Category: Rant

5 mantras for succeeding in corporate life

After spending about five years in corporate life (ok, pseudo-corporate), here are a few things that I have learnt.

  1. Save your ass. At any cost. Even if it means learning those famed talents like ass-licking, participating in political Olympics, back stabbing, water-cooler bickering et al
  2. Yell first. Even before the blame games can begin. And since you have yelled first, you automatically stand correct. And it won’t hurt if you could be loud. After all you need to be heard over the entire din in the room.
  3. Master the art of passing the buck. Your table should remain empty. No decision should ever be traced to you. No one should be able to question your decision and more importantly, that ability to take a decision.
  4. Send emails to everyone in the world. Even your janitor. And the security guy. So that tomorrow everyone knows your version of the story. After all emails are free and people have lot of time on their hands. They do read each and every character. And since you are the one to have put things on record, and
  5. Text must be bold face with red font. Bolder the better. Redder the better. Bold and red makes a deadly combination. As if it was written in the recipient’s blood.
P.S.: Wrote this when I was mindfucked because of some random comment from a client!

Ab kya karenge?

literally translated, the title of the post reads “what next?”. Been some time since I posted something on this blog. I don’t know if something important has happened that warrants a post on the blog but somehow I felt like talking to someone and I realized there was no one that I could goto and speak my heart out. No no, I am not inviting tissue papers or free hugs or donations or something. I am merely stating a fact.

So the point of the post was that I felt someone, something was pulling me towards this blog. I know that the audience on my blog is next to zero. Any random visitors that somehow find their way to these posts, spends like 0.003 seconds here. No, really. I have a counter that keeps a tab. This link. So despite being the most boring place on the world wide web, why do I still maintain this? And what entices me to spend countless hours trying to post gibberish, that I know, no one is interested in reading? Wish I could peep into my brain and come up with answers.

So lets put some links here. I stumbled onto a website called wetransfer.com. They have the MOST amazing UI ever. I wish I could steal their designer for Cyntax2. Then I heard Bossa Nova and have been downloading music since. Try it. Its worth the time. And bandwidth. I did think of yet another book (that I would someday write). It would be called The Secret Society of Chronic Underachievers. Even if no one agrees to publish it, I will self-publish it. First 100 people to comment on this post, get an autographed copy ;P Then in other news, I finally saw Bangkok. Not that I was dying for it but because my visa application got rejected. Though I became the first Indian in the history of Thailand’s immigration files to be denied a visa, I managed to get the visa on arrival. My other trips are here. And attached is a map. For the warm and fuzzy feeling!


And until next time, namaste!

Finding Designers

I have spent last few weeks trying to find some designers. For various things that I would be doing in this year. And since I cant really afford to hire designers right now, I am having a tough time.

So, I started my search within my friends circle. I sifted through my mailbox and pictures etc and I I realized that I know just two designers. When I say designers, I mean people who can think. Not mere DTP operators. So both these designers, are better than one other. And both of them are in Mumbai and are working at very senior positions with famous advertising agencies. With so much work already on their plate, it is unreal to expect them to take time out and contribute.

Next was obviously the Internet. And I started by making a post on some design groups. I send an email on Design India and Creativegarh. Got some 10 odd responses. Some looked ok. Some weren’t encouraging. Anyways, the summary is that no one seems to be agreeing to my outlandish and magnanimous proposals.

Now I am out of clue. I really desperately need designers.

I am wondering where is it that I am going wrong. Is it money? Or is it tha designers want to work with other more famous designers and famous brand names only? Or is it that I am not inspiring enough? Or is it that I cant contribute enough?

I know that I am no designer but I do understand design. I know it when I see some good design. But like all other critics and armchair activists, I can only comment. I cant do (or create).

Whatever I know about advertising or the business of communication, I have learnt at CLA. Well most of it. And CLA as a company has a very solid foundation in design with Vikram leading the design team. Their design standards are very high. And since I learnt the ropes of the business there, I refuse to accept anything that can’t match CLA standards.

Anyways, coming back to design, in a subsequent post, I will talk about how I look at design and what design means to me and what I expect from my design-partners. Till then, please spread word and help!

Originally posted at SG.com/blog

Tu Na Jaane Aas Pass Hai Khuda

Moment I got up, I should have known that today was going to be a bad day. I missed my alarm. And why did I miss is? The damn phone was under me!

Then I got late, really late while getting ready. And since I was rushing for things, I dropped the watch – the one that I was gifted by MB23Oct. I would have dropped a hundred things a million times but they never break. And this time, the watch that I had never dropped before – broke!
And since I was getting late, I skipped breakfast. BTW did I mention that I am starting GM diet this week?
So far, having a really bad day at work. Fought with my team. Argued with clients. And am rude for no reason.
But then, the silver lining in the cloud – a song that I discovered while driving to work. The song is called Tu Na Jaane Aas Paas Hai Khuda. From this movie – Anjaana Anjaani. Its available for download here. Its so brilliant, its better than trance. Wish there was more such music.

18 Till I Die

This is one of those posts that are totally meaningless and totally irrelevant. You write these things purely for the love of seeing your fingers do the little dance on the keyboard. And the funny thing is that you dont even know where the words flow from.

So one whole month of the year has gone past. On the first of January, at AS’s place, I had told myself that I would make this year the defining year of my life. I decided that moment I was back in India, I would sit down and make a list of things that I would do and achieve this year. And before I realize, its Feb. And February 4 at that. Things have been ok to say the least. Some very sad on personal front. Some exciting. Somethings are looking up. And some are exciting. The whole spectrum. I really wish I could talk about those things here.

Come to think of it, why cant i? After all the combined readership of this blog is two as of last count. One is me. And other one is PD29Jun. At least I would want to believe that PD29Jun does read this. She never leaves any indication of having read this though. Anyways, coming back, I think I can make things personal here. Lemme take a call in the next few days.

And right now I am binging onto awesome guitars and violins on this cover of 18 till I die. Clichéd it may sound but I really want to be 18 till I die. I need to do a longish post on it and justify that I really really mean to be 18!

P.S.: The post was called “The little dance on the keyboard” before I wrote about 18 bit. Now its called what its called.

The 5 Cs of Swimming

Swimming is a wonderful thing to do. I have been going for last three weeks and thoroughly enjoy the outing. Worst come worst, I get up every day at 6:30. I am trying level hard to get some discipline in life. Anyways, I dint start writing this to rave about it. Being an eternal cribber that I am, I had to talk about all the things that are bad about it.

For beginners, you start hating water. You need to take a shower before you get in the pool. You are surrounded by water when you are, well, in the water. You need to take a shower after you are out of water. And then when you reach home, you need to take yet another shower before leave for work. And if you are my kinds, who has had showers in the evening all his life, post work, then that’s yet another shower before you end the day. So there is water, water and still more water. I must be consuming enough water, on showers, to solve Yamuna’s maladies.

Then there are all the other swimmers. Most of them were struggling till about two days back and today they seem to be doing great. You, on the other hand, are still tottering and trying to stay afloat. You can’t hold your breadth for seven seconds under water and everyone else spend so much time under water that would put Houdini to shame. And not to mention all the generous exposure of cracks (butt cracks), cleavages, crotches, curves and curls (the 5 Cs). Not that these things make you uncomfortable, but they do make you jealous.

And then there is the agonizing length of the pool. You think you are a rockstar and you learn things fast and you tell yourself that you would swim the length by the fifth day. But when you actually get in water, the length seems small and yet unconquerable. You try hard, harder and hardest and yet you don’t get past the first ten feet.

I guess these three things top the list for me. Apart from these, I have other things to talk about as well. But then, they are stories that I shall share later.

Guess that’s it for now.

P.S.: I have not yet learnt the art of ending stories. Need to work on it.

P.P.S.: Sennheiser headphones. iTunes. Brilliance of Amit Trivedi on Sham from Aisha. Fingers flying on Acer keypad. Millions of thoughts running amok.

Random Ramblings on a Runday

Its been some time now that I have abused one of my fundamental rights. The right to freedom of speech. And since I am bored right now with nothing at all to do, here I am.

What do we talk about today? Number of trips to Shipra Mall? Amount of oil/ghee I am consuming with food? My new favorite song? Or the fact that I finally figured where my guitar was? Or about the National flag on my desk? Or that Ganesha statue? Or the gullak that I bought day before? Or about that friend who apparently knows everyone?

Nah not interesting. Should we talk about sugar prices? Or about Amar Singh? Or about Indian hockey team? Who still fail to get to the front page of any national daily? Or about Amitabh Bachchan who manages to become a lead story even if he catches cold?

Or should we talk about all the gyaan that I have accumulated? All those funny ways people abuse emails? Or all the self doubt that has shrouded me in last few days?

Nopes. Not interesting. Damn this post is so not happening.

Cheap Bastard

I am addicted to phone and SMS. Blame it on super cheap tarrif plans that I had access to when I was at MDI and GE Money.

Now that I no longer work for someone else, I have to bear my phone bills myself. And they are killing me. I mean KILLING me. Ever since I left Mumbai, I have paid about 9000 bucks in phone bills. In just about two months. 45 odd days to be precise. And no, I am not exaggerating.

Damn. I dint know working for myself would be this hard 🙁

Sorry for the rant. Anyways, I my blog is read by bots, SEO experts, comment spammers and myself.

Life 2.0. Part 1: Work

So after ab0ut a week of rest/leisure/running-around/buying-computers/explaining-to-mom-why-i-resigned/thinking/procrastinating and hazaar other things, I am back to action. I started work. No, I did not join any company but I started thinking about life and what I want to do next.

Working for myself is way different from working for someone else (GE Money or Creativeland Asia). Let me write them down in bullet points.

  1. Home Sweet Home. While working for self, I work out of home. This means I have to tolerate door bells, telephone bells, courier deliveries, maids and other such sundry things. I also have to be polite to mother India who is trying to feed me with her best preparations. I have to get creative while answering questions from relatives (in some cases lying to them). There, no one wanted to know how much I earned, how bald am I, how long does it take to reach from CP to East Delhi etc. No questions asked, easy life.
  2. Money. Not to mention that constant worry of where that next rupee would come from. After all I am used to an extravagant life style. In Mumbai, I knew my paycheck (not that fat) would arrive by the first week and I could splurge it on gifts, knick-knacks (all those tiny obscure things that I got for P, rruts, random people), pool (lost most of the times to Gandhi and won most of the times from Gawri), restaurants (next time you are in Mumbai, try Caravan Serai) and teeshirts (white/black, one large block on print on chest and thats about it).
  3. Place. While working for someone else, I could concentrate. There was tea/coffee/soup (which sucked btw) on demand. The loo was always clean (ok not always, but mostly). I had a place that no one else could take. My desk. My drawer. Here in Delhi, I dont even have a room to myself. The things that my “almost girlfriend” gave me when I was leaving Mumbai, I dont have a place to put them up (show off). P.S. I hope you ARE reading this and you now know why I haven’t unpacked gift #5 :).
  4. Computer. I did not share my Macbook with anyone. Although it was company property but the company had entrusted it to me and it meant I could customize it the way I want, it had my music on it, my passwords were saved onto it and so on and so forth Here I share my desktop with my dad and my cousin. Thankfully my sis is still in Mumbai. And since they belong to the Garg clan, they are curious by nature and on top of everything else, they know how to access hidden folders in Windows.
  5. Media. I had access to printed copies of ten newspapers, 20 odd periodicals including Wired (which IMHO is one of the greatest publications ever). Now I have to rely on RSS feeds and a electronic screen to know what is happening in the world. I have a fetish for printed material. I dont think as long as people like me are alive, printed media is ever going to run out of business. Here I get three newspapers that I don’t even read. I have no clue why I dont.
  6. Time. Time management is an issue. Not trying to brag but I loved reaching office before anyone and playing my music out loud (Hindi songs mostly). And here, I wake up at leisure, laze around, roll in my bed, dream, snooze etc before I even get out of my bed. Leave alone computers. That sense of discipline has vanished. Though I used to work strictly till 5:30 PM, I somehow had time for reading, writing, blogging, meeting people, coming up with ideas and all that. Here I am always short of time. I haven’t read my RSS in days, replied to my mails, twittered, FBed, Linkedined or even blogging.
  7. Resources. I could use copious amounts of pens, pencils, pantone books, notepads, staplers, post-its and other items of miscellany. Now I need to scavenge a pencil, write on the edges of newspapers, buy my own post-its and keep the use in check.
  8. People. I had access to tons of wonderful people. They had brains, talents, ideas and they were my window to the world. Every individual was special and taught me something. Now, only people I have access to are people I meet for cyntax and thats about it.

There are like another 12,334,233 items in this list but since time is somewhat precious now, I shall not delve on em. And then there is rant on Mumbai vs Delhi. On similar lines. But again, tonight is not the right time. Any thoughts anyone on how to fix these things?

P.S.: While ending, got an idea. I will make this a multi-part list. Since I am effectively restarting my life (and hopefully this is that reset button we always talked about), in each part, I will rant about my life on one specific thing. Today it was on work. Next would be Mumbai/Delhi. Will think about the third when am there.