On Writing

On writing (from my newsletter)…

Wrote this in today’s edition of my daily-ish newsletter. Subscribe here. Thought it deserved a wider subscription.

What I write, to be honest has nothing to do with my book or the film. Neither it inspires any of my readers to do anything extraordinary. But to me, writing is about writing for the sake of writing. You know, getting some words on paper (or keystrokes on a laptop) is like the best thing that can ever happen to me. I mean, I can’t paint. I don’t have the ability to hold attention. I am not well-read (ok, I read a lot but I haven’t read deeply about things – you know, have merely scratched the surface). I cant doodle. I am not funny. I have two left feet (so dance is out). I am the greatest bathroom singer to have ever walked the Mother Earth and thus I must never sing outside. The guitar and the Uke are rotting in some corners in the house. Bicycling is not my thing. Clubs are boring. I’d love to take photographs but requires way too much patience. Video games were a thing when I was younger – now, I don’t have the reflexes. I would watch TV when I had more time but with attention spans getting shorter and time becoming increasingly rare, I tend to pick other things to invest my time on.

So, I am left with writing as the thing to find an escape. And to find inspiration. And to try and get to salvation. Of course, I am yet to reach a point where I can say that I am good writer, the point, ladies and gents, is, writing is what makes me happy and makes me forget the fuckeries and vagaries of the world around me. And you know what, I am grateful about it. I just need to do a lot more of it!

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Originally posted in today’s edition of my daily-ish newsletter. Subscribe here.

W. Writing.

Its April. And that means a new financial year is here. That also means its yet another opportunity to start afresh. For this blog and for my writing, it specifically means that I can try and restart writing and creating. So, I am going to attempt to write a blogpost each day in this month. So 30 posts in the next 30 days. Each will be inspired by a thing that I am grateful (or happy or thankful) about in life. I call this Project 30Posts30DaysChallenge (yes I suck with naming conventions but I get things done).

Here’s the post for the day. Starting with W. Couldn’t think of anything that starts with A.

W. Writing.

Among all things that I am so so thankful for in life is the ability to write. I may not be able to move mountains with what I write but I do think that I can write well. And unlike those super talented people who write so well that each piece is like a masterpiece, it takes a lot of effort for me to write something that is worth reading. So the only way to writing greatness for me is to write more. And the plan is to write so much that even if 1% of what I write is good enough, there is enough for a my audience to consume.

So yeah, I love to write. And I am thankful that I have some amount of talent that allows me to express. I do wish I were better at it. And its something that can of course improve with practise. Just that on the list of things that I want to do in life, writing is not really up there. I mean if I had all the money in the world, I would travel, teach and write. In that order. And if I had money and / or time left, I would play poker.

Why travel? To enrich myself.
Why teach? To learn more.
Why write? To connect with others.

And what would all these things do me? Allow me to become a better version of myself. And then use that to impact the world. Sigh. High hopes, Mr. Garg.

But then I dont have all the money. And that means I need to invest all the time I have to earn money. Like they said, “you’re slave to money and then you die.” Oh, the good part is, I am getting there in terms of money. I will have abundant money very soon and then I will put this plan (travel, teach, write, poker) in action.

Meanwhile, coming back to the agenda for the evening – writing.

So writing is such an integral part of me that I can not imagine not writing. I’ve been writing this blog since Jan of 2014. Thats like 14 years! I dont think I’ve done anything for longer than that!

Writing has helped me express thoughts well, it has helped me make new friends. It has given me the vain satisfaction of seeing my name in a bookstore. Agreed that tnks is not a bestseller but it is a book nonetheless. May be the next one will be. Or the one after that. May be its delayed because I dont see writing as an avenue that could give me enough to make my ends meet?

Thing is I’ve never been able to make it commercial – there are no blogging awards, no fans, no regular readers. Its just me and and my echo chamber. And may be thats why its not on the priority? Even if I had some people who’d ask me for an update or tell me that they wait for what I write, I would probably be more motivated. Vivek does. But I need more. And I need strangers. Why? Because like everyone else, I often take my people for granted. No am not crying about it. I would continue to write even if I had no readers. Its something that I do not need external validation for.

Anyhow. The point is, there is certain therapeutic value to writing. Its like pouring your grief, your tears, your sadness and your anger and your heart on paper. And its like leaving streaks of happiness, excitement and everything in between on a blank canvas. Of course it helps if you have the words and ideas that could make others share your grief as well. When the entire thing becomes a shared experience. That probably is when you succeed as a writer. Probably.

So yeah. Thats about it for the time being. Writing. One of the things that I am grateful for. First in the list of 30. I dont know what I’d talk about tomorrow. Lets see. Till then, over n out.

P.S.: If you are reading this, tell me what part of my writing has moved you the most? What can I improve. What can I do more of?

Book 2. Zinda Hai.

For a millionth time, today I started working on #book2. Its been pending for a long time and while nothing has changed, there have been a few triggers.

Here’s a list.

a. A friend thought that I am suicidal and sent me a copy of The Myth of Sisyphus.

I am not sure if I am / was suicidal or not but after I read the first 3 pages I felt that life was absurd and I ought to end it. Also, I recently moved to an Android phone (which is a suicide in itself) and I have spent last three hours searching for the Blue Whale.

But since a friend gifted the book and I had to respect the 250 bucks he spent on it, I went online and saw this video (that summarized the book in 7 minutes and took me closer to suicide). The video talked about how we must find pleasure in misery and why its absurd to even think of suicide. It did talk of more things but I am sure if I could comprehend it. So, left it at that.

Here’s a tip. Avoid the fucking book at all costs. And if you want to read a book that prevents from you committing suicide, do read Reasons to Stay Alive. I read it when I was not suicidal and it was one of the best reads ever.

But then coming back to the context, book2, somewhere while I was either reading the book or watching the video, I felt that I ought to write. Ergo.

b. I read this piece on BBC where they try and postulate who will be remembered after a 1000 years after they are gone.

Thing is, I’ve never known if I want fame or whatever but I would love to be known 1000 years after I am gone. And the article says that either I need to become a famous villain or die a famous death. I cant control how I’d die but I can create a villain that is more villainous than anyone ever alive? Et tu, Brute?

And to be able to create a Brutus, a Joker, I need to write!

c. Pochu Prasad. Poch was my roommate at MDI. It was his daughter’s birthday recently and when I messaged him after 3 years (thinking that its a good pretext to text long lost friends on their kids’ birthdays), the first thing he asked was, “when’s the next book coming out.”

After I abused him and all that it left me thinking. That my identity is now of someone who’s written a book. And while I am not a one-hit wonder (book was NOT a hit), may be there’s something there!

d. Parijat sent me this.

This is screenshot of Syd‘s book and it reminded me that writing is my personal responsibility. And its high time I worked on it. I can cry about lack of a silver spoon us my ass but I do have a tiny gift with whatever I write. I ought to use it. No?

e. A discussion with a colleague reminded me that I am insignificant and for 35 years of my life, I have shit to show for. More than anything else, I am offended by it and I take it as a personal insult. And I will damn prove the dude wrong. I will achieve something large in my life. Of course I will continue to chase my ambition of climbing the Mt. Everest, impacting a billion lives and making a billion dollars in the process. But I will do well with my writing. You guys wait and watch. Ego makes you do funny things man.

So yeah. That’s about it. More on this later. Right now I have a book to write. And you may want to order the first one here.

The #book2 Brouhaha

Book2 is now officially overdue by 3 years. Three years. In three years you can make 4 babies. In three years you complete college in India. Three years is the time a typical startup needs to break even and start throwing money back at you. Three years is more than a 1000 days. Its 5% of an average human’s productive life. Three years…

Wait. The point is that book2 is delayed. To an extent that no one knows that I am an author. Fuck no one, I have a hard time telling myself that I am one. Anyhow attention spans are like shorter than that of a hummingbird. Who cares if you wrote a book. And this is not the first project that I havent been able to find time for, even if this is the closet to my heart.

I was thinking about it last night and I thought Ill make a list of reasons why I cant seem to get this going. Here goes.

A. No time
Writing is not my first gig. Its not even my second. I mean I do write a lot everyday — presentations, emails, short notes, scribbles and all that. But all of that is for work. There is no writing for recreation. And there is hardly any writing for the book. And the worse part? I dont miss it. I mean there was a time when I would be itchy if I dint write for an hour everyday. Those days are gone.

Right now, its just a battle to rush from one thing to another. In the process, I think I have stopped enjoying little things that make up life.

B. No muse
They say a writer needs a muse to write. I am not sure what was the muse when I did #tnks. Ok wait. A muse is defined as “a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist.” So last time I may have had someone. I dont remember. This time, I dont have any. I even got sgMS to agree to marrying me if I could complete the book by end of the year. And that too doesnt seem to be exciting enough.

Maybe I need to talk to the lady I am interested in right now to not talk to me if I dont write a 1000 words a day. Or may be I need to go find someone who is as into writing as I want to be. I dont know what would it take. Ideas?

C. Too much work
Two things here. Work required on writing a book. And effort and time spent on work that gives me the money to afford the lifestyle I lead.

Writing a book may come easy to a lot of people (I know people who “win” NaNoWriMo by writing 50K words in 30 days). To me, it does. I know I can write fast but I am not sure if the kind of things I write can happen in 30 days. I want to research, think, get into conversations (with my characters), leave tons of Easter Eggs (Lol. Why would I do that when not a single reader of #tnks came back to me and told me that they loved how intelligently I buried those little gems throughout the book.).

So, writing is serious work. And sustained work for long durations (on a daily basis), over a year or so. Do I want that kind of grind? Like I know I never want to be in an operation theatre again, do I want to g through the tribulations that writing a book entail?

Thing is, I am not the one to shy away from hard work but I am the kinds that needs everything perfect. The temperature of the AC, the chair, the table, a working Internet connection and so on and so forth. And the kind of life I live, its often to get all variables in place. And when I do get these variables in place, there’s just too much work that needs my urgent attention that I cant concentrate on moving the story ahead.

That brings me to work that I am engaged in. Like I said in A above, I am at a stage in life where I dont have financial stability. I live month to month and the month I dont work hard in, I am forced to cut my expenses. So its a constant battle between daal-roti and hobbies. And while I am a big advocate of sex and cash theory, I am not sure I can live up to what I preach.

D. No money
If I had a rich wife, I would quit everything and sit on a desk all day and write. Well, I think I will. I am not sure. But I know that a big big impediment to my writing output is the fact that I need to ~~work~~ slog hard for making the ends meet.

E. No inspiration
Apart from a muse that doesnt let you rest, there’s this dying need inside of you to tell that story. I dont have a story like that. I mean I know I have an interesting plot for book2. I mean who would not want to read a fast-paced narrative about a gang of notorious bandits (where no one trusts another) coming together to hunt for a treasure that was lost when Portuguese finally left Goa?

But… the damn but. But is the story compelling enough that it makes me leave everything and keeps me focused on telling the story?

F. Support structure
I am lucky that I have so many people around me that continue to egg me on all the time. In no order, the constant badgering and reminders happen from Anusha, Nikita, Purav, Sachin, Vivek and others. Like last night, on twitter, Sachin sent this.

Write a book.

— Sachin Garg (@GargSachin) November 27, 2017

Thing is, if despite having so many people who want me to write and do well and all that, I cant write, can I? May be by not working on the book, I am letting them down. Could this be a big enough fear that I actually write?

Or maybe I need to apologize to them and quit and move on. And bury the dream of reaching a million people to a time when I have made the money and have little more time on my hands to write?

May I need to quit on this? Or may be not.

G. Commercial success
While you write for yourself and you want to express yourself, I sincerely believe that no endeavour deserves attention if there’s no commercial angle to it. You may not do it for money. But you need to ensure that your work inspires people enough that they are willing to give you their time and money and attention. And you as an artist need to work hard to earn the time and money and attention. You need to make it worth the investment by your patrons. Its a loop. You see it?

If #tnks would have been a runaway success, I probably would have had the money to not worry about work and write. I would have created a “platform” of sorts that would’ve allowed me to chase writing as a career. It would have convinced me and people around me (not that I seek their validation) that I can actually support myself (and my family) through what I write. It would have pushed me to stand on that success and do more.

Since that did not happen, may be the MBA in me is doing a longish cost-benefit analysis and preventing me from investing time on writing? May be I am too rational to be an artist? May be I am not too delusional?

H. Others
Apart from the list of things above, things that I did not consider while writing this are:

Writer’s block. I am not sure that I suffer from it. I can wake up from sleep and start writing. And I can pick up from where I left.
Ability to find a publisher. I am reasonably sure that Sachin at Grapevine will back me up. If not him, I can do a self-publish.
My limited grasp on the English language. I can always find editors to help me out.
My ability to hold interest. I think what I write makes sense and people can more or less finish what I write.

Bas. Cant write more. That’s about it. I probably need a whack on the head. That nose job that I got done was supposed to be it. But guess not!

Over and out!

P.S.: Funny. After this such a long rant, I still dont know if I want to write. Like they say, bakchodi karwa lo bas!

Introducing #1000WADv3

Today on, I am starting #1000WADv3. 1000 words a day, version 3.

In simple words, I will write 1000 words EVERY day for the next 100 days (at least) without fail. In case you want me to email you when I publish the post, let me know and I will add you to the list. There are 4 people on the list already. The day I dont write, I’d donate 1000 bucks to my poker kitty. Sidenote: I did something similar about #book2 and I never got around to keeping my word. Let me take this up in a bit.

So, lately I have been super busy with work and travel and shifting the house. And as a result, I havent been reading, havent been writing, havent been exploring ideas, talking, meeting new people, growing or anything that has made me who I am. So, there is this void in life. I am not happy – I mean I am happy most days, most times. If I look back at this phase of life ten years from now, I will consider myself happy. But that thing, that magic that we seek from life is missing. I cant put a finger to it but hope you guys get the drift.

Anyhow, so, I need to reclaim life and what better way to do so than getting back to writing? For as long as I can remember, writing has given me pleasure and I’ve never had any issues with churning words — I am very fast writer — but I have had issues with sitting down to write.

I have had phases where I’ve written for days non-stop and then there have been phases where I havent written a single word (this one for example – the last time I wrote, it was septemberthe23rd. Almost 15 days, if not more. If I were Suketu Mehta, it makes sense to not write for this long. But I am not. Thing is, it takes serious effort for me to write something that is half-decent. And unless I write copious amount of words, I wont be able to leave behind a body of work that keeps me alive after I am gone.

Wait! Do I want to leave something behind? Something to be around when I am gone? I dont know. As I grow older, I feel that the impending end of time is closer than ever and the reality has started to hit home. No, I am not scared. No, I am not suicidal. No, I am not depressed. Its just that with every passing day the frivolity of life is getting more evident (may be its all the reading around death that I am onto lately – When Breath Becomes Air, Chasing Daylight, what else can I read?). Its disappointing that you live through all these years, hoping to make a dent in the universe and in the end it amounts to nothing. There is no grand plan. There are no white lights at the end of the tunnel. All is useless.

Except…

Except things that keep you going, before you die.

For example, something that you are attached to. People in most cases. Family, friends etc. I live away from my folks and I hardly have any friends per se. Or for example routines, things, disciplines, beliefs that you get attached to. You get so attached that you want to live forever on one end of extreme. And you want to kill (or even get killed) on the other. Religion is a case in point. Or may be the blinding chase of a passion project that wakes people up in the morning and like Warren says, makes people tap dance to work. There is no passion project for me except writing. There are few other things that I want to take up but I am not consumed by those yet. For example, there is this thing in my head where I want to impact a large subset of humanity but I have no clue how to go about it.

Even with writing, because of all the useless action around me, I have been postponing writing. Actually come to think of it, since I can remember I have postponed things, procrastinated to the next minute. Next hour. Next day. Next month. Next year. All the time keeping things pending for the tomorrow that would be brighter and better and see me more richer, more famous, more comfortable and God knows what all. Funny thing is that, none of it is true. Tomorrow is as useless as yesterday is. The worst thing you could do, ever, is to put things off to tomorrow. Of course, there is a “right time” and there are things that require deliberate practise before you master them – say, learning guitar, or running a marathon. Its ok to invest time to learn things. But the lessons can NOT wait. You have to do them while you are awake. There is jack shit on the other side of the sleep.

The point is, the “better” world is not coming anytime soon. Ever. All you have is today. The now. You cant fuck the tomorrow for whatever may be trying to fuck it for you. You’ve got to be that unstoppable force that is willing to collide with an immovable object. I’ve learnt that friends often arent around when you need them most, families tend to engage in petty politics more than they care for you, bosses and colleagues tend to be assholes. The day you are getting late, you will get red light on each intersection. Shit goes wrong. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong. Of course there are exceptions but you cant let anything affect the steady rock in your head. Funny that the person with mood swings larger than the Foucault’s is talking about being stable. Being sane. Being immovable. Gyaan is easy. No?

But, as I go along, I will make sure I become stable. I dont know what could help. But there has to be something.

I think it all starts with one small thing – the resolve to do things now. Keyword is Now. Its ok to make mistakes. Its ok to pay for action. Action trumps everything else. And things = writing, getting out of the bed, putting on those running shoes, saying no to that last piece of jalebi and so on and so forth. Action. Things. Now.

And to kickstart one of the things, I promise that I will write 1000 words a day. For the next 100 days atleast. Follow me as I do this. Help me do this. Reprimand me if I falter. And may be, just may be, take up the challenge? 1000 words a day for you too? Or may be 10000 steps a day? Or something else that you thought you wanted to do but havent had the time to?

Oh, one more thing. This one, on promises.
So, through my life I have made promises and more often than not, I tend to deliver on those promises. But lately, since I’ve got busy with things, I havent kept my word. I have promised things and I havent delivered. With clients, friends, colleagues, people etc. I even made a similar promise about #book2 and I did not keep it. And it sucks! I want to avoid this suckiness in my head as I go along. I want to sleep in peace at night.

I know I cant fix what is broken but going forth, I will not make promises that I cant deliver on. My word has to become Gold standard. People have to put enough faith in me. All that will happen if I start delivering. Most times I do. But then I need to aim for perfection and ensure that I deliver on EVERY promise. My zubaan has to be respected. After all zubaan is what makes the world go around. I am nothing if I cant keep my word.

As I start afresh, the first promise going ahead, is to write 1000 words a day. Starting today. Godspeed Mr. Garg.

Why the fuck…

So it’s been some time since I’ve written. Last post was on Feb 23 – that time I thought I was going to die. But as I’ve found out, I am not! And if I am not dead, why the fuck have I NOT made a post on my blog? Or written anything else? Why am I even alive?

Two weeks. I have no excuse to be honest for not writing. I know I was busy. I know I was travelling. I was unwell. I know I was fucked in the head. But then, that’s no excuse for not writing.

In an alternate universe, in two weeks I could have written 15000 words. And in 6 such two-week pockets, I would have written the next book! Like Charles says…

Source: Unknnow. Found via Google Image Search

Now that we are talking about book 2, ladies and gents, I know its long overdue! It was to hit the stands last december (2015) but I am nowhere close to even completion. I am sure my publisher has given up on me. However from what I hear the first book is ~~no longer~~ hardly available on any of the online bookstores (the wait time to get delivery is 10 days). So the first print run of 2500 is almost over – I guess. So may be there is a reprint sometime in future. Depends on the publisher. Let him take a call. I’ve done my bit by writing it.

Coming to the next book, lately, a lot of people have started to ask me about the status of my next book. May be they genuinely enjoyed the first one. Or they are genuinely concerned about my writing career. Or they dont have anything else to talk to me about. Irrespective, I need to uphold their trust and faith in me. I ought to write. If not for them, then for myself.

So there. I will ensure that the book comes out before end of this year. With or without a publisher. Wish me luck!

#tnks for free?

Since #tnks is amongst the biggest things that I have done in life, I often talk about it to friends and strangers. And when I do that, invariably, I am expected to cough up a free, autographed copy of the book.

And ladies and gents, to put on record, it is pissing off!

I have nothing against signing the book. Or free copies. Just that I expect friends, acquaintances, clients, and colleagues to “buy” the book and help me! Free copies are meant for those who expect a favor (exchange, barter etc). And for those who are used to getting freebies (journalists, reviewers etc). Not friends!

You know when you “buy” a book, you contribute to the sales of the book. That pushes the book a tad higher in rankings. And that in turn pushes the publisher for the next print run. Both these things give immense confidence to writers, especially the first-timers like me.

More than confidence, it makes the writer grow balls to work on the next one (if he’s in it for the long run, like I am!). And may be negotiate better terms with the publisher (who often is very cocky and is used to getting his way with authors). Or get an advance (which is unheard of, for non-celebrity authors). Or may be secure a larger print run (which is like a wet-dream on starry night). And so on and so forth.

The funny thing is that the book is really cheap. At a selling price of about 100 bucks, the book is probably cheaper than a coffee at your favorite coffee shop or a meal at a mediocre restaurant or a movie at the most rundown cinema hall or a piece of garment that you wont even wear the second time around. If you’re telling me that you can’t spend 100 bucks to support a friend, who’s trying chase the most cherished goal of his life, God help you! And your friendship. And the friend.

To be honest, the ones who ask for free copies are not to be blamed. There are a few things that we just don’t “get” culturally (as Indians). Like music. It has to be downloaded for free from songs.pk (or some other combination of songs and pk). Or dhaniya and pudhina that has to come for free with any subzi you may buy.

Similarly we expect books to be free. Especially if they are written by friends. No?

In fact I was like you till about 2012! When Suds wrote The Lost Story, I asked him for a free copy and I refused to buy it, till Divya put some sense into me and ordered a copy on my behalf. Thanks Divya. I now know what you meant. And thanks Suds for not giving me a copy for free.

And to everyone who’s been asking for a free copy, you know, you can still buy the book. Its available on Amazon and Flipkart. And hopefully, at a bookstore near you. It’s still not on any bestseller list and every copy sold contributes to that. Which helps me as a writer.

Thank You,
Saurabh Garg

Author, The Nidhi Kapoor Story

P.S.: And no, not everyone asked me for a free copy. Some friends did buy it. Some actually bought multiple copies and gave extra copies away to their friends. Ankit, Gaurav and Parijat even supported my crowdsourcing campaign to raise money for a promotion tour. Thank you guys. Your support means a lot. Onwards to my next book!

Repost from #tnks blog.

10 things I learned after #tnks happened

Buy my book here!

If you live under a stone, you would have missed the big thing I did last year – publish a book! More about it is at www.tnks.in. Do check it out.

So its been two months since the book came out and here is a list of 10 things that I learnt. The hard way.

Unlike what you want to believe, the world does not stop going around because you’ve written a book. There are far too many authors and farer tooer manyer books in the world. And no, no one wants to know when your next book is going to come out. Even if you’ve booked a domain name for it a year in advance.
People don’t mob you asking for your autograph. In fact they don’t even know you. When you tell them that you’re a published author, they go “uh huh… so?” and you don’t have an answer.
When people actually do stop to talk to you about books, more often than not they are not they are not curious about yours. Or you. They want to know if you’ve had any tryst with Chetans or Amishs of the world.
If the book does not sell, the only person to blame is you. No one else. Your book is your priority. No one else’s. Not even if they are your publisher, your editor, your mother, your friend, your agent. You and you alone are responsible. Even if you get a tiny percentage as royalty. No wonder they say that writing is the loneliest profession in the world.
You know what is lonelier than writing a book? Marketing it. Marketing your book is like pimping yourself. It’s like selling your soul. It is very similar to job hunting. Or trying to find someone to date. For each of these, you are supposed to sell yourself. You are supposed to extol the virtues (that may or may not be your strong suit). And you are supposed to hide your vices. You do it once, it’s awkward. You do it twice, it’s soul-stirring. You do it more than that, you start considering yourself as the greatest loser (well, sorest loser) to have walked on Mother Earth. Ever. Funny that all first-time writers (well, most) do this and seem totally ok with it. I, on the other hand am not. Why? Any shrinks reading this?
If you somehow get over the innate shyness to make enough noise about your book in this world full of clutter, do not expect it to catapult you to fame and success and money and interviews and matrimonial proposals and movie offers and other such things. It takes forever to gain traction with your book. Historians estimate that Birbal could cook his khichidi faster.
The book is not a way to live a life free from a job. Most authors have to maintain a full-time job. Why do people even want to write books when they know that it hardly pays (baring a few great ones like Chetan and Amish). So, the dreams you had of quitting your job after you wrote your book? Let em be in that fuzzy dreamy state for a few more years. May be few decades. Or, may be marry a woman who takes up the challenge to earn bread for family and allows you to be a stay-at-home writer. It would be so cool actually! If you know of any single, career-oriented women looking to settle down with a happy-go-lucky guy, please point them to me. Apart from being bald, overweight and slightly on the older side, I am perfect! References available. On request.
Oh, there are side effects of being a writer. You think so much that you lose hair (ok, I made that up to cover for my bald head). But you do put on weight because all you do the entire day, is write. You type, type, recover crashed hard disk, write some more and then hope like hell that some publisher likes it. So you put on weight. And you become boring because you don’t have time to step out and enjoy parties and all that. People around you start dismissing you as a boring recluse that is lost in his stories all the time. Well, people are often right. Case in point? Your’s truly. Wait a minute. What does “your’s truly” even mean? Who invented it? Is it one of those Indian-English inventions? Must be. Moving on…
You inadvertently become a grammar nazi. Even though you are an Indian and your introduction sounds like “myself Sunder Srivastava,” and your grammar skills are sketchy at best, you tend to think of yourself as custodian of lingua britannica. And every time you see or hear or come across someone who makes a typo or a mistake (was vs were, you’re vs your, its vs it’s, ok vs okay, et al) you take it as personal offense. You want to castrate that person, you want to pack that person off to Bangladesh or any other fourth-world country. Of course your first book has so many typos and grammatical errors that you could be banned from using English language for the rest of your seven lives. Classic case in point of mediocre yet arrogant attitude, hypocrisy and delhiwallah-showoff attitude.
You get a lesson in humility. To be honest, you don’t really want it. It just happens. You actually want to become that arrogant prick that gives hard time to everyone around him all the time. But you realize you can’t. Because to be arrogant, you need to have some substance that the world would tolerate your shenanigans for. The book you thought that was your gift to the mankind, the best thing to have happened since the advent of the printing press, a knight in the shining armor for that generation that is bored of those predictable stories, gets lukewarm response. And you automatically become humble. So humble that you are often found knocking at unknown doors, hoping to slip in a word about your book at those places. Oh, do you know of some places where I can talk about my book?

Thats 10 things. Of course I learnt way more than 10 things. These ten were the most nagging of em all. Someday, time permitting, I plan to write an entire book about the process of writing a book so that you may go write your book! Yeah, a book about how to write a book. Like a recursive function. Like a feedback loop. Like a robot that can reproduce. I am not kidding.

Lemme know if you would want to read it. I will make it available for free if there are enough requests. Until then, please buy my book!

P.S.: If you find any typos in this, any grammar mistakes in this, please do let me know. Will you?

Why Starbucks?

As I write this, its 5.25 PM on a Tuesday. I have left office early. Not because I did not have a lot of work. But because I had a lot to do and I did not know where to start from. I just needed a break from all the things I was working on, all the people I was surrounded by and all the things open on my plate. So I took one.

And I am at Starbucks. And for some reason, everything that was bothering me for last few days, all of it is gone! I am in my zone. Where thoughts come to my head and those thoughts become words. And the words appear on the laptop screen. And I feel that I am moving in some direction.

I dont know what is it. May be I have trained my mind to work best when I am sitting on a wooden chair on a wobbly table under the yellow light with all the din of a coffee shop listening to my music on headphones tapping onto the amazing keypad of a MacBook pro.

And while I wrote this, I asked a few questions about a website to a friend, replied to a few work emails, bought the secret santa gift for a colleague and sipped onto an ice cold Javachip Frappuccino. And it’s 5:36 PM. About 10 minutes to come up with these 200 odd words.

#ftw. Or as they would have said, “all your base are belong to us”!

The Story of The Nidhi Kapoor Story

A friend who wanted to quit to write and didn’t have the balls to do so asked me about how I went about it. I told her that I didn’t think a lot and just did it. She was insistent that I write a story. This is an edited version of the email I sent her sometime in Sep of this year. I think this post is relevant to other authors that I’ve made a commitment to on Catapooolt. Thus posting it.

The Car Ride in August 2013
“Are you out of your mind? You want to leave a job that takes you all over the world and pays you for it? How many people are that lucky?” Vivek said when we took that turn towards Lonavala. If we didn’t take that turn, we would have continued on the Mumbai-Expressway towards Pune.

“I’ve had enough of travel. And I think it’s the right time. You know that I’ve always wanted to write a book! And if I am lucky, let me ride my luck and try and write a book. Worst case, Suvi will hire me back. He’s promised me as much.” When I quit Gravity, I had asked my boss, Suvi if he’d hire me back in case the book doesn’t happen.

“Whatever man. Just know that you are not young any more and you ought to leave these frivolous things behind,” said Vivek. He continued to drive at a steady 40, both of us enjoying the crisp air of the night shrouding us.

I could see that he was concerned about me. Unlike him; he is as emotionless as a rock. I however was optimistic about the time to come. Unlike me; I am not the kinds to think about tomorrow.

I said, “Que sera sera. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Right now I’ve gotta go pee. Just stop the car please.”

He parked on the side of the road. Before I could step out, he said, “you better fucking finish that book or I’d kill you!”

Sep 2014
The conversation above happened sometime in August last year and it’s almost the end of September of 2014. I am still alive. That means that I must be done with my book! Update. Yes I am. Its on www.tnks.in. It took threats from friends like Vivek, encouragement from people like Rana Sir, coaxing from #sgMS and infinite support from my sis and my parents to be able to get the book done.

It’s been about 15 months since I’ve quit and I’ve exhausted my life’s savings (I had cashed all my savings to be able to afford to live in Mumbai).

The good bit is that the book is now out. The great bit is that I enjoyed my freedom as a full-time writer and a part-time contractual marketing guy. And the sad bit is that I will have to join a naukri in a couple of days (Update: It’s Nov and been working for almost a month now).

So the challenges I faced, the mistake I made and the lessons I learnt while writing the book are listed below.

Challenges I faced.

Life away from home. I may not be that attached to my folks but I miss having my family around me. They remain the biggest source of inspiration, support, comfort and all that makes me what I am. I hate to be naked about these things but I miss them. I could’ve done better if I was home. But I had to be in Mumbai for other reasons.
Comfort Place. I need a perfect setting to be able to write. The right chair, the right table, the right temperature on AC, so on and so forth. And while I was working on #tnks, I often had to contend without one or more of these things. Starbucks came closet but I can’t sit there forever.
Loneliness. The dreamers are often alone. I think its because its hard to sell your dream to someone else. It often got lonely. I have tons of friends but they’ve got priorities. Thankfully, a lot of strangers were very kind towards to me while I was working on the book. More on this soon.
Money. Money makes our world go around. I did not have enough of it. Actually, no one ever has enough of it. So there were times when I had to not do things that I would want to, to save money. And for someone like me, who’s been lucky to not see bad days (in terms of money) it was a huge huge challenge.
Self-doubt. I must have asked this myself a thousand times. That why would someone want to read what I write. I still don’t have an answer. And I don’t think answers are coming anytime soon.

Mistakes I made.

Took a part-time job that ate a lot of time. Thankfully, I was fired from it. But then the flip side is that I had to take up another full-time job that virtually leaves me with no time at all. Money, like I said, makes the world go around. Sucks to be a slave.
Took all advice on face value. Just because something worked for someone else, doesn’t mean that they would work for me as well. I took suggestions and instead of helping me, they acted as deterrents. Of course the ones helping were doing it with good intentions. And that means that none of this may work for you. So, rather than blindly taking up advice, please please see if it makes sense for you.
More. There must be more mistakes that I would’ve made. Like most other self-obsessed people, I may not be able to recall all the mistakes here 🙂

Lessons I learnt.

Write everyday. If there is one lesson I’ve learnt, it is that I ought to write everyday. It’s like a muscle. If you dont flex it everyday, if you dont practise it everyday, it will rust. In fact I remember this line – “karat karat abhyaas te, jadmati hot sujan” from when I was a kid. All these years hence I am reminded of the lines!
Leap of Faith. It’s ok to take leaps of faith. When I quit, I had plans of living off my savings. I did that. And before I could really dip into my savings, I got an opportunity to work part-time for someone who paid me enough to take care of my rent. Everytime I was in a soup, some solution came my way!
The world is far nicer than I though it was. When I quit, I heard of grim stories of how the world has wronged people. Plus, I have always been a huge cynic. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the kindness of strangers towards me. People came forward to help me, support me and even give their time and money to me.
Assume that the world will ridicule you. I have another line. From I don’t know who, “Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” I learnt that no one will ever understand why I crave so much to write. They may not, I am not answerable to anyone. The world ridiculed me, laughed at me. It was tough to stay strong. I tried. I failed. I am learning.
A life of poverty. Lately I have been trying to figure out if I can make a career out of writing. My language is not really perfect and my vocabulary is limited. But what the heck, I’d try. So, I’ve been meeting writers and hustlers. And everyone has told me that it’s a long long long road and it’s full of poverty and rejection and dejection. I am not ready for this one yet. But I will someday make an exception.

Finally, I totally believe in the concept of paying it forward. I am going to do the same. I am willing to help other first-time authors discover the magic of writing a book. Trust me guys, there is nothing as pleasurable as seeing your name in print. Especially when you’ve been cherishing the dream for almost 10 years.

Please write into me and I would love to help in anyway possible. Ofcourse if you believe in my story and you really want to help me, please consider helping me in my fundraising attempt with Catapooolt.

I may not be the best writer around but I know how to get a book out. I am going to get 5 books out by 2020. Just wait and watch.

Thank You.

Saurabh Garg

~~30 Sep 2014~~ 22 Nov 2014

Why ship?

“Real Aritst Ship.” – Steve Jobs.
Image Credit: Andrew Power / Busy Building Things

Context
a. A conversation with a very very dear friend about The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Please judge.
b. I am a firm believer in the concept of shipping (folklore). She, on the other hand, hates mediocrity and thinks quality is always greater than quantity. It’s a never-ending debate and there is no right side. I guess.

Notes
a. I don’t remember the exact words that she used. Or the exact words I used. But this is how the conversation went.
b. This friend, F, is my dearest friend. The kinds I can die for. Really.

So, it went like…

[START]
Friend (F): Are you happy with your book? Is this the best that you can come up with?
SG: Not really. If I want, I can tinker it with for the rest of my life. But it has come to a point where I am confident about sharing it with the world. I wish I could write like all the other great ones…

F: Then why would you publish it?
SG: What do you mean?

F: Arey you said its not your best output. Why would you want a sub-standard and half-baked product out in the market?
SG: It is not sub-standard. I have given it an honest shot and I really think it ought to see the light of day.

F: Why? If you can still improve it, how is it not half-baked?
SG: Its at a stage where I think I can ship it. Of course I can add things, remove things, change things. like any other story, this one is in a perpetual stage of flux. I have created it. Everything is fictional. I can do whatever with it. But I believe that if more people see it, I’d get more feedback and better I’d get as an ~~artist~~ writer. Its that perpetual loop. Steve Jobs once said, “real artists ship.” I want to ship.

F: But a mediocre product? Do you know whenever Steve Jobs launched something, it was always very very cool!
SG: It may be. Steve Jobs knew what he was doing with his life. I do not know. Writing does not come to me naturally. I had to work hard for it. It took me considerable time and effort to come to a point where I could finish the book. Hence I want to put it out as soon as possible so that I get as much feedback on it.

And like I said, I have spent enough time on the book and I really think that it would be worth the time people spend in reading it.

Plus I want to try. Stumble on things, fall down and then get up again. And eventually carry on walking. And, if writing does not work out, I will move onto the next thing. Simple. Thats the plan. And commercial success is a true true barometer of an artist. Even though for every famous writer, there are a thousand others that die an anonymous death. When I die, I really want to tell myself that I tried. Simple.

F: Fucking faff! And if you really want feedback, show it to your friends. Why release it in print and all? Why make so much noise about it?
SG: Because friends could be biased. They wont be merciless in their reviews. They wouldn’t want me to get discouraged. If its out there, I would know that what the aam aadmi thinks.

And I really really believe in doing things that make accidents happen. What if someone reads this and gives me an idea that can change the way I work? Unless I print the book, I would never reach that person. No? So its important to get this in the hands of as many people as I can.

F. Wait. Are you writing this for yourself? Or for people?
SG: Of course its for my own happiness. It would be good to make money from it though. But money is not the only criteria. I want to tell stories. People may or may not listen to what I have to say. But I know that if I keep up to it, I will someday become a storyteller.

F: So, this is about fame?
SG: No no. Its about trying to do something that I think I could do for the rest of my life! Its yet another thing that I am trying my hand at. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t, Id move onto the next one.

F. I dont believe you. You are such a fucking moron.
SG: But that’s how I am. Trust me I really want to improve the craft and I cant see any other way. I definitely cant be the guy who works in a garage till he comes up with a masterpiece. Whatever I do, I want to put out as soon as possible.
[END]

The conversation went on for another 30 or so minutes till she finally got disgusted and almost threw a glass full of water on face. Thank God she did not do that.

Though, I still wondering, what did I do to deserve that extreme a reaction.

In praise of writing

The last few days have been really busy.

Amongst other things, I have been playing a fervent ping-pong match with team at Grapevine India. They have sent me the edited and proofread version of tnks and I was supposed to give an approval on it. I did not like a few things that they removed. And they did not like a few things that I really want in the final version. Both of us (Grapevine and I) are guilty of clinging onto things and thus we are squabbling over it. And squabbling over things is a very very time consuming and exhausting.

Thankfully, we’ve reached a truce and agreed on the final draft. And it means two things.

A, we are on track to meet the October release deadline for the book. Yay!

B, I can now start working on the next plot. In fact, today I wrote a few lines for the next one. And I loved working on it. Loved it like crazy. Words magically appeared on my screen and the time seemed to be moving fast. I realized that I love creating new things. That chase of new new thing has remained with me even after all these years!

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I live. To see time fly by. To see words popping in my head.

When I write, I forget everything that is wrong with my life. I instead become the God and I, for a change, can control things. I can mould characters and their behaviors. I can change the course of incidents and situations and everything else as per my whims. I can give birth, take a life, nurture something, torture someone and be indifferent without any guilt. No, I am not a egomaniacal narcissist. As yet.

Just that I am the happiest when I am writing. And nothing else comes close. May be, except spending time with sgMS!

Original, edited version posted here.