The Happiness Equation

I wake up really early. To a point that I am often the first one on the roads, the first customer at the local Starbucks, the first person in the office, the first person to use the loo (I drink a lot of water) and so on and so forth. And thus I often get to see people and things that others miss. Like there is hardly any security at any office complex at 7 AM. The loos inside these office complexes, malls, and other places stink like fish markets because there is no one to clean those overnight. The staff at Starbucks is more concerned about getting the display right than serving the customers.

Today was no different. I came in at 7 AM. Said hi to the security guard that did do a customary check on my bag. The Barista made my coffee without me even placing the order. I had some 120023 glasses of water. And when at around 9 my bladder was about to burst, I ran to the loo. And there was this young boy, probably from the north-east cleaning the toilet. And may I say he was doing a kick-ass job at it. I mean I have seen my share of blue-collar work and my never-ending complaint is that most blue-collared workers do not take pride in what they do. They do because they do not have any other opportunities per se.

This guy was doing what Will Smith said about laying bricks. Each brick to the best of his ability. This guy was cleaning each inch of the place to the best of his ability. And I love people who do their jobs well. I made a mental note to look for him and hire him when I am able to. And I moved on.

Fast forward a couple of hours. I rushed to the loo yet again (yes I drink a lot of water) and I saw the young boy howling. He was surrounded by a couple of other workers from the mall. These older workers were consoling him. I tried to overhear but I could not understand the reason for commotion there. By the time I decided I want to intervene, a small crowd had gathered there, mostly made of staff at the mall. And I decided to not. I suck at handling mobs, crowds, and other such gatherings.

I peed as fast as I could, did not want my bladder to burst. And in the meanwhile, the guy had gotten quieter. Thank God for that. I should’ve asked him but I did not have the heart to go and even ask why was he crying.

I wish I had the balls to. I wish I had the resources to make him happy again. I mean I know that life’s purpose is to not chase happiness (well, I can debate) but I also know that the ones like me that are divinely discontent are ok with this discontentment in our bones. But the aam aadmi may not be. Most people I know seek peace, happiness, and other such things. And I think if they are not as fucked in the head as I am, they are well within their rights to seek happiness. And as someone who believes that the purpose of my life is to enable others to do better, I must be able to intervene and give them what they seek. Even if its happiness! 

That’s the sad part of being human. There are 7.5 billion others around you. And each is in a different place on the continuum of sadness and happiness. Some are bang in the middle – at equanimity – but they are few and far between. I really wish I knew where is my default state on this continuum. I think I am around equanimity but I lean to the happiness side. I know of people that are equanimous but lean to sadness. And that is ok!

Brings me to an interesting juncture. And the entire point of this post.

I have realized that I tend to avoid even knowing about what makes other people sad. I can give numerous examples to substantiate this. When I am on the road and I pass by an accident, I do not look at the site. I simply turn my head. I don’t want to look at the gore and tears and all that. I don’t see films that showcase pathos. Like this recent film that came out where Deepika Padukone is trying to highlight the plight of the acid attack victims, despite angry skirmishes with a very dear friend, I could not bring myself to watch it. A friend suffered from a brain surgery a few years ago and she wanted me to see the pics of the operation, I could not. When someone suffers or is at a hospital, I don’t know what to do about it. I want to be around, comfort them but I don’t know how to do it without getting affected myself. A few days ago when a friend had a meltdown, I went in a shell for a few days. I am weak like that. I am not a good friend at such junctures. I HATE those WhatsApp forwards and videos that show accidents and gore. And I have friends that revel in sharing those. I know they get pleasure and these are intriguing. But these things make me suck in the gut.

I am often told by colleagues that my negotiation skills suck and I often leave a lot of money on the table for others. I am told that I go out of my way to make everyone happy and in the process get fucked myself. And I am told that even when I see that people are taking me for a ride, I play along, get hurt and make large, terrible losses. I once lost all my savings and 2-3 years of life because I was way too empathetic to say no to a bad idea. I often get into trouble when I poke my nose into the affairs of strangers on the Internet and try to offer them advice and inputs. I have been called a creep and psychopath and all that. At traffic signals when those beggars come and flaunt their disfigured bodies, I am unable to look at those. There is this restaurant here in Mumbai where the waiting staff is deaf and dumb. They may have the best food but I can not bring myself to ever go there. They may claim to give employment to people that need it, but I really think they are paddling pathos to profit from it. Or may be not. The point is, I can not bring myself to consume that.

Thing is, I can’t help but try and help when I know that things could be better. I feel compelled. You know, how people cant control?

No, I am not a pushover. No, I don’t seek acceptance. No, I don’t want approval. Rather, I want to be rich and connected and all that and I don’t know if it’s possible without being able to tramp on others. But I do know that I cant see people that are sad. And if while negotiating someone plays the sadness card, I let go.

Coming back to the young boy at the mall. I don’t know what made him that sad. But I do know that his tears have given me the inspiration to do more. To be able to reach a point where I can give away material things if those tears were induced by the want of something like that.

Over and out.

PS: If it’s an emotional turmoil, I don’t know how to help. May be become a guru or something.

PPS: I know it is not my problem and I don’t need to help everyone. I know people don’t even want help. And definitely not from me. And I know that people find a way. And I know time heals. And etc etc.

PPPS: As a kid, some 20-25 years, I saw a video of an American journalist’s throat being slit. Slowly. deliberately. With patience. Without any remorse. Even though I saw it at a friend’s place, on a grainy computer screen, the scene often plays in my head. And every time it does, I get fucked. As I write this, to be honest, I have this funny feeling in a pit at the back of my mind and I may just throw up. Later! Typos and formatting can wait.

The mess in my head

I was not happy (Not unhappy. There’s a difference between not happy and unhappy) over the last few days. I was not even content, not at peace – the default state I want to be in. I could not put a finger on what was stopping me from being that. And I tried real hard to figure out but failed at it. I mean I am the kind that can sleep well even when I know that the world around me is crumbling. Or when I know that the world around me is gifting me EVERYthing that I have ever desired.

But for the last few days, I haven’t been sleeping well at all. To a point that I have this nagging, consistent, neverending mild headache. And of course, I am irritable. To a point that I am not talking straight to people that matter. And of course, I don’t like this. I have to have a cordial relationship with people. There’s nothing else that I care for more!

So, I continued with the investigation. I thought about everything that had changed in the last few days. And apart from the move to a new house, everything else seemed to be the same. The new house meant a new place, a new set of people that I’d nod at, a new Starbucks, a new neighborhood et at. What remained constant is the things I use at home, the clothes I wear, the food I ate, etc. 

Just that I did not have the wardrobes and almirahs to place my things inside. And the new house still has all those boxes littered in various rooms. The curtains are yet to come. I am yet to find a maid to do the cleaning. No, I cant clean by myself. I mean there are some million chores to be done before the house becomes livable again. But these things can’t affect me.

Or can they?

I did everything I could to think of the reason and I almost tore whatever hair is left on my head.

I had no clue and was puzzled like hell about what was causing me discomfort. I was so frustrated and so angry that I threw my phone on a pile of clothes lying in one corner in the bedroom. And then after 10 microseconds, once I realized my mistake, I tried to search for the phone. The pile was so deep that it took me a while to locate the phone. And no, the screen did not break. And yes, I was wrong to have thrown my phone like that. As a kid, I would throw tantrums like this. I am way past that age now!

As I was hunting for the phone, the eureka moment happened for me. It dawned on me what was bothering me!

The mess in the house!
The untidiness.
The unorderliness.
All those boxes strewn all over the place.
All the dust that would rumble under the bare feet as you would walk.
That thin layer of dust on surfaces.
Dirty clothes that haven’t been washed in a while.
No order to how to things were arranged.

Of course, all this is temporary. I’ve just moved to a new place and it will be up and running in a few days. This is just the transition phase.

But if I reflect and think back, all these transitions have always made me miserable. Maybe this is the reason that every house I move into, I don’t like it? The dislike is not for the house per se but the mess that the movement accompanies! Fuck, epiphany! 

In fact, if I go back in time to when I was a kid, I used to hate it when my parents got the house painted. We’d pile all our things in one room and spend time there as the painters worked in other rooms. And then we’d move all those things in the rooms that had got painted and then painters worked that one room. This entire process would mean there’s always mess and clutter and movement and all that.

I could not stand the mess back then. I can’t stand the mess now.

I like open spaces (which are of course hard to come by in Mumbai). I like cleanliness. I like order. And at the age I am at, I am averse to any change per se (and yes I want to learn and experience new things). And this moving houses is not just my cup of tea. Yes, I am all for living in new places. In fact #in2020, I will live in a new country. But the process of movement is not my scene. 

When I say I want order and cleanliness, I don’t want to live in a fancy hotel room where everything is measured and placed at just the right place to add to aesthetic or comfort. Neither do I want to be a snob that will only like expensive, fancy things.

And no, I am not a sucker for familiarity. I just was cleanliness and order. You know, books arranged from shortest to tallest, containers stacked neatly, bed aligned in straight lines with other furniture, etc, etc. Long-time back, there was this ad where the guy would want absolutely round rotis and want to clip each stand in his beard to the same length. Don’t remember what was the ad. But I am that guy! 

Anyhow. So, now I know what moving houses does to me, I need to list some lessons that I need to use when I move next. Here’s a list…

Lessons for myself?

1. Never take a house in a standalone building. Even if you have to pay a premium and you’d never ever use the facilities, take a house in a complex that has well-maintained amenities (like a swimming pool, a gym, etc).

2. When you are moving houses, before the house is settled and is up and running, stay in a hotel. Or crash at a friend’s place.

3. Pay extra for the movers and get a professional service. They would pack things well and handle stuff with care. Each time I have moved, movers have done a shoddy job with things. And I can’t handle incompetence.

4. ALWAYS insist on a semi-furnished house. Semi means wardrobes and appliances. Not furnishing.  Never ever furnishings. They typically are worn and shitty. It’s ok to pay extra to avoid the heard-burn.

5. Reduce the number of things I own. I assumed that I have very few things but when I moved houses, I have some 20 boxes full of things. Books would be about 2 of those. But rest, I had no clue! With time, I will reduce things that I own. And now that my clothes are gone, I am gonna be very careful about buying new ones. I bought 4 shirts yesterday. I plan to buy 2 black shirts and that’s that for the next entire year.

6. Money is a tool that allows you to feel better and live better. If I could spend more money this time, I would’ve fixed all of the above. Honestly, I may not – I did not know these things myself. But next time, I will!

***

And that’s about it.

I hope next time I move, it is better.

I hope that now I know what had fucked my head, I would be a little more tolerable to people. And no the Mercury had nothing to do with this 😀

9 things about Saurabh Garg

I just felt like publishing something on the blog. And because I had nothing else, here are 9 random things that you did not have to know and I did not have to publish but here I am.

1. I am writing this on a MacBook Air. I bought the machine a couple of years ago and I don’t know how much I have typed on this but the keys A, S, D, E, and C are faded to a point that I mistakes when I type sentences like this that require these letters.

2. I am a big fan of talk shows, the kinds David Letterman can pull off. In fact, I love Shekhar Sumar for his Movers and Shakers (that used to air on TV when I was a kid). I want to at some point in time, create such a show. The motivation is to learn from these amazing people (guests) and then do what…? I don’t know. But I do know that I love when I am meeting these interesting people and learning from them. At some point in time, I need to figure that shit out.

3. The biggest thing that I suck at is consistency. I have tried a million times to do things on a regular basis and I have failed. This 9 random things today is an attempt in the direction. I will try and post something for the next 100 days (yes, yes, you’ve heard this before – I have taken up these multiple challenges and failed at most of those). But I can’t stop trying. You know.

4. As we speak, I am interested in a few things that may or may not be of interest to you (like most of this post). The topmost of that list is this thing called Personal Knowledge Management. The idea is that you know so many people and so many things and so many ideas – there has to be a place to catalog those together.

Other things that I am interested in are – ways to break larger goals into tiny things that you can track (for example, if I want to grow my business, I need new clients and the way to track could be to see how many cold calls I send). Get the drift?

5. As I write, I am watching Khosla Ka Ghosla – it is one of the best movies that I’ve ever seen. You have to see it. If you haven’t.

6. Mumbai right now is reporting the best weather of the year. It is raining cats and dogs and it is lovely. Just that the roads are jacked because of the metro and roads. But it’s lovely. You need to experience the city in the monsoons if you wish to experience Mumbai.

7. I am on #7 and I don’t know what else to write. I did not know it could be this tough. Ok, my favorite food these days is Indian – you know Dal and Parantha, etc. If I had my way, I would just eat that. But them carbs suck. Wish someone could invent Indian food without carbs.

8. I own some 8 pair of shoes and I wear none. Actually, I don’t know if it’s 8. But there must be that many. Will count some day.

9. Last. Phew. I was such a pain. The last thing. I am working on my website for the last few days. And I am stuck on it. It has to be like an online place where I catalog my ideas, thoughts and other things that I wish to stand for. Or take a stand on. You know, this blog for example. You know where am going?

Phew!

So, 9 things. If you are reading this, do tell me 9 things about you. Would be lovely to know 🙂

Over and out.

The SM Detox – Apr-May 2019

So I had this work travel thing from 28th of April till the 8th of May and I decided that this would be a great opportunity to not use the phone / SM. Why? Two reasons.

A, because I am travelling for work, I have this excuse that I can’t respond. So, I could get away from all the calls/emails etc.

B, I had to anyway do 12 sessions (one session is one weekend) of detox in this year. That means one session every month. And I am running terribly behind schedule on that. This was the perfect opportunity!

Side note. In case you are interested, this is what I hope to do in 2019

So, from that 10ish-day long period when I did not have Twitter or Instagram, here are some random observations. In no order…

1. Replacements.
The human mind is so amazing that in the absence of little Dopamine awards that I was getting I found alternatives.

Once I uninstalled twitter, FB and Instagram, I resorted to using LinkedIn as a Social Networking tool. No, I did not respond to messages from strangers but I would scroll the timeline to see what the world was up to. Which is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time. Good – I know what the world is up to. Bad – the jealousy pangs when you see that everyone else has all the money.

The other one I got hooked onto was Tik Tok. Really. It’s sad to another level. I’ll probably write about it soon.

And 2048 (I saw Mihir play it on his computer once and I am hooked). I did reach 4096 if that is any validation.

2. Bliss
I realised that in the absence of social media, I had no clue what was happening in the world around me. I don’t read newspapers and I don’t have access to a TV. So I was largely ignorant about what was happening in the world. Things like elections, IPL and others went by and I was not affected at all.

3. Sleep
Did I sleep well because I was a little less anxious? No, I did not. Not because I did not have SM. But because I was at an event.

4. Am I working more / better? 
No. I don’t know why. I think this is that thing that says that most people would revert to being their laziest self if given an opportunity. I’ve been lazy past so many days. I need to fix it.

5. I am old. 
I realised that I am growing old fast. There was a time when I could stay up for hours at stretch and not get tired. Now, I was like a zombie. Even though I was not scrolling through my timeline, I was still up (for work) and that affected my health. It’s been 2 days that I am back and I am still weak and groggy and all that.

6. It’s tough to get back to the grind.
Really is. Really is. In the sense that, like I said, been two days, I am yet to start work! Work in the sense – writing, meetings, work etc.

7. I am sure there are more! But for the time being, this is it.

The lessons for next time?
That when I go on a digital detox, I ought to throw my phone out altogether. Sounds scary. But let’s see if I can do that.

Chalo, that’s it for the time being. Over an out.

PS: To be honest, this is not the best post that I’ve written. 
I just wanted to get back in the grind of writing every day – I am yet to restart the SoG series (haven’t been able to think of the future of those letters), haven’t written a post on 100 people to thank, haven’t added a word on my next book even though I have someone who is helping me. Like I said, it’s tough 🙁 


Let’s see where this goes in a few days. 

15 years (and 7% of the year). #3

Image Source

Yo whoever still reads this on a regular basis. Wassup?

So, the first post on this blog came up on Jan 18, 2004. See it here. And yes, its cringe-inducing. But heck it was a start. To something that has become such an integral part of my life that I cant imagine a life without it. There have been times when I’ve thought of shutting the blog down, making it private, publishing an archive in to a book and merging with other publications that I have started at various times in life. I am sure I must have had many more bright ideas about the blog. Thankfully, I did not pay heed to any of those. This blog has become a constant for me. Something that I cant imagine my life without! Really.

Ok, time to stop reminiscing and look at today. And at the future.

As on 26th, 7% of the year is over. Yes! It feels like yesterday when everyone was chilling and making merry and ringing in the new year. But ladies and gents, time flies. At least for me.

27 days are over and I have not moved an inch in this year. I mean I did…
– signup for what could be the project of the lifetime,
– a 40-hour fast,
– start working on book2,
– start writing #SoG and have been almost consistent with those.

I also am meditating on and off. I recorded a podcast with Krishna. I am journaling very regularly. I have been able to lo-tech in my daily life (more pen and paper etc). And other small things.

But these remain scattered. And these dont really add up. You know.

And, I am still poor and look up to friends when the month ends. I am not yet fit. The abs are like a million workouts away. I have a million reasons to be sad. But then, like they said in Inside Out, I dont want Sadness to control my machine. I’d rather have Joy talk to you.

So Joy! He says that life has been good. Things are going great. Things are actually looking up. Need to sort relationships and money. Rest of it is in place. And no, havent given up on the dream to make a dent in the world. Or make a billion dollars. Or to climb the Everest. I will do it. The last two, before Jan 1, 2026. I am committed.

I just need to pull my socks and get back to the grind. I feel that digital detox that I did in Dec 2018 is to blame. I never came back. I mean I started using technology but I never picked up speed with work. The way I was at it. And you know the worse part? I am perfectly ok with not delivery. And no, its not cool. I will fix it. Promise.

Anyhow.

How is it going for you guys? Are you on track with your yearly goals? This piece on Harvard can actually help! Or may be not. I shared with a few friends and they were dismissal of this piece. Clickbait, they said.

What are your ideas / strategies for staying on course?

Hello, Mr. First Timer!

I subscribe to a few blogs and newsletters. One of them is by this guy called Jack Cheng. His last newsletter talked about things he did for the first-time in the last week.

Taking inspiration from him, here is a list of things I did for the first-time in my life, in the last week till the time of writing this. In no particular order.

  1. Slept for over 18 hours on Sunday. The time when I was awake, I took a flight, ate, showered and walked. No phone calls, no conversations, no interruptions. It was just me, with myself. Wish life had more days like that. 
  2. Asked the 50 dates girl out. She runs this blog, 50 dates in Delhi. Love the project. Love the way she writes. I had to make friends with her. Wrote in and asked her out. And no, she hasn’t responded so far. Knowing of her popularity, I dont expect an answer. But, like Geeta says, karm karo, fal ki chinta nahi. [Update. Before I could publish, I did get a reply!]
  3. Pushed, shoved, tugged, dragged a shopping cart full of things that I bought for someone else’s house. Hoping to make the place better. And despite the fact that I hate going to these grocery, home product places on the weekend but that’s all I had. I had to do. Why? I dont know. The person better keeps the house clean.
  4. Decided to run a Marathon. By June of next year. Gives me 8 odd months to prepare. More on this later in the day / week. I am using this book as my guide. Prof. Bakshi had recommended this book some time back in one of his posts. 
  5. Cancelled a reminder that I had put to alert #sgMS on a med that she ought to take every monday at 8. She is no longer with me and I ought to move on. Tough but I would. Inshallah. I would.
  6. Missed deadlines. On two things that could impact how my book does. One was to one of the best social media marketing brains in the country. And other to a platform that could have helped me market my books to people I don’t know. Knowing both of them, I dont think I am getting another shot. Damn! 
  7. Got an author page on Goodreads. Its at goodreads.com/saurabhgarg. Takes me a step closer to having a wikipedia page some day :). Why do I want it? I dont know. What would I do with it? I dont know. After all it would be one of 5 million (and counting) pages on the wikipedia! 
Thats it. I am sure there is more. But cant recall. These 7 were the definite highlights. And I loved writing this one. Thanks Jack! Lets see if I remember to do write one, the next week. 
And what did you do for the first-time in the last week? 
P.S.: Mandatory plug for my book. The Nidhi Kapoor Story. Website: www.tnks.in. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheNidhiKapoorStory

Review of a Pencil

The first thoughts, when I saw the pencil as a 3 year old was to investigate if I could eat it, for I was always hungry and even thought it was black but it did had to be opened up, cut like other fruits and vegetables.

Over time I realized that its probably more useful, better, powerful than a mere eating object. For, this tool allowed me to capture something intangible (my thoughts) and give a tangible shape and form. A form that would remain even after the thought has vanished from my consciousness. 

I dont know if a pencil is superior to any other instrument but I know that I cant think of living without one.

I had to submit a review of a cool tool that I have used, to be able to subscribe to KK’s cool tools list. Since I dont really have money to buy these tools, I reviewed something that is as cool as any tool could be.

What I want from life. And two sidenotes.

Today Yesterday, the 11th of June was a mother of a day. It started like any other day and I was obviously late for work. Not that I cant wake up, but the place I live at, the cars are parked two rows deep and its a herculean task to get your car out of the driveway before 10 in the morning. Sounds stupid but these are the things that make India awesome and Indian life full of fun and excitement. And even though I love these at times, most times I curse and want to get out.

So I was late. On normal days its not a problem because I work at a setup where we dont have HR (or HR policies) and thus we dont have time sheets. This means that you merely need to show up at work before your boss does. And my boss, the hedonist and party animal he is, comes by 2 (in the afternoon). And most days I get away with it and am fine. 

Today Yesterday, I apparently had a meeting at 11 that I wasnt aware of. While I was blissfully driving towards work (FYI, drive to work takes 2 hours, each way), for no reason at all, the battery of my phone conked off. And I swear that I had charged it to 100 percent the night before. But like all other humans, I am helpless when technology wants to play funny games. And that is when a regular old boring day translated into a time sink.

I use another phone when I am in Mumbai and a very few people have that number. And since no one could reach me on my regular number, everyone started calling me on the number. Every one from my boss, my admin guy, the client, the neighbor of the client, my team, everyone called me atleast thrice. All for the meeting that I was supposed to be in, that no one had bothered to inform me about, that was supposed to start at 11. The meeting at 11 had some 11 participants in it, I was the 12th. Everyone, including a lot of high ranking officials from one of the largest companies in the world aka client aka God aka the creature that is never wrong, were waiting for me. I reached the meeting room as 12 and when I opened the door, I saw 11 bored faces staring at me. One look and I could tell that at least of 10 of them wanted to be anywhere but in that conference room. And all of them were expecting me to lead the meeting. I obviously did not know what I was doing there or who had called that meeting or what would I talk about in the meeting. Hell, I didn’t even know the names of 9 out of those 11 people.

But, thanks to my MBA, I faffed my way out of the meeting. Funny that most people in that meeting were MBAs themselves and yet they could not figure out my faff. Wonder why. I somehow wriggled my way out of the meeting, only to get stuck in the bureaucratic maze that my workplace is. Bureaucracy, in a company that has just about 100 employees and in a branch that has just about 50. We do take somethings seriously here.

And then after that I dont remember what exactly I did but when I checked the time next, it was 8 PM. Luckily, a very dear friend was nearby and I invited her over for dinner, at the place where I had this meeting. We had our food and Diet Coke over a conversation that had no purpose apart from catching up. Like most of my dinner meetings with friends, I would have spoken for 80% of time, the other 20% spent in eating and drinking. Poor her. Side note: If I could have more days like this where I do a lot of work, I catch up with a friend after work, write something when I am home, I would be sorted for life. Ofcourse I need to add a few things – namely atleast a cuddle with sgMS, lot of money, lot more time to cook up new projects, a shower couple of times a day and a lot of travel to break from the monotony. What else could we ask for from life? No?

So, coming back to the day, I dropped my friend to her car and plunged into work. And then suddenly it was 1130 PM. I was tired out of my wits, not because I had lifted weights or something but because I had a million things on my head. I think exhausted would be a better word. I realized that mental works tires you more than physical labor does – may be a lesson for training, once I get fit again. I also noted that I had walked quite a bit during the day. I need to buy some good walking shoes. Heard that Asics are good but havent tried em. Ok, so I walked at least 9672 steps, as captured by Moves (Side note: amazing app. Must have even if you are not trying to lose weight).

The next day (which is technically today, since I am writing this at 1:33 in the morning) I had an early start. I needed to leave home by 630. And hence I left at 12ish. I reached home, did some bits of work, wrote this (still writing) and finally off to wonder land.

Of course not without dreaming of Nidhi and sgMS.

P.S.: Just realized that I am beginning to talk a lot about work in recent posts. Note to self. Stop doing that. Work rather on creating a brand out of thyself. 

2700 Words – Of no consequence

Note: Starting August 2013, I am going to work full time to extend this “chapter” into a full length fictional story. I call it the Nidhi Kapoor Story. Do check out the website and the Facebook page.


As part of 1000WADv2, I am trying my hand at crime fiction. I wrote some 2700 words and I dint even touch the C of crime. Damn. Read on anyway and please share your feedback. Comment or email.

It began like any other day in the office for Prakash Mohile. As the chief inspector with the crime prevention bureau of Mumbai Police, his job was a tough one. For a city that more than two crore people call home, Mumbai had a very small police force of just about 41000 employees, divided into 89 stations. And with all the VIPs, film stars and industrialists that demanded constant protection from threats legit and otherwise, the force was always understaffed and overworked.

Amongst all the odd jobs that Prakash was responsible for, he was also in charge of protection net for those famous film stars. On the outside he came across as a no nonsense policeman with an impeccable service record and a clean image. He was even friendly with a few reporters on the crime beat with major newspapers. Like most mornings, today he was leafing through case files from the previous evening, hearing out the mercy pleas of kin of miscellaneous men arrested yesterday and barking instructions at his juniors. All at the same time. And not for a minute he stopped staring at Renu Sharma, the photo journalist with a nameless international publication. Renu was doing a photo essay on Mumbai police and though Mohile did not appreciate anyone interfering with the way he worked, Renu had been put in the station by the city Mayor and Mohile could not do a thing about it. Of course it helped that Renu was good looking, intelligent to talk to and obviously interested in more than merely professional relationship with Mohile.

Most cases today were as drab as they were on any other day. Same set of extortion calls, thefts, road accidents, celebrity altercations, union troubles. By the time officers spend five or so years in the police service, they become indifferent to all the miseries around them. Not Prakash. He had been in service for more than 10 years, or 10 years, 4 months and 3 days, as he liked to remind his staff every day. Every day while allocating casing to his subordinates, he would ponder on the meaning of life and unnecessary grief caused by these crimes. No surprises that he was most sympathetic to the issues of poor and helpless. And most indifferent to miseries of the rich. And as a result, he would allocate the cases of the fanciest film star to the worst of his team.

And it came as a surprise to everyone today when he kept a very high profile case for himself. Even Renu took note of it, now that she has been shadowing Prakash for well over a week now and was aware of his decisions. No body had the balls to question him, he was very clear in his head when he decided something. But then Renu did not subscribe to either fear or respect for Prakash. She was anyway known to be a loud mouth.

“So, Inspector Saab, finally you found a case worthy of your time? You are also going to chase lime light now with this stupid case of what looks like a petty theft at Nidhi Kapoor’s house?”, taunted Renu, while stuffing her things in her bag. She knew that once Prakash does the allocation, he wants every officer on the field.

Prakash just looked up at Renu, gave her his trademark smirk and went back to his files. That smirk, had as infamous reputation as any goon could have. Prakash used when he knew he was right and the other person dead wrong. For different people it meant different things. For suspects and criminals, it meant that Prakash has called their bluff and they were now in the bad books of Prakash. Forever. For his subordinates, it meant that they hadn’t done their homework and were caught with their hands in the cookie jar. For people who did not know Prakash, it just came across as a silly smile of a tall, lanky balding old man. For Renu, however, it merely meant that Prakash was amused at the apparently smart comment by her.

Renu knew of the smirk. She could not tolerate her being dismissed like that. She egged on, “I know you like Nidhi Kapoor. Weren’t you a part of her security detail when the premier of her last film was screened for the CM? There were quite a few pictures of you, her and the CM in all the newspapers. You do seem to have a soft corner for her”.

“Stop wasting your time. If you want to come along, you better hurry up”. Prakash said, while rushing out of the station. Renu had to almost run to reach the gates of the police station and grab a seat in Prakash’s jeep. That’s another thing. Prakash drove his jeep by himself. The driver was merely a watchdog and usher for the jeep; Prakash would park the jeep wherever he felt like, irrespective of the time of the day or the traffic in the city.

On the way, while they were crossing the Juhu Beach, Renu said, “Prakash Sir, we must come here sometime in the evening. I’ve heard the Pao Bhaji is to die for”. The constables and the driver giggled softly at the overt display of affection. Prakash stared hard at them. His stare was enough to put the fear of God in anyone’s head. All three of them shut their mouths in less than a second. Renu was quite amused with the scene and started looking at people milling around on the beach. She wondered why would someone come to a beach at 11 in the morning? Dint they have better things to do? Were they jobless. And then her thoughts drifted towards Prakash and the last week that she had spent with him. She knew she was craving for Prakash and despite him knowing it, he remains illusive. 

The jeep came to a halt all of a sudden and Renu was almost thrown out of the jeep, if only Prakash hadn’t caught her. She did not know how to react. She was still shocked from the sudden break and yet she could feel the strong grip of Prakash on her arms. “Next time, you better sit in the back. These jeeps are not your luxury cars that you girls now a days are used to”, said Prakash while getting down from the jeep. The constables had alighted by then and were already walking towards the front door of Nidhi Kapoor’s house.

The access to house wasn’t easy really. It was a Sunday and on each Sunday, precisely at noon, she would step outside on the balcony of her mansion and wave at her fans for exactly 2 minutes. And for some reason, the number of fans eager to get a glimpse of her, in flesh and blood, only went up every week. Today as well, the road opposite her house was jammed with bumper to bumper traffic and huge crowd that had gathered for the weekly sighting of Nidhi Kapoor. Renu had done a story on this phenomenon few weeks back and had captured pictures of residences of Kapoors, Khans and other acting clans. But for some reason, Renu felt that today there was this unrest in the crowd and rather than a bobbling mass of energy that these crowds normally are, today it was cold and distant. By this time Prakash had stopped the jeep in the middle of road and was scampering towards Nidhi Kapoor’s house with his team. Renu ignored her thoughts and tried to keep pace with Prakash and his team.

Prakash was trying to wade through the crowd towards Nidhi Kapoor’s house and when he heard his head constable and closet confidant in his team, Praveen Tambe, mutter, “I wish even I had these many people standing outside my house for my darshan. These film stars must be bribing God to give them such wonderful lives”. Prakash turned to him and said, “Wait till we get back to station. I would hang you upside down, naked, in front of the station. Then you’d definitely get some audience”. Praveen blushed for a moment and he stopped in his tracks for a minute. Only to be pushed around by crowd around him. Prakash said,”Move it bhai, we dont have all day. This case was sent to us by the commissioner’s office”. And he rushed towards the gate, with Tambe, Nidhi and another constable in the tow.

The guards on duty today were more alert than ever. Normally they would be sprawled on their chairs, under an umbrella and would be sipping on to their teas. Today they were alert and had made a security ring outside the main door. They even had their guns, which normally were out of sight, in full display. When they saw these four run toward the house, they got tense for a minute. But when they recognized Prakash and Praveen and heaved a sigh of relief. They tried to stop Renu but Praveen signaled that she was with them. The door opened just enough to let them through and then it closed behind them, faster and tighter than ever.

And suddenly, from the commotion on the street outside, they were in an expansive and yet well-maintained lawn. It was quiet and serene inside. It was as if they were teleported to a different place, a different time. Prakash looked up at the noise reduction barriers installed on top of the wall that made the periphery of the large house. Praveen followed Prakash’s gaze and understood what Prakash was thinking. In the lawn, a  middle aged man was was pacing frantically around the chairs placed bang in the middle of the lawn. When he saw Prakash and his entourage, he ran towards them.

“Hello Inspector… Mohile”, said Naveen Kapoor, eyeing Prakash’s name badge. Naveen Kapoor continued, “I am Naveen Kapoor. Nidhi’s uncle and her manager. I spoke to Commissioner Sharma in the morning only. Thank you so much for coming at this short notice. Sharma saab could not come? I was expecting him, you know.”

“Mr. Kapoor. Sharma saab may not have time to chase wide geese like this. He had instructed me to visit you personally and here I am. Otherwise even I have other pressing matters to worry about. Can I please meet Ms. Nidhi now?” Prakash was clearly offended by Kapoor’s demand to see the police commissioner and he cut the long monologue that Naveen had launched himself into.

“How dare you talk to…And who is she? And I clearly told Sharma saab, no photographers”. Kapoor pointed at Renu and her camera.

Prakash said, “I know what you asked him. She is with us and she will be present while I am here. I can assure you that she will not click any pictures but she will stay. If you like it, we can stay and meet Ms. Nidhi. If not, we can go back to the station and wait for Mr. Sharma to get free and come and see you”.

“I dont believe… Ok. She is in her room. Lets go there”, Naveen started to argue but then thought better of it. He rushed towards the house.

The house was an impressive structure, shaped like a Pantheon. And thus it was tough to guess the number of floors. But the elevation looked like as if it was a three story structure. Prakash, Praveen and Renu started following Naveen Kapoor. Prakash nodded at the third policeman and indicated him to guard the main entrance. The policeman went off towards the main gate to the house.

“Who else lives in this house Mr. Kapoor?”, asked Prakash.

“Here? Nidhi, her mother, her assistant, a couple of servants. That’s about it. I live in a building in the next lane. I come and go as and when Nidhi or Nilima, my sister and Nidhi’s mother need me.”, replied Kapoor.

Prakash stared at his back and continued, “What about all those guards on duty at the main gate? Where do they live?”

“Oh, those, they dont live here. We’ve hired a security agency and four guards work here on 6 hour shifts each. So total of 24 guards. There is a room for security guards towards the end of the lawn. They use that room for wash and change”, Kapoor said, pointing a finger at a small room on the far end of the house. From that room, someone with an intent and powerful set of equipment could keep an eye on the house and the entrance, without getting noticed.

Prakash whistled and said to no one in particular, “24 guards? For
one woman? And when shes not even at the home most of the times? Why are
we wasting our time here Tambe?”. Tambe knew that he was not supposed
to react. This was how Prakash worked.

Kapoor, as if he did not hear Prakash, continued. “Nidhi is the biggest superstar in the Indian film industry. Her last 3 movies have gone on to make more than 100 crores each on the box office. We have to be very cautious. Even the guards are not allowed inside the house. And the house has a biometric access system”.

Kapoor put his thumb on an electronic scan pad, entered a string of numbers of the pad and opened the door for the group. He said, “please come in”.

Renu all this while was seeping in the scenery around her. Nidhi Kapoor was obviously rich and had a fine taste. The house had been done nicely. The reception hall, or the drawing room, was rather large for Mumbai standards, with a nice chandelier hanging from the ceiling. She frowned at it. She thought chandeliers were a thing of past and nobody used them anymore. She hated it when she was proved wrong. Each wall had a certain character to it. Each wall told a different story. The one of the left was full of photos of Nidhi Kapoor, framed in wooden photoframes in all size. It was like a rectangular mesh of wood with pictures of Nidhi Kapoor stuck in the mesh. The one on right probably was where Nidhi Kapoor showcased art and pictures from famous artist friends. It also had life size posters of old movies, from the time when posters were actually sketched and coloured by hands. Renu wanted to steal that Sholay poster. She made a mental note of it.

There was a sofa set underneath the chandelier that could seat a mini procession and yet leave room for more people to sit on. The tables behind the sofa set, had curios, apparently gathered from all parts of the world. The whole place had a sense of symmetry to it. Like someone had used a ruler to put it all together with great care. While she was wondering about the meticulous brain that had designed the hall, she realized that she was left alone in the hall. She saw the back of Tambe dissappeaing behind an open door on the left. She scampered towards that door and yelled out loud, “wait for me!”.

She rushed in the room and immediately stepped onto something sticky on the floor. And she froze at her place. Her eyes opened up wide with amazement. Or was it horror. Or may be shock. She could not pinpoint what emotion was at play and had left her stunned with her jaws hanging open. She could feel all the energy drain out of her system. Her head began to throb and she could imagine a lump, size of a cricket ball, beneath her scalp, aching to burst out of her head. With great difficult, she took a step back and grabbed the door to help herself from falling like a heap of potatoes.

Renu was not weak hearted at all. She had seen her share of gory crime scenes as a criminal photo journalist and she had earned the reputation for having guts of steel. Crime scenes that made the most experienced of policemen empty their guts out on the sides, she worked those as if she was strolling in a park. But she was not really prepared for, what was unfolding in front of her eyes. In what looked like the office of the famous actress, Nidhi Kapoor.

To be continued… 

Others parts
Part 2, Part 3

Long Time!

Its been well over 15 days I think that I have written something. Not here, not on sandbox, not on that secret blog that I write for sgMS and not on Facebook. And no wonder its been taking a toll on me. Writing gives me extreme satisfaction and despite having a combined readership of zero (even I dont read what I have written), I get lot of contentment when I write.

Ofcourse writing is a tough job. Most days I cant write. And even when I write, I always have great beginnings but after a couple of dozen words, I am left high and dry. But writing is probably the best thing to have happened to me since sgMS. This one from Peanuts talks about how I feel about writing!

via This Isnt Happiness

When I started writing this, I dint know that I would carry on with it for so long and writing would become such a large part of my happiness. I mean I know for a fact that just a handful of people read this. And a even smaller fraction of those who read, actually care about what I write. Or why I write what I write. All ofcourse this blog essentially does, is to merely add to all the digital gibberish that us netizens produce every second that we spend on the Internet.

If I said that the net effect of this blog on humankind is actually negative, I wont be wrong. And yet this blog and process of writing is important to me. I can now relate to people who write diaries and I totally understand why are they so attached to the diaries. Ofcourse those diaries are logs of private affairs and other such non-public events for most people. Thankfully I dont really have any skeletons in my closet. Do I?  May be… may be not!

Anyways, before we move on, here is a song. And yes, there is a reason why I am putting it here. Can you guess?

 

And here is why I havent been writing for these many days.

Last few days have been quiet different what a typical day in life for me is. I am on a break from work. I mean not a real break, but I only work on things that no one else can work on in office and that too, from home. Time spent on meetings and travel has reduced considerably and that means my mind is lot more unoccupied and I have even more time on my hands. And like all idle men, I have no clue as to what could I do with all this time. I mean, I do have a million things that I could potentially work on, but if I do, the list of my vices would look really small!

Apart from this, I have moved to a different city and I have plans to explore yet another city before I am back to the grind. Thanks to my friends for letting me sleep on their floors and using the AC, which in my opinion is the best thing to have happened to mankind. Thankfully, I am being paid for this, so that takes care of grocery, travel and other such things. Thank you guys for that.

I am hoping to be back after Diwali btw, in case someone is curious. In the meanwhile I am spending less and less time online (read lesser interactions on twitter/fb), working towards developing new hobbies and trying to get fit. Oh, must mention, Rr gave me this amazing book by Rujuta Diwekar that talks about losing weight in a nice and easy manner. I like what she says in her book and I think I will try to follow her advice. Apart from fitness, Project rstlf continues to stay at the back of my head. And then there are all those confused thoughts that I dont know know who to share with and who to talk about. The world looks like a stupid place right now and the intent to work on it and fix it is getting stronger by the day. I remain hungry and some day I would fix it for sure. That nagging little voice at the back of my head keeps telling me that its almost time and good things are within reach.

Guess that’s it for the update. There are so many more things that I want to talk about but this is not the forum. May be some other day. But yes, exciting times are ahead (I must have said this like a hazaar times since 1982) and there will be quite a few changes on how I spend my time and kind of things I write about. Sounds alien, coming from someone like me who has always been frivolous with life and all worldly matters. But guess its an age thing…

Stay tuned. And in the meanwhile, here is something that I will do as soon as I publish this post…

via This Isnt Happiness

Good night guys.

Jan 04, 2012. Bored.

I have been staring at this empty blogger panel for last ten minutes. I have been trying to write a piece of fiction. I am thinking of plots. I thought about a serial killer plot who stalks his victims before he kills them. Then I thought about a school teacher who works as an extra in the cheesy movies to escape his monotonous life of teaching maths to third graders. Then I thought about a farmer who wants to go live in the comforts of a city. I also thought about reinterpretation of the classic that I love the most – the Mahabharata.

Of course there is no end to the number of plot ideas you can cook. The challenge is to be able to bring these stories to their conclusion. In the past, I have realized that I simply dont have what it takes to be able to create a huge body of work. I simply lose interest after a while. More than that, I am easily distracted. And hence its easy for the next shiny object to get my attention away and stop me in my tracks.

But there are times when I am completely in the zone and I can work for hours. But then moment I take a break, I lose it. So I need to be able to figure out a way to concentrate on things. I have tried things in the past. from Vipassana to music to sitting in an empty room to breaking the task into tiny sub tasks to even bribing myself. Like they say, its easy to control everything but the mind. I wonder what Devdutt has to say about it. Actually a good idea. I will try and mail Devdutt and ask him this question. Ans as I was working on this post, playing poker, listening to music and replying to a message, I did manage to send an email to Devdutt asking him about this. Hope he replies.

In an ideal world, I would have ended the post right here but then when I started writing it, I did not know what all would I write. And to do justice, I cant really end it like I end all my other posts. The end has to be as unpredictable as the beginning and the rest of the post. I think I am just bored. And come to think of it, there has to be an outlet for all the people who are bored of their wits. I did try something. Remember n00b.in anyone? Wondering if there is any merit in reviving it? I dont think so to be honest because I am anyways flooded with work. Really? Why, then my friend, aren’t you writing this and investing your precious time on working and writing something that is adding absolutely no value to you.

Bas ab khatam.

Take your pick!

Steve Jobs. I dont know the source.

Its one of those days when I want to write. I have no clue what direction would this post take and how would it end. But I want to write. And write till I am tired of typing on the really small HP Mini keypad.

So I can talk about my Poker addiction. I am not sure if it qualifies as an addiction yet but I tend to spend at least four hours everyday, almost everyday on playing online poker. No, I dont play with real money. I play with play money and play just the freerolls. Btw, I started a poker blog in 2009. Preflop.wordpress.com. Do check it out.

Or do I talk about the stupid rule that they have enforced in office where they check our bags every morning and evening. I have no clue how can they track all the times during the day when I leave the building and how would they even know if I stole something that is of no apparent value to the guard but still is an important asset.

I can also talk about my new found love AND hatred for Quora. Love the platform and love the fact that it allows me the chance discovery of things that I would have otherwise skipped. And hate for the latest feature that they call boards.

I may even talk about my latest quirk where I window shop for… jobs! Something told me to create a profile on Naukri.com and ever since I did that, I have been flooded with job offers interview calls that promise me a salary package starting at 10K a month and going upto “best in the industry”. Some expect me to have my own two vehicle with a valid drivers license. And for the advantage of all the consults who look at my profile on naukri.com, I am not looking out right now. Unless you offer me a three time salary. And your client allows me to keep a beard.

Or I can talk about my wallpaper that changes every 10 minutes. It ensures that there is something new to see every time I goto the desktop. And all these are the images that I have gathered over time, in a folder called imagesBank. These are the ones that I save and then never go back to. With these images on loop, I get to see these. Serendipity anyone? Like right now, its Steve Jobs sitting on a swing. Attached above for easy reference. I have no clue what would it be next time I go the desktop.

I can also talk about recent spurt in activity on twitter (I am @saurabh there). Not that I am jobless again but it just means that I am now back to being what I was three years back. Pseudo social. Trying to track some interesting people and hopefully making their acquaintance. Why would I do that? I dont know. I love quoting Joker on this. So much so that its my twitter profile. It goes… “Like The Joker says… A guy without a plan. A dog chasing cars. Wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught one. I just… do things.”. So I do things. I just do them.
I may also want to talk about my latest project. Offbeat Mag. But then it will be too immature to talk about it. I am not really sure what I want to do with it. I shall talk about it eventually. Right now, let it be what it is. An experiment. 
Thats it I guess for the time being. My fingers are freezing. Lemme get them some sun. And now that I have given you, dear readers, so many options to chose from, pray tell me what would you want to know more details about and I shall try and come up with a brilliant post!