Health – 922

The first five days of 2020

Today is the fifth day of the year / decade / whatever you want to call 2020. And I know that these 5 days haven’t been the greatest of them all. I have been unwell since the 28th and today it’s the 8th day when I’ve had something or the other affecting me. Its nothing serious (I hope). Just some cold, cough, sore SORE SSOORREE throat, choked nose and general lethargy that the Bombay weather has brought upon us. Oh, I slept in the wrong position and my entire left side is hurting like a bitch. You know, when you are suffering how things compound? And on top of that the ones that I want to be loved by, they seem to have time for everyone but me. Guess its a phase and it will pass.

Thing is, as I kid I would rarely fall sick and in the last 3-4 months, I have caught something or the other, including Dengue. I did what I’ve never done – taken meds, of allopathic, homeopathic and ayurvedic kinds. I even took meds to help me sleep better at night.

No, it is not work-related. It is not the best time but I’ve seen such times in the past. And when I am on my bed, I do NOT think about work. So that can’t be the reason.

No, it is not about motivation. As I write this, its 7:36 AM on a Sunday, and I am at a Starbucks. If it were motivation, I would be curled up in my bed.

No, it is not food. I’ve never eaten healthy, except the times when I was on Keto. I eat whatever is the right combination of money, time and convenience. Food has been like that for me. Maybe I need to change that? May be.

No, it’s not the new place. I mean the new locality I am living at is a lot more noisy, dusty, disorganized, messy and all that compared to the older one. But I think I sleep well. I even get some dreams – just that I don’t remember them anymore.

No, it’s not about relationships. Most of mine are functional. And like food, convenience-based. I don’t want anyone to do anything for me that makes them go out of their way. I have trained myself to learn that relationships are superficial for most people – they just don’t acknowledge it. Yes, this is a controversial and unpopular opinion but that’s how it is.

No, it’s not about me being careless. I am wearing enough clothes to cover myself. Like I am inside a store and wearing a warm jacket – the kinds I would not wear even in Delhi! I am even taken meds as I said earlier.

Yes, it’s troubling me enough that it has made it to my blog!

And I guess this is what growing old is? Unexplained illness, visible frailty, irritable mood and all that. No, I don’t like this. No, I did not sign up for this.

I think that’s about it. I hope I get well soon. I hate it when I am like this. I become a non-functional human being and a jackass to be around when I am unwell.

Pray for me.

And 2020, please get your act together. I have high hopes from you!

The last 15 days

Just because it’s the 1st of the month, here is a post. Also because I haven’t written anything in a while, I ought to write — isnt that what ~~writers~~ authors do? Also because I feel obligated to share the way world I see, after that near-death experience (I shall talk about it in a bit). Also because the year has been very unkind as far as my heath goes. And because if I dont rant, what else will I do? And because writing on this blog allows me to “express” myself. Express in the classical expression way. I have to.

Last I wrote here was some 15 days ago. Why 15? Because 8 of those 15 were spent on the bed. Why on bed? Because I ate some stupid pasta at a fancy restaurant (Aromas at Powai) and a puff at a five-star (Orchid at airport) — please fight it out gentlemen. And the other 8 were spent in gloom. Why gloom? If you know me, you’d know.

The thing is, while I was on the bed, recuperating from that bout of food poisoning, I realized a few things. For starters, I cant handle this entire “being unwell” business well. I become a prick and I am a pain in ass. And I become this monster that I believe is very uncharacteristic of me. I try hard but I cant not do it. I end up hurting people that I mean to take care of. I try to be decent but I fail at it. Guess there’s just one way to solve the thing – don’t fall sick!

So last two/three days of recuperation have been spent in trying to not get unwell. That translates into no more street food. I’ve grown up in Delhi and I had these amazing guts of steel. I could eat whatever and I could have any sort of gastrointestinal attack and could digest even a brick. But not any more. May be with age, the steel has atrophied, the acids in my stomach have stopped performing. Who knows. But I now have to look and pause and think before I put things in my stomach. From now on, everything goes. Except McDonalds. Please. That’s something I cant do without. There is something about fried batter and potatoes that I cant resist the temptation of. In fact, I start writing this at home and I am finishing it at a McDonalds. But apart from McD, I shall eat at home and avoid baahaar ka khana as long as I can.

Help me with it. And, just in case you were looking for a sign, look no further.

Source: Unknown

The impending visit to a hospital

If you’ve been following my twitter stream, you would know that I have this boil on my foot that has grown to a size of tennis ball. And as a result, my leg is swollen to a size that can put an Elephant to shame. I have tried all home-grown remedies on the boil but nothing seems to be working. I will have to goto an hospital to get it incision-ed. And I am shitting bricks.

Because I hate hospitals. And second I dont like others to see my tears. After all men my age dont cry when a sharp thing pricks the tender skin. Wish they could spray some local Anasthesia on it before they cut it.

Anyhow, what needs to be done has to be done. Just that I dont have sgMS around when this has happened. If she were around, the boil would’ve been operated, cured when it was just a boil. And even if it were to grow this big, I would have had her hand to hold on to.

Damn!

World 1, SG 0!

I am unwell. And I hate it.

I goto extreme lengths to ensure that I am not unwell. Because when I am unwell, I hate it. And I refuse to take medication. So it takes forever to ~~heal~~ get back to normal. Well, the only medication I trust is a can of Red Bull. Which in cases like headache is of no use to be honest. Last time I took a proper medication was in Jan of this year when blood started to trickle down my nose for no reason. The doctor prescribed a seven day course followed by a CT scan. I took meds for exactly two days and CT scan, well lol! Of course I take medication for my Lichen Planus. But that’s homeopathy and it is yet to establish itself as science and medication.

Coming back, I am unwell and I hate it. I think I am saying this for the third time. Why would I risk repeating same thing over and over and over again? In a matter of 50 words? Because I mean it.

Lately, I’ve been falling sick with an alarming frequency. I don’t know what to blame it on. Few things that could be wrong are…

My old age (32 and past my half-life and prime)
My mortal fear of old age
The unnaturally big beer belly (despite the fact that I don’t like beer. Or any other form of alcohol)
My borderline, suspect case of diabetes (I am always thirty, I pee a lot and I am always drowsy)
The lame attempts at polyphasic sleep (which in my opinion you just can’t try if you live in India – there are far too many distractions and door bells to allow you to do that)
The mandatory bouts of depression that every writer is supposed to suffer from (did you buy the book yet?)
The anxiety about my unknown, uncertain future (in terms of personal, financial, writing etc)
My craving for sgMS (I have spoken about this more than required)
My loneliness (it’s prime-time on Valentine’s day and all I am stuck indoors, flipping channels on TV)
My general inability to focus on anything for more than 3 nanoseconds (ADD or ADHD – whatever sounds more exotic to you)
My perpetual hunger even though I have eaten a few minutes back (yoga shastra says eating disorders have deeper connections – you eat a lot when you are insecure about something. The body wants to horde food, expecting a calamity in the near future. After all we are probably the best survival machines ever made. It’s fascinating. Do read about evolution if you can)
And I don’t know what else

Whatever it is, it is not nice. And I don’t know how to fix it. Where are those free hugs guys?

Source: Unknown.

Reclaiming life (search for meaning)

Wrote this towards the end of last year. Couldn’t post it back then because the post got extremely person it. But now that I know that I am back to being good, here it is!

This is an edited version.

As the new year dawns closer, I am in my thinking mode that I get in towards the end of every year. I think about what went right, what went wrong and how to change things. And I realize that one thing that I am very sure is that I want to be the master of my time and there is no way I’d let someone else control my time.

This day on, I promise that no one else will control my time.

Why this time-bound thing all of a sudden?

Because when your nose starts bleeding all of a sudden and a trickle of blood starts dripping from somewhere inside your nose and makes a puddle on the white-tiled floor below, you know that your time is limited. It’s like that wake up call that shakes and wakes you up.

If it were a one-time occurrence, you may dismiss it. But when the bleeding happens again and this time soils the bed-sheet you are on, you realize that life is fragile and you dont have control over it. You realize that life is indeed limited and precious and you ought to row your boat, however small it may be; Rather than being a captain of the largest ship they ever made.

The deep red liquid that supports life, when you see it flowing like that, it makes you question the meaning of life. The more evolved ones may have questioned before me. But then I am one of those “if it doesn’t affect me, I am not affected by it” kinds. It sucks to have such a philosophy but that’s how I am made. I want to change but I haven’t been able to. May be someday I would. For the time being, I know that my time is limited and I ought to control it. I can no longer be at the mercy of others. I need to address that meaning of life question now!

I dont know how many more days I have left but I better make the most of em. And unlike a lot of other people who have real talent, the closest thing I have, that I can call talent, is the ability to write. I may not be a good writer but I know that writing gives me pleasure. I know that I love to see words appear magically on the screen in front of me. I know that it’s a vocation that I can better at, if I keep at it, if I keep showing up.

So, while I continue to question the meaning of life, I am going to continue to write. Till I find answers, if there are any.

In terms of meaning of life, is life about making a difference? Is it about immortality? I have no clue.

But whatever it is about, I know that I ought to be healthy and happy. And I ought to master my time.

Next question is, how!

In praise of walking

Add caption

One of the things that I am hoping to do in 2014, is to lose weight. Side-note: This has been on my yearly to-do lists since I started making these lists.

Since I have a medical condition that prevents me from running and gymming, I have handful of things that I can do to lose weight.

One of these things is walking. I have thus taken it upon me to ensure that I walk 10000 steps. Every day. Why 10000 steps?

Because…

A, its measurable.
B, it seems large enough goal.
C, its easy to keep track.
D, its simple to do.

In fact here is a chart that Moves has generated for me (if you want to track your steps, Moves is a simple, beautiful and intuitive application). For the sake of keeping scores, I walked 47K steps in the last week. And I walked 48K this week. Coming week I want to do 50K.

Except wednesday and sunday, I try and walk 10000 steps a day. Some days I do more. Somedays I do less. But the point is that I am more aware that each day I am supposed to walk. And each day I walk with a goal in my head. I have started doing things differently, like I walk shorter distances. As a run of thumb, any distance that is less than 2 KMs, I walk it up. Takes about 20 minutes for a fat-ass like me. I ensure that I leave in time to be able to walk for 20 minutes. Although when I reach, I am panting, I am gasping for breath but I know that I have burned some calories. And I know that I saved 20 bucks (10 bucks per KM in Mumbai). Two little drops in two different oceans that are important to me.

So today, while I walking something dawned on me. That when we take transport, we miss the scenery. And the stories that the scenery tells us. Its same as taking the train versus taking a flight. Imagine you flying over the countryside in a comfortable tube. You see things from 30000 feet and you marvel at the sights below when you could be part of the sight. There is so much to see, so much to experience on the ground below. A comfortable seat in the clouds can not match the experience of being a part of the sight. Ever. Trust me. Been there, done that.

And why do I like flying and airports so much? Because I am perpetually short of time. And I rather save time than save money. And flying is the fastest mode of travel for distances more than 1000 KMs. atleast in India. Even if its a scheduled flight.

So let me come to walking. This is supposed to be a post in praise of walking. So today, I had lunch and then I walked home. Its around 3 KMs walk and I took about 40 minutes for it. En route a couple of things happened that made me happy about my decision to walk home after lunch.

Let me talk about those two things.

First. These few kids were playing football close to where I was walking. Somehow the ball landed close to me. A kid yelled at me and said, “Uncle please pass the ball.”

He called me uncle. Uncle. I was so furious so furious that it’s not funny. I know I am old and I am fat and I am bald but I am not getting called uncle by these kids. Before I could yell back at him and invite him for showdown, since I was walking, my thinking muscles were active. I realized that it was not a personal remark and he was just going by my looks. He did not know me and he had no way to know that I hate being called an uncle.

The episode taught me a very important lesson. That I need to think through things and evaluate them objectively. I could’ve got angry at him. I almost flipped the bird but I did not.

Second. Along the way a rickshaw stopped me and asked for directions. I take pride in my ability to remember directions and I told him. An instant later, another pedestrian asked me for directions. This guy was from one of the seven Eastern states, I don’t know which one though. He looked as if he had walked quite a distance and still had some distance to go. He didn’t seem to have money for a rick and I did not know the bus routes. So, dejected, I told him that its a 30 minute walk and I dont know the bus. The dude grinned and walked away.

After I told him the directions, as well as I could, I realized that he comes from one of the most beautiful and gifted locations and yet he is here, in polluted and over-crowded Mumbai. I am assuming he’s come here chasing the same thing that I’ve been chasing – my dreams. I thought if I was in his place and I lived amidst those mountains and valleys and rivers and springs and flowers and trees and beauty and whether, I would never leave that place. I would have normally cursed him and give him unsolicited advice of going back.

But then, since I was in the thinking mode, I thought, what if he’s thinking the same thing about me That I have left family and friends and comfort and protection and all those things behind. To chase a dream that I am not even sure of.

Thats it. Two stories. Each happened in quick succession. I am sure if I walked everyday with an intent to look for scenery and stories, I can find many more. For a storyteller that I want to become, these stories are going to be important. I definitely saw much more, observed more and grasped more. And not just storytelling, for the lazy account planner in me, people-watching is an important tool. Walking gives me yet another opportunity to observe people in their natural environments.

So the point of these stories is that if you walk, you get better at being a human. Rickshaws speeds you up and fly past the scenery. Ofcourse rickshaws don’t make you bad but they don’t make you good either. You get the point?

No? May be go for a walk after you’ve read this.

Anyway, to end this note, the lesson of the day is that there are so many merits of walking and its sad that I’ve ignored all these all these years. No more. From now on, I am going to walk. At least 10000 steps a day.

For the ones who like to skim rather than read, here is a quick list in praise of walking.

When you walk…

You lose weight without realizing that you are losing weight. All you do is walk and you dont goto the gym or go on a diet. You just walk and you realize that inches are reducing from your waistline.
You give your muscles exercise. Muscles work on the principle of positive feedback loop. Or Anti-fragility if you will. Every step you take, makes your muscles stronger.
You can tweak walking to make it a tool to spend more time with your special someone. Walking gives you “together” time. Nothing like walk. For a self-proclaimed King of Mush like me, I think, walking in the rain is THE most romantic thing you could do.
You see things. Read the two anecdotes above.
You get perspective. Again, read the two anecdotes above.

This is it!

What next? Go walk! 10000 steps a day! Preferably with your special someone 🙂

I. Yoga.

Image Credits: Anonymous. Found here.

Ladies, gentlemen, friends, fellow countrymen and other minions of the world,

With one simple stroke, a sheer brilliant one at that, I have done the impossible. I have dislodged Nidhi Kapoors, Arvind Kejriwals, Sections 377, Tarun Tejpals and other such news hogs of the world from their usual position on the top of my mind. And replaced all those with one word. Fitness. And replaced all the thoughts with one thought only. I need to get fit. And replaced all my frivolous actions with one. Chase of personal excellence. Ok scratch that personal excellence bit.

In short, I have now joined a fancy Yoga training regime. And I have been doing it for a week. And I am loving it.

The regime includes alternate day visits to a yoga studio about 25 KMs from where I live, at 7 in the morning. At the studio, I have a personal instructor that spends anywhere between 20 minutes and one hour with me and works on my breathing, poses and peace. All of this, in attempt to make me healthy, peaceful, effective and better.

And if I could make an confession, even though its just been a week, it has been amongst the best experiences that I have had in a long long time. Its been so good that I am wondering why din’t I do this sooner. Actually, for the sooner bit, I have no one but myself to blame. I thought yoga was yet another Indian thing that the new media and collective conscious of the modern, evolved, educated world has made popular (other things include naturopathy, homeopathy, social media, Arvind Kejriwal etc). But like they say, if something has to happen, it will happen. I was ~~nudged~~ pushed into this amazing world of yoga and I have been enjoying it immensely.

It did not come easy to be honest. My sis had to pester me forever to go join the classes. sgMS had to consistently ignore my existence and my attempts to woo her back. A cute stranger with beautiful hair and smile had to remind me that I am fat and ugly, when I made a pass at her. My folks had to get angry and inform me of my limited and fast-dwindling supply of money. Nidhi Kapoor had to remind me that I have made no progress, no breakthrough in the story, even though I am so close to the deadline. My body had to remind me that I am not young anymore. In short, everything that I care for, except that stranger with long hair, was gaping at me and questioning my choices in life.

I did not see a way out and initially joined these classes to shut all these people up. You know how it is when you think you know better than anyone else and you do something just to stop all the noises in your head?

In terms of doing it, I do it with all seriousness that you expect from a 31 year, balding, single, almost poor man. The one that starts with pumping a mini fortune, buying ALL the equipment that you may potentially need in the next ten years that you’d do it seriously. And the one that ends next day, at all that equipment getting stowed in crevices and shelves in your house that you never knew existed. You know, I have all the paraphernalia. An expensive yoga mat, a set of clothes made by a brand that only makes and sells yoga merchandise, expensive music bought from iTunes that helps me in meditating, an acupressure chappal that is more expensive that a Nike and a routine that has made me start questioning my erstwhile choices in life.

But now that I am doing it, I dont see myself not doing it ever. Ever. I just need to figure out if yoga can help me fix my bald head!

Warm Regards,
Saurabh “Nouveau Riche” Garg

Oh, one more thing. You may want to give it a shot. Trust me its awesome! And watch out for more posts on yoga in the next few days.

I am alive!

I am alive.

Not alive as in experiencing the Icelandic colds or doing the African safari or living the American dream etc but alive as in breathing and standing on my feet. If the past few days are any indication, I would’ve been dead by now.

What started as a bout of fatigue from a long drive in the hinterlands on a car clearly not suited for the purpose, turned into a case of acute diarrhea and I suddenly found myself shitting all the time for almost 5 days. So much that it hurts to even sit again on a pot.

And since I dont trust doctors in general and dont go to them for minor ailments, I suffered the attack of the bowels.

Thankfully I was forced to take medications and I am on what seems like the road to recovery. I am finally able to work on my computer again. This means I would resume work on Nidhi Kapoor’s story and the new idea that I have had. And this does not mean that I have started to trust the medical profession again.

This post, is to let everyone (whoever cares) to know that I am back. Thank you for asking.

The Houdini Show

Houdini. Image Credits: Wikimedia

I have been unwell for almost a month now. I mean not-on-the-bed-sick for that long but been in and out of bad shape for a while. Its mostly been fever and cold but its starting to bother me now. And so much so that I cant concentrate on things and little thing piss me off easily. Been really irritable for last few days. Still am. Please watch out what you say on those comments.

Last week I was travelling and was in Mumbai, Chennai and Bangalore. And I got so unwell and so sick of things around me, I had to rush back home. I have done my Houdini‘s vanishing act in the past but this time it was in a different league. No one but the travel guy from my office knew where and when would I escape from Chennai. The phone and all the intruding alerts were switched off and clients and their whims could take a hike for all I cared. Thankfully I escaped.

Anyways, few rules for at least next 15 days.

No flights. I can not get up at 3, reach airport at 5, catch a flight at 6 and then do it again. And again. And with work across Delhi, Mumbai and Chennai, I am sure I am flying more often than some pilots. Definitely more often than those Kingfisher pilots!
No over time. Work is so far from home that I end up leaving at early hours to avoid traffic. And meetings require me to be in office till late. This leaves me with very little time for recreation, family, side businesses, writing, health, sleep, reading and million other things that I ~~want~~ need to do in life. Starting this Monday, strictly 9 hours of work. Though my employment contract has no mention of hours but I will assume that these working hour norms must be followed by my employer as well.
More of what I like and less of what I dont like. P.S. Got this from Sagmeister (you should read his website, which IMHO is super cool). With in my work, there are quite a few things that I love doing. And there are more things that I abhor. Starting December, I shall try reducing focus and time on things that I hate doing. I know it would affect the way I work and my career and all that but then who cares. I still cant plan for the long term and I am happy to stay like that.
Health. I know I have told this myself a zillion times but unless I keep doing it, I will have to keep reminding myself about it. I did start the gym and some cardio but then I had to take a break this month. I know these are mere reasons. Not lame but reasons. I could have taken time out and done small routines, but I did not do!

Thats it for the time being I guess. More soon.

P.S.: I am typing this on sgAcer. Please excuse typos.