Category: Gurgaon

The grand thekas of Gurgaon! – Edit 2

I wrote this yesterday and while I was writing this, I wasnt sure if I liked what I wrote. So I decided that I would re-write it. Here it is.

Meet Salman. He is barely of legal working age and despite not being as famous as his namesake actor, this Salman has a fan following of his own. He is one of those numerous waiters serving guests at makeshift “government approved drinking places”, or thekas, in Gurgaon. Thronged by sparsely educated locals and highly educated employees of the multinationals alike, these thekas provide a safe haven for those wanting to indulge in their favorite spirit. And Salman knows his patrons and their whims and he knows how to take care of them.

Salman knows what snack goes well with what kind of alcohol and is quick to give his recommendations. Guests must buy their alcohol from a “government approved wine shop” and then they may choose to sit at these thekas, located often right behind the wine shops. Thekas are so comfortable that they can put cigar lounges at five star hotels to shame. These thekas offer a wide range of options to patrons. From seating in an open courtyard to rooftop seats to air conditioned rooms  to separate enclosures for women to private cabins, they have it all. Of course you need to pay a premium for facilities like aircon and privacy. Not to mention things like cigarettes, lighters, snacks, cuisine from almost all over the world, juices, mixers, ice cubes, glasses and other such paraphernalia that you need when you want to booze.

Salman also has the knack of remembering his patrons by their names and their favorites. He can count about 40 guests that are regulars and Salman knows what would make them happy. This is probably why Salman is so popular amongst patrons at Knight Riders, the theka where Salman works. Even the managers and owners are not complaining as Salman requires far less motivation or supervision while he’s working. Salman says he and other waiters, have just two types of patrons – rich Haryanvi villagers and second English speaking office workers. 

The rapid transformation of Gurgaon from a sleepy farming village into the millennium city has given rise to a new community of nouveau riche. These men have sold their farming land to builders and developers as astronomical rates. As a result, there is an entire generation of Haryanvi young men with a lot of money, big cars, too much time and nothing to do. Needless to say in the era of globalization and exposure, these men indulge in “royal” pursuits. Of drinking and gambling. Gambling is still a taboo in India, everyone does it but secretly, drinking is the new social norm. Most evenings groups of these young brash Haryanvi men would head out to a theka and ask someone like Salman to put on some latest bollywood music. Music that would anyway be drowned by the vociferous laughter of these men.

Large parts of the land sold by farmers was turned into commercial and residential properties by the builders. And businesses, both domestic and international buoyed by the India growth story seemed to have an insatiable hunger and capacity for these office spaces. So what probably was once a agricultural land growing wheat, now that a sky scraper, made of steel and glass, that houses thousands of white collar employees. Most of these employees live dysfunctional lives (of India in 21st century) and have a lot of money and time to spend, with their colleagues at informal or formal parties. And more often than not, these groups end up at places like these, and call for Salman to get them their cheese crackers and chicken tikkas.

Funny thing is that all these wine shops are temporary in nature. They are apparently supposed to renew their lease and license every year and despite coming with an expiry date, the owners invest like anything in these wine shops. The decor, the collection, the ambiance, the staff, the service, all of it is at par with any high street shop, if not better. If you want a lesson in visual merchandising, there is no better place to learn about it, than at these wine places. Since alcohol companies cant advertise on mass media, they spend a lot of money on these shops and turn these into their marketing and communication playground.

But despite the temporary arrangement, business is good at these makeshift drinking places. Salman is not complaining. If not for this place, he would probably be an office boy at one of these companies. Here, apart from his salary of Rs. 6000 a month, he takes home as much each week in tips. He says, “On the month ends when most office going people have their pockets full of their salary, I get more tips. I love those days”. And while he was reminiscing about those days, he spotted on of his regulars enter the AC room that he tenders to. Beaming from ear to ear, he put his cleaning cloth back on his shoulder and rushed to the table of another patron.

The grand thekas of Gurgaon!

If you’ve been following this blog and last few updates, here’s a piece of news. The deal is off. And this does not mean I would stop writing (I did miss the post day before, I’d try not to miss anymore). 

P.S. To be honest, I dont really like the way I have written this post but here goes. I’d try to re-write this again tomorrow but this is it for the time being.

So today, we had a small party thrown by one of the nicest guys I have ever worked with.

A little background. The place where I work, we have this tradition of throwing parties and bashes for all significant and insignificant occasions. Most of these parties are full of loud music, bucket full of alcohol and dirty jokes on each other. And most of the time we want to save money, so these things happen at home of a colleague. But today, since this party was long overdue and we were partying after some time, we decided to goto some place, rather than binge on food on a make shift table and consume alcohol in an assortment of glass types (you must try drinking beer in wine flute).

Coming back to the party, we went to a place called Night Riders. This is very close to one of the stations of the new Rapid Metro coming in Gurgaon. Rapid Metro in my opinion is yet another fast one pulled on the government and us tax payers by someone. More on it someday later. Right now, I am going to talk about fancy wine shops (or thekas as we know them in India).

They say that Gurgaon is probably the only place in India where you can find a
modern wine shop stacked with all sorts of alcohol open at all times of day and night but you can NOT find a chemist if you need
one at 1 in the afternoon. Such as the economics of the alcohol venting business in Gurgaon. If you live in Gurgaon, there is no way you would’ve missed these fancy alcohol shops, selling a wide range of beers, vodkas, whiskeys, rums and other spirits from all over the world.

Funny thing is that all the fancy wine shops have “government approved drinking places” attached to the stores, where you step inside and consume your liquor that you buy  from the theka outside. The drinking places will give you glasses, ice, water, soda, coke etc to mix with your drinks. And they would give you a wide range of choice in cuisine that you want to have. Today, we ordered Chinese, Mughalai, Italian, South Indian and Tandoori food. All from one kitchen and everything as tasty as it could get.

Today was the first time when I went inside one of these. And I was blown by the ambiance and courtesy extended by these places. The waiters and managers there could speak almost perfect English to start with. The place offered excellent seating facilities with a choice of plastic chairs, bean bags, sofas, couches, roof top tables, private cabins, air conditioned rooms and what not. You could sit in an area that was like an open courtyard, or you could sit under a leafy ceiling, or on an area that had mist sprinklers or on an area that had marble grains as floor or ofcourse an air conditioned room. The ceiling of the air conditioned room was done up nicely with an intricate modern arty design. They had a separate loo for men and women. And it was actually called “Men’s Loo” and was cleaner than the loos at Ambience Mall. And they had technology like LED lights, karaoke system, DJ mixing console and a projection on a wall, that was playing, pay attention here, that was playing, VH1!

It was something out of a fiction book. In Gurgaon where almost everything is unplanned and there is perpetual construction and dust ever since I can remember (since my MDI days actually), I in my wildest dream could not imagine someone creating a place for consuming alcohol, complete with all these above-mentioned amenities. And I am told that these structures are allocated by the Govt. of Haryana for a period of one year, after which they have to dismantle these and apply for all over again. I am sure that the same set of people get to run these establishments year after year but its just too much effort to come up with a concept and a place like this, if you ask me. Funny bit is that people actually sit at these places and consume liquor and I dont think they pay anything additional to get the convenience and privacy offered by these places.

And for some funny reason, all these approved eating places are named after participants in yet another sham of modern India – the IPL. The thekas are called Night Riders, Royals of Rajasthan, Super Challenger, Dares and Devils et al. Of course all these names cant really be cooked up by multiple brains. If you are the copywriter who has thought of these names, I would love to hire you. Can you send in your CV? We can meet at Knight Riders for the interview, if you want!

The best kept secret of Gurgaon: Roots!

Readers of this blog (all two of you) must be aware of my travails with Gurgaon. But then like every cloud that has a silver lining, even Gurgaon has some things that make up for all the hassles and a trip to Gurgaon worth the ordeal. No I am not talking about malls or hotels or that kingdom of watevers. I am talking about places that go under the radar because they are either too small or too simple to get eyeballs. In next few days, I would try and list those.

To start with, lets me talk about the best kept secret of Gurgaon – Roots, the cafe in the park. Roots is located in the premiss of the Rajiv Gandhi renewable energy park, close to the Iffco Chowk Metro Station and is bang opposite the famous Kingdom of dreams. So its very accessible and there is no reason why you shouldn’t spend an evening there.


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Roots is a far cry from those commercial Baristas and Cafe Coffee Days sprinkled all over the country. For starters, the place is ecofriendly and everything is cooked by solar cookers. Then the menu is organic with natural ingredients. It has things like Sarson di roti and makke da saag and Nepali platter, things that you dont really get at most “coffee shops” in India. The staff is very unobtrusive and very courteous and they let you be

And the best part, when you are at Roots, all you can see is a lush green garden, trees, kids on slides and swings and such things. You can not see a single high rise and you can not hear any traffic. The air is clean and fresh. A visit to Roots always, without fail, invigorates the damn soul, if not the mind and heart.

And since its almost a weekend, you must visit this best kept secret of Gurgaon and experience the magic by yourself. And if you do, please share your opinion on it.

A mess called Gurgaon

For work, I travel to gurgaon almost everyday. And I have been doing it for almost three years now. so much so that I am at the verge of breaking down. I can no longer tolerate this place. Here is a list of issues that I have against Gurgaon.

  1. Its too far from my home. Takes me atleast 90 minutes either ways, if I am lucky. Most days its about 120 minutes of ordeal through heavy traffic and angry drivers. The good part is that there is so much traffic that I am supposed to use clutch and brake after every 2 milliseconds. I think its Gods way of punishing lazy bums like me. Imagine all the muscles that I am working on, everyday. My legs must be that strong that I may even defeat Usain Bolt, or even Paan Singh Tomar in any race they chose! 
  2. Traffic on the Toll Plaza. Its legendary, how bad the traffic is and how mismanaged the entire thing is. You could come in at any hour you wish to, you would have to wait for atleast 15 minutes on the toll to be able to get moving. On Mondays, its like a black hole. You can get in the toll lane bt you cant get out. It’s a never-ending stretch. If there is one thing that I could fix as God, I would not do anything about poverty, hunger, malnutrition etc. these are simpler issues with easy answers. I would rather fix the mess called Gurgaon Toll. I’d get more disciples and bribes. May be even bomb it if I could. Not a bad idea, come to think of it. 
  3. Civic conditions. I have been “subjected” to Gurgaon since 2004 when I came here for my MBA. Its been 8 years and the place is perpetually under construction. In 8 years, you could have built Rome all over again, make three lifesize replicas of the great Pyramids and erect Taj Mahal in Noida, Mayawati almost tried. China could even create a new Earth altogether and hang it in the solar system if they wanted to. 8 years is a lot of time if you ask me. 
  4. Amenities. There is not one day when we don’t get power cuts. Wait. There is not one day when we get power. Cuts will happen if there is power. Apart from power, there is never any supply of water. We have to rely on private water tankers. Even at 8 in the morning, when I come in, there is no electricity and hence no ACs and hence all the frustration. If I ever kill someone in Gurgaon, it would be because of the fact that my head got over heated cos of the damn power situation. 
And then there is the traffic in city, the rudeness of residents, the brashness of taxi drivers, the incompetence of policemen, the vanity of rich businessmen, the wealth of land owners who sold it all to builders, the arrogance of of the uninformed and worst of all, the compulsion of someone like me who has to work, to pay the bills.

Dear lady in the white car

Dear lady in the white Wagon R behind my car on the Gurgoan Toll plaza,

First of all thank you! Today you made the otherwise boring and monotonous trip to office fun. You had been trailing my car, knowingly, since the Radisson flyover. Every time I went fast, you would speed up, every time I would slow down, you’d slow down as well, every time I cut a lane, you were prompt to follow. And yet at no point you looked threatening. In fact the sly smile on your face, when I looked back from the rear view mirror, was charming to say the least. If you weren’t wearing shades, nice ones by the way, I would have tried to read the intent in your eyes. But anyways, thank you.

Second, I was wondering if you do this to every random guy? Because from what I know, I have nothing remarkable about me. Not even my car. It’s a plain Jane Santro with a stupid “True Earth” color (somewhere between a brown and a dirty white). I am bald, dark and everything that a woman’s nightmare is made out of. And yet you chose to follow me. I cant for my life think of a reason why you’d do that. May be you shower such excitement on the least harmful guy every morning? But what ever the reason, you did it and I enjoyed it. At least I just cribbed once about the toll plaza today.

Third, you drive well. Really well. I consider myself a good driver, a lot of friends would vouch for this and its not easy to keep up with me. Not that I am fast or anything but I have this knack with driving. I know when the driver ahead of me would break, when that opening becomes available from where I could zip my car through, when to hit the break, when to slow and so on and so forth. Doing this when you are alone, is really easy. But tailing someone like a shadow, the way you tailed me for good 4 kilometers, is no easy task. You did it to perfection. So much so that, you may remember, that I was looking at you from the rear view mirror and I nodded in appreciation. You seemed to nod as well but then I don’t really remember as I was busy cutting a lane that time.

Fourth, next time you do this, don’t leave your car windows open. Nothing wrong with it. Even I enjoy the wind in my hair and all that but you know you have long hair. Ofcourse when they cover your face and that sly smile, you look all the more gorgeous but then I think in the long run, all the dust and sun could be bad for your hair. No? I mean you are a woman and you must know about this more than me for sure, who’s got like 20 hair strands left on his head. But anyways, it’s a matter of personal choice. I liked the whole effect of hair falling on your face, head, shoulders etc. Just that, i believe that the ones who are blessed with nice hair, must take care of em. Ask the ones like me!

And lastly and most importantly, same place, same time tomorrow?

Sincerely,
The guy in the Santro

A real-life coward

A couple of days back, I was going to meet my agony aunt. I was in Gurgoan and I was driving at may be 40 and was singing out loud to my music. There are a few big decisions I needed to take and I wanted her opinion. I was thinking of all the things that I wanted to talk to her about. And I heard a loud noise. I was in an accident!

The other vehicle was a taxi, plying for Spicejet (I would come to Spicejet bit in a minute). The taxi was being driven the way taxis are driven – fast, furious, reckless and brash. I was driving the way I drive. And there was a blind turn. The crash was inevitable.Thankfully no one got hurt in the accident. The two cars got damaged like crazy. Especially mine is beyond recognition.

What had to happen, happened. But right after the crash, at least twenty other taxi drivers ganged up against me. They surrounded me from all sides, hurling abuses at me. Since everyone in an armchair activist, everyone had their version of the story and everyone seemed angry. At least two of them even held my shirt collar. They pushed me around and put my back against a wall. No one hit me but if I had opened my mouth and had uttered a single word, it would have been ugly and I would have been bashed up like crazy. I was held hostage by all these people, most of them dint really have a business being there, and I could not do a thing!

It was broad daylight and there were atleast 100 other spectators. The worst part, the damn voyeurs were actually laughing and enjoying the show. Not a single soul bothered to even try and help me. All the empty noises that I make about being a hero, standing up for what you think is right, being strong, being confident and all that, came flashing in front of my eyes. I was destroyed. I dint know if I was to voice my thoughts and get killed for real or if I was to become a coward and stand there with my head hanging like a guilty man.

At that instant, I realized that I am only good when the person in front of me is logical and understands the situation. There is no way I can handle a mob. Especially a gang of thugs, that is constantly looking for some problem to meddle into. These people are out there to kill or get killed. And for no apparent reason.

Thankfully  this was close to office. I called up a few colleagues, they came immediately. And once they arrived, I took a breather. I finally had someone who I could trust. Even the police turned up after a while. They merely stood there and told us to “reach a compromise” and not bother them with complaints and formalities of FIR etc. I was aghast at their behavior and I was surprised. Aren’t they supposed to serve and protect? Aren’t they supposed to maintain law and order? Arent they supposed to talk to those goons who had ganged up on me and put some sense in them?

Finally three hour after the arguments and counter-arguments, we reached a “compromise” and everyone left for their respective homes/offices etc. For me, the only outcome is the realization that I am by myself in this wild world. It’s like back to those prehistoric days where every animal was for itself and had to fend itself from everything else in the jungle.

In 2012, it’s a modern day jungle out there. I am a tiny creature and I need to look for myself.

And Spicejet, I sincerely wish I had a way of reaching your transport department and telling them the kind of people they’ve hired. But then one things for sure, I am not going to fly Spicejet anytime soon. And all the stock that I own, I would sell. Today.

Dear Myself!

Credits: Hugh

Dear Myself,

Hope you are having a good day.

Normally I don’t write into you. More often than not, a polite conversation with you helps and we sort our disagreements. In extreme cases, I take you out for a drive or an icecream and we are cool after that. But this time, unlike all the other times, things have gone to such an extent that I don’t think a mere conversation would help. I think I need to put on record my opinion. At least it will help me put everything in one place.

I am writing to you, to officially (no I am serious) point out that I absolutely hate the fact that you make me drive all the way to Gurgaon every day. Agreed that Gurgaon is the millennium city and the land of opportunities etc but are you sure you want me to go through this grind day after day?

If there were just one or two bad things, I would have relented and not felt so fucked. I tried making a small list. Here are the findings. The traffic is bad. Traffic management is worse. Roads are probably the worst. Rampant urbanization and unplanned growth have created such a mess that I don’t think we’d be able to fix it ever. Public transport is non-existent. And whatever alternatives we have, the hand rickshaws and auto-rickshaws, they fleece as if we live in the banana republic. People, both on and off the road are rude and believe in public display of useless aggression and fake power. Electricity is a problem. Things are expensive. No one feels safe anywhere post the sunset. There is not a place where you can feel at peace. And many more. Why would then you goto a place like that everyday?

If you were doing some brilliant work, I may have let you go there everyday. But what you do, are you sure that’s the best utilization of your time and effort. I mean I understand that you are not the most brilliant sample of the homosapien spieces. I also understand that you are mediocre at best. I know that you want to defy authority for some stupid reason that only you can comprehend. I am ok with it. You know that I would support you through thick and thin and despite you have your quirks and whims, I have always been on your side. But this is something I fail to understand. Why would you even bother with all the hassle of the drive till Gurgaon everyday? Why do you put yourself and me through the torture everyday? How does your conscious allow you to kill yourself every day? And you have been doing it for almost two years now! Havent you?

Please know that I am not asking you to quit. Not for a single instant. I hate quitters. I really do. All I am asking for is an alternative. Or may be an option. Or something that allows you to stay sane! Like Hugh says, Life is short. Make it amazing!

You know, its your life. And mine as well. If not for me, please take time and think about things for yourself. You are a bloody gift to this world and it sucks to see you getting wasted like this. I think after 29 years of coexistence, my comments merit atleast one thought (if not a detailed inquiry into reasons)! Please do it. And if there is anything I can do to help you get out of the mess, I am just a nudge away. Actually closer!

Love you.
Your’s Yourself.