Mediocrity

Kangaali me aata geela

So when I was young, I loved using idioms. And one of my favorite ones was / is, “kangaali me aata geela.” Literally translated, it means when you in deep shit, more shit is piled on you. And as I type this, I am in deep deep shit. So deep that I don’t think I can wade out of it. Ever. Unless some divine intervention happens and the Hand of God (or an act of God) pulls me out of it.

Oh, apart from God, I am sure Mr. Murphy must be laughing at me as well. After all, despite all the positive vibes that I send to the universe, life has been unfair to me. I mean not unfair but it could’ve treated me better. It has made me a mediocre, arrogant, cocky ~~young~~ old man who refuses to change the way he operates. If life were to be any better, it could have either made me a beggar and left me to rot at the mercy of the world. Or it could have made me an exceptional brain and allowed me to make a dent in the world.

Neither happened and the world left me as a mediocre man. I lost the damn ovarian lottery.

And like I have said a million times, mediocrity sucks. And I am nothing but a case-study in mediocrity. Before I continue with the self-flagellation and self-doubt and pity and all that, let me come back to the kangaali me aata geela bit.

So when I had money, I saved like I was Uncle Scrooge. I did splurge, but most of what I spent was on things that I did not really need. And ever since money has tightened, I have tried to control my splurges but my expenses on things that are essential to work has spiraled. Take charging cables for phones and laptops for example. When I had money, I could buy as many cables and most times my employer would have foot the bill. But the cable never broke. I never misplaced the cables. Everything worked with perfection, like a dream.

And ever since I’ve been left to fend for myself (and money is in limited supply), everything seems to be breaking. Like my phone cable. And now my laptop charger. And since both of them are Apple products, the accessories are expensive. Sigh! This is just one example. There are more such incidents that tell me that kangaali main aata geela hota hi hai. I believed that accidents and fuck-ups happen with those who attract those. Have I become one of those? Plus I dont know what I want in life. And life is getting shorter by the day. And thus, I have lesser time to achieve things, as and when I know what I want to achieve in life.

I am now part of that feedback loop that is spiraling downwards. Fast. I am poor and hence I am getting poorer. I need some sort of tailwind to bring me back upto speed. Remember I spoke about a year and a crore the other day? That! That is what I need. And like I said, I need some divine intervention. Some act of God, some hand of God, something is needed.

To end this, I know that that act is just around the corner. Just that I don’t know when or where will it happen. May be there’s a way to expedite it? Prayers help? Try praying for me? No point actually. God and I have a chattees ka aankada. God has told me ‘fuck you’ in as many words.

Damn!

Rant on Mediocrity

Ladies and gentlemen, could you please fasten your seat belts, get that ~~cup~~ mug of coffee, hot chocolate, green tea, coke, lemonade or whatever your poison is, snuggle up in your comfy seats and gear up for the rant that is about to be unleashed in next few words. This one is special because this is against my arch nemesis – Mediocrity.

I define mediocrity as an attempt at doing things without putting any thought or any serious effort. I define it as not being true to the job and merely finishing it for the sake of getting over with it. I define it as a job done without any extra effort to push limits even if it were easy to do so.

Its that simple. All you need is to ensure that you ensure that that brick you are going to put on the wall, is the best brick that you ever put.

So, why the rant, on a lovely Saturday evening? Because, it just dawned on me that despite claiming that I have oodles of talent, I have been mediocre in the way I lead my life. There are a few things where I evaluate myself on. Family, friends, work, leisure, passions. And for some reason, on all the counts, despite hating the very concept of mediocrity, I have been mediocre, if not poor. And if I was poor, I would have let go but I know I am not. And I know I can excel.

Let me elaborate. And no, I would not talk about family or friends on a public forum but I can rant about work, leisure and passions.

Work. I really think that I put in a lot of effort when I am work. But then for some reason, no one appreciates the extra effort. No one seems to see the possibilities that I see. No one is ready to buy into the grand vision that I have. May be I am a big picture guy (like all others who merely faff). To be honest it doesnt matter if people dont buy into the grandiose plans. But then when, to justify my salary and my position, I am forced to do ~~mediocre~~ bad work to please egos and accountants. There has to be a way to escape the trap, just that I need to figure out. If I was an artist, it could have been easy but I am not even close.

Leisure. I am one of those who are easily excited by that new shiny thing and I thus keep hoping off from one things to another. As a result, I am that proverbial Jack of all trades and master of none. And that means that I know enough about a lot of things and yet I am not an expert. This is a good and a bad thing at the same time. Good because I can do a lot of things to distract myself when I have to. Bad because I never stick to one thing for too long to start adding value to that discipline. Come to think of it, this is yet another curse of mediocrity. I look at something, get excited about it and then leave it when I see the next interesting thing. If I want to lead a full and spectacular life, I need to bring things to closure. I need to be able to bring things to a logical conclusion. Look at rstlf for example. The first three days were great and I have slacked since!

Passion. I dont think I have a passion. Wait, how do I define passion? Its something that could go up on your epitaph. Its something that becomes your identity. So far, if I was to pick that one thing that could go up on my epitaph, it would be what? Writing? Talking? Communicating? Exploring? Poker? sgMS? India? Starting up? What? Finding it tough Mr. Garg? Exactly my point! Though I feel very strongly about a lot of things I am no where close to calling one particular thing my passion. I am no where close to getting anything etched on my epitaph.

Like I said in a previous post, over the next 90 days, I would reset my life. I am down ten odd days already. Next few days would be hard work but then its one life we have and if not now, its probably never. You, the reader, the voyeur at home, if you are ~~watching~~ reading this, you are in for a roller coaster ride of emotions, ambition, action, drama, fiction… and above all… a fight against mediocrity.

This post is a part of Project rstlf.

The Rebel of Mediocrity

Police Line. Do Not Cross.

If you read my blog yesterday, buried deep amongst the other rant was a comment about my office implementing mandatory frisking while exiting AND entering the building. Yesterday was the first day. I just took a note of it and dismissed it as yet another nuisance I had to encounter on my way to office (other ones being traffic, cops, bad drivers, distance, bad musico n FM etc).

But today, the dude did it again. Twice. While going to office. And now, about two hours back, on my way back. And both the times, he had this irritating stupid what-can-i-do smile on his face. And it pissed the hell out of me.

I mean I understand that frisking is for our safety. I understand that the security guard, who does not really have any qualifications to be called a guard (he is more of a doorman), is merely doing his job. I also understand that even if frisking does not check pilferage, it would be a deterrent to miscreants. I also understand that all hotels, airports, important buildings conduct rigorous checks before they let you in their premises. All that is fine. I am a visitor and they must do their checks, if they want to. But here, I am damn bonafide employee. Its like a marriage. Both the employer and I have agreed to work for each other. Both are in a professional relationship. I render my services to the employer and they reimburse me for my time and effort. But that does not mean that I am disrespect. I understand security and data and other things that are very critical in the la la land but dude, where is my respect?

And despite all this understanding, there are a few things that I fail to understand. The first and foremost being how is frisking of my bag preventing me from stealing things? I also cant understand that why is that employees below a certain level are frisked only? Cant the people at CXO level steal? In fact if I were the CTO, I would have told myself, there is no way the security guard is gonna touch my bag. Let me just pocket that super cool Kohinoor diamond that has been fixed on the level to flush the pot. And in a building that houses 60 odd people and as many visitors a day, there a very high chances that no one would ever point at me. I would be rich beyond my dreams overnight.

You know, its plain, simple stupid. Of course its a free market and I did raise my concerns but then, why would I be heard? Wouldn’t that mean coming up with inconvenient answers about some petty theft that would have happened in the office 20 years back? And if they did check on it, they would realize that more than the thief, it must be someone else who wouldnt have done his job properly and misplaced it.

Dear boss, the admin manager and everyone else who decided to impose the mandatory frisking, of employees below a certain level, if I may add, the rule sucks. So much so that I am actually considering moving out. Please dont be surprised if the guard finds in my bag, a stolen laptop. And when you boot that laptop, the desktop has just one file on. My resignation. How would that be? Neat!

Like Neo says, all of are mere idiotic pawns! We move when we are told to. We sit when we are told to. No one needs us and yet they need us. And no one appreciates the damn opinion that we may have. And like Hugh says, every pawn aspires to be the king some day! I do too.

P.S.: I think this is the mediocre me who is trying to rebel his way out of the mask of extraordinary that I have adorned. I call this the rebel of mediocrity. More on it soon!