Life – Page 7

The lonliest job in the world

Of all the things that people chose to do with their lives, there are some people who knowingly or inadvertently chose stupid ones. Gynecology comes immediately to mind. I mean there is nothing wrong with being the hands of God and helping bring a new life to this wonderful world but why would you want to subject yourself to blood and flesh all the time? And why would you chose to work for something where you could be called anytime anywhere and as a result, wreck havoc with your personal life? There are more such professions but I am not talking about tough ones right now. I am here to create a list of lonely jobs.

So, I define a lonely job as something where in the process of discharging their duties, people are left to themselves and all they have for company is monotony and their thoughts. The main aur meri tanhai kinds. I know there must be lot of people who like doing such things but then I wish I could peep into their brains and understand what drives them.

Anyways, here is an indicative list of things that I think could qualify for being the lonliest jobs in the world

A security guard. Recently at the Auto Expo, I realized that the security guards that we hired for helping us manage the maddening crowds probably had the lonliest job of em all. I mean they are expected to stand for upwards of 12 hours and manage people. It has to be the most monotonous job in the world. Doing the same shit over and over again all the time. And then when you are not managing crowds and just manning a gate for example, you have nothing but the scenery to keep you company. Of course people change, situations change but end of the day, it remains the same.
A model standing next to a car in an auto show. The model has to have that regulation, plastic smile on her face all the time. And more than that, she has to stand with her back straight. Worst, she cant engage in any small talk with anyone. She is just expected to stare in the zero and smile and ensure that her back is straight. Ofcourse she is paid a bomb and she gets to chose the guy she wants and all that but come on!
The liftman. Ofcourse. All he does in his entire day is press some buttons and solve sudokus and croswords. There are people that he is supposed to greet, salute etc but he must be really lonely. Imagine shutting yourself down in a 3 feet by 3 feet cubicle for an entire day and play with buttons. And he doesnt even have a water cooler that he could visit to engage in office gossip.
The sentry at a remote watchpost. Someone manning a light house. Or someone guarding a royal palace. In fact I have thought of a love story of a royal guard and the princess. The guard has nothing to do but stare at the emptiness and the princess has nothing to do but indulge in vanities. Her best friend happens to be the daughter of the chef at the royal palace. The best friend, because she is a commoner has easier access to the sentry. The princess falls in love with the concept of a lover. And then like all other love stories, there is deciet, lust, emotions, harmones, anger, betrayl etc. Still a concept under development. What do you think of it?
A farmer. A poor farmer who toils the entire day in the field by himself. All he has for company is his crop, the sun and some hopes. The man works so hard that he doesnt even have time to think of things that perplex people like me all the time!

I think thats about it for the time being. I am sure there are more such professions that I am missing. Do you know of some?

Anatomy of a productive day at work

Today, unlike all other days, at almost 8 PM, I am slightly content about how this day has gone by. I reached work at 11ish. Did most of the things on my todo list (that I made at around 9 before I left home for work), killed lot of time (on random tweets, reading and writing), listened to my favorite music, ate a good lunch, spoke to Neo and my sis and finished the bplan for WML that I had been meaning to write for three months. Like they say, I was totally in the zone and I was loving it. Of course I got bored of all the work and took long and generous breaks. But I always came back to do more things and get more things done.

Anyways, so what happened today that does not happen on all the other days that I am in office? The answer is surprisingly simple! There was no one in office, on my floor. Not even my bosses. Everyone was travelling and I had the entire 800 sq ft of floor to myself. I had no one to get engaged in gossip with. There were no distractions. I could sing, swear, shout, play music, sit anywhere, put my legs up on the chair, roam around, have my tea and do everything with complete disregard to anyone and anything. And most importantly, I realized, there was no one who I wanted to prove to that I was working and adding value to the company. I was on my own! And this I think, did all the magic. I need to be on my own to be able to do things. Merely putting the headphones and listening to loud music does not help!

Now, as I am having dimsums and Maggi (ya, together), reading Uncrunched and playing Poker, I am content about the way I spent this day. If I could chose, I would want to spend most of my working days like this. Remember Kwan? I just need to create more such opportunities where I am trapped in a secluded corner with no one watching me work. And get things done.

Once I crack the right formula, nothings gonna stop me baby. The work on the magic formula has started. Hopefully before 2012, I would get it out of the way. Talking about 2012, as we enter 2012, its time for all those resolutions that we make and conveniently forget by the 15th of January! I certainly have mine and this time, its not a list, but is a whole damn mindmap. So as we step into 2012, I plan to take a large printout of the mindmap and paste it at a place where I can see it everyday. I am even going to give a copy of the mindmap to VK (my agony aunt, mentor, friend, philosopher, bouncing board etc) and ask her to ensure that I do those things. And then, I would freaking go ahead and do those things. Of course I cant really control the outcomes but I can try and maximize my chances of success. And that is what I am going to do.

Like she says, its a sign, I can see the writing on the wall. Just need to get into the zone more often!

P.S.: I just lost 80% of my stack with pocket Aces! Arrrghh!

RIP 2011

Though I dont really believe in pandits and/or astrological predictions, SS02Sep once told me that some world famous pundit has told her that I’d be filthy rich in 2011. This was sometime during the MDI days. Since then, I continuously cribbed that 2011 was really far and I couldn’t wait for it to begin and all that.

But when 2011 started, I was elated. My life long quest to get rich was coming to an end. I had some plans, a few vague ideas, a lot of hope and large amounts of desperation when I started the year. And I knew that the combination of all these four would ensure that I do well for myself.

And like all other years that have come and gone, 2011 came and its almost over. About 10 days to go. And I am far away from being rich. VERY far. So far that I’d have to postpone it to 2012. So, during the year, I did get a few opportunities and I did spot them. But then just when I thought, that was it, things would drift away from me. Not once, not twice, but thrice! And apart from work, 2011 made a dent in my personal life as well.

No point getting into details here but 2011 sucked. The entire year. Lost more than I achieve to be honest. Both personally and professionally. Am glad that its almost over. This is one of those proverbial bottoms and from here on things can only become better. Hope 2012 is better. It better be.

And to be honest, if it 2012 doesn’t make me, I would have to accept defeat and sink deep in the bowels of regular naukri and thus, mediocrity.

An Ode to Mumbai

As a kid I really wanted to live in Mumbai some day. Not that I wanted to be a film star but I had heard about Mumbai so much in movies and other popular entertainment devices that I had to experience the place. Somehow some stars did some funny jig and I landed in Mumbai in 2007. This was my first job after my MBA and I had my sis and a few classmates from college who lived in Mumbai. And thats all the people I knew.

So one fine day I landed in Mumbai and boy, was I was glad to be here! One thing led to another and eventually I ended up spending bout 3 years in Mumbai. In these three years I did change my job, converted those classmates into awesome friends, made a ton of new friends, learnt a lot about life and work (blame/credits goes to my ex boss), found this woman who I knew I could spend rest of my life with, developed an insatiable hunger for money, realized that life is more than a 9 to 6 job and pleasing your boss and traveled through the length and breadth of this amazing state called Maharashtra amongst other things. And as a result, grew (or may be evolved?) as a person. All in all I had a wonderful time in Mumbai. There was something about the place that I cant pinpoint that made the city dear to me. So much so that I keep coming back at some pretext or the other.

Anyways, like all love affairs, the crush on Mumbai ended as suddenly as it had happened. I had decided that I have had enough of working for someone else and I needed to take command of my destiny. I decided to move back to Delhi and try my hand at something. Kunal and I started Cyntax (we shut it down in less than six months, more about it some other day). I moved onto another job within Delhi. The thought of finding work in Mumbai didnt even strike me. With time, memories and passions faded and Mumbai became a yet another dot on the map that I had been to.

Today, on a Saturday morning, as I write this, I am in Mumbai and staring at a weekend ahead of me. I am not excited about being here and I am wondering what was it back then that made me alive when I lived here back then. The obvious suspects are people. I had the fortune of making some of my best friends here and every day there was something or the other we kept planning. I hated antics of my friends and yet there was something endearing about them. Not that they arent here anymore but then something is missing.

The other key suspect is opportunities that Mumbai made possible. This was the first time and place where I had the power of bumping into some hot shot and pick his brains. I could meet so many interesting people, almost on daily basis, and rack brains with them. I could think on brands, business, the state of nation and other useless thing. I felt alive with all the useless mental masturbation I was engaged in.

Then may be it was the umpteen opportunities to hit the road. Mumbai is perfect for short weekend trips. You can take your car (or your bike) and practically goto hundreds of places. While I lived in Mumbai, I traveled out on most weekends and explored mountains, rivers, dams, hill stations, roads, people and cultures. Mostly my partner in crime was Neo and there were times when we’d hit the road and then decide on the destination. As they say, we weren’t intent on arriving. For us it was about the journey. The roads are a perfect escape from all the miseries. It lets you free your mind of all the bullshit thats occupying your head and allows you to start afresh. It is also a great thinking tool. And since you are on the road and driving, there is no way you can spoil the free thinking by taking notes and scribbling ideas. The roads are exhilarating. Like Red says, the excitement that a free man has, when he is about to start a journey, the travel excited me more than any other endeavor. May be I need to become a Raju Guide or something?

Or was it the freedom? Because Mumbai is probably the only city in the country where you can find public transport, food, people at all hours. And all these are accessible and not limited to a select few. Or was it the beautiful buildings and lanes that crowd the town side? Or the vastness of Navi Mumbai? Or was it the frequent star spotting? After all Mumbai is home to bollywood and cricket and the tryst with so many stars so often only make the possibility of you becoming one, real! Isn’t that what attracts most of people who land up in Mumbai? Not the stardom, but the hope. The desire. And the opportunity.

Obviously there are things that I loath about Mumbai (read bad roads, politicians, traffic etc) but I then guess if I could put things on a weighing scale, the bad things would not make an iota of difference to awesomeness that is Mumbai. Like they say you need to be here to be able to see things for yourself. If you havent had the opportunity to experience Mumbai yet, you need to pack your bags and plan a trip soon. Wait, no need to even pack bags, why waste time in frivolities of the modern life? Nomads were so much cooler!

And in the end, thank you Mumbai for touching my life and giving me everything that you have showered on me. And for all the things that you are yet to gift me!

Salaam Mumbai!

P.S.: This post was meant to be a rant AGAINST Mumbai and while writing this I realize I couldn’t come up with anything against Mumbai. I think I need to fix shit in my head rather than blaming it on Mumbai.

Ode to Panchgani

Panchgani is my idea of an ideal life. Really. Its a small mountain town in Maharashtra. About 5 hours drive from Mumbai and about 2 from Pune. More about it here.

I went there for the first time with Neo. This was way back in 2006 or 2007 when both of us were in Mumbai and had nothing to do on the weekends. We had this stupid notion about leaving the city behind on the weekend and drive away to distant unknown places. In those couple of years we covered a lot of places around Maharashtra. And unlike all other tourists, we hardly took cameras or fancy clothes with us while we were on the road. Our idea of travel was to pack some basics (undies, toothpaste, toothbrush, a book, a notepad) and just leave. Often, we would decide on the destination hours after we had left the civilization behind. In fact Neo had this awesome blog at wknd2wknd.blogspot.com where he captured some images from these drives.

On one such sojourn, we went to Panchgani. Though it was far for a typical weekend ride (we liked doing distances that were between 2 and 3 hours), we went for it and it was a decision that we’ve been thanking since.

I was amazed at the beauty of the place. It was like the perfect small town of my dreams with all the activity around on small roundabout. And it had everything that you could ask for. The breakfast shop (Lucky’s), a barber, long walks, mountains, civilization at a touching distance. Everything. Including the weather

And this is where the love affair with Panchgani started.

I want to retire in a place like Panchgani. Not very far humanity (Mumbai is about a 5 hour drive) and yet secluded enough to allow you to go for long walks without any nuisance of traffic or pollution.

How would it be if I could wake up every day somewhere in the hills. The weather is just right. Not too cold, not too warm. I then take a leisurely stroll through the winding hill roads, sucking in the clean fresh air. I make my way towards the town center. Once I reach Lucky restaurant, just off the center, I would order my regular – two toasts, an omelet and a coffee. I would take time to read the newspaper, hear the gossip of regulars, see the staff serve the customer with fervor and attention. I would leave them with a handsome tip. Walk some 50 steps to the barber. Get a good head massage.

Walk back home would be even slower. With millions of thoughts running amok. Probably the next business idea. Or may be solution to the next big problem. Once home, post a shower, I would spend the rest of day working, taking a break for stretching myself and catching up on other mundane errands.

Once I would be done for the day, I would head to the volleyball court or a swimming pool for the work out. Spend some time there. Work up an appetite. Spend some time with other people at a tea shop and then head back home. End the day with a few poker games on the Internet, some writing and then work on some more problems.

And live like that, happily ever after!

I feel Purple

Image Credits: Jerome B

The mood I am in, if someone asked me to describe it, I would say, I feel Purple. Dont ask me why. Though Purple is the color of creativity or ideas or something to that effect (a reason why CLA logo is purple), I am far far away from all such constructive pursuits.

I feel someone has sucked all the energy and vigor from me. Though I am suffering from fever, cold and cough and even a task like breathing is taking a lot of effort. So much so that I am wondering how cool would it be if we could recharge the batteries and then not bother about breathing, eating, peeing etc. In short, I really hate it when I am unwell.

I have noticed that in last few years, I get unwell at regular intervals. I have always prided in my immune system. I had stomach made of steel and I could eat anywhere and anything and still digest it. I dint have to wear any warm clothes even in peak winters. I could tolerate any extremes. But for last few years, I think after I went to MDI, my systems got fucked. Not that I do drugs or booze. I dont even smoke. But then something went wrong and I am now sick often. I need to do something about it.

Apart from that this is unrelated but I have been listen to Jo Bhi Main from Rockstar on a loop since morning. Hear it. Absolute bliss.

5 Crores on Kaun Banega Crorepati

Sushil Kumar, Anonymous, finally has won the grandest prize of all on Indian television, 5 crores in a game show hosted by Amitabh Bachchan (KBC). What makes the story so captivating and gut wrentching is the fact that the guy who won, makes 6000 bucks a month working as a computer operator and a private tutor. On the promo, he comes across as under confident, miss understood, dreamer and everything else that I can easily relate to.

Like, I was thinking yesterday, its not about the amount but about the fact that any individual from anywhere in the country today can realize his dreams. It reinforces my belief that nothing is impossible in life!

And yes, blame me for being yet another fool that Indian Television Industry has been monetizing for decades.

Dear Myself!

Credits: Hugh

Dear Myself,

Hope you are having a good day.

Normally I don’t write into you. More often than not, a polite conversation with you helps and we sort our disagreements. In extreme cases, I take you out for a drive or an icecream and we are cool after that. But this time, unlike all the other times, things have gone to such an extent that I don’t think a mere conversation would help. I think I need to put on record my opinion. At least it will help me put everything in one place.

I am writing to you, to officially (no I am serious) point out that I absolutely hate the fact that you make me drive all the way to Gurgaon every day. Agreed that Gurgaon is the millennium city and the land of opportunities etc but are you sure you want me to go through this grind day after day?

If there were just one or two bad things, I would have relented and not felt so fucked. I tried making a small list. Here are the findings. The traffic is bad. Traffic management is worse. Roads are probably the worst. Rampant urbanization and unplanned growth have created such a mess that I don’t think we’d be able to fix it ever. Public transport is non-existent. And whatever alternatives we have, the hand rickshaws and auto-rickshaws, they fleece as if we live in the banana republic. People, both on and off the road are rude and believe in public display of useless aggression and fake power. Electricity is a problem. Things are expensive. No one feels safe anywhere post the sunset. There is not a place where you can feel at peace. And many more. Why would then you goto a place like that everyday?

If you were doing some brilliant work, I may have let you go there everyday. But what you do, are you sure that’s the best utilization of your time and effort. I mean I understand that you are not the most brilliant sample of the homosapien spieces. I also understand that you are mediocre at best. I know that you want to defy authority for some stupid reason that only you can comprehend. I am ok with it. You know that I would support you through thick and thin and despite you have your quirks and whims, I have always been on your side. But this is something I fail to understand. Why would you even bother with all the hassle of the drive till Gurgaon everyday? Why do you put yourself and me through the torture everyday? How does your conscious allow you to kill yourself every day? And you have been doing it for almost two years now! Havent you?

Please know that I am not asking you to quit. Not for a single instant. I hate quitters. I really do. All I am asking for is an alternative. Or may be an option. Or something that allows you to stay sane! Like Hugh says, Life is short. Make it amazing!

You know, its your life. And mine as well. If not for me, please take time and think about things for yourself. You are a bloody gift to this world and it sucks to see you getting wasted like this. I think after 29 years of coexistence, my comments merit atleast one thought (if not a detailed inquiry into reasons)! Please do it. And if there is anything I can do to help you get out of the mess, I am just a nudge away. Actually closer!

Love you.
Your’s Yourself.

Aug 12: Any answers Mr. Garg?

There was this time, about two-three years back when I loved to drop the word QLC in any conversation, where I was trying to score BrowniePoints. Ofcourse I totally believed in the idea and I knew that I was suffering from it. I did not see a therapist obviously. Like everyone else, whos suffering from other such delusions, I was in the denial mode. I wondered all the time, how can it happen to me.

With time, things got moving and I got busy with work. So much so that I hardly had time to sleep, leave alone reading or thinking. I forgot about it. It would pop-up once in a while on those off days when I would have time. Or at those odd times when I would think about career and future. And when I would compare myself with my classmates from MDI. The fact that they were making a bomb and I was still to reach peanuts.

Yesterday, I met this friend of mine and we got talking about life and other such things. And I realized that maybe I am not alone. There are more people, apart from I, who suffer from these things. And they lead perfectly happy lives. Came as a revelation to me! But then the most shocking bit happened. During the conversation, I somewhere said that I am almost 30. And then I realized, o crap! Am I not the age that is the precursor of the dreaded middle age, AND the precursor to, the Mid Life Crisis?

And this is when the world came down crashing at my feet. At heart, I am still a 12 year old, who loves to day dream and believes that world is a fair place. Ofcourse my mind tells me to get back to work and accept the fact that Ovarian Lottery is a reality and I am unfortunate to have lost out on it. And, the mind adds, that since I lost on the lottery, I would have to live with whatI have got and work harder to compete with the beneficiaries of the lottery (read rich heiresses, cricketers, film stars, singers, politicians etc).

Hang on for a minute. Did I just say work harder? w to the o to the r to the k? work? If I could work, I wouldn’t be wasting my time writing something that has a combined readership of exactly 1, including me! I would rather be sitting in my office, thinking about the next presentation I am supposed to write for that very demanding client. Uh! I AM sitting in my office conference room, occupying the most important seat (the one facing the wall, in the corner), seeing my fingers fly on the keyboard, pretending to think on launch ideas of cars and writing this!

I need that kick on the backside that would get that 12 year old, trapped inside my 30 year old body, out of my system and let me face the world. The way a 30 year old is supposed to face it. Which to be honest I have no clue. And unlike when I was facing QLC, this time, when I am daunted by MLC, I shall seek help. From the sole reader of my blog. Any answers Mr. Garg?

This is day 12 in a series of 31 daily blogposts. Other posts are here.

Crib crib crib!

Disclaimer: Post full of rants and I might use profanities. Parental discretion advised.

So I have been panning a trip to Mumbai for a while now. And for some reason or the other, the trips been getting delayed. Been more than two weeks now. And every-time at the last minute. This time, I had even packed my bags and called my driver to drop me to the airport.

It sucks to work for someone else. It sucks to be at the mercy of others and it sucks to let others take control of your life. If you cant plan simple things like travel to friend’s places, it couldn’t suck more. Of course you may argue that once you grow in life, you would have more time. I have one word answer to that. Balls. Ghanta (for the noes who appreciate Hindi).

So, Hugh, of the GapingVoid fame, says “Life is short and one day you’re no longer going to be here; that’s all the motivation you need”. And this is exactly why I hate to work for someone else. When I am 40, when I cant lift my limbs, I dont want to look back and regret about things that I could have done and I could have achieved. Like that carpe diem thingy, life for the damn minute. If you were to die today, after this minute, what would do in this minute? Work for someone else? Wait for a meeting to start? What for someone to rub his ego at your cost?

And yes, the kid in me wrote this post. Anyone got any problems with it?

The near near death experience

Note: This was originally written on 27th May. Never got around to finishing it. Forced finished it today.

Last night (on the night of 26th May), while driving home, I had a near near death experience.

A near death experience is when you are almost dead and you come back from the verge of that long white tunnel. Survivors (of the near death experience) often indicate that they saw a long white tunnel and a magnetic force pulling them towards the eye of the tunnel. They also describe in vivid details that their entire life flashes past by. Some people talk about how time slows down when you are so close to extinction.

I have got one word for all those people. Bullshit. Will go in the details later but right now, lemme describe briefly what actually happened. So I was on the elevated Barapulla road and I was doing about 80 kmph I think. Side note to Delhi Traffic Police. Please do not send me a ticket. So I was doing 80 on the road and was yelling out a song into the air. And was high – on music, freedom and the wind in my head. (Note: I dont booze). I took a turn and I see these two cars parked side by side on the road, leaving just one lane for other traffic. And they were not even 50 meters ahead of me. I had two options. Bang into one of them. Drive off the railing, about 30 feet down, in a drain. And since I hate getting my hands dirty, I decided that I would rather bang in them. But then, like all miracles, the ones that happened at the right time, one happened for me as well.

Somehow, to this date (almost a month since the incident), I dont know how my hands moved the steering about 900 degrees and my car wedged between the railing and the other car. I can bet my hair (or watever is left of it) that there was no space between the railing and the car and if I was in the situation again, I would not come out alive.

And no, this is not fiction. And please do NOT try this at home. Or School. Or roads.

The Morning After

Time for a Monday update. Apologies I couldn’t make it last week. The week was very average with nothing special to write home about. Except that I took @sgElectra for a spin on Saturday. Forgot to take something warm and on the way back, nearly froze to death.

Apart from that, a friend (SV) gave me an idea for a series of short stories. Will work on it over March and will release it in April. For the ones who want a sneak preview, its about people, people watching, sociology, guesstimating fabricating, twitter and Internet. Keep watching this for more updates. Lemme know if you want to see some sample chapters as and when they happen.

With these stories, I will also unveil my writings section on SG.com. No, I am talking about any heavy duty material here. Just a place where I will gather all my fiction and nonfiction writings at. Idea is to create a repository of select writings and get feedback from people on them.

I also realized something about myself. At times, I get so excited by an idea that I get obsessed with it. And more often than not, those ideas are someone else’s babies and hence I can’t really work on them. Like this senior from MDI and his idea. Its a brilliant idea he is sitting on. I am not for a minute doubting his ability to execute it but he ought to have me on his team. More than working with him, I am keen on working on what he is trying to sell. I met him and pitched for my contribution. From look of things, he doesn’t like me and I am not getting to work on it. You know I want it so bad that last night, I saw it in my dreams. Too bad. For me, for him and for the idea itself. But as with life, you win some, you lose some. Life moves on.

So I woke up early on Sunday. And since I had nothing to do, I decided to clean my drawers, shelves etc. At one point in time, I had this awesome habit of saving every bill, every receipt. From a ten bucks to whatever, I would not throw em. I would just dump them in a box. Ofcourse never to look at them again. This drawer that I cleaned had like hundred such receipts. Some dating back to early 2009. I tore all those and while doing that, they brought back tons of memories. Like this trip to Nainital with my parents. I knew what dates it was on, where all did we stop, what did we eat etc. Then there were lot of coffee shop bills. Quick research tells that I goto Barista more often than CCD. Then, when PJ was in Delhi, we had dinner at Pind Balluchi in CP. Then I found a slip with some phone number on the back. I don’t know the name and I checked, I do not have that number stored with me. Then there were these petrol bills (and why did I ask for bills, god only knows), parking slips (I have parked my car at the most obscure places in Delhi), Gurgaon toll slips, bills for teeshirts that I bought (but never wore), shoes, even a laptop bag I bought in Dubai. I was serisouly amazed at the kind of things I have spent money on and all the obscure places I have been to.

And btw this is just one of the boxes that got cleaned. There is a bag full of receipts from the time I was in Mumbai. Cleaning, sorting them is another weekend project I think.

Anyways signing off. Too long a post to be written on a BB. Until next time!