There is no context. There is nothing that I want to talk about. All I want to do, is to write.
Thing is, its been some time (last I wrote, it was Oct 9) that I’ve written. On this blog. Or elsewhere. Not that I am Gulzar Saab or something that words flow moment I fire up my laptop. You know, writing is such a big part of me that I cant survive without it.
Last few days have been messed up — lots happening on personal front, work front, ambition front and all other fronts that you can imagine. And because it was messed up, things that keep me going (like writing and music and people and travel) did not get any attention. With this, I am trying to get back on track.
To be honest, I am not sure what to talk about. I can talk about what has wrecked havoc in my life but that could get too personal to talk on a public forum. I can talk about issues at work but who wants to listen to a grown up man rant about office politics and his failure to lead a business? I can talk about how I started with personal coaching (I now have a coach – three cheers to that) and the first lesson that I took from that. If you are curious, the lesson is that I need to stop pimping my poverty. More on this some other day. Moving on, I can talk about Suits and the fact that Harvey and Mike are yet another duo in line with my previous post. I can talk about my experience from last few sessions at EMDI.
Or I can talk about relationship gyaan that I was giving to a friend yesterday? Yeah that sounds cool. I know I am not qualified per se (I am not the most successful at love and I dont really have any deep, meaningful relationships with either friends or family) but I think talking about it, writing about it will help me get clarity. After all thats how I stumble on my best ideas – by holding conversations and by writing about em. Here’s it!
So, I told her, there are three kinds of love.
A. Love at first sight kind of love.
You meet a girl. You love the way she talks, you love her brains, you love her looks, you love the way she dresses, you love her confidence. Or a combination there of. You fall for her. And if you are lucky, she’ll love you back.
Most popular media paddles this kind of love. Often you are opposites. You are the prince charming and you fall for the goofiest girl in the school. You are a cop and you fall in love with a gangster. You are a famous actress and you fancy a simpleton. Etc etc.
And then, you guys slug it out. You set in for the grind over the rest of your lives (assuming that love lasts a lifetime). You see brains get sharper, beauty fade away, personality change and all that. And you either adapt to it, grow with it. Or you get disappointed. Either way, the thing that you got together changes.
I know I am biased. Stay with me. Please. I will come back.
B. The rational love.
You make a list of things that you want your partner to have. Certain intelligence, certain level of bank balance. Certain level of maturity. Some level of beauty. Etc etc. And once you have a checklist, you look for people that, say, tick off at least 8 of those 10 things. You make a shortlist of those people. And then you tell all of them that.
Whoever accepts the proposal (either they love your sense of organisation or they love your looks or something), you start communicating with them and tell your reasons to try and “create” love. And then the two of you work hard to make things work. You work like hell. Put in real hard work.
Keywords are rationality, checklists, communication and hard work. You reduce a thing like love to a business problem. I know its boring and all the mush and serendipity and unpredictability and excitement and all those things go missing once you do this. This love is unlike any love that you have seen in films or books or other things. But then think for a minute about all those people who create those things that have given you the very idea of love. They didn’t just “fall” in love and whiled away their lives. They created a piece that inspired you. That piece required work. It was creation. Not revelry.
Again, let me park this here. I will come back to this. Promise.
C. The blind love.
For some irrational reason, you fall so hard for a person that you are willing to ignore all the shortcomings that the other person has.
If you are lucky, the recipient of your love will give you some shreds back but thats about it. You cant expect that love to fulfil you. I dont even know if that qualifies as love. I actually dont believe in this kind of love. But I know this one exists. I have friends who swear by their partners and lovers despite their obvious issues.
You want it, choose at peril.
***
So, now that I have defined the three kinds, I think you need to pick the kind of love you want to subscribe to.
For me, someone who believes in rationality and wants some bit of magic, I think the best thing to happen would be Type A. But then I am not the kinds to be able to attract the opposite gender. Plus I dont have such a large circle of friends that I create opportunities to bump into a magical woman. I also know that I dont hang out too often at cool places to create happy accidents. So I will have to “settle” for Type B.
Now, dont get me wrong about the settling down. It is not inferior. In fact its the purest form of companionship. Its something that you have worked hard on. Its something that you cant blame external factors on. If it works out, you get to take the credit. If it fails, you gotta blame yourself. There is just you that is responsible for it.
Such love makes you better. Such love helps you grow. Both of you works hard and help each other along the way.
Lemme connect to the higher purpose of life (and to those two threads that I have left hanging). We are not here to paddle paper or sell sugared water. Our purpose here is to create. And inspire others in the process. What if you get the love of your life to help you create more? What if your love pushes you to do more, do better? The love helps you grow. And with each shred of growth, the bond gets stronger. With each new day you actually create things that are meaningful. And how did you do that? With love! Love becomes that catalyst, the magic potion. Your unfair advantage!
Makes sense now?
What do you think? Whats your take on love? Tell me about it!
P.S.: For people like who have limited talent, limited brains, the only key to success is putting in the hours. Long and strenuous. I am told hard work eats talent for breakfast. I am yet to see it happen. But I am willing to give it a shot. So, even for matters of heart, I think hard work is better than serendipity any day.