Personal – Page 4

A BMW

From my calendar.

Last year, on 26th July, I promised one of my mentors that I will have made enough money to buy a BMW by 26th Jul of 2015.

When I made that promise, I did not really have my eyes on a top end model, but on a simple X1. Which I thought was pretty doable – after all I am full of hope and I know I will do well in the future. Just that this future never comes. I have been full of hope for some 20 years now.

And thus the 26th of July in 2015 came and went and I am farther away from the beemer than I was on this date last year. In fact if I were to monetize all my assets and go to a car shop, I think I’d be able to afford a Tata Nano. May be. May be not. Depends on the shape of stock market.

And no, I am not proud of it. Instead, it sucks. And sucks like crazy.

Thing is, a BMW is not really important. Its just a placeholder. Placeholder for affluence, success, fame, impact, love, relationships and other things that you use to measure the grandness of life, measure the success, measure the respect that you get from the world around you and all that.

I mean, at my age, you ought to have achieved at least one of the following…
– create an unicorn
– make a ding in the world
– own a fleet of cars – including a Batmobile.
– earn enough money to retire at an island like the Necker
– use the leftover money to help others (not via NGOs) but via a ‘skills imparting business’
– make a trip to the space
– date a supermodel (Priyanka Chopra, Deepika Padukone, Julia Roberts etc.)
– ~~win~~ cash the WSOP ME
– exchange vows of life with the love of your life (after you found her of course)
– discover the purpose of your existence and thus the life
– travel the world
– etc…
and more.

But I haven’t done any of these. I am more than half-way my useful life span and I am miles away from any of these.

The least I could have done was to get myself a car. May be a BMW X1?

End of the starry night…

Note: I have been acting crazy over the last few days (about ten days or so). I’ve tried to not show the crazy bit to people around me. They may or may not have noticed. But deep down inside, I know I have been crazy. As they say, the easiest person to fool is myself and the hardest to help is also self. So instead of falling in the delusion that all is well, I shall work on and fix things.

van Gogh’s Starry Night

Since this is a very public place (and yet apart from PD no one reads this blog and I am not sure if after IM she has time to read this anymore) I will not get into a lot of details. But I know I need to fix a few things. Let me make a list of things that I would work on over the next few days.

1. Find that office (or a place where I could sit and work). Fast. Super fast. I cant work out of home. Even though I have a fancy table and an ok chair to sit on. Starbucks is fine but I no longer want to spend 200 bucks every hour. I have a couple of options. They are not ideal but I shall exercise those options and see which one can I close.

2. Do something about my fitness. I just do not like the way I look. I need to loose (or lose?) that fat around my belly. There are so many things that could be done. I have to finish a marathon before the end of this year and apart from buying running shoes, I haven’t done shit about it. It will change from today. I will go for a walk, if not a run every day from today. Irrespective of the city I am in.

3. The longing for sgMS is making me super crazy. I know I can’t be with her and I know I can’t live without her. Everything I do is meaningless without her. There are times when I question the very reason for doing things (writing etc). I will no longer worry about it. Let the reasons take a break. I am just going to assume that she’s around and do my shit. More on it on the secret blog.

4. There are couple more things. I will not write about em here. Too personal. Too private.

Apart from these, other things that often trouble me are my attempts to improve the way I write, my quest for learning and the never-ending chase of money. I am thankfully doing pretty ok for the time being (I am learning about writing, have enough money to feed myself for the next 6 months and learning new things everyday). I am moving ahead in my own little silly ways. The only thing hampering em is the general gloom that I have subjected myself to. Like I said, I need to get out of it. And I will do it now!

Oh, I am working on a new business idea. And this time, I have a partner who’s been there and done that (started and exited a successful start-up). So, things will have a higher probability of working out. Look forward to it. More in a few days when we are closer to the output.

That’s it for the time being.

P.S.: The very damn act of writing this is so therapeutic. I often wonder why I write a blog when I very well know that very few people read this on regular basis. And in the process of writing, I am making my life public. More public that those cricketers or film stars. Just that they have people who care about the color of underwear they’re wearing. And in my case, the person I love the most, doesnt even care if I am alive. Or dead.

Anyhow, I dont know the real reason why I write. I just think that writing helps. Like I said, its therapeutic. And if you’re reading this, thanks a ton. It really is gratifying to know that people can read through long personal rants.

More as and when I have newer updates.

P.P.S.: Why did I put van Gogh here? I dont know. It felt like the most natural thing to do.

P.P.P.S.: I have made similar list no less than a hundred times in the past (too lazy to post links) and every time I have failed to keep up to them. Let’s see if this time I can.

P.P.P.P.S.: The other change that has happened to me is that I no longer care about the perception that my acquaintances have of me. The realization happened as a result of this long rant on the events industry. May be read it, if events business interests you.

Dear sgMS

Dear sgMS,

I dint mean to write to you this soon. I am supposed to show little restraint, little caution, little more control over what I do and how much I miss you. You know I am supposed to move on and all that. And anyway, I just wrote a letter to you last week!

The thing is, I am at a place that has something that reminds me of you. Actually not just one thing. But a lot of things. Its like the universe is conspiring against me or something. To get me close to you. Lemme talk about those things.

Starting with the fragrance that the hotel uses. This hotel has Lotus Flower as their signature smell. Now I dont know much about fragrances and perfumes and all that but I know that the perfume is uncannily similar to the one that you use all the time. So much that everytime I use one of those free things that come in the room, I go rushing back in your arms. Living with you. Breathing in that smell off you. Holding your hand, traveling with you to a new place. Remember that ten-page long letter that I wrote you before we went on that trip?

Then there is this entire thing about me being at a very chilled out place and not having you for company. Every time I do some mischief, pull a prank on people I am with, I am left searching for you and hoping that you would be around to see me smirk like a mad man. I would crave for that dismissive nod of yours that says so much without saying anything at all. Something that only you can do. Something that I think is one of your superpowers. Something that I miss sorely.

Then ofcourse there are millions of tiny nicknacks that I think you would’ve loved to buy. Of course, to this date I cant guess what your taste is like but I have a vague idea of things that would pass your scrutiny. You remember how towards the end of that trip, I actually got good at guessing the trinket that you liked? I wanted to point at things that I think you would like. But I couldnt. You werent around you know.

And last, the fact that the room has pristine clean bedding, just the kind that you prefer. It is so perfect that you probably wouldnt have stepped out of the hotel! Neither do I want to for that matter. And when I miss you, and when I dig my face into those soft pillows, every time I curl up in the bed craving for your company, that whiff of that Lotus Flower takes me back. To you. It reminds me of you. Of your company. Of your greatness.

God, I miss you. I really do.

Please come back.

Love always,
SG

Dear sgMS

From the movie Notting Hill. One of the greatest love stories ever told!

Dear sgMS,

Trust you are well.

So, I dont know where to start this rant. I have nothing new to report. Its the same old life, same old rut, same old circle or life. And the same old longing for you. It’s been so long that I’ve spoken to you that it feels like a life time.

~~It is~~ You often said that us humans are funny people and time is the greatest healer. And with time we forget, forgive everything. We move on. Time heals everything. For some funny reason, I haven’t been able to. I miss you. I miss you like I could miss anything else. Damn I am short of words. I dont know what to say to make you come running in my arms. But I miss you like mad.

Second thing you said was that moment I find someone else, I will forget you. I tried to find that someone else. And I failed at it. Over the last few days, I have met
few women and some of them have been absolute pleasure to hang out with.
But every time I crossed that blurry line between being strangers and being acquaintances, I felt as if I were cheating on you. I couldnt carry on the conversation. I would exit. Feeling guilty about even making an attempt to meet others.

And then I would be miserable for the next few days. Till I gather myself and my thoughts and chase someone else. And after I meet someone, I would be guilty all over again. And the vicious cycle would continue. I dont see a way out. I know I cant be with you and I know I cant stay away from. I sincerely dont know what to do.

You know, I thought I’d never say this. But I need you. I am desperate for your company. I long for you. I can do anything to be around you. I dont want you to kiss me, I dont want you to hug me. I dont even want to shake hands or whatever. Just be around you. Allow me to be around. Please. I beg of you. I promise I would not make it awkward. I would not make it uncomfortable. Please…

I really need you to hold me and tell me that all will be ok. Remember how we sat next to that broken wall along a river? And then on that bench next to that other river? I miss those times. I miss sitting next to you.

I miss you.

Please come back.

Love always,
SG

The Story of The Nidhi Kapoor Story

A friend who wanted to quit to write and didn’t have the balls to do so asked me about how I went about it. I told her that I didn’t think a lot and just did it. She was insistent that I write a story. This is an edited version of the email I sent her sometime in Sep of this year. I think this post is relevant to other authors that I’ve made a commitment to on Catapooolt. Thus posting it.

The Car Ride in August 2013
“Are you out of your mind? You want to leave a job that takes you all over the world and pays you for it? How many people are that lucky?” Vivek said when we took that turn towards Lonavala. If we didn’t take that turn, we would have continued on the Mumbai-Expressway towards Pune.

“I’ve had enough of travel. And I think it’s the right time. You know that I’ve always wanted to write a book! And if I am lucky, let me ride my luck and try and write a book. Worst case, Suvi will hire me back. He’s promised me as much.” When I quit Gravity, I had asked my boss, Suvi if he’d hire me back in case the book doesn’t happen.

“Whatever man. Just know that you are not young any more and you ought to leave these frivolous things behind,” said Vivek. He continued to drive at a steady 40, both of us enjoying the crisp air of the night shrouding us.

I could see that he was concerned about me. Unlike him; he is as emotionless as a rock. I however was optimistic about the time to come. Unlike me; I am not the kinds to think about tomorrow.

I said, “Que sera sera. Whatever has to happen, will happen. Right now I’ve gotta go pee. Just stop the car please.”

He parked on the side of the road. Before I could step out, he said, “you better fucking finish that book or I’d kill you!”

Sep 2014
The conversation above happened sometime in August last year and it’s almost the end of September of 2014. I am still alive. That means that I must be done with my book! Update. Yes I am. Its on www.tnks.in. It took threats from friends like Vivek, encouragement from people like Rana Sir, coaxing from #sgMS and infinite support from my sis and my parents to be able to get the book done.

It’s been about 15 months since I’ve quit and I’ve exhausted my life’s savings (I had cashed all my savings to be able to afford to live in Mumbai).

The good bit is that the book is now out. The great bit is that I enjoyed my freedom as a full-time writer and a part-time contractual marketing guy. And the sad bit is that I will have to join a naukri in a couple of days (Update: It’s Nov and been working for almost a month now).

So the challenges I faced, the mistake I made and the lessons I learnt while writing the book are listed below.

Challenges I faced.

Life away from home. I may not be that attached to my folks but I miss having my family around me. They remain the biggest source of inspiration, support, comfort and all that makes me what I am. I hate to be naked about these things but I miss them. I could’ve done better if I was home. But I had to be in Mumbai for other reasons.
Comfort Place. I need a perfect setting to be able to write. The right chair, the right table, the right temperature on AC, so on and so forth. And while I was working on #tnks, I often had to contend without one or more of these things. Starbucks came closet but I can’t sit there forever.
Loneliness. The dreamers are often alone. I think its because its hard to sell your dream to someone else. It often got lonely. I have tons of friends but they’ve got priorities. Thankfully, a lot of strangers were very kind towards to me while I was working on the book. More on this soon.
Money. Money makes our world go around. I did not have enough of it. Actually, no one ever has enough of it. So there were times when I had to not do things that I would want to, to save money. And for someone like me, who’s been lucky to not see bad days (in terms of money) it was a huge huge challenge.
Self-doubt. I must have asked this myself a thousand times. That why would someone want to read what I write. I still don’t have an answer. And I don’t think answers are coming anytime soon.

Mistakes I made.

Took a part-time job that ate a lot of time. Thankfully, I was fired from it. But then the flip side is that I had to take up another full-time job that virtually leaves me with no time at all. Money, like I said, makes the world go around. Sucks to be a slave.
Took all advice on face value. Just because something worked for someone else, doesn’t mean that they would work for me as well. I took suggestions and instead of helping me, they acted as deterrents. Of course the ones helping were doing it with good intentions. And that means that none of this may work for you. So, rather than blindly taking up advice, please please see if it makes sense for you.
More. There must be more mistakes that I would’ve made. Like most other self-obsessed people, I may not be able to recall all the mistakes here 🙂

Lessons I learnt.

Write everyday. If there is one lesson I’ve learnt, it is that I ought to write everyday. It’s like a muscle. If you dont flex it everyday, if you dont practise it everyday, it will rust. In fact I remember this line – “karat karat abhyaas te, jadmati hot sujan” from when I was a kid. All these years hence I am reminded of the lines!
Leap of Faith. It’s ok to take leaps of faith. When I quit, I had plans of living off my savings. I did that. And before I could really dip into my savings, I got an opportunity to work part-time for someone who paid me enough to take care of my rent. Everytime I was in a soup, some solution came my way!
The world is far nicer than I though it was. When I quit, I heard of grim stories of how the world has wronged people. Plus, I have always been a huge cynic. However, I was pleasantly surprised by the kindness of strangers towards me. People came forward to help me, support me and even give their time and money to me.
Assume that the world will ridicule you. I have another line. From I don’t know who, “Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” I learnt that no one will ever understand why I crave so much to write. They may not, I am not answerable to anyone. The world ridiculed me, laughed at me. It was tough to stay strong. I tried. I failed. I am learning.
A life of poverty. Lately I have been trying to figure out if I can make a career out of writing. My language is not really perfect and my vocabulary is limited. But what the heck, I’d try. So, I’ve been meeting writers and hustlers. And everyone has told me that it’s a long long long road and it’s full of poverty and rejection and dejection. I am not ready for this one yet. But I will someday make an exception.

Finally, I totally believe in the concept of paying it forward. I am going to do the same. I am willing to help other first-time authors discover the magic of writing a book. Trust me guys, there is nothing as pleasurable as seeing your name in print. Especially when you’ve been cherishing the dream for almost 10 years.

Please write into me and I would love to help in anyway possible. Ofcourse if you believe in my story and you really want to help me, please consider helping me in my fundraising attempt with Catapooolt.

I may not be the best writer around but I know how to get a book out. I am going to get 5 books out by 2020. Just wait and watch.

Thank You.

Saurabh Garg

~~30 Sep 2014~~ 22 Nov 2014

Streak of last ten days

BSOD + Bill Gates!

Yesterday, the post-a-day streak of last ten days got interrupted. Streaks are broken? Or are interrupted? I dont know. I dont care. But I did not write anything yesterday. And funny thing is that I am not feeling bad about it or something. I am just disappointed about not writing. And I am disappointed about not feeling bad.

If I tried hard, I could have continued with the streak. I mean I knew that I was going to be out of Mumbai and away from a computer for a large part of the day. I was counting on coming back and write before I sleep. But when I reached back, I was really unwell and could not write.

So, like everyone else who does not work, I have an excuse to fall back on. Damn!

But anyway, the one day interruption does not really mean a lot. I just need to ensure that I continue writing a post-a-day. And for the future, I plan my time better. And try and foresee the problems that I could be in when I am writing.

So whats next? A post on this blog! What else. Wait for it.

The split personality disorder

An interpretation of Ravana, from this blog

The image above is a pretty neat illustration of Ravana, the evil anti-hero, or a villain, if you will, from the Ramayana. And why am I using it here? I would come to that in a minute. Indulge till then please.

So, its a common knowledge that I suffer from split personality. Actually multiple personality disorder actually. Apparently its a rare disorder but then I am rare as well? No? Let me talk about them. Quickly. In a couple of lines each.

Inside me, my head, there is not one SG but there are many. There is this me that is a big dreamer. Who wants to believe that everything good about the world is up for grabs and its possible to actually get it. Just need a little bit of luck, hard work and other such things. The big dreamer me makes me get up everyday and look forward to each day, as if that day could be a stepping stone in my life (this line has been inspired from what Raj taught me at CLA).

Then there is the selfish me. Selfish-er than the selfish gene. Even more selfish than the selfish meme. The one that wants everything for myself. Ok, not just myself but for few other people who I care for. Nothing wrong with it I guess. But I think there are times when this selfish me makes me so stupid stupid things. Things that I eventually end up regretting. The selfish me, hopes of material gains, makes me fall for those quick-rich schemes where only outcome is loss of money and time.

And the gift-to-mankind me. The one that believes that I am actually a gift to mankind. And what exactly is the worth of this gift? I dont know. How is this gift helping the mankind? I dont know. What if the world did not have this gift? I dont know. But a gift nonetheless. And a grand one at that. This me, the greatest gift me helps me go out of my way and help other people. When I say help, I dont mean give them money or something. Charity and NGOs are the biggest scams in my opinion. Help as in help them in work, help the world in becoming a better place, even if its a small, tiny, insignificant way.

Then I have the pessimist me. The one who thinks that I ~~have lost~~ did not win the ovarian lottery and that means I was born at a time and at a place that is responsible for all my miseries. Do see this video of Buffet talking about Ovarian Lottery. It may change you life. I mean it did not change mine, but it may. This me stops me in my tracks when I know I just need to push a little more and become immortal. Its like I climb 99 out of 100 steps to heaven and the pessimist me tells me that there is no point in climbing that one last step because reaching heaven can not be that easy.

Then I have a optimistic and hopeful me. The one that thinks that I am still young (at 30) and I will make it big. There is no question of if. The question is when. When would I get big. The optimistic me keeps on thinking of those things. And I think I am overly optimistic. Bordering on overconfidence. And thus this optimist me stops me from. Its my limiting belief, as those self-help gurus would put it. So rather than being a good thing, its actually bad!

Then I have a pragmatic me. The one that knows that two plus two is four and the one that knows that the selfish me could be a bad thing in a long run and the gift to mankind may not be a gift after all and the optimistic me could be misplaced and all of that. This pragmatic me makes me alert. And makes me take up everything with a pinch of caution.

Then there is this writer me. The one who wants to do nothing but write. Actually this me is a new discovery. Over the last year or so. I mean I have been writing for almost ten years on this blog but I am getting serious about it only now. This me is like a baby. It is curious. It wants to explore. It wants to experiment. It wants to run. Run faster than anyone else. And run to the entire length and breadth of this whole world. And keep running. And run so much that no one can catch up. But then, there are baby steps that need to be taken. All the other me’s feed into this writer me and are helping him grow. And its growing fast. Everyday. I cant notice the growth on a daily basis but when I note the changes over a longer period, say a few months, I can notice. The only thing with this me, is that, its time is yet to come. And when it comes, by God, it would be worth all the wait. And the other me’s, they may stay or they may expire. I dont know. But this writer me, shall stay. Till I stay, the writer me stays. Promise.

And finally, ladies and gentlemen, there is this me, SG, who is made up of all the mes listed above. And more. The point of this post and the question to you, dear reader, is, which me would you want to make an acquaintance with?

And No, I did not forget about Ravana. I want to believe that whoever cooked him up as a character must have been smoking pot of very high quality. I mean there is no reason to create a character that has ten heads. Imagine trimming hair on all those ten heads. Seriously, I suspect that these ten head thing is just an interpretation of ten different voices in that one person’s head. And because Ravana could not control all these voices in his head, he may made those mistakes that made him fall, despite all the good things that he stood for.

Anyway, so what is the point? Am I a modern avatar of Ravana with all these heads? And all these personalities? Do I need to work on making peace with these voices? I dont know yet. In time!

But you, you may chose the me that you want to patronize, kill, hate, help, pity, loathe, respect, make friends with.

P.S.: Day 9. And its only about prioritizing things. I am down and about and unwell and sleepy and cranky and other things. And yet I made sure that I write. The writer me prevailed over the pessimist me. What I write may not make sense to the ones reading. But to me, its the most beautiful prose ever. The prose that I wrote that I could’ve not written by giving into the lure of procrastination etc. You know what I am saying? You are. Right?

(not) working from home!

Today is day 8. And its a busy day ahead. If I don’t write now, I would not be able to write. I have a choice between writing and going for a swim. You now know what I chose. There are schools of thought about it. No point writing everyday if I am going to ignore my health and die sooner. On the other hand, no point staying healthy and fit if I am not going to write. Its like the chicken and the egg. Anyway, onward to the post of the day. Like I said, today is day 8. On the trot. Power to me.

So all my life, ever since I did my MBA, I have craved for a job that allowed me to work from home. Where I decided my own time and I worked out of the relative comfort of my home.

To me, the greatest advantage of work from home was all the time that I could save if I did not have to negotiate traffic en route to office. And since I lived in a godforsaken corner of Delhi, roads were bad, traffic was maddening and it took forever to reach some place.

I was under the impression that if I am work from home, I would be more productive. I’d be able to do more work per hour spent working and the quality of work would be better. I also thought that since I would choose my time, I would have enough time to indulge in these side projects that I kept cooking. And finally, stay at home and work meant I would spend a lot more time with my family, something that I have largely ignored while I was working out of Delhi.

Not to mention all the money that I would save. My last office was 50+ KM away from home and with the petrol prices skyrocketing, every day I went to office, I spent about 700 bucks, just on the drive. Multiply it by 20 days a month that I went to office and it was a whopping 14K a month. On fuel alone. Just to reach office. So while I was travelling, I was wasting time, money, energy and keeping everything on the back burner. Not a good thing. No?

I tried really hard to negotiate a thrice a week policy. Or work from home thing but my boss was adamant that it does not work in the events business. If I was a consultant or something, I could have lived in Honolulu and worked from there but I was expected to meet clients, get work done from my team and generally stay on top of everything. I hated him for it. Work from home was like a elixir that I needed to stay alive. I fought and fought and fought and nothing came out of it.

So, when I came to Mumbai to work on the book and work on the startup where I made my first angel investment, I thought that since I would be working out of home, I would have more time, do more work, do better work, create those side projects, focus on health and so on and so forth. It looked like an ideal scenario. I couldnt have imagined a better life.

I was wrong. So so wrong.

So.

Very.

Wrong.

Its been three months since I quit and rather than becoming a productivity ninja with superpowers to get things done on a deadline, I have become a lazy (ok, lazier), fat (fatter), procrastinator that just wants to eat and sleep. That lure of the comfortable bed is just too tempting to not indulge in. I tell myself that I would lie down for just a few minutes and then I would be back to work. And when I get up, I realize that its been more than two hours since I went to bed. I decide that I would only have home cooked meals and that too at regular intervals. But no, I am consuming Maggi, omelettes, Coke, Red Bull et al at a speed faster than a light travels. I thought I would get up early and learn swimming. But no, I have ended up programming my system for 12 hour sleep cycles. Remember I could sleep for four hours and still be in my senses? I decide that I’d take a small break. But no, I end up watching hours and hours of Big Bang Theory. oh, this has to be the bestest sequence from the show. Here, lemme embed it.

So, where was I?

Yes, I have come to a conclusion that work from home, for me atleast, does not work. I really need a place where I am expected to show up at 9 every morning and have to login 8 hours. And I want the freedom to step out when I want to. You know what I am saying?

To sum it up, I think I am not programmed to be able to work from home. In last three months, I have gone fatter, I have worked lesser and none of the projects is off the ground. Who is to blame? ~~Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Howard Wolowitz~~ Me! And my obsession to find work that requires to be done from home.

Damn.

But then thankfully, Nidhi Kapoor Story is moving forward. Tottering actually but its still moving. However I am not getting as many likes on the FB page, as I would want. Any social media analysts want to help?

And to end this note, I still have a few months to go before I start working again. And I need to find an office close to where I live. This means somewhere in Powai. A cheap co-working space. You know of any?

And when I do resume working, if I get into a job that requires me to work on a desk, I really want an inspiring office. A place, a desk, a cubicle, something to keep my computer on. I want it to be comfortable, airy, air-conditioned, with an unlimited supply of water, clean loos and approval to play music of my choice at an hour of my choice. And I want it to be as close to where I live. Ideally, walking distance.

What I am ok without having, is a corner office or a view or a secretary or a carpet or expensive furniture or a pool table or a membership to the club or fancy things like those. Basics are just fine with me. I am that kind of a person. I think people like me are called externally-motivated or something. Whatever, I want these things, if I am to work.

And no, I will not work from home.

P.S.: If you plan to hire me, please do read this and other posts in this series.

And thus, I write!

So, why do I write?

Here are ten reasons. In no particular order.

A. Writing makes me a better thinker. Some people think best when they are talking. Some do it best while making mind maps. Some do it when they are alone. Some do it on the pot, or in the shower. Some do while sleeping. I think, I think best when I am writing. Most of my best ideas have come when I have been scribbling on a notepad or writing on my blog. And thus, I write.

B. Serendipity. I define serendipity as happy accidents. And I love serendipity and the concept of happy accidents. Writing has allowed me to make these lucky accidents happen. And not one, not two, a lot of them have happened. See C for details. And thus, I write.

C. People. I have met some really incredible people, thanks to my writing. And thanks to this blog. Not that these people have left me money in their wills or have given me employment opportunities or taken me out on dates or something. They have just made my life richer, fuller and happier. If not for my writing and my blog, I would have never met those people. And I would have been deprived of their awesomeness! And thus, I write.

D. Superpower. Writing is my secret superpower. I am not a real superhero and I cant really save the world. Yet. But I am sure someday I would be able to become a real superhero and make my writing my superpower. And save the world. And thus, I write.

E. Writing is my special move. Its my signature shot. Think of a fat old Indian man. You cant expect him to have a moon walk that separates him from all the other dancers. He cant play a late cut or a reverse sweep or a helicopter shot that separates him from all the other batsmen. But then, he can write. In a style, tone, manner that is uniquely his and sets him apart from others. I want to reinforce this style, tone and manner. And thus, I write. Btw, does this mean that I strive to be different? I dont know that yet. But I do know that I am a specimen of home-sapiens and I have the gift of communication and I want to abuse it.

F. Rewarding. No, I haven’t won any contests but I’ve left behind a tangible trail, with each word that I have written over the years .Over the last ten years, I have written 1200 odd posts. That’s a long trail. Of course it all could be noise in a world where everyone is talking about everything all the time. But then these trails are interesting. These allow me to look back and see how I have evolved. These allow happy accidents to happen (see B). And thus, I write.

G. Its my shot at immortality. Do I want to be immortal in the first place? I will skip this philosophical questions. Because I dont know the answer yet. But I will answer something else. Why do I write? Because writing gives me an opportunity to create something that would outlast me. Something that the next generations would appreciate. Imagine leaving the world a better place when you say goodbye. To a powerless and spineless individual like me, I may not create anything of enduring values but I can create and leave behind a school of thought that inspires. I want to be that giant that invites people to stand on my shoulders and see farther. And thus, I write.

H. Writing is immersive. When I am writing, when I let my fingers dance on the keyboard, they do the dance by themselves, I love it. I forget all the fuckeries of the world affecting me. I become God. I can control the output. Actually I cant. I become so immersed in writing that I become immune to the world outside my head. Its like meditation. Its flow. Its like a rush from a drug. Its like orgasm. Its the reason. And thus, I write.

I. Writing makes me explore. Everytime I write, I want to do my best. It makes me hunt for new things that I can use to say the old things in a better way. Bad example is words. I learn new words. I learn idioms. I read what other writers write. I explore. I go into the unknown. I discover new things. I invent one or two. I am like that free man that Stephen King talked about in Shawshank. I am on an adventure. And I dont know what is on the other side of the adventure. And I love these adventures. I have a curious mind and I love to get lost. Writing allows me to get lost. And then writing helps me find a way out. And thus, I write.

And lastly and most importantly, probably the real reason why I write,

X. I dont know why I write! Before this one, here is a quote from the Joker (of the Batman fame), “Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just… do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon’s got plans …“. Like Joker, I am a man without plans. I write because I write. I dont know what to do after I’ve written. I let my writing hang on an anonymous blog in a secluded corner of the world wide web. If someone stumbles upon it, great. I get happy. If that someone leaves a comment, I feel awesome. When that someone writes into me and sends some praises down my way, I feel as if all the effort that it has ever taken towards writing has been rewarded. And when more than one people write in, it starts working like a drug. An addiction. I get addicted to emails and comments. And then I become a junkie. I wait for my daily fix. When I stop getting this fix, I get restless and do things like this. And then I go into rehabilitation and come out cleaner. And then like that itch that you have to scratch, I suddenly fire up the word editor and write again. And the vicious circle starts all over again. But you know it now. Right? That I am man without a plan. I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it. And thus, I write!

And thus, I write.

RIP Steve Jobs

No other human being has been able to inspire me as much as Steve Jobs did.

Its been two years since he’s gone and I still miss him. There is not a single task that I do before asking myself, “how would Steve Jobs do it”. And then I try and do it like that. Every single task. Every single time.

Ofcourse I am not as awesome as he was and I am forced to cut corner and rely on shortcuts. But he remains an inspiration and a guiding light. He is still someone that I look upto. He’s still someone I seek approval from. He’s still someone that I want to talk to when I am in deep shit. He’s closest thing to God that I have had.

I sincerely wish I could work with him. Even if I was a minion in his army, I would have loved it. But then such is life. Like Tim Cook said, “he left this world a better place”. I hope when I leave the world, I would leave it better, if not happier. Just like him.

Finally, Thank you Steve. I am nowhere close to you in terms of how I think or how I work but I would continue to strive. With you being my guiding light.

Thank you.

On dreams. And yet another project.

Today I made the first tranche of payment for yet another project. For the record, this is the third time when I am paying for a project and substantial amounts at that. Both the previous ones, sadly did not do well. Heck, what do I mean “do well”? I didn’t even work on those apart from outsourcing a few simple tid bits and paying through the roof for those. FYI and FMI, the other two projects are
Saboon (aka Made With Love) and Brownie Points.

This one, unlike the last two where I sunk money and did nothing about, I plan to get off the ground. Let me park this bit, for a bit.

Unrelated note, Neo sent me this awesome quote, which is apt here…

Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs. -Anonymous

So far I have spent my entire adult life in building dreams for others. I have spent countless sleepless nights working on those dreams, I have lied for those dreams, I have done things that I have hated doing for those dreams, I have almost sold my soul for those dreams and I have put in my best years to work on those dreams. And if not a major one, I have definitely made notable contributions to those dreams.

Connecting this and the thought I parked above, its about time I did something about my dreams. I mean I dont really know what my dreams are but I know that it definitely does not include what I am doing right now. I dont even know if this project is my dream. But its a step up for sure. After 55555, this is the second thing that I am working on in 2013. And unlike the previous ones, I promise myself that I would bring this to an end.

While I am writing this, I remembered, one of my ex-bosses captured me in a brilliant line. He said that I am a very good beginner but a very poor finisher (prospective employers, judge me). When I look back, I realize that not finishing has been a common theme in my life across all spectrum – relationships, work and my dreams. And its time to bring things to a conclusion, on all the three facets.

Starting with this one.

More details on this as and when I come close to the finishing it. Like always, I am looking for co-conspirators. If you liked Jerry Mcguire, you could be interested in this. Please contact me of leave your details in comments below.

My First Angel Investment

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls and Children of all ages, I proudly announce that I am now officially an Angel Investor. I made my first investment (tiny by all standards) in a friend’s venture. He ~~is quitting~~ has quit his plush job to start a business that he and another friend first discussed three years back. Its an online business that attempts to sell things that people cant live without. Its nothing new to be honest, there are 4-5 direct competitors in the market. For these guys, their edge is their confidence and impeccable focus on execution.

It couldn’t have come at a better time. People are warming up to using Internet to buy all kind of things, they dont mind using credit cards and they are ok with the concept of ordering things without touching/feeling the material.

As an Angel Investor, I understand that my role goes beyond merely being the Uncle Scrooge (and providing with monetary support). The job is more about helping the business grow with expertise in a certain domain and contacts. I am not too sure if I have either but I can try for sure. I may not be good with marketing but when it comes to brainstorming, I believe I can contribute well. I am also good at situations that requires one to draw lessons from multiple disciplines and as the cliché goes, connect the dots. I am hoping that these guys can make good use of whatever limited skills I have.

In terms of measurable contribution, I am supposed to help them with marketing their service and help them reach their target audience. The good part is that they have been able to define their target consumer in so much detail that I can see her walking down the street. The bad part is that we dont really have any money to reach our target customer. But like they say, what is life without a good challenge. This is the first new thing that I am doing in 2013. Wish me luck.

And if you think you can help with giving me ideas on how to market the product, please do let me know, I would be happy to share more details.