fat2fit – 922

The Fitness Inspiration

Everyone I know around me is on the fitness bandwagon.

And why not. As societies and humans evolve and you rise up the Maslow’s pyramid, you look at things that you could do to make life better and simpler and more fulfilling. And to be able to able to do that, you ought to be in the prime of your health. Health is an enabler if nothing else.

I have been unwell past few days and the impact and the effect that it has had on how I work and on my productivity has been visible. Not just to me. But to the ones around me. My team, my employers and all that. And it’s not a great feeling. And I feel so helpless, so constrained that I don’t know what to do.

And the funny thing is that every day I meet someone that has sort of transformed their lives using fitness as a tool.

Exhibit A. The marketing God.
Yesterday I met this guy who is like a marketing genius. He loved his alcohol, still loves his smokes and had this super unhealthy lifestyle that most advertising professionals have. Last I saw him, he was a fit dude. You would call him anything but fat. Yesterday? He was a transformed man. There were cheekbones, veins popping out of his arms and legs, thin frame that could not hold even a medium sized tee. At first, I thought he was unwell. But then he told me that he’s off cigarettes, alcohol and any sort of oil for more than 6 months. And that has made all the difference.

He also said something interesting. He said that food used to be an ingredient required to keep us alive (like water and air). Just that over time marketers and the vain ones have made food into an experience. And of course, if YNH is to be believed, its food that domesticated us. Not us who tamed agriculture. It’s a powerful idea if you think about it. Thank God that I am not that sold into this entire experience thing.

Exhibit B. Shatrujeet Nath – the popular author!
I haven’t met him in a while but his Facebook post told me that he can now do a plank for like 5 minutes. In the world of planking 5 minutes is like an eternity. Last time I tried a plank, I herniated my intestines. And Shatru is someone who loved his cigarettes and old monks. Oh, he’s off the smokes as well. It’s been a year now. Fuck! Mad! Respect!

Exhibit C. Someone who’s not fit.
There is this friend who just started on this super amazing, life-changing opportunity. And when I met him yesterday, instead of being ecstatic about things, he was unwell and miserable. Physically. Not in the head. And the reason was that he’s unhealthy. And not because he smokes or whatever. But he loves his food. And eats whatever moves. As long as it is vegetarian. And all the food that he eats gets accumulated and fucks with his systems.

Exhibit D. Saurabh Garg. Hello 🙂
If I am to get close to my life mission, I HAVE to live long. And not just live long, but be healthy. And I have so much inspiration around me. There are these Silicon Valley icons that I respect and want to emulate (Kevin, Larry, Sergey, Peter, Tim and others) and yet I can’t seem to get going with a fitness routine.

I have so many friends that I am surrounded by, that believe in fitness more than anything else. So much so that it is central to their existence. Abhinav, Amol, Ashima, Bhaargav, Harshit and others. You talk to them and all they can talk about is how it’s imperative to work on the health and nothing else. They get up early, do their workout, eat well, take supplements, sleep on time and all that.

I even have a few strangers that have been egging me to run with them. And yet I can’t do it.

I have so much motivation around me that I should just start running and never stop. You know, like Forrest. And yet, for some reason, I can’t seem to get a regular workout done. I have tried and failed to continue. I fucking need that zabardast toofan to get me out of my slumber!

Come on, Universe!

The unbearable difficulty of being me!

The title is inspired by this book by Kundera. Do read in case you get an opportunity – its a fascinating read. The kinds that I would love to write some day. May be book 5 or 6. Dont know which one. Anyhow, coming back to the task at hand, it is NOT easy being me. There are multiple dimensions to it. But let me talk about one in particular – The way I dress up.

There are two kinds of people in the world. The ones who love the way I dress. And the ones who hate the way I dress. The former is an exclusive club where I think the sum total of all members is about 1. The later, well, it unites everyone like no other religion has ever united men and women – they come together in their hatred for how I dress.

But of course I dont understand the malice. I mean, what’s wrong in wearing a pair of red shorts and bright green tee? I dont know why a pair of shoes is such an important part of your attire that you cant enter an “exclusive” club without it. I still refuse to believe that I cant spend my entire life in a pair of shorts and a white cotton tee-shirt. I mean whats wrong about it? And what is this entire thing about judging people on the basis of clothes you wear? The other day the guard at my building told me that if he dint know me by face, he wont let me enter the housing complex. I mean, really? Am I my clothes? The way I dress up?

The other piece about my dressing up is that I do not spend a lot of money on clothes – I dont feel the need. I have exactly one pair of denims, 6-7 shirts and 6-7 tees. I wear the same pair of denims to work, to parties, to meetings, to market and to all such places where you expect a man to “dress us.” I do not have jackets. I do have a formal pair of trousers, reserved for super special occasions like weddings of close friends etc. Last I wore it was a year back when Gandhi got married. And next time I am going to wear it is when another super close friend / relative gets married – even if its in 2020.

So, this past weak, the only pair of denims I have, it got torn. And since I cant wear a tattered pair of clothing to work (why not?), I had to buy one. And this is where the other part of difficulty of being me came up. I can NOT shop. I am ok dying, ok with public speaking, ok with a bungee jump, I am not frightened by the prospect of asking a girl out, but I cant shop. I cant goto store, try multiple options and then choose one and come back. Its a chore. Its an unnecessary evil.

The other hard part is that I cant outsource it to someone as because my body type is unique. I have short legs, big thighs and a heavy paunch. The fit thus is like piecing together a jigsaw. And there are like handful options, that many brands, that much patience. Yesterday, I did venture out to a mall and I did try 4-5 pairs. But none fit in and I could not buy. And I feel sad about it. I feel dejected. I feel so stupid that I want to take the pledge to lose weight and fit into every available skinny fit pair of denims. Or still better, ask someone to pick a pair of denims per my waist size. Yeah! That’s gonna be better. Aim for a waist size and fit into every available pair of denim for that size.

Game on, Mr. Garg.

P.S.: The other difficulties of being me, lemme talk about them as and when I get time.
P.P.S.: Good to be back to writing! This is the second day on the trot and I must continue the momentum.

Lean Mean Fighting Machine

27 May 2014

When I am old and I look back on 2014, I want to see two things. And two things only.

A. The Nidhi Kapoor Story (website, 200+ likes on fb)
B. 30″

That’s all. Nothing else is important. I dont want anything else from 2014.

Money, fame, love, #sgMS, cars, travel, comfort, chase of the new new thing, plans to take over the world, bucket list, ride to Leh, long-distance cross-country rides, serial murders, financial wizardry, Priyanka Chopra, awards, conversations, coffee with Karan, 100 likes on a FB post, 10,000 twitter followers, houses, writing for magazines etc could wait. The two things, A and B, cant.

So, A, the book, is done. The goal was to get a book published this year. And I think I am comfortable on that front right now. Its now on a publisher’s desk. The ball is not in my court. I am waiting for the publisher to look at it and tell me if its good enough to be out in the market. Lets see how that goes. There’s this calm on that front. There’s nothing that I can do about it. I mean I can send it to more publishers but someone has shown faith in me and I need to stick with them. Its all about faith and its about people. Right?

On the other, B, 30″, I am actually worse off than I was when I started. The goal for the year was to reduce my girth to 30″ (from the current 36″). I even waged an iPhone with a friend. So thanks to this bet, I did make a good start. I joined yoga classes and actually enjoyed the time I spent there. I was even regular with it. As side-effect, I started to notice what I ate and I lost more inches. I walked 10 000 steps most days and it showed. I almost became a lean mean fighting machine. No no, kidding. Not the machine but I did lose weight and I did enjoy while it lasted.

But in last month or so, I have lost all the progress I made over the last few months. I am as fat as I was at the end of the last year. I am as lethargic. I am as lazy. I am unhealthy and I know it. And worse, I dont know how to fix it. I mean I can. All it needs is 10 000 steps everyday. No? I plan to start all of it again soon. May be once I get a naukri. Wait a minute. What soon? Why not today? And now?

So right after I hit the publish button, I’d go for my 10 000 steps. And once I am back, I will update this post with the screenshot of my 10 000 steps for the day. And I’d do it tomorrow. And day after. And the day after that. Till I am back to being the lean mean fighting machine!

P.S.: I just hope that the battery in the phone lasts that long!

Update. I did about 4.5K steps. I just couldnt go any more. A start none the less.

In praise of walking

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One of the things that I am hoping to do in 2014, is to lose weight. Side-note: This has been on my yearly to-do lists since I started making these lists.

Since I have a medical condition that prevents me from running and gymming, I have handful of things that I can do to lose weight.

One of these things is walking. I have thus taken it upon me to ensure that I walk 10000 steps. Every day. Why 10000 steps?

Because…

A, its measurable.
B, it seems large enough goal.
C, its easy to keep track.
D, its simple to do.

In fact here is a chart that Moves has generated for me (if you want to track your steps, Moves is a simple, beautiful and intuitive application). For the sake of keeping scores, I walked 47K steps in the last week. And I walked 48K this week. Coming week I want to do 50K.

Except wednesday and sunday, I try and walk 10000 steps a day. Some days I do more. Somedays I do less. But the point is that I am more aware that each day I am supposed to walk. And each day I walk with a goal in my head. I have started doing things differently, like I walk shorter distances. As a run of thumb, any distance that is less than 2 KMs, I walk it up. Takes about 20 minutes for a fat-ass like me. I ensure that I leave in time to be able to walk for 20 minutes. Although when I reach, I am panting, I am gasping for breath but I know that I have burned some calories. And I know that I saved 20 bucks (10 bucks per KM in Mumbai). Two little drops in two different oceans that are important to me.

So today, while I walking something dawned on me. That when we take transport, we miss the scenery. And the stories that the scenery tells us. Its same as taking the train versus taking a flight. Imagine you flying over the countryside in a comfortable tube. You see things from 30000 feet and you marvel at the sights below when you could be part of the sight. There is so much to see, so much to experience on the ground below. A comfortable seat in the clouds can not match the experience of being a part of the sight. Ever. Trust me. Been there, done that.

And why do I like flying and airports so much? Because I am perpetually short of time. And I rather save time than save money. And flying is the fastest mode of travel for distances more than 1000 KMs. atleast in India. Even if its a scheduled flight.

So let me come to walking. This is supposed to be a post in praise of walking. So today, I had lunch and then I walked home. Its around 3 KMs walk and I took about 40 minutes for it. En route a couple of things happened that made me happy about my decision to walk home after lunch.

Let me talk about those two things.

First. These few kids were playing football close to where I was walking. Somehow the ball landed close to me. A kid yelled at me and said, “Uncle please pass the ball.”

He called me uncle. Uncle. I was so furious so furious that it’s not funny. I know I am old and I am fat and I am bald but I am not getting called uncle by these kids. Before I could yell back at him and invite him for showdown, since I was walking, my thinking muscles were active. I realized that it was not a personal remark and he was just going by my looks. He did not know me and he had no way to know that I hate being called an uncle.

The episode taught me a very important lesson. That I need to think through things and evaluate them objectively. I could’ve got angry at him. I almost flipped the bird but I did not.

Second. Along the way a rickshaw stopped me and asked for directions. I take pride in my ability to remember directions and I told him. An instant later, another pedestrian asked me for directions. This guy was from one of the seven Eastern states, I don’t know which one though. He looked as if he had walked quite a distance and still had some distance to go. He didn’t seem to have money for a rick and I did not know the bus routes. So, dejected, I told him that its a 30 minute walk and I dont know the bus. The dude grinned and walked away.

After I told him the directions, as well as I could, I realized that he comes from one of the most beautiful and gifted locations and yet he is here, in polluted and over-crowded Mumbai. I am assuming he’s come here chasing the same thing that I’ve been chasing – my dreams. I thought if I was in his place and I lived amidst those mountains and valleys and rivers and springs and flowers and trees and beauty and whether, I would never leave that place. I would have normally cursed him and give him unsolicited advice of going back.

But then, since I was in the thinking mode, I thought, what if he’s thinking the same thing about me That I have left family and friends and comfort and protection and all those things behind. To chase a dream that I am not even sure of.

Thats it. Two stories. Each happened in quick succession. I am sure if I walked everyday with an intent to look for scenery and stories, I can find many more. For a storyteller that I want to become, these stories are going to be important. I definitely saw much more, observed more and grasped more. And not just storytelling, for the lazy account planner in me, people-watching is an important tool. Walking gives me yet another opportunity to observe people in their natural environments.

So the point of these stories is that if you walk, you get better at being a human. Rickshaws speeds you up and fly past the scenery. Ofcourse rickshaws don’t make you bad but they don’t make you good either. You get the point?

No? May be go for a walk after you’ve read this.

Anyway, to end this note, the lesson of the day is that there are so many merits of walking and its sad that I’ve ignored all these all these years. No more. From now on, I am going to walk. At least 10000 steps a day.

For the ones who like to skim rather than read, here is a quick list in praise of walking.

When you walk…

You lose weight without realizing that you are losing weight. All you do is walk and you dont goto the gym or go on a diet. You just walk and you realize that inches are reducing from your waistline.
You give your muscles exercise. Muscles work on the principle of positive feedback loop. Or Anti-fragility if you will. Every step you take, makes your muscles stronger.
You can tweak walking to make it a tool to spend more time with your special someone. Walking gives you “together” time. Nothing like walk. For a self-proclaimed King of Mush like me, I think, walking in the rain is THE most romantic thing you could do.
You see things. Read the two anecdotes above.
You get perspective. Again, read the two anecdotes above.

This is it!

What next? Go walk! 10000 steps a day! Preferably with your special someone 🙂

I. Yoga.

Image Credits: Anonymous. Found here.

Ladies, gentlemen, friends, fellow countrymen and other minions of the world,

With one simple stroke, a sheer brilliant one at that, I have done the impossible. I have dislodged Nidhi Kapoors, Arvind Kejriwals, Sections 377, Tarun Tejpals and other such news hogs of the world from their usual position on the top of my mind. And replaced all those with one word. Fitness. And replaced all the thoughts with one thought only. I need to get fit. And replaced all my frivolous actions with one. Chase of personal excellence. Ok scratch that personal excellence bit.

In short, I have now joined a fancy Yoga training regime. And I have been doing it for a week. And I am loving it.

The regime includes alternate day visits to a yoga studio about 25 KMs from where I live, at 7 in the morning. At the studio, I have a personal instructor that spends anywhere between 20 minutes and one hour with me and works on my breathing, poses and peace. All of this, in attempt to make me healthy, peaceful, effective and better.

And if I could make an confession, even though its just been a week, it has been amongst the best experiences that I have had in a long long time. Its been so good that I am wondering why din’t I do this sooner. Actually, for the sooner bit, I have no one but myself to blame. I thought yoga was yet another Indian thing that the new media and collective conscious of the modern, evolved, educated world has made popular (other things include naturopathy, homeopathy, social media, Arvind Kejriwal etc). But like they say, if something has to happen, it will happen. I was ~~nudged~~ pushed into this amazing world of yoga and I have been enjoying it immensely.

It did not come easy to be honest. My sis had to pester me forever to go join the classes. sgMS had to consistently ignore my existence and my attempts to woo her back. A cute stranger with beautiful hair and smile had to remind me that I am fat and ugly, when I made a pass at her. My folks had to get angry and inform me of my limited and fast-dwindling supply of money. Nidhi Kapoor had to remind me that I have made no progress, no breakthrough in the story, even though I am so close to the deadline. My body had to remind me that I am not young anymore. In short, everything that I care for, except that stranger with long hair, was gaping at me and questioning my choices in life.

I did not see a way out and initially joined these classes to shut all these people up. You know how it is when you think you know better than anyone else and you do something just to stop all the noises in your head?

In terms of doing it, I do it with all seriousness that you expect from a 31 year, balding, single, almost poor man. The one that starts with pumping a mini fortune, buying ALL the equipment that you may potentially need in the next ten years that you’d do it seriously. And the one that ends next day, at all that equipment getting stowed in crevices and shelves in your house that you never knew existed. You know, I have all the paraphernalia. An expensive yoga mat, a set of clothes made by a brand that only makes and sells yoga merchandise, expensive music bought from iTunes that helps me in meditating, an acupressure chappal that is more expensive that a Nike and a routine that has made me start questioning my erstwhile choices in life.

But now that I am doing it, I dont see myself not doing it ever. Ever. I just need to figure out if yoga can help me fix my bald head!

Warm Regards,
Saurabh “Nouveau Riche” Garg

Oh, one more thing. You may want to give it a shot. Trust me its awesome! And watch out for more posts on yoga in the next few days.

What am I doing in Mumbai?

I am in Mumbai for next few days. While I am here, I will try and do the following.

Try and see if there is a business case of establishing a marketing services company here. It sounds like a tough task considering Mumbai is a crowded market and has tons of existing players that are fairly entrenched. But then my employer is footing the bill and I cant complain. If you can help, please lemme know.
I’d try and get fit. I am fat and that too in an ugly way. Here, despite erratic eating schedules, I will try and control what I eat. For starters I will stop having dinners. At Vipassana, we were taught to survive on two meals. It helps in better digestion, if not anything else. And it may teach me self control, in terms of telling yourself not to eat when you have daal makhani and paranthas served to you…
My first short story is almost done. Will try to finish it while I am here. With all the madness in Delhi, it was really tough to work on it. While I am here, I will have time on my hands to work on it. And since I have decided to try and publish it myself on Amazon, I will explore that bit as well.

So three big things that I want to do in life. Create a business, get fit and start writing. Am on my way fellas. Thats it for the time being. Do lemme know if you could help on any of these three things!

Before – After

Today, for the records, was the first time in my life that I worked out in a gym. More than the workout, I did some cardio. Did some speed walking, bicycling and stretching. I did break some sweat but overall I think the experience is kinda over hyped. I would rather walk the city (if lanes were less crowded), bicycle through scenery (if I had any scenery around where I live) or simply do some yoga (if I had any worthwhile yoga groups around where I live).

So, at the cost of making a few sweeping generalizations, here are a few things I noticed about gyms and people in gyms.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fittest of them all. I have no clue how other gyms are designed but this one has mirrors all over. The reception, the loos, the shower area. Even the ceilings. I wonder how they missed the floors. Anyways its like a mini glass house. Of course everyone like those mirrors and there has to be some secret exercise that requires you to stare at your reflection for long durations. Because everyone, including the coach and the supervisor, would go find their sweet spot in front of a mirror and flex their muscles. To the point that the entire work area is empty and you could play cricket there if you had to. Note to self. Ask the coach about the secret exercise next time I go to the gym.
Six pack. Eight pack. I thought that wave that swept the entire nation in the six pack abs frenzy is more or less gone. How wrong I was. I see more people doing crunches and abs than there are statues of Mayawati Ji in Uttar Pradesh. And they are serious about doing abs. And in fact whatever time they are left with after stating at themselves in the mirror, I reckon they spend bulk of it on their abs.
Tattoos are more important that anything else if you want to show off. No one, I repeat NO ONE is sexy enough unless they have a tattoo with an obscure meaning that only they or the tattoo maker knows about. And more obscure the meaning, better it is. After all we need some fodder for conversations. And to add to it, the more obscure place the tattoo is, better it is. You can then nonchalantly show off the tattoo. Like if its on your ankles, you may remove the shoes and wear some bright chappal. Get attention to the chappal and the ankle and thus the tattoo. More subtle you make it, better it is.
Eat your supplements. Fruits. Fancy colored waters. Soya. Raw meat. Think of the most obscure thing that you could subject your taste palette and abdomen to. I think more than fitness they want to test their abdomens and gastric acids. Everyone comes with a small duffel bag stuffed with the choicest delicacies. Including raw fish!

Anyways, thats about it for the time being. Lemme see people some more and then I shall file an updated report.

And did I tell you that I have clicked a couple of profile shots. One frontal and one from side, to do comparisons when I actually lose weight!

Pursuit of Fitness

So, as part of a bet, I need to lose 7 inches by first week of December. And for that I joined a gym. For the first time in my life, ladies and gentlemen, I stepped inside a gym. The scene inside made me sick the moment I got in. Men, women and others of all shapes, sizes, ages, odors, colors were at work. More than work they were staring at themselves in the huge mirrors that lined up the walls of the gym. After every nano second of workout, they would find the nearest mirror, twitch their muscle, smile at themselves and then look around, just in case that cute member from the opposite sex was appreciating the apparent display of hormones.I mean I have met tons of self-obsessed people but this was beyond me. This was self-obsession 2.0 and not one, not two but the entire human race in that small area was engaged in it.

Anyways a man’s gotta go what a man’s gotta do. So despite alle the testosterone around me, I tied up a handkerchief around my nose, tied my shoe laces, bought a fancy blue gym short and, as they say, hit the gym. The first few days were pain. And disgrace. I could barely jog. Now if you dont know me, you may want to visualize a sack of potatoes. If not that, than a walrus. If not even that, I think you need to move on to some other link. So I am as large and lazy as these two and its an effort to move an inch. Here I was expected to run for miles and miles if I had any hopes of losing flab around my waist.

I have been at it for about two weeks now. Of course the results havent started showing. I compensate for all the ahrd work but religiously eating daal makhani and butter naans for dinner. Though I am still off coke. Been more than three months. Who would have believed! Anyways so its been two weeks now and today for the first time ever, I managed to job for 2 KMs at a speed for 8 kmph. That means I was faster than what an average human being walks at and I covered more distance in one shot than I have ever covered. For me, this is nothing short of winning an Olympic medal, in bob-sledging . I was very very happy. I clapped for myself. Adn thankfully for a minute all the appreciating-thyself stopped for a minute and it was converted into is-this-bald-guy mad look. And then as if I had never clapped, people were back to their mirrors and mutual admiration societies. I loved myself at that instant for being able to pull off the the task. Reminded me of Pursuit of Happyness. And the scene where Chris (Will Smith) claps for himself.

And just in case you havent seen this movie, you need to see it for sure. The guy in the scene is offered a job and he needs it more than anyone else in the world and it has come to him after a very long wait and a lot of toil. This is how he chooses to celebrate the moment. Watch from 1:43 if you are short of time!

And in the end, if not anything, please do pray that I win the bet. On stake is something that can potentially change my life!

Aug 15: Two months of coke detox!

This day, in June 2011, I had Coke for the last time. Or was it Diet Coke? Whatever variant it was, since then I havent had any coke. I have been to many trips post that and yet I did not have it. I mean when I travel, the only other companion, apart from my bag and my notepad, is Coke. Coke is as ubiquitous as probably air is. Coke has to be the most recognizable logo of the world.

Coming to the question, why did I stop coke? There are few reasons. One, to save on all the money I spent on Coke and Diet Coke. Two, get fitter. Everyone I know tells me that carbonated drinks arent healthy and all these drinks are but sugar and water. Three, I was bored and I needed something that I could shower my attention on! I know its a lame reason. So now that it has been two months, lemme see how I fared on each of the three.

Save on money. I keep track of each paisa that I spend. Been doing it since Feb this year. Note to self, I need to post summary of that excel sheet and uplaod a template for everyone else. So the spending on food has reduced considerably but I cant really attribute those to non-consumption of coke.

Next was getting fit. I think quitting coke aint no help. I have stopped eating outside and yet I am as fat as I was when I was having coke (assuming that there were just two things making me fat – outside food and/or coke). I dont drink any milk, tea. I do drink that occasional coffee but thats about it. And I am not losing any damn weight. I need to hire one of those Rujuta Diwakers for myself.

And attention. I did fairly well here. Everytime I see coke logo, I think about those wonderful days when I used to dote on coke and then I tell myself that I need to stay away. And as they say that staying away from your object of attention is more difficult when you can see it!

But then all in all, a very interesting experiment. Been two months. Lets see how many more can I clock.

This is day 15 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.

P.S.: I dont like the way this post is written. This is way too bland, basic for my taste. I plan to rewrite this eventually. The content and the takeaway shall remain the same. Keep watching this!