#in2020 – 922

in2020, I will…

This is an email that I sent to a select set of friends and family. Reproducing it here in full. In an attempt to live a more open and accountable life.

I know I know.
I am late.
Terribly late.
On both things – the monthly email that I send to you (so late that I did not even send it in Dec 19) and on the yearly plan for 2020. Will send both today in this one email. And I am publishing this on the internet (on my blog) so that others may use this, should they want to. And hold me accountable. As some of you have done so far!

Recap of 2019
So, 2019. Not the best year of my life. Funnily, neither was 2018.
In Jan of 2019, I wrote this post and made a list of things that I’d do in the year. For ease of reading, here is how it looked like…

I thought hard about each goal before I articulated it. Each goal had a specific reason for inclusion in the list – if I achieved the goal, I would change who I am as a person.

But I missed all of these.
By a large margin. To a point that when I was doing the review, I realized that I aimed way too high. As they say, I shot out of my league.

Which is a good thing.

And a bad thing.

Good – aim for the moon and land among the stars.

Bad – get depressed about the non-achievement.
I’ll come back to this.

On the tangibles, the biggest #win would be that I survived a tough year. I don’t know if it was evident from my lifestream (on the blog, twitter, etc) but it was tough as hell! Multiple reasons – clients did not spend as much with me, some projects failed to take off (Jamoon, Hop197, saurabhgarg.com, Titan Consulting), as an individual I could not deliver on few projects where I was the DRI and so on and so forth. And yet, I survived.

On the upside, I did make a film (and met some of the icons of the performing world), met some really really kind people that now take an active interest in my career (and keep me sane), opened doors to opportunities (that hopefully would get monetized eventually) and (like I said), survived. Oh, and I learned that when the times are tough you are often left to fend for yourself. Everyone is struggling with so much in their lives that they simply do not have the time to think about you!

The biggest #fail would be that I could not grow C4E. It’s stagnating. I could’ve grown the business but I clearly could not. The growth of this one is important because the core business (events and brand) is what gives fuel to all the exciting projects that I am a part of (and allows me to fund those experiments). I need to accelerate that #in2020. Staying on that, the thing that keeps me up is that C4E and all the allied things I do are merely taking things from 1 to 1.3 or something. I am not doing anything in the 0 to 1 space. Or even 1 to 100. I am not adding any tangible, real value to the world. I am not making any dents. All I am doing is doing a different take on what others have done before me. If I were to disappear tomorrow, not one person would miss what I do. Imagine if Apple were to disappear, would you miss what they do? That! I want to do what people at Apple, Google, Facebook, Amazon, and other such places are doing. They create new things. They create a 1 from 0. They make that ding in the universe.

Moving on.

Thanks to YearCompass, I did a structured recap of the year gone by. Which was good. I now know where I was fucking up. I did not have a process to achieve the large goals that I was chasing. I do know about systems vs goals thinking but I never implemented a system. 2020 on, I would. You’d see it…

So, in terms of themes, if I were to list a set of reasons for my inability to reach those goals, I would say they would be…

I plan for things out of my league but I do not put in place the processes to deliver those.
I overestimate my ability to do things.
I overestimate my ability to get things done.
Once I solve the problems in my head, I do not want to actually do the hard work of solving those IRL. Thanks AS for helping me articulate this.
I am a great starter. And I like to finish things as well (my finish rate would be mid 20% – which is low and I want to work hard to finish 100% of things that I start). What I suck at is the messy middle. Again, thanks to AS for helping me identify this.
I am more of a ‘react to situations’ person. Rather than being proactive.
I am easy on myself. If I miss a goal, I do not reprimand myself. I do not seek accountability from myself. And if I work with (or for) someone, I do not want to disappoint them and feel accountable for their money / time / inputs. And thus I work harder. Maybe I am not fit for being an entrepreneur?

So, I just need to fix these!

To end the 2019 piece, I’d say the same thing that I’ve been saying all this while – there were a few hits and a few misses but I could’ve done 2019 better!

#in2020
Now, the part that you’ve all been waiting for ;P

The YearCompass that I used to do a recap? It also gave me a framework to think about 2020. Along with that, I used the TinyChange Planner. And between the two documents, I think I have a pretty decent hang of how I want to spend my 2020.

Before I come to specific goals, here are the large themes per se…

I need to put systems in place for each goal.
Like I said, I am more of ‘react to things and situations’ person. Need to fix this. I need to get over my inability to make things happen.
Get more social. And become a magnet. While I do that, I need to become a super-connector (which is a large #sglifetheme) and become reliable (you know, the guy that gets things done, just like The Transporter). This means that I need to become that guy that knows a guy that can get things done. For sure. And while that happens, I need to become that guy that you like!
I need to ACT on getting healthy. May be, start eating meat (this is a touchy topic and more I read about this, more I am indecisive). Start with a workout for sure.

Further, I don’t know where I read but it said that you need to identify that one-word mantra that you could remind yourself time and again about (especially every time you slack). The mantra must make you jump out of the bed when you are in the mood to snooze. I have one for #2020.

Here…

That, ladies and gents is my mantra for 2020. Act.

Every time I am bored or uninspired or not motivated or lethargic or in the mood procrastinate, I would look at this and move to the task at hand. And act.

Armed with all these, coming to specifics, like the previous years, I will chase goals under certain categories – wealth, health, relationships, writing, and others. Of course, I do have a long list (and its almost similar to what I had in 2019), this year around thanks to Tiny Change, I will focus on three goals and three goals only (other things will become side projects). Caveat. The very core of these documents is the tenet that you would focus on a few things. Now, this is unlike me! You know, I am not just a petty thief?

So the three large goals for 2020 are…

Book 2
Complete a marathon in under 5 hours
Make a business that has a topline of 50 crores

Each of these is daunting, exciting, tough, out of the league and so on and so forth. And each of these is definite, measurable, have a binary outcome and is of course timebound. And each of these is in line with what I want to do in life! If I get these, I would be close to the #lifeGoals.

Again, thanks to Tiny Change, I have further divided these three in key initiatives that I must take to achieve. For example, for the book, I need to…

Write 100K words before Jun 2020
Build a community of 100 beta readers that are interested in reading my book
Build my understanding of the art and craft of writing by reading 10 books on the topic

And each of these has further bifurcation (systems!). For example, to build a community, I need to learn by doing multiple experiments. And I have done similar bifurcations for all three large things. And

So, three goals for 2020. Let’s see how they pan out.

And yes, I do have a few other things that I will work on, you know, side hustles. Things like Poker, 100 Rejections, SoG Volume 1, meditation, guitar, etc. And I do have a long list of those – see this. But they will remain what they are – side hustles!

Metrics
While I will track these closely, I also need to put some dashboards and metrics that I can use to understand how I am doing. For example, AS (from above) says that if things are working out, there has to be an uptick in the chart. Say, through the year, my weight must reduce, the money in the bank must go up and so on and so forth. I will chase. RB has been asking me to get access to communities that are closely guarded. This is a binary goal (just like the Marathon is) and it’s either happened. Or not happened.

So that’s that.

End Notes

In the end, like I was talking to a friend, I don’t regret the decisions or the path that I’ve taken in life. But I do regret the ability to act and make things happen. Going forward, I hope to change that. You know, act!

So yeah. That’s 2020. I hope 2020 is where things start to fall in place. Hope the same for you. May the year is full of love, luck, and happiness. May you live long and prosper.

Thank you for reading.

Over and out.
Saurabh Garg
04 02 2020

PS: In case you need help in planning your time and all, happy to help. Please do let me know.

PPS.: In case you are curious, here are similar posts from previous years: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2015, 2014, 2013 and 2012.

PPPS: Tools I used to arrive at these…

TinyChange Planner. Some 800 bucks on Amazon.
YearCompass. Free.
A few homegrown excel sheets, Asana lists, notes, and notepads. I use free versions of all these apps. Except for GSuite. Happy to share templates. Please do let me know.

PPPPS: The yearly list that I wrote for 2018 was the best ever I think.

PPPPPS: In the words of a friend, I hope we all slay in 2020.

The Sleepy Syndrome

Yesterday I had to stay up to finish a thing I was working on. And it was tough. No, not the thing that I was working on. But staying up.

So tough that I roamed around like a zombie in the house.

I have this friend who’s shacking up with me for a few days. And since this is a Mumbai house, he’s using the hall as his bedroom. The guy told me that I sort of scared him with all the feet that I was dragging along the entire night.

I just could not stay up. Despite my earnest efforts.

And it sucks. Suck so bad that I am blogging about it.

Thing is I have always taken pride in my ability to get by with little sleep or food or other such worldly comforts. I do need a lot of safai, water, and access to a clean loo. But lately, since I’ve got on the sleep-more bandwagon and have become that boring old man that sleeps at 10 and wakes up at 5, I am used to spending 7-8 hours on the bed. What I do there is anyone’s guess but I do try and be on the bed for that long.

Now, yesterday, when I had this important submission, I was initially unfazed. After all, I haven’t needed a lot of sleep. I thought it would be a cakewalk. And to make matters easy, I loaded my ref with Diet Coke, Diet Chiwda, Diet Air and Diet BS. Who could stop me?

Well, myself!

Thanks to my old age, I just could not focus on the task at hand. I would doze off even while I was walking around. I was bouncing off the walls. Literally. I drank I don’t know how much water and I don’t know how much I peed but I do know that by the end of it, I was so sick and tired of all the visits to the loo that I parked myself outside. And while I was parked there, I dozed off as well.

Thankfully, the work I was doing was a writing gig. And I remembered that if you are a writer, you do not let the piece make you its muse. Rather you make it your bitch and belt it out when you feel like. So, I decided that even though all odds are stacked against it. And I promised myself that I would not sleep unless I do it!

Just that my body clock and age had decided that they would make it tough for me.

However, I persisted and finished the piece. The lesson I took away from that is that as I age, health has started to become an increasingly important component. Thankfully I am a little stable in the head (I think) and thus I have been able to survive. Need to do a lot more work on my physical fitness. Will make 2020 about fitness. And that means food and working out. Things that I have traditionally ignored.

Will work on starting now! Wait and watch!

About 12 hours after I caught some sleep, I am still reeling from the effects of not sleeping. Even this piece is not the best that I’ve written. I HAVE to fix things!

Lucky Ali’s Biography (The #in2020 Wishlist)

If there’s one thing that I could ask the Universe for #in2020, it would be the opportunity to get to write and direct a film (fiction / documentary / docufiction / any other genre) inspired by the life of Lucky Ali.

His music, words, and life have been an inspiration since I’ve known what inspiration is. I have professed my love for him on this blog multiple times (Dec 2012, Aug 2006, Jun 2004). I infact learned how to use a computer while making a fan-website dedicated to him (I’ve long lost the code and access and other things, but the site is still archived on the Internet – see here).

Along with him, the likes of Rabbi Shergill, KK, Silk Route, etc. are the ones that I grew up listening to. Each of their tracks has held special place – each track dedicated to a person, a situation, a spot that I’ve been at in life.

If I could go back, I would give an arm and a leg. But, for the time being, what I really want really bad from Universe is the opportunity to do the Lucky Ali film!

Come on, universe! Make it happen. After all, it’s 2020!

PS: I was in Bangalore a few weeks ago and I so wanted to go to his house unannounced and request him to meet me and talk to me about his life and all. But then as with other things, I decided by myself that he would not like a desperate fan invading into his privacy. And I left it at that. In the hindsight, I should’ve gone!

PPS: The site that I made way back in 2003, I found it archived on the Internet here! Woah! The design is not that bad 😉

The mess in my head

I was not happy (Not unhappy. There’s a difference between not happy and unhappy) over the last few days. I was not even content, not at peace – the default state I want to be in. I could not put a finger on what was stopping me from being that. And I tried real hard to figure out but failed at it. I mean I am the kind that can sleep well even when I know that the world around me is crumbling. Or when I know that the world around me is gifting me EVERYthing that I have ever desired.

But for the last few days, I haven’t been sleeping well at all. To a point that I have this nagging, consistent, neverending mild headache. And of course, I am irritable. To a point that I am not talking straight to people that matter. And of course, I don’t like this. I have to have a cordial relationship with people. There’s nothing else that I care for more!

So, I continued with the investigation. I thought about everything that had changed in the last few days. And apart from the move to a new house, everything else seemed to be the same. The new house meant a new place, a new set of people that I’d nod at, a new Starbucks, a new neighborhood et at. What remained constant is the things I use at home, the clothes I wear, the food I ate, etc.

Just that I did not have the wardrobes and almirahs to place my things inside. And the new house still has all those boxes littered in various rooms. The curtains are yet to come. I am yet to find a maid to do the cleaning. No, I cant clean by myself. I mean there are some million chores to be done before the house becomes livable again. But these things can’t affect me.

Or can they?

I did everything I could to think of the reason and I almost tore whatever hair is left on my head.

I had no clue and was puzzled like hell about what was causing me discomfort. I was so frustrated and so angry that I threw my phone on a pile of clothes lying in one corner in the bedroom. And then after 10 microseconds, once I realized my mistake, I tried to search for the phone. The pile was so deep that it took me a while to locate the phone. And no, the screen did not break. And yes, I was wrong to have thrown my phone like that. As a kid, I would throw tantrums like this. I am way past that age now!

As I was hunting for the phone, the eureka moment happened for me. It dawned on me what was bothering me!

The mess in the house!
The untidiness.
The unorderliness.
All those boxes strewn all over the place.
All the dust that would rumble under the bare feet as you would walk.
That thin layer of dust on surfaces.
Dirty clothes that haven’t been washed in a while.
No order to how to things were arranged.

Of course, all this is temporary. I’ve just moved to a new place and it will be up and running in a few days. This is just the transition phase.

But if I reflect and think back, all these transitions have always made me miserable. Maybe this is the reason that every house I move into, I don’t like it? The dislike is not for the house per se but the mess that the movement accompanies! Fuck, epiphany!

In fact, if I go back in time to when I was a kid, I used to hate it when my parents got the house painted. We’d pile all our things in one room and spend time there as the painters worked in other rooms. And then we’d move all those things in the rooms that had got painted and then painters worked that one room. This entire process would mean there’s always mess and clutter and movement and all that.

I could not stand the mess back then. I can’t stand the mess now.

I like open spaces (which are of course hard to come by in Mumbai). I like cleanliness. I like order. And at the age I am at, I am averse to any change per se (and yes I want to learn and experience new things). And this moving houses is not just my cup of tea. Yes, I am all for living in new places. In fact #in2020, I will live in a new country. But the process of movement is not my scene.

When I say I want order and cleanliness, I don’t want to live in a fancy hotel room where everything is measured and placed at just the right place to add to aesthetic or comfort. Neither do I want to be a snob that will only like expensive, fancy things.

And no, I am not a sucker for familiarity. I just was cleanliness and order. You know, books arranged from shortest to tallest, containers stacked neatly, bed aligned in straight lines with other furniture, etc, etc. Long-time back, there was this ad where the guy would want absolutely round rotis and want to clip each stand in his beard to the same length. Don’t remember what was the ad. But I am that guy!

Anyhow. So, now I know what moving houses does to me, I need to list some lessons that I need to use when I move next. Here’s a list…

Lessons for myself?

1. Never take a house in a standalone building. Even if you have to pay a premium and you’d never ever use the facilities, take a house in a complex that has well-maintained amenities (like a swimming pool, a gym, etc).

2. When you are moving houses, before the house is settled and is up and running, stay in a hotel. Or crash at a friend’s place.

3. Pay extra for the movers and get a professional service. They would pack things well and handle stuff with care. Each time I have moved, movers have done a shoddy job with things. And I can’t handle incompetence.

4. ALWAYS insist on a semi-furnished house. Semi means wardrobes and appliances. Not furnishing. Never ever furnishings. They typically are worn and shitty. It’s ok to pay extra to avoid the heard-burn.

5. Reduce the number of things I own. I assumed that I have very few things but when I moved houses, I have some 20 boxes full of things. Books would be about 2 of those. But rest, I had no clue! With time, I will reduce things that I own. And now that my clothes are gone, I am gonna be very careful about buying new ones. I bought 4 shirts yesterday. I plan to buy 2 black shirts and that’s that for the next entire year.

6. Money is a tool that allows you to feel better and live better. If I could spend more money this time, I would’ve fixed all of the above. Honestly, I may not – I did not know these things myself. But next time, I will!

***

And that’s about it.

I hope next time I move, it is better.

I hope that now I know what had fucked my head, I would be a little more tolerable to people. And no the Mercury had nothing to do with this 😀