Category: Personal

Autobiography of Criba Shankar Pandey

Bade din sey crib nahin kiya. I feel odd. I can this negative energy affecting me. I need to blurt out. I want to write. I want to pour my heart out. On a public forum. I know every post I make goes on FB (atleast). I know most people dont give a fuck but there are a few who do take interest in what I have to say. And they are a large part of why I write. That one off comment, that random person writing in, it makes my day.

I know Miranda Warning (I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say, can or will be held against me in the court of law) holds truer for the Internet more than the real world. I know whatever I write today can be twisted enough in the future by some lawyer to seek higher alimony, or to make me plead guilty of a crime that I wouldn’t commit. And I know I would be innocent. After all, as Red says, “everyone in shawshank is innocent”.

Anyways coming to Criba Shankar Pandey ki dairy, today he is going to talk about things that ail him. Lekin before that, ye Criba Shankar Pandey hai kaun? Arey its my alter ego (the way Raju has Gajodhar and Karthik has Karthik). In short, its someone who I blame for all the fuck-ups in life. And it has served me well so far. And come to think of it, now that everyone including my maid, beggars and politicians have twitter accounts, how about a twitter account for Criba Shankar Pandey? @sgcsp 😀

So what ails Mr. Pandey? Few things that he is really touchy about. He wants to believe that he is a good writer. And his first paid writing gig is a complete mess. Someone paid him good money to write content for a website. Our Mr. Pandey put in real effort. Effort as in e to the f to the f to the o to the r to the t. And now, the client says it was a “very mediocre” job. Nothing pisses a man off more than a frivolous comment on the only talent he has got. Sigh the bloody difficult demanding unsupportive rude world.

Then he cant seem to make any headway with his love life. The last girl that he liked hates him for the bottom of her heart. But our Pandeyji remain hopeful. Hope, is a funny thing. Andy says “Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies“. And Red says “Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane“. Our Mr. Pandey, being a simpleton he is, cant decide which one to choose. And like all other fictional heroes, he doesn’t have the luxury of the coin that has heads on both faces. Where to they make those coins anyways?

Next on is lack of greenbucks in his life. Once upon a time some random guy told him that he would never be rich. And he laughed on that random guy’s face and asked him to wait and watch. And its been about 11 years since this face-off. And the random guy seems to be winning. And in all likelihood the random guy would go to his grave, grinning. Where is the money dude? How to people become millionaires and billionaires? And that too at such tender ages? Wait. Tender is politically incorrect. I meant young.

BTW as I am writing this for Mr. CSP, the world is celebrating the International Women’s day. And the other half is busy watching the Oscars. I dont know which is more useless. I mean we have to award all the effort that goes behind making movies and we have to appease to all the feminists. What I dont understand is that how do all the women in the world settle with just one day? Take them to dilli haat and they cant decide what to buy and here they are, their entire existence summed up in one day. And they are actually happy with it.

Next on agenda is his idiotic habit of trying to do too many things at the same time. He clearly believes in sailing in multple boats. Its like playing twister, with each colored dot in a different boat. And since all the boats are independent and have different rowing mechanisms, he invariably falls. And the worse bit is that he refuses to learn from his mistakes. Reminds me of Sisyphus. Damn .. the damned rock is rolling down the hill again. Lemme go fetch it. I will be back guys.

And before I end it randomly, here a couple of links (from the same guy) – two of my favorite themes – Simpsons and Super Mario (bonus – flute + beatboxing and piano. More posted here).

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai

If Karan Johar can make Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Javed Akhtar can write Kyonki Fighter Hameha Jeet-ta Hai, main kyon nahin kuch likh sakta?

Hasratein hain. Khwahishein hain. Sapne hain.
Talash hai manzil ki.
Nikal pada hoon ghar sey. Bhataknay ko.
Sapnon kay pass. Apnon sey door.

Kuch hai to sirf ye door tak jaati lambi sadak.
Chal raha hoon.
Kabhi savariyon par. Kabhi apne kadamo par.
Kabhi kama kar. Kbhi udhaar par.

Raste main chand meel kay pathar mile.
Kuch acche lage. Kuch par main ruka.
Kuch pay log ruke they. kuch par logon nay roka.
Kuch nay kuch kisse sunaye. Maine kuch kahaniya.
Kuch der baatein hui. Kuch der chala silsil.

Kuch der baad fir kuch sapna aaya.
Fir chal diya.

Kuch der kuch log saath chale. Kuch der akela chala.
Kuch kahaniya yaad rahi. Kuch kisse bhool gaya.

Akela nikla tha. Kuch der kuch saathi mile.
Kuch kuch der saath chale. Kuch beech main kahin aur chal pade.

Bas rah gayi ye sadak.
Ye raaste.
Woh anjaai manzil.
Aur khoob saare sapne.

Kuch feedback?

Unsubscribed

Now that I am moving onto something totally different from what I have done all my life, time is ripe to vet out the old and bring in the new.

Starting with Google Reader. With a heavy heart, I am unsubscribing feeds from advertising agencies. When I was in advertising business, it made sense to listen to shameless self promotion on agency blogs. Then I removed all those blogs that showcased latest from the ad world. Next came all the brilliant design blogs. And then all the commentary on things like design, illustration, copy, planning, subliminal messages et al.

What remains is Value Investing, Poker, VC, Entrepreneurship and newspapers from around the world. So sorry social media fans, newspapers are still important. Nothing beats a thorough analysis and thoughtful reporting. More on this in another rant!

My shared items are here.

I can only do so much if I want to do those things well. I realized this while working on the profile. I like being jack of all trades and I intend to continue doing that. Lets see what else do I subscribe to now!

Year # 6, Post # 740

Its been six years. Since I started writing War of Words (first post). It has been an awesome experience. Learnt lots of lessons. Bumped into hazaar people. Made quite a few friends. Improved the way I write.

Best part about writing a blog is that you can go back and read what you thought at a point in time. In fact I am surprised how consistent I have been been with my thoughts. I am confused, frivolous, random, impractical as I was in 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, and 2009.

Hope to continue writing. Hope you continue reading 🙂

You and I

Faster than my fingers flying on the keyboard to write that long email,
Yet slower than it takes you to read it,

Brighter than the most convincing reason I ever came up with for doing what I did,
Yet dafter than me who actually thought that you would buy that reason,

Taller than the claims of heroics I made after one of those weekend binges,
Yet smaller than my ego when you asked me to say sorry for the gaffe,

Harsher than the decree you passed upon me for being what I am,
Yet milder than the heartburn when I knew the inevitable was about to happen,

You and I are so close,
Yet so far.

Random Ramblings on a Runday

Its been some time now that I have abused one of my fundamental rights. The right to freedom of speech. And since I am bored right now with nothing at all to do, here I am.

What do we talk about today? Number of trips to Shipra Mall? Amount of oil/ghee I am consuming with food? My new favorite song? Or the fact that I finally figured where my guitar was? Or about the National flag on my desk? Or that Ganesha statue? Or the gullak that I bought day before? Or about that friend who apparently knows everyone?

Nah not interesting. Should we talk about sugar prices? Or about Amar Singh? Or about Indian hockey team? Who still fail to get to the front page of any national daily? Or about Amitabh Bachchan who manages to become a lead story even if he catches cold?

Or should we talk about all the gyaan that I have accumulated? All those funny ways people abuse emails? Or all the self doubt that has shrouded me in last few days?

Nopes. Not interesting. Damn this post is so not happening.

2009: the year that was…

I am at Delhi airport. Waiting to take the flight to Mumbai. Like most thing in my life, there is no agenda for this trip to Mumbai. And like all other things, this trip was planned at the last minute. There are no specifics, no reasons why I wanted to see Mumbai. Only a vague sense of reason and some amount of gut feel. In fact, think of it, most things I do, I do because of these two.

Anyways the idea of the post is recap things that I did in 2009. Mumbai is a different and longish rant. Lets keep it pending for some other time.
So, here is a quick and dirty list of things I did and things I did not in 2009.. In no particular order.

  1. I resigned from my job (July). Second resignation in three years post MBA. GE Money and now Creativeland Asia. Both for different reasons. Both times, trying to chase hope and dream big.
  2. I did Vipassana (Sep). This is the first time I was quiet for 9 days on the trot. Last time I was this quite, it would have been the time when I was still a toddler and hadnt learnt talking. I am told I took 2 years to start talking. No wonder I am catching up on the lost time by all the talking that I do.
  3. I finally took the Mensa test and got the membership (June).
  4. I applied for TED fellowship and I did not get it. I knew and still know that I deserve it as much as rest of the 100 fellows who got it. But as they say, life aint no fair. Shall keep trying.
  5. I started a company with Kunal (Aug). 10 years after we started working together and dreaming about owning businesses. This one is nothing to write home about but our pipeline is full.
  6. I finally started teaching full time (Aug). Although what I teach is inconsequential but it still is addressing a batch of students none the less. And I now know that I enjoy teaching. Need to think more and take this forward.
  7. I started writing a book. A piece of fiction. But left it midway for reasons that I dont know myself. I dont even know where those chapters are.
  8. I realized that I could be wrong. And more importantly, I realized that its ok to be wrong. As long as you tried.
  9. I discovered that I love advertising, media, entertainment, design and technology businesses. Of course I am an outsider, young, incompetent, inexperienced, “un”talented, dreamer, naive et al. Along with these disadvantages and more, I do have all the advantages that outsiders have. I can look at things from unbiased perspective. I can slaughter the sacred cows. I can dare. I can change. I can improve. I am the new.
  10. I moved back to Delhi. Though I do miss Mumbai and all the fun I had in Mumbai. Is it the people that I miss? Or the place? I shall never know. It sucks how friends drift apart with passage of time.
  11. I got my Royal Enfield Bullet Electra 5S (April). I have been thinking of buying it for about 15 years (not exaggerating). And its one of the best decisions that I have made in my life.
  12. I learnt how to fold a paper into a crane (April), juggle three balls at the same time, drive a car, be diplomatic and live with a bald head.
  13. I started watching movies (Dec). Of all the ones that I saw in 2009, the Shawshank Redemption impressed me most.
  14. Met tons and tons of people. I got their contacts from Twitter, Facebook, MDIJFK, friends, family etc. Most have been helpful. Wish they could actually DO rather than just talking.
  15. Discovered the world of Poker (Sep). I am not good as it as yet but I am practicing. Plan to be a part of WPT some day.
And few insignificant numbers (I do love numbers, especially when they are useless).
  • 147 – number of blogposts in 2009 till date. At the rate, I should end the year with 150.
  • 6 – number of years I have been blogging now.
  • 27 – my age
  • 1722 – time on my laptop. My flight takes off at 1820. I need to board at 1740.
  • 2 – number of bags I am carrying.
  • 3 – number of tabs I have open on my Google Chrome.
  • 126, 415 – number of chips I have on Zynga Poker. And that is what I am going to do till my flight is announced.
See you in Mumbai.
P.S.: Now that I am reviewing the post, I should have done this in a chronological order with months adding to the structure.

The Secret Sauce

Its been quite some time that I have been thinking of what makes people tick. I mean what makes an Aamir Khan make movies and go all out to make them hit? What makes a Manmohan Singh wake up in the morning and go about governing the country? What makes a Sachin Tendulkar go out and hit centuries after centuries? What makes an A. R. Rahman create those soulful melodies? What is it that makes a soldier to toil in extreme conditions and protect our country? What makes a bus driver drive that same DTC bus? What makes a liftman shuttle between floors in a high rise? The liftman, cant even see the sun, the moon or any of those million wonderful things that the world has to offer. What is that makes all my friends and family go about their mundane lives? What the fuck … what is making me write this? When I know that no one cares what random gibberish I am generating (except Google Ads perhaps) and when I know that I this would serve no purpose. What makes human beings do things they do?

What is the secret sauce? What is their mojo?

The conspiracy theorist in me speculates that it is the want of money, fame, power, sex, acceptance, affirmation or more than one of these, that makes humans do what they do. Like I told a friend yesterday, all this (the life) is a game, we are mere players (“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players” anyone?). We are chasing things that we think will give us happiness. For some people, its about winning the game. For some its the chase (I belong to the chase category). For some its the mere understanding that they are in the game. And then some, dont even realize that they are in it (till they reach their level of happiness/dissatisfaction).

Apart from this, I havent been able to find an answer. I have been able to spot some patterns though. For starters, the ones who seem to be exited about what they do are redefining things that they do. Warren Buffett. Bill Gates. Steve Jobs. Sachin. Michael Phelps. Name them and you would know that they are the ones that are redefining things that they are doing. They define new paradigms. They change things. They push the human race forward. And more importantly, they know that they are doing it.

And then, correlated it may seem, the thing that they do becomes synonymous with them. Sachin. Batting. Batting. Sachin. Investing. Warren Buffett. Warren Buffett. Investing. So on and so forth.

They dont seem to do it for money. Money comes as a byproduct. They seemed to have spent years honing the art/craft/science. They do what ticks them. They do what they enjoy doing. And by sheer hardwork, they have been able to get so good at it that money has started following them.

And, IMHO, the challenge is not getting good at it. But challenge is to identify it. To understand your “it”. Once you know “what”, its a matter of “when”. I havent been able to identify it as yet. I do have some clues. Do they excite me? Yes, right now, they do. Can I redefine them? I am not sure. Can they define me? I dont know. I am putting together the ingredients for my secret sauce. Mind it, my secret sauce is personal, tastes very different from anyone elses (even different from WEB’s, SRT’s etc.), satisfies just me and no one else. And most importantly, I relish it. And the best part? Even if I shared the recipe, no one would be able to steal my secret sauce. The taste remains with me.

And that brings me to these three questions. What is your secret sauce? What defines you? What are you redefining?

Looking forward…

Next few days would be exciting. Things are happening. I can feel it. Something is just around the corner. No, not THE JATC. Wahan to Keera rehta hai. I mean bas kuch hone wala hai. Kuch bada. Something that will make me happy. I dont know if its work, or that new secret project, or the NR/NS, or the the planned rides on @sgElectra, or the upcoming Mumbai trip, or something that I dont know yet.

I am looking forward to …

to couple of new assignments that are falling in place, hopefully they do
to the see documentary that I am downloading right now
to the upcoming Mumbai trip, either late this Dec, or early Jan
to the new secret project with Dhoomketu and Byomkesh
to riding sgElectra with kAgE and kgElectra, after we get the machines serviced on Monday
to the gym that I have shortlisted, havent joined though!

to 2010.
to a new life.

Its over.

Its over. Finally. Look forward to the next.

And as a result of all that travel in last few days, few trivialities/random facts/obscure truths/pieces of fiction/stories worth talking about are …

  • Hrithik Rosan with a H is now the Provouge ambassador. What happened to FardeenSonofFeroz Khan? Suddenly Provouge is not as oppressive a brand it used to be with Mr. Minor Khan.
  • No more long queues at the Gurgaon Toll Road. Average Waiting Time is less than 2 mins.
  • People who are big, who want to be big and who are almost big like names. They throw names at the drop of the hat. Its amazing how to they know every other famous man. More surprising is how everyone seems to be a close friend.
  • Yet again I was thinking who has been most influential on my impressionable mind. Apart from Raj, its AnathEma. Ya you.
  • I finally submitted my application to
  • I have made 4 trips to Shipra Mall in last 5 days. Thats more than all my other trips combined. Blame it on the real people and the nose ring I spoke about in the last post. And, good thing, I found a short cut. Its 5 KMs lesser than the usual route. Nice. Save fuel.
  • Copenhagen is proving to be a hogwash. I made this video for a contest by Oxfam. Thanks to J for his idea and his handwriting.
  • Airtel’s customer service sucks. And it does badly. They are incompetent. They cant understand simple things. If I had an alternative, I would never pay them anything.
  • My fav youtube video is this. This was shot in Vashi with a Nokia e51. Me, Gawri and Jeetu/Gandhi were returning after an all night pool party and hunting for food. I miss Mumbai and Vashi. I hate to admit this but I do. And I miss people more than the place. I miss the independence and freedom. Wonder what makes people in jails tick. What would be going through Dufresne’s mind for all those 20 years in Shawshank? And come to think of it, I dont mind being at Zihuatanejo.
  • Its Monu’s birthday on 18th. Gandhi’s on 20th. None of the two will ever read the blog.
  • I opened my bookcase after ages and I realized that there are more unread books in it than the read ones. And I dont know the books that were stacked behind the books that were stacked in front of the books that were stacked behind the ones that are stacked in front of … English can be funny if you abuse it ;P
  • Last few days, every morning, I listen to Hey Bhagwan by Raghu Dixit. And then I listen to my playist. The top five tracks sored by playcount on my iTunes are Sweet Home Alabama, Kadi To Has Bole Ve, Bittersweet Symphony, When You Say Nothing At All, No Man Will Ever Love You.
  • I saw The Recruit. Nice movie. Al Pachino is awesome.
  • And I realized I am making my life public, one blog post at a time. And to do things differently, I have thought of a way. If you are meant to be reading what I have thought, you would be invited. If you are not, you will not see any change. Change is a funny thing. Its moving all the time and yet there are some people who refuse to acknowledge it.
  • And in the end, family run businesses are nice for families that run them. Apart from that, they suck big time.

Aaj kay samachar yahin samapt hue.