being that. And I tried real hard to figure out but failed at it. I mean I am the kind that can sleep well even when I know that the world around me is crumbling. Or when I know that the world around me is gifting me EVERYthing that I have ever desired.

But for the last few days, I haven’t been sleeping well at all. To a point that I have this nagging, consistent, neverending mild headache. And of course, I am irritable. To a point that I am not talking straight to people that matter. And of course, I don’t like this. I have to have a cordial relationship with people. There’s nothing else that I care for more!

So, I continued with the investigation. I thought about everything that had changed in the last few days. And apart from the move to a new house, everything else seemed to be the same. The new house meant a new place, a new set of people that I’d nod at, a new Starbucks, a new neighborhood et at. What remained constant is the things I use at home, the clothes I wear, the food I ate, etc.

Just that I did not have the wardrobes and almirahs to place my things inside. And the new house still has all those boxes littered in various rooms. The curtains are yet to come. I am yet to find a maid to do the cleaning. No, I cant clean by myself. I mean there are some million chores to be done before the house becomes livable again. But these things can’t affect me.

Or can they?

I did everything I could to think of the reason and I almost tore whatever hair is left on my head.

I had no clue and was puzzled like hell about what was causing me discomfort. I was so frustrated and so angry that I threw my phone on a pile of clothes lying in one corner in the bedroom. And then after 10 microseconds, once I realized my mistake, I tried to search for the phone. The pile was so deep that it took me a while to locate the phone. And no, the screen did not break. And yes, I was wrong to have thrown my phone like that. As a kid, I would throw tantrums like this. I am way past that age now!

As I was hunting for the phone, the eureka moment happened for me. It dawned on me what was bothering me!

The mess in the house!
The untidiness.
The unorderliness.
All those boxes strewn all over the place.
All the dust that would rumble under the bare feet as you would walk.
That thin layer of dust on surfaces.
Dirty clothes that haven’t been washed in a while.
No order to how to things were arranged.

Of course, all this is temporary. I’ve just moved to a new place and it will be up and running in a few days. This is just the transition phase.

But if I reflect and think back, all these transitions have always made me miserable. Maybe this is the reason that every house I move into, I don’t like it? The dislike is not for the house per se but the mess that the movement accompanies! Fuck, epiphany!

In fact, if I go back in time to when I was a kid, I used to hate it when my parents got the house painted. We’d pile all our things in one room and spend time there as the painters worked in other rooms. And then we’d move all those things in the rooms that had got painted and then painters worked that one room. This entire process would mean there’s always mess and clutter and movement and all that.

I could not stand the mess back then. I can’t stand the mess now.

I like open spaces (which are of course hard to come by in Mumbai). I like cleanliness. I like order. And at the age I am at, I am averse to any change per se (and yes I want to learn and experience new things). And this moving houses is not just my cup of tea. Yes, I am all for living in new places. In fact #in2020, I will live in a new country. But the process of movement is not my scene.

When I say I want order and cleanliness, I don’t want to live in a fancy hotel room where everything is measured and placed at just the right place to add to aesthetic or comfort. Neither do I want to be a snob that will only like expensive, fancy things.

And no, I am not a sucker for familiarity. I just was cleanliness and order. You know, books arranged from shortest to tallest, containers stacked neatly, bed aligned in straight lines with other furniture, etc, etc. Long-time back, there was this ad where the guy would want absolutely round rotis and want to clip each stand in his beard to the same length. Don’t remember what was the ad. But I am that guy!

Anyhow. So, now I know what moving houses does to me, I need to list some lessons that I need to use when I move next. Here’s a list…

Lessons for myself?

1. Never take a house in a standalone building. Even if you have to pay a premium and you’d never ever use the facilities, take a house in a complex that has well-maintained amenities (like a swimming pool, a gym, etc).

2. When you are moving houses, before the house is settled and is up and running, stay in a hotel. Or crash at a friend’s place.

3. Pay extra for the movers and get a professional service. They would pack things well and handle stuff with care. Each time I have moved, movers have done a shoddy job with things. And I can’t handle incompetence.

4. ALWAYS insist on a semi-furnished house. Semi means wardrobes and appliances. Not furnishing. Never ever furnishings. They typically are worn and shitty. It’s ok to pay extra to avoid the heard-burn.

5. Reduce the number of things I own. I assumed that I have very few things but when I moved houses, I have some 20 boxes full of things. Books would be about 2 of those. But rest, I had no clue! With time, I will reduce things that I own. And now that my clothes are gone, I am gonna be very careful about buying new ones. I bought 4 shirts yesterday. I plan to buy 2 black shirts and that’s that for the next entire year.

6. Money is a tool that allows you to feel better and live better. If I could spend more money this time, I would’ve fixed all of the above. Honestly, I may not – I did not know these things myself. But next time, I will!

***

And that’s about it.

I hope next time I move, it is better.

I hope that now I know what had fucked my head, I would be a little more tolerable to people. And no the Mercury had nothing to do with this 😀

Back to being good. Dubai 2018, Day 06

Finally a silver-lining. A day where I got some work done, ate right, went for a walk (on the treadmill), wrote, thought, met some people and got some office work done as well.

Well, well. This is what life is supposed to be. Just need to make some money (ok, LOT) and find people to spend that money with (I do have those people but they are FAR away). Lemme elaborate.

So, I am now in a hotel where little things are taken care of. Like breakfast. I am ok skipping it most times but when I am travelling and things are limited, I like the breakfast because thats the only time when things are predictable. Other times, when on a holiday, could go haywire and that means that I often need to compromise on what to eat and all that.

Lesson A. Just realised that so much of my life revolves around breakfast. I need to fix this. I should be able to go hungry for a few hours – I am not sure if I am suffering from a diabetes or something that makes me want to eat all the shit I eat. Or if its any psychological disorder that makes me fill my belly with food. Whatever it is, I need to fix it. I have to find ways to be able to go without food. And it not without food, I need to be able to do a 18-6 IF for sure. Its tough but I can manage. I did when I went for Vipassana way back in 2009.

So, like I said, I am at a hotel. I woke up on a nice bed (way too nice for my standards), in a room that was set to 22 degree. Perfect. Then I took a shower where the water actually, well, showered on me (and not trickled). And then the hotel am staying has a co-working spacish feel to it in one of the common areas (it’s actually a letswork). Went there. And wrote and worked. Then towards the evening I met an acquaintance. Got some more work done at a Starbucks. And then back to hotel. Where I went on the treadmill and cranked about 20 mins at 6 kmph. Ended with a light dinner with my friend and his girl.

As I edit this, I realise that most things I did are pretty inane but you know, I was craving for exactly this inaneness. I wanted a comfortable place that as fast internet, high ceilings, a table and a chair and no one to bug me if I sit for long hours. This hotel is exactly that. And more. There is a gym (yes I went to the gym, on the treadmill). There is a store that sells coke (for the craving). And there is that comfort that allows me to think. And like all places outside of India, staff is courteous and unobtrusive. Actually, I must say that people in general in Dubai have been better and better behaved than they are in India. They are professional, respect time and are generally hard working. Most of them, if you ask me are working out of fear (and not out of motivation). The fear of losing their jobs in an expensive country is a great fear. If I were here, I would have worked harder. Ok, am ranting. Back to the post.

Got this on WA a few days ago.

So, I like this feeling of niceness around me – the kinds that you get at informal hotels. Can I replicate this once I am back? I am anyway no hoarder (I dont have any bags) and I am happy living out os a suitcase. The thing to think on thus and Lesson B is, can I go and live at some serviced apartment once I am back in India?

I know it will be expensive and I dont have the money. But now that I’ve taken a resolve to improve my life, if I cant move into a serviced apartment complex, I am sure I can throw some money to make my house into a serviced apartment. May be a full-time help? May be a girlfriend? May be an EA. I am sure it can be done. One of the things that I am supposed to do is control my expenses (especially, the rent that I pay).

The other thing I want to talk about is the treadmill. I got onto a treadmill probably the second time in my life. The last time I used one, I think I was still in Delhi (so at least 4 years ago). And honestly, I dont recall what happened on that treadmill back then. So, on the treadmill, I did about 20 minutes yesterday. Compared to about 45 minutes that I was doing most days when the year started. Probably treadmills ARE boring (something that I’ve always suspected). I even put a Feynman video. It was super and yet it could not hold my attention. But then from the look of things, I probably will have to rely on a treadmill, more than on the road. And thus I need to train myself to live in a gym. Like those gym rats ;). Lesson C? For things like exercise and food, get flexible. To a point where you dont have to cheat.

So yeah, the thinking, the work has started to happen. Food is ok. Keto is not happening but I am on a lo-carb diet. Can pick up Keto once am back home. Things look ok. A big yay for that. Pat on the back.

The other thing that I’d want to add is that I need to read more. And start work on #book2. And meditate. These three were big on the agenda for this break. And I havent done anything about these.

Oh, one more thing. I found a one dirham coin under a sofa while I was talking to my sis on the phone. Why is this importnat? Because, I think its a sign! Thing is, when I was travelling for work when I was at Gravity, on each international trip, I’d always find some money on the road. Like the entire world was giving me a sign that you are gonna be rich. Literally every road was paved with gold! It became such a routine and I knew that I will find money lying around if I am travelling out of the country.

Last few trips (especially towards the time when I was quitting Gravity, I stopped finding these coins and notes). In fact I cant recall when was the last time I found one. Except yesterday. so, is that a sign? May be it is. May be it is not. Whatever. I just hope it was. And good things and rainbows and unicorns are all around the corner 🙂

That’s it for Day 06.

Saurabh Garg
April 18, 2018
Dubai

P.S.: No I am not going to any touristy spots. Two reasons. A, I’ve been to enough and I dont get fascinated anymore, unless there is a story attached to it. #note2Self: Why do I travel then? B, this trip is not leisure per se. I want to get some shit done and I cant afford to not do things. I am supposed to buy stuff for friends and family – I am yet to do that. When I goto do it, I will probably see whatever places I encounter. And oh, I will buy some postcards. You guys want some?

Untitled, Dubai 2018, Day 05

So I finally started work. 5 days after I came here (out of the 15 days I had for myself). But then, better late than never. I think checking into a hotel has helped matters. There is this definiteness about a hotel that you don’t get at a home – things are managed automatically (food, cleaning, laundry, maintenance etc) and they are generally impersonal. So all there is, is you and the work.

And you know what? I value these material things. I am not the ones to subscribe that doing dishes or buying grocery brings you closer. I think any shared experience can do that. I’d rather outsource these chores. When I work, I dont want to fret with the small stuff.

The day was pretty ok. I walked a lot, I said no a couple of times (even though I feel obligated to say yes), I ate healthy (except the dinner), I met a couple of people from MDI, picked their brains on what could be done with C4E, took out time to think and then checked into a hotel. And you know what, got access to a decent bed.

So, a few lessons am taking away from this day, and the experience are:

a. I like comfort. This is not new. Just that its getting reinforced with each experience. The takeaway is that I must seek comfort. Even if I have to pay for it, I must.

b. Saying no is not easy. It makes me sad. Social proof and need to belong and all that. Again, I’ve known this and its getting reinforced. The good part is that the benefits outweigh the agony (of disappointing people).

The other sad thing about this is that there is evident disappointment when you say no. And I think that with each disappointment, you push people away. At least I am pushing them far from me. I have seen that I’ve actually pushed people away so much that they dont even care about me anymore. Which, I think is ok. After all I am on a mission and everything and everyone that stops me from taking the shot at it can leave. The ones who really care will stay. They will be around. The ones who get offended, all the best!

c. I met VS and we had this longish chat about things. I asked him about what I should be doing in life. I laid out options as I see in front of me, so that I may reach my #lifeGoal (lists here and here)! To my mind, my approach was very simple. I looked at where I am. I looked at all the options in front of me. I listed the alternatives. I then put in place odds of success (and failure) for each. And, finally I wanted someone to listen to things and give me an opinion.

And instead of opinions, he had an interesting take. He said identify the right question to ask. The question I’d rather be asking is, what do I want to do in life. Well, its a tough one. I know what I want to do in life. I want to entertain and inspire. And how do I want to do this? I dont know. Whats the tangible? I dont know. If I knew, I’d be doing it already!

The next thing that he asked me to think on was, who do I want to be? The answer was simple. While I’ve wanted to be a Steve Jobs, a Bill Gates and an Elon Musk lately or a Jeff Bezoes, I am beginning to realise that I am not the kinds to be able to create things myself. I am willing to put skin in the game (read this thread) but I am not sure I am the kinds to run one thing meticulously. I am more of a big picture and vision guy. I am the kinds that likes to acquires a lot of ideas, know about things (and not know things), interact a lot and then let connections happen. Basically you are a socialite. I am not the kinds to go deep. But I am for sure a connector. And I am happy connecting people. And I love to give gyaan that is rooted deep into my experience and understanding of the world. Someone like Paul Graham or may be Ron!

Fuck! epiphany. I make connections and often leave at that. I need to be able to somehow make money from this! Of course without bastardizing the entire thing.

Now that I know what I want to be, he said, whats stopping you from becoming that? He said, what stops you from moving to SFO where all the action is and chase the pie? The rationalising mind kicked in and I thought of answers like family, friends etc. And while I was at, being the bastard VS is (in a good way), he asked me to book the ticket on the spot!

To further his perspective, before I could ponder on more rational things and get worried about money, he said money follows if you are on the right track. He gave me examples from his life and his work. It sounded inspiring – exactly how I want to be!

I was so tempted to take the advice and I almost did it! But then the pragmatic me won the race (or may be I got scared of it?) and I decided against it. May be I will take his advice once I have the conviction. I will atleast start working on it. Write to a few interesting companies and offer assistance.

Thats it from VS. I am so lucky to have him around!

d. Water. I love water. So much that I can drink it all the time. And here in Dubai, the concept of tap water is absent. There is bottled water and its expensive as fuck. So I am not drinking as much water as I would want to drink.

And because I am not drinking enough water, I think I am not being able to think well. I will tweak this tomorrow and figure out. Lets see.

***

So yeah, thats about it for the day. Over to tomorrow.

Saurabh Garg
April 17, 2018
Dubai

Gratitude – MDI, Gurgaon

~~Today~~ A few days back I met Chirag (MDI 2009). He was in office and we got talking about life and times at MDI. And I realised that everything that I have in life, good or bad, has its roots at MDI.

Wanted to make a list. Here it is.

Work.
I run C4E. We are a full-service, bespoke, corporate events management agency. When I was at MDI, I could have never predicted that I will run an events agency someday. I wanted to change the world but events? No.

Funny thing is that my first ever tryst with events happened at MDI. Back in 2005 and 2006, I was part of Imperium – the annual cultural festival at MDI. And I arranged and organised the entire thing (along with few others).

The second time I got to work on events also happened because of MDI. In 2009, after my gig with CLA and Cyntax got over, I was looking for an opportunity to do something and I wrote to the MDI alumni group. Off the people that responded, I chose to work with Suvi (at Gravity) and Suvi chose to work with me. This was a full-time job in events and I was part of the client servicing and planning teams. Since at Gravity, everyone does everything, I got immense exposure that shaped me into who I am. Plus the stint with Gravity gave me the tools to run C4E.

Writing.
It was at MDI that I first started taking writing seriously. I did have a blog before I went to MDI but it was at MDI that I started documenting my mundane life. And because at that age you really want to get really famous, I would share the link with friends and family. While most people ignored me, some of them did encourage me. And each piece of encouragement made me write more. And then it became a feedback loop. And it is yet to end.

Oh, it was at MDI when I first thought I could write a book. While I had wanted to be an author since I can remember, it was at MDI that Sandeep and I planned to write a novel inspired by our time at MDI. I think Chetan Bhagat had just written Five Point Someone. So nothing was impossible. We were young and had a lot of time on our hands. And writing was not too tough. You know what I mean?

P.S.: The inspiration and confidence to actually write the book came after Suds published his. And it was an alum from MDI that agreed to publish my first!

People.
Out of 5 people that matter to me (apart from my immediate family), at least 2 are from MDI – VG and VK. Both these are my closest confidantes and are key pillars in my support structure. Everytime I am down in dumps, I find solace in their company. Every key decision in life requires their approval. Conversations with them have shaped the way I think. There is no shame or guilt or any other negative emotion when I talk to them. I can bare my soul and share my deepest fears and darkest thoughts with them. And I wont be wrong in saying that I dont know what I’d do without them.

Apart from these two, some of my closest friends and well-wishers are friends that I made because of MDI. The list is way too long to actually fit into a blog. If you guys are reading this, thank you. All of you. Class of 2004-2006, seniors, juniors and others.

Purpose.
I am still figuring out what I want to do in life and identify a purpose for myself (I do have vague ideas that I want to create and in the process inspire others) and my raison d’etre. Thing is, the closest thing to a perfect human being — where the guys’ doing a great job, making impact, making money and living a life that inspires others — is Prof. Bakshi. And where did I meet him? At MDI!

It was Prof. Bakshi that introduced me to the ideas of Warren Buffet and the advantages of multidisciplinary thinking. It was at his BFBV classes that I realised that I dont know so many things and there are so many things that I dont know that I dont know.

Its a different story that I got a D in his course – blame it on all the financial number crunching that he expected us to do. Here’s the secret. Numbers is NOT my thing.

Any how. In the end…
So, yeah. MDI has had super influence. Of course, serendipity and random luck has had a large role to play in putting me where I am. I would’ve loved to control it. But because I can’t, I dont want to bother about it.

P.S.: What about that thing where you say you are more than what you do?

The unconnected unrest – Part 2

Part 1 is here.

Last night, I slept at 730. I woke up at 630 this morning. Thats 11 hours of sleep. No, I am not to sleep for this long. Like Frank, I have often hated the necessity of sleep. And food for that matter.

The thing is, I’ve always got by with limited amount of sleep. My metabolism is reasonably high and I can function pretty well even when I’ve slept for 4ish hours. Just that I cant tolerate garmi. Rest is ok. Most people who know me know that I dont sleep much. And when I tell them that there are days when I sleep for 11-12 hours, they get surprised.

And honestly, I surprise myself as well. A, I dont get enough air in my lungs to be able to sleep for that long, thanks to my nasal polyp. And B, I have a million things happening right now (between AWSL, Book 2, C4E, xT etc). So, I know that I could rather work and not sleep. Like I say, sleep is such a waste of time!

I did what I do when I get some ailment. I decided to read on the Internet about the probable reasons. And I found that if you sleep for that long, you are either tired. Or depressed. Take a pick 🙂

The other non-scientific reason is that I dont have a computer. That means I cant work or entertain myself. For me work = reading, writing, connecting people etc. Entertain = youtube, TED, Big Bang and now that 5th season is out, a date with Claire and Frank. Both happen over the Internet. And Internet means Computer.

Coming back to sleep. I am sleeping a lot and it sucks. And no, I am not enjoying all the freshness that you get after sleeping for that long. Oh, I do remember some of the dreams. One of them featured me left at an unknown place with tight alleys with dogs roaming around. And I change my path because I am scared of dogs. Even in the dream, I am telling myself that I need to confront my fears (I have actually become a motivational speaker). The other dream, I dont recall now but I saw a friend – Nalin taking a chartered flight to somewhere.

. . .

Anyhow. I dont know what to write. The mind is THAT blank in absence of the computer. And here are some unrelated thoughts.

1. Since I moved all my data to cloud (Google Drive, Dropbox, Evernote et al), I had assumed that I can work from any location, on any device. I was so wrong. I need MY laptop, MY settings, MY table to be able to function. I so need to change this in case I want to become time and location independent.

Or may be because I am on a Windows machine and its super inefficient, it is tough to get things done? I worked on a Mac and while I missed my files, once I was logged into Chrome, I got access to all my files (including bookmarks etc).

And no, I suck at using the phone for work. Like really do.

2. For me, work has always been on a computer. I cant fathom what work could get done without a computer. The ball does NOT move unless its marked on a to-do list. And for work, since I have always been on strategy side, most output is measured on Powerpoint presentations and Excel sheets. I dont do any REAL work per se. May be thats why I failed with 5×5. In fact as I gear up for xT, I need to be able to learn how to work without a computer as a lot of work would be on the ground.

3. Why do I write this blog? Its like an echo chamber. Where I talk to myself. I could be doing this in between the pages of a notepad. Or on a secret folder buried deep into a laptop. But I like the idea of making thoughts public. I love the concept of serendipity. Someone could read this and connect with me for something unrelated. Life is anyway a huge punt. Why not keep enough and more doors and windows and crevices and nooks open? Let new things come in and then grab them by the…

Oh, I write this on insistence of Vivek. He is probably the only reader that I have left. But then who cares about the readers – I write foe the sake of writing. Writing helps me clear my head. Writing helps Vivek stay unbored. And those are more than enough reason to continue to write.

Thats it for the day. Catch you tomorrow. Or may be not. If I am forced to work on Windows machine!

Introducing #1000WADv3

Today on, I am starting #1000WADv3. 1000 words a day, version 3.

In simple words, I will write 1000 words EVERY day for the next 100 days (at least) without fail. In case you want me to email you when I publish the post, let me know and I will add you to the list. There are 4 people on the list already. The day I dont write, I’d donate 1000 bucks to my poker kitty. Sidenote: I did something similar about #book2 and I never got around to keeping my word. Let me take this up in a bit.

So, lately I have been super busy with work and travel and shifting the house. And as a result, I havent been reading, havent been writing, havent been exploring ideas, talking, meeting new people, growing or anything that has made me who I am. So, there is this void in life. I am not happy – I mean I am happy most days, most times. If I look back at this phase of life ten years from now, I will consider myself happy. But that thing, that magic that we seek from life is missing. I cant put a finger to it but hope you guys get the drift.

Anyhow, so, I need to reclaim life and what better way to do so than getting back to writing? For as long as I can remember, writing has given me pleasure and I’ve never had any issues with churning words — I am very fast writer — but I have had issues with sitting down to write.

I have had phases where I’ve written for days non-stop and then there have been phases where I havent written a single word (this one for example – the last time I wrote, it was septemberthe23rd. Almost 15 days, if not more. If I were Suketu Mehta, it makes sense to not write for this long. But I am not. Thing is, it takes serious effort for me to write something that is half-decent. And unless I write copious amount of words, I wont be able to leave behind a body of work that keeps me alive after I am gone.

Wait! Do I want to leave something behind? Something to be around when I am gone? I dont know. As I grow older, I feel that the impending end of time is closer than ever and the reality has started to hit home. No, I am not scared. No, I am not suicidal. No, I am not depressed. Its just that with every passing day the frivolity of life is getting more evident (may be its all the reading around death that I am onto lately – When Breath Becomes Air, Chasing Daylight, what else can I read?). Its disappointing that you live through all these years, hoping to make a dent in the universe and in the end it amounts to nothing. There is no grand plan. There are no white lights at the end of the tunnel. All is useless.

Except…

Except things that keep you going, before you die.

For example, something that you are attached to. People in most cases. Family, friends etc. I live away from my folks and I hardly have any friends per se. Or for example routines, things, disciplines, beliefs that you get attached to. You get so attached that you want to live forever on one end of extreme. And you want to kill (or even get killed) on the other. Religion is a case in point. Or may be the blinding chase of a passion project that wakes people up in the morning and like Warren says, makes people tap dance to work. There is no passion project for me except writing. There are few other things that I want to take up but I am not consumed by those yet. For example, there is this thing in my head where I want to impact a large subset of humanity but I have no clue how to go about it.

Even with writing, because of all the useless action around me, I have been postponing writing. Actually come to think of it, since I can remember I have postponed things, procrastinated to the next minute. Next hour. Next day. Next month. Next year. All the time keeping things pending for the tomorrow that would be brighter and better and see me more richer, more famous, more comfortable and God knows what all. Funny thing is that, none of it is true. Tomorrow is as useless as yesterday is. The worst thing you could do, ever, is to put things off to tomorrow. Of course, there is a “right time” and there are things that require deliberate practise before you master them – say, learning guitar, or running a marathon. Its ok to invest time to learn things. But the lessons can NOT wait. You have to do them while you are awake. There is jack shit on the other side of the sleep.

The point is, the “better” world is not coming anytime soon. Ever. All you have is today. The now. You cant fuck the tomorrow for whatever may be trying to fuck it for you. You’ve got to be that unstoppable force that is willing to collide with an immovable object. I’ve learnt that friends often arent around when you need them most, families tend to engage in petty politics more than they care for you, bosses and colleagues tend to be assholes. The day you are getting late, you will get red light on each intersection. Shit goes wrong. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong. Of course there are exceptions but you cant let anything affect the steady rock in your head. Funny that the person with mood swings larger than the Foucault’s is talking about being stable. Being sane. Being immovable. Gyaan is easy. No?

But, as I go along, I will make sure I become stable. I dont know what could help. But there has to be something.

I think it all starts with one small thing – the resolve to do things now. Keyword is Now. Its ok to make mistakes. Its ok to pay for action. Action trumps everything else. And things = writing, getting out of the bed, putting on those running shoes, saying no to that last piece of jalebi and so on and so forth. Action. Things. Now.

And to kickstart one of the things, I promise that I will write 1000 words a day. For the next 100 days atleast. Follow me as I do this. Help me do this. Reprimand me if I falter. And may be, just may be, take up the challenge? 1000 words a day for you too? Or may be 10000 steps a day? Or something else that you thought you wanted to do but havent had the time to?

Oh, one more thing. This one, on promises.
So, through my life I have made promises and more often than not, I tend to deliver on those promises. But lately, since I’ve got busy with things, I havent kept my word. I have promised things and I havent delivered. With clients, friends, colleagues, people etc. I even made a similar promise about #book2 and I did not keep it. And it sucks! I want to avoid this suckiness in my head as I go along. I want to sleep in peace at night.

I know I cant fix what is broken but going forth, I will not make promises that I cant deliver on. My word has to become Gold standard. People have to put enough faith in me. All that will happen if I start delivering. Most times I do. But then I need to aim for perfection and ensure that I deliver on EVERY promise. My zubaan has to be respected. After all zubaan is what makes the world go around. I am nothing if I cant keep my word.

As I start afresh, the first promise going ahead, is to write 1000 words a day. Starting today. Godspeed Mr. Garg.

The Balloon Guy

Today, about an hour back (about 10:30), I was walking around Bandra with a friend. We passed a dark alley and in the corner, behind the shadows was lurking a guy who was apparently selling Balloons. He was on a bicycle and there were some balloons hanging from the front of his bike. We looked at him and like every grown up who ignores things as playful and amateur as balloons, we moved on.

However, the man starting pleading to us, in low tones. He said something to the effect that he hadnt sold a single balloon in the day and he wont be able to buy himself dinner. Being a dilliwallah, I ignored his plea and was concerned for my friends’ safety. I herded her away from that dark alley, into the bright light cast by the huge Starbucks signboard up ahead.

We found a rick for her and once I put her in a rick and was walking back, it struck me that the balloon guy must be working real hard to earn his living and it must have taken a lot of balls to be able to ask for alms. And he’s probably worked hard all his life (selling balloons cant be easy), it must be even more tough for him to beg.

Left me wondering that we crave for things like houses and cars and we fight for things like God and idols of stone but we cant find a way to help people like that balloon wala make enough to feed his family. What’s the point of it?

Of course I wont have answers to these issues that perplex the intelligentsia. But I know for sure that that it could be a great purpose in life. To be able to help others upgrade the lives they lead. And how would I do that? I dont know. But I shall find out. I have at least 33 more years to go. And I will work on increasing that as we go along.

Help me on it? Please?

“You think and do, whereas I do and think”

SRK. Source: Unknown.

The other day, on the 2nd, it was SRK’s birthday. And I am sure that if you know me well, you know how much a love the man (or the popular perception he’s got).

So on his birthday, I was reading one of his interviews from 2014 and when Rajeev Masand asked him about his relationship with Aamir Khan, SRK said [he said to Aamir Khan],

“You think and do, whereas I do and think,”

I read the line and I was like, wow!

In this one line, he put to rest all speculation, all doubt that I had about SRK’s ability to choose what he does. I can now ignore, forgive, forget all his mistakes. I mean the man simply acts. Agreed he thinks a lot and he’s created a perception about things but he simply does. For him, action takes precedence over foreplay. Karma wins over buddhi vilas.

So, coming to myself (after all the blog is supposed to be about me), I think I do the same thing. I act. Often impulsively (or may be I act on gut and intuition. whatever but I act) and then I think about what I’ve done. As a result, I often make mistakes but who cares. Every mistake makes me richer. It strengthens my gut, my intuition muscle, creates a rich library of incidents that I can refer to. After all, I am in this for the long haul!

Not a bad epiphany to happen first thing in the morning!

Thank you SRK for helping me with the epiphany. And oh, belated Happy Birthday!