Category: Home

The Balcony Story

The house that I grew up in Delhi, we have this fairly large balcony. Fairly large by Mumbai standards. Smallish by Delhi. But there was a balcony. And that meant that I grew up with this habit of waking up and going to the balcony to stretch and breathe in the “fresh” air. I did it every day for like 30 years at the subconscious level that it became second nature! 

When I moved to Mumbai, I was lucky to have started living in Nahar. That meant that I had a 2-feet wide thing for a balcony. Of course that was a luxury in Mumbai and I loved it! I was there for close to three years. The habit that I grew up with stayed on. 
Then the move to Bandra happened – the worse house I’ve ever lived in. If you are reading this, the house could have the best location ever but do NOT live in an old, crumbling house. So in Bandra house, leave alone a balcony, I did not even have a window. And I hated it. 
I was there for a year or so and then I ran back to open spaces that Ghatkopar had. This house, where I was for two years had a balcony as well. Though it was designed more like a room without a wall, it still gave the feeling of being in a balcony. And that meant I was back to my habit that I had grown up with. And then bad times started hitting. Moved to a small house without a balcony. And now, in Andheri, of course, there’s no balcony.
The point of this mile-long prologue?
That, today when I woke up, I for some reason yearned to have this ability to walk around in a balcony and stretch and breathe in. Still better I would love to have a beach that I could just step in. Or a large expanse that I can step out in and soak in the infinite and breathe in the fresh air that is up there close to the mountains! 
I dont know what brought this feeling back to the surface. But it bubbled up somehow. And it is strong and powerful. To a point that I can distinctly feel it. And it was strong and powerful. To a point that I am ready to kill for it. You know, like, really! 
Maybe someday. 
Till then, over and out! 

The Sleeping On Streets Story (in Title Case)

Of course you know that I am homeless. Will be till the 20th. And while it’s an amazing feeling to have and I loved the idea of it when I was staring at the homelessness, now that I am living through it, it sucks.

Like S. U. C. K. S.

Really.

I know this is not how I imagined homelessness to be. I had high hopes from the experience. Heck, I even romanticized it a few days ago (on this blogpost). And the romance was gorgeous af (need to up my vocabulary. To do that, need to read more. To do that, need to make more time. To do that… wait. Get back to writing).

But now that I am actually homeless, like I said, it sucks.

No I cant do anything that could change and get me a roof. I will have to slog it out for three more days.

But what I can do, is reflect on how and why this happened. And talk about the mistakes that I’ve made! And list all those other thoughts that are clouding my head. So, here’s a list.

A. I fucked up. 
At so many levels that I am questioning all those things (books, blogs, podcasts) that I consumed around decision making. I shouldve been wiser and shouldve taken a better decision. I mean I could have avoided this situation so easy that if someone else took the decision that I took, I would’ve castrated them!

I had a thousand options to choose from and I took the worst of them all.
The future landlord did offer me an alternate accommodation.
Dipanker suggested that I move to Delhi (and thus get some work done while am homeless).
Vivek gave me unrestricted access to his house, his car.
Ankit stuck with while I was on the road.

I had a thousand options. What did I choose? The American Dream!

B. Faith got reiterated in the fact that I am destiny’s child. 
When this entire house-hunting was happening, I needed some working capital to pay for the move. I could’ve taken it out from work but I did not want to touch the money that is meant for the business. And this is when Universe stepped in.

I got some unexpected work from a client that I hadnt spoken to in a while (that I think is Universe’s way of paying me when I am in need) and while it was a small ticket project, I made enough money to pay for the move, the fuel (since I lived in the car for a few days), the hotel (because I cant live at shady places) and all the coffee that I have consumed (because I am working from the likes of Starbucks et al).

C. Empathy for the ones that dont have a place 
This entire concept of not having a roof on my head was alien to me.

Since I can remember I had a decent enough place to live at. As I grew up and grew in life, my wants have grown and thankfully I have been able to grow my resources resources  available to me have grown to be able to afford the wants (well, almost. I have always been short by about 50%). So I dont know how it feels to not have a bed to go back to.

But what about the ones that don’t have a house, a roof?

I routinely see people sleeping on the streets. So many of those, at almost all cities in India that I have grown a blind spot to cover the homeless. I’ve dismissed their existence and justifying their misery by telling myself that if anyone is poor in this day and age, it is because of their respective shortcomings. The world is rife with opportunities and while you may not be able to make a billions dollars, you can make enough to have a decent place!

I think this needs to change. My thinking I mean. I need to have a little more empathy for people who are on the streets. No one wants to be on the streets.

I need to find ways to get them to rise. Get them gainful, meaningful and respectable employment. That gives them enough to have a bed to sleep on and a roof to give them shelter.

And how would I do it?
I dont know.
But I do know I have to work on this. Maybe if I can sort the education piece, I would have found a solution to a lot of other issues. Including homelessness. Lets see.

In the end,  
Finally, as I edit this, I realise that while I may not feel too good about who I am living right now, I have a lot going on for me.

I know that what keeps me occupied and busy and all that (house hunting, operational shite and all that) is far far apart from what my ambition, #lifeGoal is (make the world a better place by inspiring others and give them the shoulder that they need), I do have a lot. For example, I have enough (friends, money, capability et al – in that order) that despite not having a home, a house, I have slept well.

So yeah, thank you, Universe. I hope that the sunshine stay on me. Just that I need to make better decisions.

Till then, over and out.

Untitled – Aug, 2016

So, I haven’t written on my blog in a while. Its been more than a month! Actually I’ve been super busy lately and to be honest I am liking this busy-ness. Am making (some) money, am (almost) independent, (I think) am taking calls that I’ve never taken before, I control the output, I am travelling (within India) and so on and so forth. This is the closest to Kwan (Love, respect, community and the dollars) that I’ve ever been. After about 33 years of living, I feel alive. Well, excuse the hyperbole but you get the drift. 

Coming back, even though I have been busy, I had to take out time to write this post. Its been some time that I’ve written and I don’t like the feeling. There is this emptiness in me that I dont know how to tide over. The same emptiness that shrouds me when I havent spoken to her for a while. If not for this emptiness, in the current life, if I could make more money, have a little more impact, get time to write, pick a hobby (guitar), get fitter (yoga, running, hiking) and make meaning, I’d be a happy man. 
Actually I dont have much to complain about. I am sorted for the time being and I just need to keep doing this well and hope I get all that I want someday. 
The other thing that has happened in the last few days is that I got myself an Air. And its such a brilliant machine that my productivity has gone up by at least 10 times. I wonder why did I not buy this sooner. Have to have to learn the importance of investing in self. I need to revisit Rich Dad Poor Dad. 
While am talking of investing on self, I want to talk about the place I live at – Bandra. In a dilapidated building full of old people. In a house that need maintenance. And not just a coat of paint kinds. But the kinds where you tear down the walls and erect it foundation up. 

Taking up this house has been the worst decision of my life (except may be moving away from Mumbai the first time around). And not a day goes by when I dont regret the decision. The good bit is that the lock-in period for the lease is getting over in another month or so. That means I can change the house. And when I do, I will ensure that I get a fancy place – even if I have to pay extra.

Of course I can crib about the fact that I have to hop from house to house and all that, while all my friends and their friends and their pets and everyone else in the world have houses worth crores. But thats not the point. The point is that I need to change this place. In an ideal world, I would move into a place of my own, do it up the way I want (minimal) and then keep it spic and span and airy and all that. In one line, make the place has to be inspiring.

In fact I am going to blame the delay on #book2 to lack of inspiration caused by the fuckall place I live at. Of course it’s a lame excuse but I sincerely couldn’t write. I go back and I am fighting the pests, spiders, crows, leaking faucets, the AC that doesn’t work, noise from the street and all that. Of course the ones who really write can write anywhere, under any duress and all that. But not me. I need the perfect setting, the table, the temperature etc etc. I have these amazing walls built about me! Thing is, it is depressing to even go back to the house.

Now you know why I spend so much time in office (yes, I have an office – actually it’s a seat that I’ve borrowed from a friend who’s made my life infinitely times better in the past few months) and you know why I dont invite you home. I am embarrassed about it. Had it been a shack, I wont mind showing it off, hell I pimp my poverty all the time. But this place, its like pseudo – everyone thinks Bandra is a cool place but no one gets to the underbelly. You know what am saying?

Ok, need to change the rant about the house. Lemme rant about something else. The other day I was thinking that most pieces on my blog are longish pieces of depressing content. I mean the last few posts are about how I am alone, an attempt to make friends, cribs about work. Essentially, I am discussing people. They say, bad people discuss people, good people discuss things and great people discuss ideas. I think I read this when I was very young but the lesson has stayed with me. To the extent that all my life I have tried to discuss ideas and not things or people. One of the reasons I have no clue about politics, relationships, gossip etc. My EQ, I think is zero, if not negative. May be going forward I will try and post ideas and their implication. But then, am human and I want to be able to vent out and in absence of friends, I don’t know how else do. See the paradox?

Where does all this lead to? I don’t know. But I do know that its awesome to have written after so so many days. Thats the point of a blog. You write for yourself. And to end this, some days back, I came across “ना सम्मान का मोह , ना अपमान का भय” on FB wall of Udita, one of the early readers of #tnks. And I’ve been blown apart since. Its such a simple statement and yet it says so so much. Exactly the kind of writing that I hope I can pull off some day. I sincerely wish she makes me her शाग़िर्द some day. Till then, over n out.

(not) working from home!

Today is day 8. And its a busy day ahead. If I don’t write now, I would not be able to write. I have a choice between writing and going for a swim. You now know what I chose. There are schools of thought about it. No point writing everyday if I am going to ignore my health and die sooner. On the other hand, no point staying healthy and fit if I am not going to write. Its like the chicken and the egg. Anyway, onward to the post of the day. Like I said, today is day 8. On the trot. Power to me.

So all my life, ever since I did my MBA, I have craved for a job that allowed me to work from home. Where I decided my own time and I worked out of the relative comfort of my home.
To me, the greatest advantage of work from home was all the time that I could save if I did not have to negotiate traffic en route to office. And since I lived in a godforsaken corner of Delhi, roads were bad, traffic was maddening and it took forever to reach some place.
I was under the impression that if I am work from home, I would be more productive. I’d be able to do more work per hour spent working and the quality of work would be better. I also thought that since I would choose my time, I would have enough time to indulge in these side projects that I kept cooking. And finally, stay at home and work meant I would spend a lot more time with my family, something that I have largely ignored while I was working out of Delhi. 
Not to mention all the money that I would save. My last office was 50+ KM away from home and with the petrol prices skyrocketing, every day I went to office, I spent about 700 bucks, just on the drive. Multiply it by 20 days a month that I went to office and it was a whopping 14K a month. On fuel alone. Just to reach office. So while I was travelling, I was wasting time, money, energy and keeping everything on the back burner. Not a good thing. No? 
I tried really hard to negotiate a thrice a week policy. Or work from home thing but my boss was adamant that it does not work in the events business. If I was a consultant or something, I could have lived in Honolulu and worked from there but I was expected to meet clients, get work done from my team and generally stay on top of everything. I hated him for it. Work from home was like a elixir that I needed to stay alive. I fought and fought and fought and nothing came out of it. 
So, when I came to Mumbai to work on the book and work on the startup where I made my first angel investment, I thought that since I would be working out of home, I would have more time, do more work, do better work, create those side projects, focus on health and so on and so forth. It looked like an ideal scenario. I couldnt have imagined a better life. 
I was wrong. So so wrong. 
So.
Very.
Wrong.

Its been three months since I quit and rather than becoming a productivity ninja with superpowers to get things done on a deadline, I have become a lazy (ok, lazier), fat (fatter), procrastinator that just wants to eat and sleep. That lure of the comfortable bed is just too tempting to not indulge in. I tell myself that I would lie down for just a few minutes and then I would be back to work. And when I get up, I realize that its been more than two hours since I went to bed. I decide that I would only have home cooked meals and that too at regular intervals. But no, I am consuming Maggi, omelettes, Coke, Red Bull et al at a speed faster than a light travels. I thought I would get up early and learn swimming. But no, I have ended up programming my system for 12 hour sleep cycles. Remember I could sleep for four hours and still be in my senses? I decide that I’d take a small break. But no, I end up watching hours and hours of Big Bang Theory. oh, this has to be the bestest sequence from the show. Here, lemme embed it.

<after an hour of wasting time seeing more Big Bang Theory episodes>

So, where was I?

Yes, I have come to a conclusion that work from home, for me atleast, does not work. I really need a place where I am expected to show up at 9 every morning and have to login 8 hours. And I want the freedom to step out when I want to. You know what I am saying?


To sum it up, I think I am not programmed to be able to work from home. In last three months, I have gone fatter, I have worked lesser and none of the projects is off the ground. Who is to blame? Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Howard Wolowitz Me! And my obsession to find work that requires to be done from home. 
Damn.

But then thankfully, Nidhi Kapoor Story is moving forward. Tottering actually but its still moving. However I am not getting as many likes on the FB page, as I would want. Any social media analysts want to help?

And to end this note, I still have a few months to go before I start working again. And I need to find an office close to where I live. This means somewhere in Powai. A cheap co-working space. You know of any?
And when I do resume working, if I get into a job that requires me to work on a desk, I really want an inspiring office. A place, a desk, a cubicle, something to keep my computer on. I want it to be comfortable, airy, air-conditioned, with an unlimited supply of water, clean loos and approval to play music of my choice at an hour of my choice. And I want it to be as close to where I live. Ideally, walking distance. 
What I am ok without having, is a corner office or a view or a secretary or a carpet or expensive furniture or a pool table or a membership to the club or fancy things like those. Basics are just fine with me. I am that kind of a person. I think people like me are called externally-motivated or something. Whatever, I want these things, if I am to work.

And no, I will not work from home. 

P.S.: If you plan to hire me, please do read this and other posts in this series. 

Har Ghar Kuch Kehta Hai

Har Ghar Kuch Kehta Hai
Ki Iskay Andar Kaun Rehta Hai
Jo itna Gandha Banda hai
Ki Ghar Paint Karne ki Sochta Hai

The first two lines are from an Asian Paints jingle. The last two lines are my contribution, for the sake of this blogpost.

Of all the things that you can subject your home/house to, the worst of them all is painting. Of course its required. You must flush out the old to allow the new to take its place. Change is the very nature of, the nature. Of course you ought to clean your home every Diwali, after all God Ganesh and Goddess Lakshmi and Goddess Saraswati like residing in clean places.

Painting is actually not bad. If you can live with some occupational hazards. And before I go and talk about them, please note that these could leave a permanent mark on your psyche and next time someone uses the P word, you may try and attack them. At least I have reached the point where I can no longer tolerate any painter anywhere within 100 feet of me!

Of all the million fuck ups that may happen, some of the most potent ones are…

A. The fumes of the paint. They say if the paint does not smell bad, it not a good paint. And since most Indians consume they-says too literally, paint companies, I think, put in extra effort to make the paint smell bad. Really bad. I mean I do enjoy the smell of petrol at a petrol pump and all that but paint, uh!

B. Dust. Everything gets coated in white dust. You know how things and places look when it has just snowed? If you’re a five year old, you may play with it and use it as a chalk board and make smileys and scribble your names in it. You can get your legs and arms smeared with whiteness apt for princesses and polar bears. You could even put some in your hair and pretend as if you are 40 and your hair is graying. I mean there are multiple ways to find comfort with dust. Sadly, I dont think I can call a truce with dust. There is so much of dust all over the place that if you made bricks out of that dust, you could erect the great pyramids of Giza all over again, right here in my home!

C. No place to sit. Since the paint that you use to paint on the walls and doors, is the industrial quality one, you are scared that the tiny droplets of paints would spoil your electronics, bedsheets, sofas, clothes, shoes, crockery, rugs, toothbrushes, teddy bears and other things that are important to you. And to save on the damage, you cover these things as if they are the newly wed brides and put them in hiding. And when you want to sleep, you realize that you dont have the mattress. Wait, you dont even have the remote to the AC. And there is no bottle that you can fill water in that you are used to drinking in your sleep. And no, I aint got no teddy bears at home.

D. Disruption of normal life. You make plans about how you would lose weight because #sgMS asked you to. You get up at 5 in the morning, go for a walk. Reach work early. Come back earlier so that you may sleep early and go for a job the next morning. And once you reach home, you realize that only place not claimed by painters is barely enough to allow you to stand on one leg. But hey, look at the bright side. You could learn how to sleep while standing. I bet, not many people in the world can do that!

E. Finally, it takes forever. Last memories I have of normal life at home, I was happily reading some book in my room. Though its just been little over a month since I have seen normality (was traveling for work and ever since I came back, they’ve been painting the house. They could have painted the entire Taj Mahal in this long a duration!), it already feels like a lifetime. Everything is new. Everything has changed. The TV is standing on the tin box that used to have cookies. Cookies are now kept in a plastic box that had the detergent in previous life. The detergent is now in the washing machine. The top of washing machine is stacked with my bookshelf. The bookshelf does not have books but now has screwdrivers, other tools and the phone. The phone line btw is nowhere to be seen and with it, gone is the reliable and fast Internet. The bed that you dearly love is no longer there. You have to make do with sleepless nights on the sofa. While taking a shower, you cant use the shampoo because there is no place to stack that many bottles in the bathroom. Anyways, I could go on forever. Thankfully my towel, toothbrush and undies are in the right place.

You know I could go on forever about the perils of painting your home. I really wish there was a better way to do things. And like they say in the college, welcome to Painting your home 101.

Oh, and I just realized that I havent even spoken about the money that its costing us. We could have bought a Jumbo Jet, a Jaguar and a Yatch with all this money. And would still have had some change to buy a bike or two. And the painters give you so much grief that you for a minute think that you owed them some money or something!

And in the end, next time you want to get your house painted, please rent out an apartment (even if its a small one room set) and move in there with all the things that you hold dear to you. It would, one, be a welcome change from the monotony of living in the same place for all these years and two, help you retain your sanity while your home is being painted. And three, you would have the answer to the comment that the jingle throws at you, har ghar sahi main kuch kehta hai!

My Desktop


Desktop
2004: Home

This is a pic of my “desktop”. My Pentium !!! based computer with 320 MB ram and along with that I have my Thinkpad R51-KQ1. I also have a screwdriver there next to the CPU so that I can pull HDD out as fast as possible, have my old(I don’t have it anymore, as it broke down when I dropped it 15024th time) cellphone(Samsung C100), my wallet and and a skin lotion.