Internet – Page 4

Secrets to Cyber*** success … !!!

Well, here is something that would make a lot of people happy. Some people I know and a lot I don’t.

Wired.com published an article titled “Secrets to Cybersex Success“. Here is a true and comprehensive guide for all those who are “moved” by the very concept.

There was this friend who once told me that a common friend of ours asked her for the “favor”. Ofcourse she refused to grant the favor. The friend who asked for the favor can read the above mentioned guide and make sure that he is never embarrassed again in public.

apparently this author has authored a book called “The Sexual Revolution 2.0“. WOW !!!! the world has ACTUALLY changed in the two years I wasted with MBA.

As I was typing this, a message on my Yahoo messenger from “neogirlowyah” pops up and she says “Hi there I was looking around yahoo and i saw your ad.. anyway, you seem interesting.”. All this when I had never posted any kind of ad on the internet.

When you have lot of time to read everything on the internet, these are the kinds of posts that come on to your blog.

Windows One Care Live

In one of the Information Security class, Prof. V. Sridhar talked about the strategy by Microsoft for Vista. He said that according to him Vista would have bundled Antivirus, Firewall and other security related tools. He added even the current version of Windows XP has an in built firewall but not too many people use it or know about it.

Prof. Sridhar was bang on target. With Windows One Care, Microsoft has officially given away an Antivirus and a complete Firewall. As of now the “service” (not the product) is completely free – it is in the beta stage. However there are chances of it going paid. And I am pretty sure that they would bundle One Care with Vista.

Windows One Care
Windows One Care is an Antivirus, Firewall, Maintenance tool, Backup and Restore Tool, Automatic updater rolled into one. I think this is going to give a very tough time to companies like Symantec, McAfee and other companies with single line of business. It would most probably be bundled with Vista. Logically people buying Vista would not want to buy software additional software from only antivirus companies or firewall companies.

I installed it very recently on my computer. Installation was absolutely hassle free. I had to click on a webpage and it was done. I did not even select the drive, the installation options and other things. There are however a few glitches. If you run a pirated copy of Windows, you would not be able to download and install One Care. It checks for the authenticity of the Windows before everything else.

Service or Product?
I think that One Care would be an online service and it would be based on subscription rather than one time purchase. As a user, you would have an option of paying for the service you want to use instead of paying for all the services even if you don’t want to use other services. This means that if you really like McAfee VirusScan very much and do not want to use One Care antivirus and want to only one One Care firewall, you pay for the firewall and keep using the McAfee VirusScan. All other functions would be disabled. And as and when you need more things, you can pay and use. Simple!
And you never know, One Care could be sold as a stand alone product too. But it would make a lot of sense to sell it online as a service rather than a product.

+ves and -ves
And finally some comments from an early user aka me !

+ Very easy to use interface
+ Does not needs a lot of intervention from the user both in operation and configuration.

– Does not give too many options to a power user. If I want to customize the application and make it work according to my whims and fancies, I can not. But I think this would be provided as and when the final version is out.
– Another problem is the amount of memory it consumes. I was running a virus scan and it made by computer very slow as compared to virus scan with Norton.
– I connect to the internet from behind a http proxy and Windows One Care Live can not update itself automatically. I did not see an option of manual update on the website or in the software. I thus have no clue about updating my copy.
– I had the Windows Blue screen of death occuring very regularly ever since I installed One Care. I do not know if these are related to this software but the frequency funnily increased after installing the software.

Swatch Internet Time

In as back as 1998, Swatch came up with this concept called Internet Time. I was ignorant till date. I just learnt about Internet Time and I am an instant fan … !

I think Internet Time as a concept makes a lot of sense. As we are moving towards the global world where physical boundaries between people located in different countries are blurring every second, there is in fact a need for a standard universal time.

So advantages … ?
1. Swatch can now make, market and sell an entire new range of watches. When you are bored of your regular time, switch to swatch.
2. If people adpot this as a standard in near future, huge huge royalty fees from mere reference to the term (just like CDMA by Qualcomm) would be realized.
3. Swatch gets even more credit for being just more than yet another watch company.

4. People get a standrad reference for time. Although the current time and date system is one of the most beautiful concepts ever and is very hard for Interet Time to replace it, people can still do away with a standard reference for time online.
5. No confusing time zones, conversion charts, sunrises and sunsets, daylight saving formulaes and all that rocket science.

So what exactly is Internet Time….?
Pretty Simple … instead of having seconds as the basic unit for measurement of time, we have something called .beat as the building block. A .beat is equivalent to 1 minute and 26.4 seconds. A day is now divided into 1000 beats rather than 60X60X24 seconds. A day begins at @000 Swatch .beats and ofcourse ends at @999 Swatch .beats

Posted by Saurabh Garg @893

Best Ever Cyber Sex Unleashed !!!

I got this in my EMail sometime back. Found it funny.. Here it is

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O’ Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca: you like that?
Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca: Peanuts?
Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?
Bloodninja: I’m spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca: This is stupid.
Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca: /ignore
Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a ***** anyway.
Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

—————

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don’t tell anybody
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I’ve got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John’s in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John’s and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I’d like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, “Hello, this is Papa John’s, how may I help you”, then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that’s an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm…Yes
DirtyKate:So you’re bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I’m home alone… and I think I’ll take a shower…
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I’ll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I’m almost finished with my shower… Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can’t hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I’m on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you’re at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can’t hear me cause you’re in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I’m as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I’m all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you’re still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I’m wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door….
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

——————

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables… Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach… Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn’t really turn me on… I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: …
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I’m outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can’t see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.

——-

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t **** with me biznitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

—————-

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They ******* charge your ***.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ***.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: **** am I hard now.

————-

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I’m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em… Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the ****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA:
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you **** up.
eminemBNJA: OheminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

————

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t ******* laugh at me!
bloodninja: This **** is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a ******* break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For??
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are ******* sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: **** you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU ********!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go **** yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: **** YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a ******* *******!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ??
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth ****.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I **** harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your *******.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a ******* candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: **** YOU *******!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

__________

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I’m toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I’m 6’3″ and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I’m also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner…it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We’re in my bedroom.There’s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I’m looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I’m gulping, I’m beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I’m moaning softly.
Wellhung: I’m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I’m sorry.
Sweetheart: That’s OK, it wasn’t really too expensive.
Wellhung: I’ll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don’t worry about it.I’m wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it’s stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I’m reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I’m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your, you know, breasts. They’re neat!
Sweetheart: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I’m so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I’m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I’m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I’m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you…umm… wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What’s the matter?
Wellhung: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I’m choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I’m having a coughing fit. I’m turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I’m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I’m fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I’m drinking a cup of water. There, that’s better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I’m washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I’m on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I’m drying the cup. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet. And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark, I’m lost. Where’s the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don’t you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I’m fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I’m done going. I’m feeling around for the flush handle, but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What’s the matter now?
Wellhung: I’ve realized that I’ve peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I’m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …thing…in your…you know…woman’s thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I’m flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I’m limp. I can’t sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I’m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I’m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I’m going to get my glasses and see what’s wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I’m squinting, trying to find the night table. I’m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I’m buttoning my blouse. Now I’m putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I’m pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I’m logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart:

I am famous !!!!

I always thought, how nice it would be to know someone famous and be a celebrity. I would get to boast about my rezendovous with the rich and famous. My friends would be envious and jealous of me …

My wish was suddenly granted one fine day when I recieved the following mail …

Dear Friend,

I am Mrs. Suha Arafat, the wife of Yasser Arafat, the Palestinian leader who died recently in Paris. Since his death and even prior to the announcement, I have been thrown into a state of antagonism, confusion, humiliation, frustration and hopelessness by the present leadership of the Palestinian Liberation Organization and the new Prime Minister. I have even been subjected to physical and psychological torture. As a widow that is so traumatized, I have lost confidence with everybody in the country at the moment.

You must have heard over the media reports and the Internet on the discovery of some fund in my husband secret bank account and companies and the allegations of some huge sums of money deposited by my husband in my name of which I have refuses to disclose or give up to the corrupt Palestine Government.

In fact the total sum allegedly discovered by the Government so far is in the tune of about $6.5 Billion Dollars. And they are not relenting on their effort to make me poor for life. As you know, the Moslem community has no regards for woman, more importantly when the woman is from a Christian background, hence my desire for a foreign assistance.

I have deposited the sum of 21 million dollars with a Security financial firm in whose name is withheld for now until we open communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your bank account for safe keeping and Investment opportunity. This arrangement will be known to you and I alone and all our correspondence should be strictly on email alone because our government has tapped all my lines and are monitoring all my moves.

In view of the above, if you are willing to assist for our mutual benefits, we will have to negotiate on your Percentage share of the $21,000,000 that will be kept in your position for a while and invested in your name for my trust pending when my Daughter, Zahwa, will come off age and take full responsibility of her Family Estate/inheritance. Please, if you are honest, I am going to entrust more funds in your care as this is one of the legacy we keep for our children. In case you don’t accept please do not let me out to the security and international media as I am giving you this information in total trust and confidence I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith and send to me your complete personal contact information.

May God bless you and your household.

Yours sincerely,

Suha Arafat
Reply to suuh_43@yahoo.it

Wow … Yasser Arafat knows me !

Disclaimer: This post is not about the great leader but this is about the spam that floats around on the internet …

Linkxxx

links to all the previous posts !

RediffMail, Yet Another 1 GB Free EMail

Ever since Google annoucned they would give 1 GB space for free EMails, there have been n number of service providers trying to tackle GMail.

Latest in the foray is Rediff, www.rediff.com, They are offering 1GB inbox for free and allthe existing users have been upgraded to new 1 GB mail space.

Competition is a very neat thing. Helps us sustomers get most out of procviders 🙂

Till next time…

To Be Contd… (Last edited on 18th June 2004, 1543 Hrs IST)

Keywords for Search Engines: Rediff, GMail, Google Mail, Yahoo, Yahoo Mail, 1000 MB Storgae, 1 GB Storage, 100 MB Storage, Saurabh.

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Yahoo vs GMail

And Finally Yahoo is offering 100 MB spae for EMails – FREE.

Looks like a BETA service in the market has led to the beginning of the end of the GIANT.

The most striking of all has been a SEARCH button on top of the Yahoo Mail.

Another interesting thing to note would be absence of image based advertisements on the top and left side. These have been replaced with TEXT BASED adverts.

Basically they ar trying to counter The USPs of GMail. GMail was built as a Search Based EMail service and Text Ads. Yahoo is trying to implement Search and they have already replaced the adverts with Text Ads.

The new interface looks good. Let me test the service for few more days and I would be writing a detailed report on it 🙂

To Be Contd… (Last edited on 15th June 2004, 2000 Hrs IST)

Keywords for Search Engines: GMail, Google Mail, Yahoo, Yahoo Mail, 1000 MB Storgae, 1 GB Storage, 100 MB Storage, Saurabh.

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Lucky Ali – Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai

Lucky Ali has just finished a new album Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai and it will be releasing soon on T-Series. The songs in the album have been sung and composed by Lucky Ali the song that is currently on air is titled Kabhi Aisa Lagta hai.

The lyrics has have been penned down by Sameer. The album is composed by Lucky Ali himself. The video has been shot by Rahul L. Sood at Epitome.

Incomplete Lyrics go like

kya aisa hi hota hai pyar

mere kuda mujhe itna bata

kya aisa hi hota hai pyar

ek pal to mil jaaye dil ko, chala jaaye door kahin

is duniya main is dil kay jaisa koi mazboor nahin

aisa ehsaas hai koi to pass hai

mehki lage saari fiza kya aisa hi hota hai pyar

kabhi aisa lagta dil main ek raaz hai

jise kehna chaoon par main kah paaon na

aakahnohi aakhnon main kah jaye jo

kahmoshi ki yeh kaise zubana

maine suna jo na usne kaha kya

aisa hi hota hai pyar

mere khuda mujhe itna bata

kya aisa hi hota hai pyar

ek pal jo mil ko chal jaaye door kahin

duniya main eis dil kay jaise koi mazboor nahin

The music for the album is set to release on 16th June 2004. There is no website dedicated to the song as yet and you can not download the song right now from the internet but I have’nt tried file sharing tools like kazza, emule, edonkey and win mx etc. Lyircs would be available here on the Saurabh Garg weBLOG as soon as I get the album.

Lately a lot of visitors have been coming to the weBLOG through the search engines and searching about the new album. I hope I have presented everything one would want to know about Lucky Ali and his new album. If Lucky Ali fans find this insufficient, they can check out http://geocities.com/clicklucky for more details about him.

Lucky Ali – Ixsui: Lucky Ali is currently working on his new album called Ixsui – ONE DIRECTION.

There are also reports that Lucky Ali is planning to direct his own film. Details are not available right now 🙁 According to ClickLucky, he has worked with Shyam Benegal before and direction thus comes naturally to him. That film should be one to look out for.

Singing, Composing, Acting, Directing… The man’s done it all.

Previous Post…

Lucky Ali the king of pop is back with his new album. The name of the album… I am not sure, the title track, I am not sure.

EDIT: The new latest Lucky Ali album is called Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai. The new latest Lucky Ali song is also called Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai. The song is about a boy falling in love with a Girl, usual mushy romantic story with soothing voice and guitaring of Lucky Ali. The song lyrics, song audio and song video are not available for free download anywhere on the internet.

EDIT: The song is titled “Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai” and the new Lucky Ali album is also called Kabhie Aisa Lagta Hai.

I havent heard the song as yet, saw his face for the last three seconds on MTV when the song ends.

An “intelligent” google search on the Internet does not shows any results :((

Can someone please DONATE me his new album or link…

YIPEEEE Lucky is back 🙂

The new video came as a surprise to me. For the first time, he is not “in” the video. The video is about a girl and a boy and Lucky is in the backdrop. All his previous videos, HE was the hero of the video. But who is complaining as long as he is out with great music.

Hmmm this post is about Lucky Ali, posting a link to the website http://geocities.com/clicklucky won’t do any harm. I would be updating the website and updating this post as soon as I get more informtion. I made this website about three fours years back when I was even more crazy about him. Lets hope this album is as good as his previous ones.

One thing good about Lucky is that he comes out with the music after a while. That is the beauty of it. The music is so good that you listen to it again and again and in about two years you start craving for more and there he is, with his new album.

Another thing of note would be that even after he sang for, acted in, produced music for movies, he is back to creating his own work. And there are very very few people who get back to what they were doing before they entered movies. Three Cheers !

If you have any information about it with you, PLEASE let me know about it ASAP. You know how to contact me 😀

Am I too excited? 🙂

End (Last edited on 15th June 2004, 1500 Hrs IST)

Keywords for Search Engines: Lucky Ali, Mehmood Ali, New Album, Kabhi Aisa Lagta Hai, Ixsui, Sauarbh.

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Lost on the Internet, Found on Search Engines

They say that once a website has ben launched, its lost forever in the cyber space. Its like a blackhole that sucks your page in, never allowing it to come out. The only ray of light in the dark lost world is links through differnt websites and Search Engines like Google etc.

For the past 30-31 days (11 May 2004 – 11 June 2004), I have monitored and kept record of people using Search Engines and coming to the weBLOG. Following is the list of Keywords used to find my weBLOG on the Internet…

Google: ben_mario_piano

Google: jyoti sahu

Google: scmhrd

Google: chinkis

Google: prateek+site:blogspot.com

Google: manmohan+singh+press+conference+thursday+transcript

Google: 1000+mb+mailbox

Google: blogspot+sg

Google: IIM+Waitlist

Google: blogs+fms+delhi

Google: sonali+garg

Rediff: SCMHRD

Google: uff+kay+jadoo+mohabbat+hai

Google: Saurabh+Garg+IIM+A

Google: Saurabh+Garg

Google: saurabh+gmail

Google: sandeep+dixit

Rediff: SCMHRD

Google: scmhrd+blog

Google: shweta+garg

Google: IIM+topper+2004

Google: blog+interview+ISB+MBA

Google: waves+noida+hum+tum

Google: waves+multiplex+noida

Google: nitin+pachauri+yahoo

Google: website+of+waves+multiplex+in+noida

Google: ims+simcat

Google: noida+multiplex

Google: waves+multiplex+east+delhi

Google: friendship+quatos

Google: The+Taste+of+India+at+Waves+Noida

Google: download+kya+aap+closeup+karte

Google: India+Congress++young+foreign-educated

Google: MOVIES+RUNNING+AT++WAVES+MULTIPLEX+IN++NOIDA

Google: centrestage+mall+noida

Google: priyanka+mehta+MDI

Google: sandeep+dixit

Google: Sonali+garg

Google: dollor+against+rupee

Feedster: gmail

Google: sex+in+nirulas

Feedster: gmail+trade

Google: kya+aap+closeup

Google: kabhi+aisa+lagta+hai

Google: kabhi+aisa+lagta+hai%22%2B%22lucky+ali%22%2Bdownload

Google: kabhi+aisa+lagta+hai+lucky+ali

Google: abhishek+mishra+IMS

Dogpile: kabhi%2Baisa%2Blagta%2Bhai

Google: man+ki+lagan+lyrics+by

Google: nidhi+garg

Google: saurabh+ganguly+fan+club

Google: lucky+ali+new+song+kabhi+aisa+lagta+hai

These do not include visitors from websites like PagalGuy and BuildtoLearn and Blogger and Blogger Profiles and Orkut, Blogwise, HaloScan etc.

To Be Contd… (Last edited on 15th June 2004, 1200 Hrs IST)

Keywords for Search Engines: SEO, Search Engine, Keywords, Saurabh.

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GMail – The new face of EMail

GMAil has given the POWER to invite three other people to EVERY current GMail user. What are you waiting for? Catch hold of a friend with GMail soon !

Here are few things good about GMail 🙂

1000 MB Storage Space 🙂

The biggest thing associated with GMail would be the amount of space they offer. Easily 100 times more than the 99.9% of free EMail Service Providers. You could go on and on and on and never fill up those 1000 MBs.

No need to delete any message. Helps in maintaining records and contacts. You don’t have to open up huge archives of backup fromn outlook and look at them when everything is available on a clikc of mouse anywhere in the world. It would also eliminate the need of exporting all EMails to a outlook file and burning them on a disk and carrying it along.

Search Based EMail

Gmail is differnt from other EMail Providers in yet another way. GMail is Search based EMail system. You don’t have to make stupid folders and sort your mail according to the when you can use the excellent Google Search Algorithm on your own EMail Inbox !

Text Advertisement

As they nothing in the world is for free, neither is GMail. They would scan your EMail for certain keywords and then display related advertisements. And please mind it this is NOT an invasion on your privacy. No human ever reads your EMail. And infact as far as my computing knowledge goes, they wont take the hassles of reading/scannign through the entire EMail. They would just look for certain keywords like Travel, Shopping etc. and deliver advertisements. These advertisements are inded at times benefecial and might just help you apart from generating revenue for GMail.

Another point in favour of text based advertisement would be the small time it takes to load. An Image file would be very heavy and might take ages to load on slow internet connections, where as text isas light and as fast as it gets.

Social Status

Since GMail is still by invitation and very few people have access to it, you could brag about how good GMail is and its features and people would give you the stage and let you do all the talking as if you are an expert on rocket science.

Ever since I had the power to invite people for GMail and I have told about this to friends, all my long lost friends have strated to come back to me. Every now and then someone would pop up on Yahoo or MSN and say “Hello, do you remember we studied together in the First grade in Rochester?” And I havent steeped out of Delhi, India ever in my life.

Thumbs Down 🙁 Few things against GMail…

1. You need to have the latest Web Browers. But again to deploy the new age technology behind GMail they need to use the best and the latest available browsers available.

2. I get a error message regularly. The frequency of this REGULAR message is about three or four times in an hour.

But again… this is not a big deal and could happen and infact does happens all the time on other EMail service Providers.

The original version of the image file posted above can be seen at http://www.ubg.buildtolearn.net/saurabh/gmailError.jpg.

And just in case someone wants to contact me, I can be reached at septemberthe22nd+gmailinvite@gmail.com :). I still have 5 (yes FIVE)invites left 🙂 Although I have decided that three people to get it would be Gaurav, Shubham and Uday. What about other two? May be the person who wants to trade it for something good…? Like a DigiCam? Let’s see…

To Be Contd… (Last edited on 12th June 2004, 2200 Hrs IST)

Keywords for Search Engines: GMail, Google Mail, Gmail Invite, Invite for GMail, 1000 MB Storgae, 1 GB Storage, Invititation for GMail, GMail Swap, Trade GMail, Exchange GMail, Saurabh.

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Me + Yahoo + Friends = Gulp!

Here is another incident from the deepest conversation archives of Yahoo.

I thought I was the smartest chap around and could fool anyone on the web. I have been doing it successfully since 1999. I was pretty sure nobody was greater then I am and I am the AUTHORITY on the Internet. BUT this time I had to face the music and as they “bade sey bade aadmi ka bhi baap hota hai”, I found I also has been tricked by one or may be two or may be not. I am so confused till now, dunno if it is one person or two or three or how many.

Ok here is the story…

I know this person, lets called it (could be him/her) Person A or P.A. for about 5 years now. I believe it is a very very good friend. And then there is another person, Person B or P.B. whom I happen to know for about 8 months now. It is also a very very good friend And I know that these people, P.A. and P.B. happen to know each other too.

Now it’s a long story, 8 months of sweat, tears, blood, effort etc. etc. (got this from a movie ;)) and to cut it short, I have been fooled by P.A. and P.B. in the real sense of the word. As I am writing this, I still don’t know who is who and who has the other person’s password.

Following things made be suspicious that something fishy is going on…

– Whenever P.A. is online, P.B. is not and vice versa. This could be coincidence.

– As soon as P.A. leaves, P.B. comes online and as soon as P.B. leaves, P.A. is back online. This can NOT be coincidence. Happens all the time.

– P.A. and P.B. would act in a strange manner when talked about the other person.

– They would talk EXACTLY in same manner and use EXACTLY same slangs.

I dunno if it was accident, if it was planned or what, but it happened and it has taught me a few lessons. Following is the summary of the lessons…

– Never to trust anyone on the WWW until you have met that person in real.

– Even if the person happens to be your friend and you have met him/her in real, someone else could be using their account and fooling around with you. Be real careful.

This has been done with a lot of my friends but I always used to laugh and say how an someone be so stupid to fall in the trap. But now since I have fallen, I know how does it feels.

Adding to this, I am also kinda getting myself into trap with yet another person/persons. Me trying to help this guy hack into this girl’s mailbox and find out everything about his girl and since what has happened with P.A. and P.B., I am getting kind of suspicious now.

Lagta hai thode din kay liye Yahoo ko aaram dena paedga.

Finally I think I am making an issue outta very small thing. They were together, came, fooled me, and went away. I don’t have to cry about it. Would be more careful in future.

The only reason of me being angry is if I don’t lie to people, don’t act up, why do people have to lie to me? Act up in front of me? Conceal something from me. Human Nature prolly, would never understand it. Since I am always truthful (ALMOST), I expect people not to lie to me and … arghh

I initially thought I would dig up the entire thing and try to see whats going on but again I don’t have to do it. I just have to accept defeat and get ready for the next battle on Yahoo. It’s a classic case of a girl trying to prove that she is good looking and has great acads and lying all the way about it. Would publish her story as soon as a result is achieved.

That’s about it I guess.