Category: Rant

Jul 27, 2013. Ajeeb sa din.

Bill Gates, on a couch, cooking up ideas. Source: Unknown

Today was day 1 after that july evening. And I had told myself that starting today I would watch every penny paisa that I spend. And I would be super selfish about my time. And Id become nobody’s fool. And other such things.

But destiny, or rather I, had different plans for me. I dont know why but I decided to go to a mall and I ended up wasting half a day. I did nothing at the mall. Just walked and window shopped. I did not even eat there.

I then had to run a couple of long overdue errands that I got finally out of the way today.

Then I booked a wrong flight and ended up paying twice the fare that I should have.

Then I accepted a meeting request from an acquaintance and then I ended up waiting for a couple of hours for a friend, for dinner.

And in between, since I was so bored, I spent money. And lots of it. About a week’s salary. A salary that I no longer earn get. And on things that I didnt need. And on things that are of no value to me and things that I know I would not use.

But then, the meeting with an acquaintance went really well. I got a few ideas that I could work on in the next few days. It actually made that light bulb in my head spark. Like that image of Bill Gates where all he does is cook up ideas. That was a favorite when I was growing up (posted with this post). I then connected this acquaintance with a friend (taking Altucher’s advice) and I know the two of them would find each other interesting. And in the end I am really happy that I accepted that meeting request. What if I had to rush like crazy, park my car at a metro station, take the metro and spend an hour to reach him?

The friend I had to meet, she was fun as always. I wish I was even half as cool as her. She does not read blogs or something. She things blogs is for wusses (whatever that means).

And finally I was worried that I had lost papers of my car but I hadnt. I found them in the glove box.

And on top of everything else, I managed to move the Nidhi Kapoor story a bit further.

And yes I read some pages from Eat Pray Love and I am totally loving it. You must read it as well. If there was a man’s version, it would have been great. Maybe I’d write one?

But this was an ajeeb sa din. A strange sort of a day. A day that kept me on my toes and kept me cribbing and yet made me content, as I am writing this. Would love to have more of these.

Rant. On Writing.

I have heard from a lot of people that writing is one of the most strenuous and lonely pursuits that us humans can undertake. Of course its not as extreme as tight rope walking or mountain climbing or cross country swimming but its a very taxing thing to do. I have been (posing as) one for some time now and I can totally vouch for the lonely and stressful bits.

And unlike mountain climbing or tight rope walking or tennis, the rewards of writing are rather scarce, to say the least. If you have conquered a high peak, you are at the top of the world, literally. If you have walked on a tight rope, you have conquered, not one but two of man’s greatest fears – height and nature (gravity, wind, nerves etc). If you have endured a long swimming route, you have pushed your physical limits and placed yourself in top 0.001 percentile of all humans to have walked on the Earth.

But writing, even if you manage to finish a short essay, what do you achieve? I dont understand at all why would someone want to write. Take me for example. Why do I write?

One may argue that once your have finished something, you get a shot at immortality. At least temporary immortality. This is true for all artists actually. If not for The Count of Monte Cristo and other such brilliant pieces of work, no one would have known Dumas. If not for Godfather amongst others, no one would have known Puzo. So on and so forth. So writing gives you an opportunity to create something that outlives you. And if you do it well, it can outlives your next few generations as well.

I, being a religious follower of the Society for Hedonist Indians, believe in instant gratification. And I know that things that give me fame, money, notoriety, etc after I am dead are of no use to me. So what could the pursuit of writing get me in this life time? From a few friends who have been able to do so, I think the right answer is audience. In this connected world, where every human has not just one mouth but multiple outlets and platforms (blogs, twitter, facebook etc) to rant about things, being a writer gives you access to certain audience. And that audience allows you to create something that may outlive you, even when you are alive.

There are no guarantees mind you that there would be audience, glory, riches or anything else. For every piece that gets successful, there must be 1000 others that rot in anonymity. But I think that shot at immortality is too tempting to let go. No?

Of punctuations and grammar. And on writing.

I have spent a large part of last few days thinking about Nidhi Kapoor and Prakash Mohile. For the uninitiated, these two are the lead protagonists in my latest attempt at writing fiction. I dont have a name for it as yet, I am open for suggestions. But its a novel length piece of crime fiction (about 80,000 words spread over 20 – 25 chapters).

But the thing about cooking fiction is that you have a vague idea of what you want to write about. You come up with a setting, you draft your characters and place your characters in the setting and try to bring that vague idea to life. You take liberal doses of inspiration from things that you have read and experienced in the past. And you mix these and some other things into a concoction. Finally you try and put this mix into words.

And this is where you fuck up. When it comes to actually putting pen to paper. Especially when you are not a native speaker of English and you are brought up in a society that discourages use of Hindi. As a result, you grow up confused and you dont have command over either language. You think in Hindi, translate it in English and then you write. As a result, the grammar and the meaning of what you want to say go for a toss. If you try thinking in English, since your vocabulary is so tiny that you cant find the right words to put your thoughts on paper. So, when you want to talk about a good looking woman, you can only use words like gorgeous, beautiful, brilliant, awesome. Since you dont know synonyms like astonishing, awe-inspiring, breathtaking, exalted, formidable, frantic, grand, imposing, impressive, magnificent, majestic, mind-blowing, moving, overwhelming, shocking, striking, stunning, stupefying, wonderful, wondrous, you get repetitive and monotonous. And despite your brilliant narrative, the text becomes boring. And then you cant pin point your mistake.

So today while I was stuck on the third chapter of the Nidhi Kapoor saga, I decided to make a list of things that I dont know and I need to work upon. Here is the list. If you can help, I am willing to pay for it…

  1. When I use quotes to denote a dialogue or a statement by a character, do I put a full stop after closing the quotes? Or before that? What if my character is asking a question? Does the question mark come after the quotes? And do I put a full stop after that? And yes, I did clear CAT with flying colors.
  2. What is a good way to break paragraphs when you are writing something? And are there any established norms for the same?
  3. The difference between choose and chose, loose and lose, anyway and anyways, even though and despite. And a million other common mistakes that non-native speakers like me make
  4. Vocabulary. I read somewhere that an average human being knows about 15000 words. The great writers however know some 100,000 66, 000 words. I am sure I dont know more than 10,000. I need to work on it. Can someone help me with some tips on these? 
  5. Formatting for readability. How do I format my text that it is readable. I know that people dont really read every word but they skim through the text. So, how do I format text so that while skimming, you focus on the essential bits, that are important to a crime fiction? Is the F pattern true for fiction as well?
  6. More people like Pressfield? I read his blog regularly and love his advice to people like me. He’s really really good. Are there more people like this? I dont want self-improvement advice. I want insights from people who have been there and who have done that.

Thats it. I just need these 6 things. I already have a brilliant support group – a set of people to whom I email everytime I write something – for feedback. Most of them are busy and cant really respond fast enough but they give me enough insights and I really value their inputs.

Thats it for the time being.

I am also looking for an editor who can work with me on correcting these grammatical errors that I make in my texts. And a researcher, who could help me plug loop holes in my text. Anyone?  

Confession. Type B.

There are two kinds of people.

Type A are the ones that believe in doing. Getting things done. Doing things. Actually putting pen to paper and taking action. For them, procrastination is the enemy number one. What ever is available to them, they would work with it. If they are writers and they dont have a table, they would sit on a park bench and write. If they are suffering from writers block, they would force themselves ever harder to write. If they are artists and they dont have the brush, they would make a brush and then sketch and draw. If they are inventors and they are short of tools, they would find an alternative or even go to the extent of making the tool. For them the output is what matters. For them, output is what drives them. They need to see measurable action. They need to get the work out of their system. If its a book, they want to write it and get it published. If its a painting, they want to finish it and hang it on a wall. If they are making a building, they want to finish it and let people occupy it. If they are trying to lose weight, they want to run even if they are barefoot. Of course, all this hurry does not mean that they cut corners. Or they compromise on the output. They still give it their best shot. They are still proud of what they achieve. They would learn from the mistakes and ensure that next time when they’re doing it, they dont make the mistake. They would do. They are doers. They are type A.

Then there is Type B. The ones who want to do. Really really want to. Like give an arm and a led to do. The plan is ready. Its all there, but for the tools! Or they wait for the right time. Or the right tool. Or the right setting. Or the right team. Or the right idea. Or the right opportunity. Or the right running shoe. Or the right this, or the right that. Of course if they want so many rights, there are pretty high chances that they would continue to want. They would continue to wait. They would continue to plan. Again there is nothing wrong with this. You need to have fire and log and pot and pan if you are make dinner for yourself. You cant eat your food raw. Right? You can sleep hungry if required but unless you have the salt and the pepper, you cant really eat. Similarly, you need to have the perfect writing desk if have to write your best seller. You have to have the perfect board and perfect paint and perfect brush and perfect lighting and perfect model if you are to get that painting right. After all the work you have planned for will define your life. How can you get that piece wrong? You need to have all the tools and all the perfect tools at that, before you even begin. Its one shot at immortality and you better get it right. The risk of not even attempting that shot is unreal because good things happen to those who wait. Right?

Phew. Enough of a rant. A question now. What type do you think Steve Jobs, Bill Gates are? What type would Sachin Tendulkar, Shah Rukh Khan, Andre Agassi be? What type is your boss? What type is your driver? What type are you?

I dont know about you. But I hereby confess that I know that I am type B. And trust me, I have the perfect writing table and the perfect writing chair and the perfect pen and the perfect room temperature to sit in and the perfect this and that. Just that I dont have the perfect plot! Sounds familiar?

So, I need to quickly become type A, if I am to do any of those millions things that I want to do. Project 1000WADv2 is an attempt in that direction. So far so good.

And as it turns out, I dont really have forever to live!

A ten hour long meeting

Day before yesterday, I started reading this book called ReWork by the founders of the famous 37 signals. There’s nothing new in the book to be honest but it had best seller written all over it. Nuggets of one page quick-read “advice”, interspersed with motivations “doodles”, counter-intuitive tips that can assure success and anecdotes that dont necessarily fit in to the context. Nothing wrong with it. There is a constant demand for self-help books for the entrepreneur types (like me) and these are the people who are living the American entrepreneurial dream. Am sure a lot of people would love this book. I do too. 

So, one of the important themes in the book is about talking less and doing more. And one of the things that, in their opinion, makes you work lesser, is meetings. They say that if you drag 8 people in one hour meeting, its not really a one hour meeting, but its a 8 man-hour meeting. So what you achieve in those 8 hours must be economically worth 8 man-hours. Today I entered a meeting at 11 and came out of it at 9. Of course we broke for lunch, dinner, coffee, pee etc. But the point is, there were seven people in the meeting, for all these 10 hours and there were atleast 5 people on the sidelines. Of course these 5 people are amongst the lesser equals, so their time is not important. But the other 7 people, I think they bill mini-fortunes per hour to their respective companies and by the time today’s meeting ended, their companies may be staring at a fiscal crisis, if not a prospect of bankruptcy.

We invested 70 man-hours of effort today in a meeting and I am not sure of the output. I am sure that in 70 hours, I could have done so much more. Here is an indicative list…

  • Drive from Delhi to Mumbai. And back. One of the things on my bucket list, since I can remember.
  • Log in a week full of ten hour days. This means, more than one fourth of my monthly work time.
  • Write a novella. I am working on one and I could easily complete it at the rate of 300 words per hour. This post, 2700 words, took 9 hours.
  • Walk 3,50,000 steps at the rate of 5000 steps per hour. Roughly about 300 KMs. Enough to reach some hill station to escape the heat in Delhi. And burn 17000 calories. Or lose 34 KGs of weight. Wow! I could actually be fit if I spent these 70 hours on myself.

I am sure there are many more amazing things that I could do if I had 70 hours to myself. But no, the job I do requires me to massage the egos and put everyone else’s time ahead of mine. And today I read this amazing piece by KK. I can tell you that these 10 hour long meetings and reading people like KK is a bad bad combination. Worse than those alcohol induced tweets about your ex.

And yes, thats it for the day. Until tomorrow…

P.S.: I have stopped using the tag 1000WADv2, because if I am going to write everyday, I dont really need the tag. However if there are times when I dont write, or there are times when I have an announcement, I shall use it.

May 20, 2013. Of disconnectedness.

Somehow, I stumbled on to my blog(!) and realized that its been more than a month since I posted something here. Nothing wrong with it but for someone with serious aspirations of a being an author, not posting writing anything for a month is not acceptable. Ofcourse I can blame it on all the travel that I have been subjected to and the feeling of disconnectedness with the world but end of the day, these things dont count. Do they? After a few weeks I would look back and exclaim, “oh! between April and May of 2013, I did not update my blog for a whole month”.

Anyway (thanks rediff), now that I am writing, I want to talk of my disconnectedness wali feeling – something extremely personal and yet something that I know most people like me would relate to. Of course, it is a separate matter altogether that not many people would be as lost as I am. If you know me, you would know that I have a hard time understanding logic and rationale that governs most people and their actions. So much so that I have stopped judging them (actions, not people), which is good in way but fucks up the head on the other side.

You know, most people my age are busy making mini fortunes for themselves, if not on their way to change the world. And no, no just one or two examples, but 8 out 0f 10 people I know (9th is me. 10th, you know who you are. Thanks for giving me company). And I on the other hand am stuck in the rut of mediocrity. Of course no one else is responsible, but me. More on that later. Coming back to disconnectedness, people define it in multiple ways with awesome words and languages. I have a rather simplistic definition. I define disconnectedness as the feeling that you do not have any roots to go back to. There is no place you feel home at. There is nobody that you want to sleep (and wake up) in the arms of. There is no clear agenda or purpose (or epitaph) that you are chasing. You struggle to find meaning and you are merely a vegetable and letting things chart their own course. You are just flowing.

Or may be clinical depression is a set of two words that can explain it equally well. Of course if I was the kinds to mix my miseries with alcohol and consume the diluted concoction, I could’ve painted a more vivid picture.

Coming back, nothing wrong with the feeling of disconnectedness to be honest. An entire generation lived with it. And died with it. People continue to adopt that lifestyle even decades after that generation died. I think I have a vague idea why. Hedonism is a brilliant concept. I do subscribe to it but then at the same time, I am from the school of thought that believes in creating something that outlives you. I believe that there is a greater purpose and a reason why you’ve been put here. And you have to have the responsibility towards the greater power that put you on here on Mother Earth. Kinda complicated. Hedonism and Legacy do not go hand in hand but I am trying.

Wise men and sages over the years have said that once you know of the problem, all that remains is finding the solution and implementing it. I know the problem, have known it for years and yet I cant seem to do a thing about it. Remember I said no one else but me is responsible? I need that tight slap on my face to wake me up from the deep slumber and get moving. Someone someday will have to do. Lot of friends including Neo and #sgMS tried but I did not pay heed to even her. Who else? If the most important people to me havnt been able to help matters, dont think anyone else can! Let me park this thought here. Will come back to it.

I want to argue further that this feeling of disconnectedness is actually responsible for a lot of good things that us humans have achieved in last few decades. I believe that on the other side of this disconnectedness, is the holy grail of happiness. I am assuming that once you realize what is keeping you back and you know what is it that you are chasing, you will put in your best effort and you will come up with a body of work that defines who you are. You go through this dark tunnel to come out brighter, sharper and happier. Most modern marvels are a result of people disconnected with their lives and their attempts to create things that define them. Some people get lucky and they know what their purpose is, at a fairly young age. Just that this tunnel is kinda long in my case. And the hope of things beyond this feeling is what keeps me going. Every single day. Hope could be a bitch. No?

Connecting the two thoughts above, I know that my best is ahead of me. Like I keep saying, its not a matter of if, but a when. I believe that, that when, ladies and gentlemen, is around the corner. The fuck up is, I cant seem to wait. The disconnectedness, this mid life crisis, the clinical depression is killing me. And its getting increasingly tough by the day (or is it tougher?).

But then, till I realize my purpose and I serve my reason I cant really quit either. It would be a life wasted and I am very sure my purpose is definitely NOT to waste my life in frivolity. Wish me luck if youre reading this.

April 04, 2013.

Day 4. Not bad. Despite non regular access to Internet, I have been able to write for four straight days. This is day 4 actually.

Agenda for the day is a rant on the evolution of photography as an industry. The cameras got cheap, Internet cheaper and technology grew at an astronomical pace. From being an elitist phenomenon photography is now something that anyone with a half decent camera can do. Of course with a million photographers around, the loudest and most obnoxious ones are easy to spot. Nothing wrong with pimping what you do but then as a while the profession and the discipline of photography are going down the drain. Photography, like all other mediums hat help is express ourselves, is close to my heart and it sucks to see the state that photography is in. Every other person is either a photographer or in the process of becoming one. Wish I could do something to help it. Lol, yet another thing that I want to help. Life should’ve been longer. No?

So coming back, by end of his year, I would do something about it. Dunno what. But something.

Next, while I type this, I am tripping orbit DJ Killa’s version of Uff Teri Ada. Apart from being a great track, the song reminds me so much of sgMS. If you’re reading this, I miss you. If you’re not reading this, bad for me.

Finally, I think I have come to realise why I like blogging. I’d give you guys a hint. You know it’s easy talking to a stranger rather than your best friend, or writing a dairy, or confessing to a priest? Yeah? That’s why.

April 01, 2013

Day 1 of a new quarter. Or a new financial year, depends on the way you look at it. Starting today I shall try and write a blog post every night before I sleep.

Anyways, an article on rediff tells me that anyways is incorrect usage, I have been reading a lot lately. Blame it on my move to mumbai and subsequent availability of a lot of time on my hands. So last two people that I have read, and needless to say enamoured by, are Murakami and London.

Murakami, I don’t understand half the things he writes. The other half, i look up. London, haven’t read much of him hit did read about his life. Realised that like most other geniuses, he had a screwed up head that fucked up his social life and as a result he poured all his time and attention into writing. And we know about his writing and the impact it had.

I have been thinking about writing as a discipline a lot. And I sincerely believe I must give it a serious shot, writing as a career. Just that I am not really that great, am mediocre at best. And I am not really on any extreme of social interactions. Am not a megalomaniac and neither a social butterfly. And this may be an hindrance in my soon to be launched writing career. Time shall tell.

But as I write this, I am watching The Rock. I don’t think a lot of movies have been written any better. If you’re reading this, it’s on zee studio. Go watch it.

P.s. this post is made on my phone. I hope to make one everyday. May have typos, bad grammar, non-existant links, and other such things. Would love to know of your feedback. Tag to track: dailyBlog.

After a while

Warning: Random ramblings ahead.

So, when was the last time when I let my fingers dance on the keyboard? I think its been a while. A quick look at the archives tell me that I last wrote on 4th Jan this year. After that its been a busy busy time. Not that I am flooded with work. On the contrary there is nothing that I do the entire day. Come to think of it, I could have learnt how to stare at goats and learn the art and science of bursting clouds. But then there were other pressing matters at hand. Matters like trying to find a home for myself in Mumbai. That I think has been resolved for the time being. The place where I will now live for atleast next 6 months is a quintessential Indian  phenomena. It looks awesome from the outside but once you step it, its a piece of shit. It is expensive and yet not done tastefully. It is neither big, nor small. It lacks character. Character is a funny thing if you ask me. There are two kinds of people, the ones who have a character and the ones who dont. The ones who dont have a character are easy to handle. You can dismiss them without any remorse on your part. They are parasites who are merely wasting the precious resources. They live like vegetables, going through the motions and waiting for their time to end. The ones who have a character are tough cookies. Character could be good, bad, interesting, boring, opinionated, freckled, cohesive and so on and so forth. I tend to believe that having character is important  What character is it and how is it is of no relative importance. It immediately sets the men apart from boys, as the cliche goes…!

Mumbai Part 2. Day 24.

This is going to be a short post. So that you may actually read the entire thing and not just skim.

Its almost a month since I moved to Mumbai. And I still trying to figure out things. Part reason of that is that I have decided to live with a friends from college. And that means I am dependant on two more people to figure out shit. Even if they are understanding and independent, human courtesy says that I need to include them in whatever I decide. So for example, despite a frantic house search, I we haven’t been able to close on a place where I we would live. This, for the record, is against my DNA. I am like that lone mercenary who wants to remain independent and live like his way, without regard to all the burden that comes from “belonging” to a faction.

The other part is that I am older and hence more inflexible. And that means there is another set of problems that I have. Taking the example of house, I want to live in a spacious, airy, clean, new house. Which, in Mumbai, dont exist. The ones that do, demand a rental of a million bucks a day, which I cant pay. In general, the inflexible me in finding it hard to adjust to madness in Mumbai. But then, there is no place like Mumbai, anywhere in the world and I have to go through the grind. And no, I am not enjoying this at all. May be like all oldies, I am averse to change and since “growing up” is a slow and gradual transition, I am consciously in the same space as a 25 year old but subconsciously I am now 30 and that means there is a constant conflict between my two sides.

So, changing tracks, this post is about what I do in my spare time, which in my case, I have in abundance. And I am at my wits end trying to figure out what to with it.

Let me talk about Delhi to give a perspective. In Delhi, for some reason, I always had something or the other to do. If nothing, I could remain holed up at home and flick tv channels and maybe watch some movie. If not that, my family has stayed at the same place for almost 20 years and I know every nook and cranny in that part of Delhi. I know most people and there is a sense of familiarity. I could go for a walk, or a smoke and get back feeling good about the camaraderie that I share with the place. There are tons of friends/acquaintances that I could meet at random and have a good time and come back. I had a social life in Delhi.

Mumbai on the other hand, I have been out of this place for more than 3 years. All my friends are now married, engaged or seeing someone. And that means I am not high on their priority list (25 yr old). And that means that they are busy on weekends with household chores and stuff. And that means that I can only see them for a window of an hour or so, rather than entire weeks that we spent together at one point in time. Dissonance. Then, when I was younger, I was a promising and rising young man and had irrational beliefs about thing. That made me pseudo popular and I could meet strangers and paddle my beliefs and spend time engaging in mental masturbation. Now, I am a senile old man and I have a tough time going out to meet strangers. I refuse to take part in political, activist movements and pseudo intelligent conversations do not excite me anymore. As a result, I am not popular at all.

I can now spend all my time either reading or writing. Which is not bad to be honest but if I could change it, I would love to do so. May be in next few months.

Conversation with myself, on Ajmal Kasab

Today, I woke up to the news of Ajmal Kasab’s execution. And to be honest, I was indifferent towards it. Ofcourse there was this curiosity to know more about it. Ajmal Kasab and his case has to be the most famous case in the country – for what he did was amongst the worst a human can do to another humans. I woke up and read about it and despite all the witty, sarcastic, patriotic, inflammatory and useless comments about it, I remained indifferent. Probably its the classic case of “not my problem”. Or may be like most other things, I grew so tired of all the debate and discussions around it that I had shut my head to anything about it. Or may be its plain, good old indifference?

I dont know. And I cant seem to find an answer. Apart from the indifference about it, the execution has left me with conflicting thoughts to be honest. On one hand, I dont support capital punishment and on the other, I want the guilty (especially of the attack) to be punished. I appreciated the way the Govt. handled the entire issue and at the same time I loathed hated all the rejoicing that was going around. End of the day he was a human being and its barbaric as a society to celebrate someone else’s killing. But like someone pointed on twitter, our biggest festival is all about victory of good over evil by killing of the Ravana and making him pay for his misdeeds.

There are no easy answers to this debate. More than taking a side and answering anyone else, I am struggling really hard to be to true to myself and find answers. I am hating all this uncertainty and indecisiveness. I actually revel in uncertainty and celebrate freedom that comes with it. Though my fickle mindedness is legendary, I am not undeceive at all. I hate waiting for decisions. In fact I take fast decisions. And I take so many of those (is this why I am fickle minded?) that it at times is a blur. More food for thought.

You know (who am I talking to by the way? Myself?) I was actually in Mumbai when the attacks happened. I was tucked away in one remote corner when Kasab and his gang went about firing and killing innocent civilians. To be honest, I was not afraid, even for a minute. I think because I dont really know what terminal danger looks like. And I am the kinds who believes that nothing that is an outlier, could happen to me (including stoke of extraordinary luck). But then since I consume so much media, I could sense the anger, pain, frustration and helplessness in the ordinary Indian.

Is the execution of Kasab an answer to these emotions? I sincerely hope it is. Hate to see so much potential being squandered away over fruitless discussions and mental orgasm. As a capitalist, I cant really understand where do people get the time to practise religion. There is so much to do and so much to achieve and yet people tend to waste their time. Every day is a new day. Why cant we get up and live each day to the fullest?

I hope that the ones who lost their loved ones in the entire episode have found some kind of closure. That to be is the only good thing about this execution. Hope they sleep better now. Hope they wake up tomorrow with renewed vigour and enjoy all the blessings that Mother Earth has showered on us. The world is indeed beautiful out there.