Of course you know that I am homeless. Will be till the 20th. And while it’s an amazing feeling to have and I loved the idea of it when I was staring at the homelessness, now that I am living through it, it sucks.
Like S. U. C. K. S.
Really.
I know this is not how I imagined homelessness to be. I had high hopes from the experience. Heck, I even romanticized it a few days ago (on this blogpost). And the romance was gorgeous af (need to up my vocabulary. To do that, need to read more. To do that, need to make more time. To do that… wait. Get back to writing).
But now that I am actually homeless, like I said, it sucks.
No I cant do anything that could change and get me a roof. I will have to slog it out for three more days.
But what I can do, is reflect on how and why this happened. And talk about the mistakes that I’ve made! And list all those other thoughts that are clouding my head. So, here’s a list.
A. I fucked up.
At so many levels that I am questioning all those things (books, blogs, podcasts) that I consumed around decision making. I shouldve been wiser and shouldve taken a better decision. I mean I could have avoided this situation so easy that if someone else took the decision that I took, I would’ve castrated them!
I had a thousand options to choose from and I took the worst of them all.
The future landlord did offer me an alternate accommodation.
Dipanker suggested that I move to Delhi (and thus get some work done while am homeless).
Vivek gave me unrestricted access to his house, his car.
Ankit stuck with while I was on the road.
I had a thousand options. What did I choose? The American Dream!
B. Faith got reiterated in the fact that I am destiny’s child.
When this entire house-hunting was happening, I needed some working capital to pay for the move. I could’ve taken it out from work but I did not want to touch the money that is meant for the business. And this is when Universe stepped in.
I got some unexpected work from a client that I hadnt spoken to in a while (that I think is Universe’s way of paying me when I am in need) and while it was a small ticket project, I made enough money to pay for the move, the fuel (since I lived in the car for a few days), the hotel (because I cant live at shady places) and all the coffee that I have consumed (because I am working from the likes of Starbucks et al).
C. Empathy for the ones that dont have a place
This entire concept of not having a roof on my head was alien to me.
Since I can remember I had a decent enough place to live at. As I grew up and grew in life, my wants have grown and thankfully I have been able to grow my resources resources available to me have grown to be able to afford the wants (well, almost. I have always been short by about 50%). So I dont know how it feels to not have a bed to go back to.
But what about the ones that don’t have a house, a roof?
I routinely see people sleeping on the streets. So many of those, at almost all cities in India that I have grown a blind spot to cover the homeless. I’ve dismissed their existence and justifying their misery by telling myself that if anyone is poor in this day and age, it is because of their respective shortcomings. The world is rife with opportunities and while you may not be able to make a billions dollars, you can make enough to have a decent place!
I think this needs to change. My thinking I mean. I need to have a little more empathy for people who are on the streets. No one wants to be on the streets.
I need to find ways to get them to rise. Get them gainful, meaningful and respectable employment. That gives them enough to have a bed to sleep on and a roof to give them shelter.
And how would I do it?
I dont know.
But I do know I have to work on this. Maybe if I can sort the education piece, I would have found a solution to a lot of other issues. Including homelessness. Lets see.
In the end,
Finally, as I edit this, I realise that while I may not feel too good about who I am living right now, I have a lot going on for me.
I know that what keeps me occupied and busy and all that (house hunting, operational shite and all that) is far far apart from what my ambition, #lifeGoal is (make the world a better place by inspiring others and give them the shoulder that they need), I do have a lot. For example, I have enough (friends, money, capability et al – in that order) that despite not having a home, a house, I have slept well.
So yeah, thank you, Universe. I hope that the sunshine stay on me. Just that I need to make better decisions.
So, last few days have been disturbing (to say the least). Hundreds of women have came forward with their stories of how they were, have been and continue to get troubled harassed at their work places, homes, schools and other places by men both known and unknown to them. And before this “wave” of coming out, these troubled women did not talk about the gross injustice served to them. Because of reasons ranging from fear of retaliation to social stigma to plain old un-awareness! Worse no one around them (including colleagues, families or friends) told them to speak up!
I know this sounds like a very bleak description of the world we live in.
And you know what? Its fucking true.
The world sucks and we need to do a lot of work before it becomes inhabitable again. I mean there are people trying to give us a plan B and there are people trying to inspire us to do better by their thoughts, words and actions. And then there are people that just get perverse pleasure from objectifying fellow humans. These people misuse abuse their power, their position so blatantly and so much that they leave permanent scars.
And to what end? For what? For that momentary rush of chemicals in their heads?
The ones that are uneducated, I understand. They give into their evolutionary instincts and do things that you ought not. I can excuse them. Probably counsel them and give them better values so that they dont repeat.
But the ones that are more evolved, “educated”, the ones that create (creative folks, musicians, writers, directors and all that), I refuse to understand what makes them the predators that they’ve been?
To make things worse, on the long list of offenders are acquaintances, friends, gurus and mentors. And people that I look upto, people that I aspire to become, strangers that I wanted to be friends with and so on and so forth. There are people who I’ve dined with. There are people that I have invited home and have put them in the same room as my family. There are business partners and I have trusted my fortunes to them.
And all these people, “my” people are interesting and amazing and cool and inspiring and all that. I would often mimic them. I would do whatever it takes to be them. I would chase them to meet me and give me darshan and I hoped like hell that I get to work with them. These were as Jack Kerouac say, the mad ones that I would chase and want to be friends with and all that.
I would be lying if I said I did not know that they liked attention and they indulged in various sins. I may have had an inkling that they are predators but I did not question them. Or question their intents. Or anything of that sort.
I am guilty of adulating them for the work they do and the talent they have and not questioning their personality, their values. I’ve always had the thing for geniuses even if they dont necessarily follow the best methods. You know those high-performing assholes? Or maybe you’d know of that “good job” scene from Whiplash? I need to get away from them! Reminds me of what Gary V often says – he would make the most impact and he would be nicest about it!
Coming back, like good Samaritans, most people that that have been named have tendered “unconditional apologies” and have agreed to face whatever consequences that world has to throw at them. But then would an apology heal the stigma that these people had to live with for so long? How can you objectify someone and then say sorry? Can I chop off your arm and then say sorry? And, are you even sorry in your head? Will you not make the mistake again?
I wanted to chat up with these people. I asked the ones that I know. I confronted them. The ones that I cared for. One of them accepted his mistakes and has agreed to fix things. The other was unapologetic about it, without any remorse or guilt and said he dint care and was ok with whatever is happening. I mean how the fuck are you ok?
Fuck am seething with anger and I have no words. I hate this.
For someone who claims to be an author, I am at loss of words. I mean I dont even know what to write and how to write. This has taken me more than 3 5 days to compile, process and put on paper. There is so much that I want to say and do. May be this is the reason I havent slept well in the last few days. Ok, may be not. I am not sure.
No I was not unaware of the misuse of power by men in position. I could see it happening around me and I ignored it conveniently. I think I was in the zone that it doesnt affect me and thus it doesnt concern me. And I know that I couldnt probably stop it from happening, I couldve pointed out. If nothing else it would probably have lent support! But I did not. And I am so sorry. Really am. Damn I dont even know who I am apologising to. And what good would this apology do?
May be I need to apologise to those around me, that I care for, that are getting affected? Case in point? This young girl that works with me, day before few days ago I was dinnering with her and she told me how she was molested by her neighbour when she was 9. Back then she couldnt do anything, she was after all a kid and did not know what was happening to her. But when recently when one of her friends tried to force himself on her, she chose to not speak up. Why? Because she was in a group and she did not want to create a scene!
I mean really? Not create a scene? Why not? Is your safety more important than societal pressure?
Oh and this one is one of the bravest women I know! If this one couldnt speak up, I am sure that all the ones that are not as strong as her would never come out and like meek sheep let the perps do whatever they want to!
I am glad that this is happening. Men are being outed. Women are getting the strength that they should’ve had to start with. I know that centuries of patriarchy and the society we live in has made it tough impossible for them to be bold. I am glad its changing. I think to give strength to these women, a thing like #metoo was required.
This is probably how the flood gates opened up after that one expose – it gave courage to other women who did not speak up all this while.
Thank you to everyone for standing up and reporting. Really.
I am wondering if I had spoken up when I saw injustice happening, raised my voice against it and encouraged all my colleagues, friends and acquaintances to voice their opinions, may be the world would be a tad better place to live in. At least this junior of mine would’ve spoken out when she was in the spot!
May be she would’ve. May be she wouldn’t have. I dont know.
But I cant merely walk away from the fact that I feel responsible for this. And I dont know how to help. Myself. And others.
In fact since the first icon fell, I have been reflecting on my behaviour as a man.
I asked myself if I have acted in a way, behaved in way that I wouldn’t want others to behave with my sister, my girlfriend, my family. I reflected on what I speak, how I speak, who do I speak to. I thought about my pet jokes and ongoing conversations with women and I tried to evaluate if I were out of line at any point in time. I even asked a couple of women that I could confide in. I spoke to them — one at my workplace and one person that I work with on a project — and thankfully both of them ratified that what I do is well within boundaries.
Having said that, if you are reading this and if my behaviour has made you uncomfortable, EVER, please know that it was inadvertent and I did not mean to hurt you or put you on a spot. I’d never hurt anyone. I’d never do that. But if I have, PLEASE PLEASE DO POINT OUT THE INCIDENT TO ME (or to the world if you have to) SO THAT I MAY FIX IT GOING FORWARD.
And while I was thinking about my past, it dawned onto me that I do enjoy the company of women and I love to flirt. Which is not a bad thing to be honest. But I also crack jokes that could be are insensitive and offensive. I need to fix this. And I will.
Plus I am often intrusive and take more than required interest in lives of others (men, women, friends, strangers et al). In fact this has been my hiring “tool” for the longest time (I want to work with people who dont want a salary but want to do make that dent). While the line of questioning is often tough, from what I know of myself, I have always been mindful of not hurting anyone! I am not sure that is this is something that I will change. If I am going to work with you, you better tell me of your deepest desires and greatest fears. And I WILL push you to become a better version of yourself. I WILL give you unsolicited advice. Even if I am a stranger. I am wired like that. And I will not change.
Oh, and this has also led to another rule that I will follow. It is as simple as, “if in doubt, dont”. So next time, while talking to anyone, if I think that the conversation would be unpleasant and harmful, I’d not get into it.
Also, I know I am not very vocal about my stand on various societal issues but this time on, I am going to take sides and take stands and get vocal. If it means investing time and energy and effort to learn more about the issue at hand.
PS: More than standing for women’s safety or equality, I am most pained when I see that we still lack education and commonsense. I want to work on that!
In the end, I have made a list of a few immediate action points. Here.
1. I will not work with anyone who is a known offender.
Even if it means letting go of great opportunities. I know that there are times when I have to overlook things (clients demand that we work with a certain vendor, supplier, companies etc). Not anymore. I will put the foot down and ensure that I do not work with known offenders.
While the world is a large large place and its often tough to vet out everyone that you can work with, I will try to work with people that have solid character!
2. I will support whoever wants any help. Personally and professionally.
I am not a trained counsellor but I do understand human emotions and actions and motivations. I would love to talk if you need to talk to someone. I am on saurabh.garg AT gmail.com.
Plus I am happy to pass on some work that may help you get away from a place where you are troubled.
3. At C4E, I will ensure that I put in place a zero tolerance policy towards misconduct towards women. In fact I will ensure that women lead this piece. More on this in subsequent posts. Here and on our work blog.
Thats about it.
I guess.
Nothing has left me as confused and as sorry about the state of affairs as expose of friends and mentors. I mean I have been jobless, homeless, directionless and a lot-of-things-less. And I have seen people die and things break and all that but nothing has affected me as much as this. One of my closest friend often calls me a stone cold brick of ice. And I thought I was. I also called high-functioning sociopath by a friend. And I was proud of it – after all the other high-functioning sociopath is Sherlock the Holmes!
But then I guess I am not. Things do affect me. Things do take a toll. Things need fixing. At least in my head to start with. And then in the world that we live in.
Bas. Enough of rant.
Over and out.
Oh, and I am sorry. Sincerely am.
Saurabh Garg
17 Oct 2018
In the end, as always, a few postscripts.
A. I wish I could do a lot more for the ones that are affected. But I am sincerely out of ideas and am exhausted by seeing what women have been through. I hate that I am an armchair activist. I hate that I am spineless and I cant do shit about it. I hate that I cant stand for anyone. I cant even offer them jobs or anything concrete that could help them get away from the misery. All I can do is cringe and crib and publish a fucking blog!
B. This incident has made me re-look at myself and my personality. So much so that I will probably have to bring in big changes in my life. I am not prepared for those to be honest but I will put in the effort.
However it would be sad if I end up becoming this cynical individual that puts up these walls around himself. It took me years to break the other walls that I had put myself and I dont know if I want to put more. If you know me, you would know of these walls.
C. All this anger and listlessness could also be fuelled by the fact that I dont have a house to live in and I am tired (yes I am tired) of living at different places on different nights. Not because its exhausting – I love the feeling of not having a base. But because I cant afford to stay at places that are clean and are accessible and all that. More on this later.
As I write this, I haven’t written in a while. More than a month. Or if Vivek is to be believed, I’ve made just one post in last two months. I don’t know what’s worse – nothing in a month or just one in two months. Whatever is. The worst of them has to be the fact that I haven’t been writing. Not here, not on my echochamber, not emails and no updates for sure.
I can hide behind a veil and put blame on a million things but of course while I haven’t been writing, I’ve shat, ate, slept and did all those other important and not-so-important chores. The only thing I didn’t do was write!
Despite promises (to self) and assurances (to friends like Krishna), despite knowing that writing give my rooh the much needed sukoon, I did not write. I could not. The words wont flow! And I do not know how to go about getting that flow, to well, flow!
Let me try to change it. Today. This post will be a 1000 words, if not more. And now that I think about it, I will need more than that. After all a lot has happened and lot has to be told (to whoever is listening and to those 30 unknown people that come over to this blog on a daily basis).
So here goes. In neat silos.
House hunt.
This has been clouding my head for the last 15 days. In fact come to think of it, since July of this year, something or the other has made me a slave. First it was work, for almost a month. Then it was another 15 days of work. Then it was the birthday blues. And now its the house!
So, the place I live at? Where I take those gorgeous pictures from? That is no longer mine to stay at. The lease is expiring on the 5th and I need to find a place to live. So, while I have the intent and the ability to pay for an alternate place, I cant seem to find a place that gives me access to the kind of life I want. And you know the funny thing? I don’t want much. Just a little bit of space, a clean house, a nice building and some fresh air. In a city like Mumbai, all this is IMPOSSIBLE to get.
Unless you are an Ambani.
You want fresh air? You can make a house that rises up higher than the highest airplane!
You want space? Go vertical!
The process you undergo to find a house in Mumbai inflicts so many wounds on you that the suffering makes you a philosopher. And these wounds and not just physical – those are easy to heal. These ones are slashes on you conscience, on your heart and brain. Even the damned time cant fill in the gaping voids left by the attacks. I mean when was the last time your life was scrutinized by strangers? How much money do you make? What do you do? Are you a vegetarian? Do you party a lot? And these are the easy ones to answer. There are others that I don’t even want to write about!
And no, I am not a privacy fanatic but the way you ask these questions and the intent with which you ask these is what makes the experience, well, painful!
You need to get past the needless scrutiny from strangers, hoping that they’d like your “profile” and would “allow” you to live at their house. In an ideal world, this would be a fair and equal transaction – both parties would respect each other and all that. However, the landlord in India, has an upper hand. Someone has to fix this. Someone has to change. Some startup needs to disrupt this. Lets see if I get around to working on this. Rant for another day. The fact of the matter remains that I don’t have a house to live in.
Anyhow… the bright side? You save the time and energy and effort you need to go for a digital detox. Or for a a meditation camp. These questions make you question your very existence. You start thinking about the decisions you’ve made in life. Your entire life flashes in front of your eyes. You realize that you’ve made the worst decision of your life by not “investing” in a house when you could. You chased experiences and independence and a life of poverty while you could have slaved worked for a large company and by this time, have enjoyed the perks that come along with a stable naukri. So if your boss is an asshole that makes your life tough? Clients that we work for are the same. Unreasonable. Make life tough. Hard. Demanding. After you go from pillar to post in this country, to look for a house, you realize that your life’s been a damning lie! Everything you did, stood for, dreamt of has no meaning or bearing if you haven’t made it. You know, have enough to have bought a house of your own.
If you are in your 20s and are reading this, unless your parents have 3 houses in a 3 different cities please do NOT chase your muse. Work hard, get that house, even if it binds you to an EMI. It’s ok. You would not have to strip your soul in front of strangers.
Moving on.
36
I am now 36.
That means I am half past the average life span for a healthy adult in India. That means half of my life is over.
And what did I achieve in these 36 years? Nothing. Nada. While I’ve been meaning to do a million things, nothing has moved and there is this gnawing feeling in my gut that keeps me up at night.
I really wish this year takes me closer to where I want to be. And where is that? Amongst the stars! Well, I will be there someday but for the time being, metaphorically. If you are the kinds to trust in God and have a tad of faith, please do pray for me. I can really do with some help!
And yeah I stopped at it abruptly. I don’t mean to rant. Or belittle myself.
C4E
A lot is up at work. Like I said in my previous month’s newsletter, there have been hits and misses and there have been highs and lows.
But I guess that’s how work will be. Most days you move towards a goal post. You will have those bad days when nothing would happen for you or those one-off days when you actually move backward. But that’s alright.
So, the good (AND the bad news) from work is that I need to work harder than I’ve ever worked in my entire life. And this is that one shot that could give me what I seek – enough “achievements” that stop that thing that is eating me from inside. And enough money that allows me to not go stripping in front of prospective landlords!
Thing with work is that am a tad more emotional about it than the average “worker”. Which is a good thing most days – it makes me do far more than what I would otherwise do. And bad on some days – there are days when am so restless that I cant sleep.
Of course, the number 1 priority remains getting more work. If you know someone wanting to engage an events agency, please point them to me.
Other “work” projects
Apart from C4E, I have a few more projects that occupy me. Lemme talk about those.
onWriting. Well, its sputtering along. Not at the speed with which I would it to go. No, I am not happy about it. It had to be a well-oiled machine cracking at speed that no one else has seen. Need to be faster on it.
TheRedSparrow. Again, sputtering. And the tough part is that we operate in a category that demands content and yet are sputtering. Different reason that onW for the lack in speed but a reason nonetheless. So, need to up the ante!
Podium. Has been dead for over 6 months now. What do I say about it…
And then there are a few other projects that I better not talk about. They are as disappointing as any other.
To summarise, nothing seems to be moving. And from where I see things, I can have the following options.
A. Quit everything. Work on my book.
B. Listen to what every damn person I know has been telling me. Focus on one thing and make it large. So, that one thing that becomes large gives me the cash flow that I can use to hire talent and run the other things? And if I were to indeed focus, which one? onW? TRS? Podium? Or the latest idea to have hit me (the real estate one).
C. Get a naukri, make those easy million and then retire at Panchgani, in a house next to Vivek’s.
D. These are the options (above) that I see. Do you see any more?
Writing
Well, you know where’s writing. Apart from not working on this blog, a couple of things that I am (not) working on are a, the next book (which should’ve happened in 2015) and b, a non-fiction on lesson’s I’ve learnt! Both are stalled. Both need action.
Oh, and I put Podium under the broad bucket of writing. And that again needs some bit of effort. Lot actually. Not some.
Sad state.
Health
The bucket is health. Last few days have been really terrible. Since the Delhi trip actually (which is almost three weeks now). I was home and my mum showered all her love in form of paranthas and all that. And for some reason, despite knowing that I ought to eat healthy, I could not say no to her while I was there. And I am back to being the fat, old man that I was before Keto made me a tad fitter.
Oh, I started on Keto yesterday and I plan to do a 15-day cycle at the very least. Lets see where it takes me. Been 2 days and so far so good! I just need to augment this with IF and a bit of workout. I will probably start running. I am, after all, supposed to run with Daksh at the next Delhi marathon. Lets see if I run. Or walk.
Other things
Good things first. Since I moved on from the previous structure at C4E, I have become a tad more social! So, been meeting a lot more people than I was previously. And while it is definitely helpful, I need to now start leveraging this.
I also need to listen to Vivek and get more social. Now on. Starting tonight. Anyone up for a coffee / drinks / dinner at Powai?
In the end
So yeah. I wrote after a while. There’s nothing interesting to an outsider. Mundane life and mundane updates. But then, thats what life is. No? A series of mundane updates!
Since I wrote this, at least two people have told me that its not fair. At two levels.
A. If I am friends with them, I ought to talk to them.
Point taken. While I try to spend more time offline than what I spend online, I need to connect deeper with people. I will do it from now on. If the two of you are reading this, you’ve earned the “right” to confront me.
PS: I will eventually get back to being the online attention hog (soon).
B. I cant be ranting.
Reminds me of a time of about 4-5 years ago when I would crib like there’s no end to my troubles. It was not the best phase of my life (similar to this one – patterns!) and it took time for me to get out of it.
Now that I know that I am repeating the mistakes I made last time around, its time to fix it.
One simple solution that came my way was to channelise all the creative energy into solving the issues (rather than mulling over them).
Point taken. Lets fucking do it. This blog. And the next book (lol – is there a next book, Mr. Garg?). And C4E. And all other things that tick me.
The other came from Ashima (my fitness Guru). She said that when you are unwell and unhappy, its body’s natural reaction to shut it down and preserve the energy (after all for the biological machine, survival is more important than the ego and happiness and all that). So, you would naturally get into the states that make you save energy – sleep (compared to staying awake). The body will get more hungry (compared to the feeling of satiation) and remain like that even if you eat like a pig. You’d want to get into the dark rooms because you are “safe.” And so on and so forth.
One thing is to give into the temptations, get lazy and let the body take its course. The other is to fight it out. Rather than going down the spiral, you stop it mid way and reverse it.
So, rather than sleep, you go out and run. Rather than eating shit, try to fast. Instead of dark thoughts, go spend time with people that make you happy. And so on and so forth.
So, I shall do this. Today on.
The third came from Robin Sharma (year, the Monk and Ferrari guy). This morning. While showering I saw this video and somehow it made sense. He talks about 5P’s that you can use to get over a bad day.
I already do one of those things (journaling – this blog is THE journal; the echoChamber is THE journal). Need to implement the other 4 things.
And the final, the 4th, came from Prof. Garg himself. I have this metric. I call this the life or the death question. If what you do can kill someone (or can bring a new life), think a million times before you act. But if what you do cant, then act first. And then wait for consequences. Apart from life and time, everything can be recreated, recycled, reproduced et al.
So, you have an idea but you need your boss’ approval? Fuck that. Do it. Show her the results. If she’s happy, you are cool. If she is not, say sorry and move on. What’s the worst that could happen? She would fire you. You can always get a new job. Even if it pays less. At least you’d have the satisfaction in your head that you tried.
You want to travel the world but parents dont agree? Leave. Send postcards. Call home. They would yell and all that. They would be sad. But time heals. They would come around and start supporting you. And if they dont, good riddance. Really.
You want to ask that girl out? Do it. Who cares if she says no. PS: If she does say no, please please accept the fact that she doesnt want you. Move on. Dont be a dick and chase her and make life miserable for her. There are many more great women out there.
And a million other examples.
So, the lesson? When you are down in the dumps, rather than feeling sad about it and all that, take it head on. If you’re staring at the bottom of a cliff, fucking jump. Either you’d grow wings and get stronger and you’d know you are anti-fragile. Or you’d crash and you’d know that you were in the wrong game. Its these adversities that shape (and reveal the true character).
I am going to take this head on. And will figure out if I soar. Or if I crash. Wish me luck.
***
So, this is it.
Oh, I am on the road the next three days. Three cheers to that. I am in Chennai. If anyone is around, please do let me know and the Filter Coffee is on me. Or the dosas.
PS: It would be a real challenge to write everyday while I am travelling. Lets see how I fare.
I know I said that I wont rant. I know I said that I will rather talk about lessons (and not rants). I know I’ve promised myself to be not harsh on myself. I know it all. [haha] But this is important. I have to rant out. There is no one else that I confide in and can be honest about things. [Funny. I am confiding in a blog that is open for the world to see. Dear prospective employer (or client), if you are reading this, please know that this too shall pass.]
So, I dint write yesterday. Or the day before. Both days I could’ve written – I had the time and all that. But I dint. Not because I was lazy. But because something happened that put this shroud of misery over my head that made me so sad that I could do nothing but sleep.
And I want to talk about this.
This = misery.
Not the specific incident.
That is captured on echoChamber.
But the generic reason for my misery.
So, here goes.
The way I am made, I have this deeeeeeeee[insert infinite Es here]eeeeeep need to be respected.
I can live with all the ambiguity. I can stand whatever comes at me. I am ok with extreme cold (not garmi though), hunger, lack of comfort, physical abuse and other such things. I can survive around negativity and all that. But when someone is rude to me, I get ticked off.
And when I say that I get ticked off, I dont mean that I blast off. I just curl up into my shell, crawl under the shroud and cut myself from the world. And my world is anyway tiny – handful of friends and acquaintances.
And do what?
Sleep! Sahi jawab. Aap jeet-te hain ek crore rupye!
Thing is, I am one of those who “live and let live.”
I make sure that I dont bug anyone. And I dont want to be bugged.
I talk to everyone with respect. And I want others to talk back to me with respect.
I set high standards for myself and I expect the same from others.
I take ownership of my actions and I expect others to do the same.
I apologise when I am wrong. And I am ok with a public castration.
And I try VERY hard to not repeat my mistakes.
If I cause a monetary loss, I pay back for it. This is one of the chief reasons that I am struggling financially – I have paid to compensate at places where I felt I was responsible, even though I was not. Since all that matters to me is how I feel, if I fucked up, I believe that if I pay up, I can reduce the pain!
If I do well, I do not crave for recognition. I dont. Really. All I want is respect. And no, I dont demand it. I want to earn it. And I am ok to work very hard to earn the respect.
If I say something, I do it. Of course I miss deadlines and all that but I am human. I try to reduce these misses and not that I am near perfect but I will reach there at some point in time.
If you cant understand this, I am ok to stay away. Life is way too short to be doing things that dont keep you at peace.
Call this my personal code of conduct or whatever. I try to ensure that this code is adhered to. Every person I get into any relationship with (personal, professional, etc), I try to set an example by being the first to offer this conduct. And once this has been tabled, the strain of commonsensicality in my brain tells me that it should be easy for the other party to respect this code.
But no.
I am often subject to whims and behaviour that is diametric opposite to what I expect. And that’s where the problem it! That is what fucks me up. This is what fucked me up. Something happened and someone really important to me was rude to me for no fault of mine.
And like I said I cant stand rudeness for no reason. And I since I am not the kinds to retaliate or talk back and all that, I just came home and put the AC on 22 and went to sleep. Of course I was doing all that you expect me to do – working, talking, even throwing parties, walking, eating and all that. Just that I was on auto-pilot. I even played Peakand now that I think about it, no wonder I was scoring so low on games that I am a pro with.
I think I have finally woken up today. Time to make the day count!
***
So, lemme shift gears and talk about something that I did for a first time EVER in my life.
I hosted some people at my place! I cant remember when was the last time I called people home just to chill. I have had poker parties in the past and birthday celebrations etc. But I have never ever called people over to just chill and sit around and do things that people do at these house parties – get drunk, play those inane party games and all that.
Oh, this gathering happened while I still reeling under the influence of the thing…
I called my tribe over and we did all of the above.
The people at the gathering were aged 36 (me), 32, 28, 24, 20 and 19. That’s some range.
And it was interesting af. I think what you do in a house party clearly defines who you are. You are uninhibited and you are your true self. This is a great tool to evaluate people, if you ask me.
For example, if you looked at my behaviour while I was in the party, my number 1 concern was that we dont make so much noise that it makes me neighbours come knocking on my doors and ask us to shut up. If you looked at this other person, all he was bothered about was taking care of one of us who was sick. I on the other hand couldnt care less about the sickness as long as the volume levels were kept down. That tells me that dude is more human than me. So, maybe I need to keep that person close to me.
Got the drift? More on this after I do this one more time. I will have more empirical evidence.
In the meantime, here are a few observations and lessons from incidents over the last few days. See I did list a few lessons 🙂
1. I do not enjoy dancing.
Even if its with the closest set of people.
I hate when I am put at the spot with requests to dance.
I hate to say no to my people.
So, I need to avoid going to places where the dance shite may happen.
I know dance is like a primal thing for us humans, but its not for me.
Sorry, ladies and gents. Oh, I have expressed the desire to learn Bhangra in the past but that to me is workout. And not an action under influence of alcohol and societal pressure.
2. Alcohol IS fucked up.
I have no clue what makes people consume alcohol.
You ought to be high on things in your head and not on fumes from some foreign substance.
Once you are drunk, you forget what is right and what is wrong and you become someone else.
Some people say you show your true colors. Some say you become better. I am not sure.
All I know is that in my experience, alcohol makes you irrational and often lands you in trouble. And I dont want any trouble of any sort. I HAVE to cut ties with anyone who has an alcohol problem. Even if its borderline.
Having said that, I am still undecided on Psychotropics. I want to try and see the effect. Lets see. Any experts?
3. What I eat controls my mood.
I was sick in the head anyway and then I ate some Dal and rice. May I say that the Dal was good? And I felt so bloated that I had to actually lie down. I had that Dal at around 3 PM yesterday and its 9:05 AM right now and out of these 18 odd hours, I’ve slept for about 12. Not kidding. I dont know if its the sadness, or the bipolarity (or the depression) or the Dal.
What I know is that I need to fix this. I cant be sleeping this much if I have to reach where I want to. And if that means abstaining from foods that I’ve liked in the past, I will.
4. Money drives the world.
Of course I’ve always known this. I’ve been the kinds to assume that money is a mere byproduct of doing good things. But I guess that’s not the case. At least for the world around me.
Here’s a quick story. I loaned some money to some friends. I needed some of it back to invest on a project. I reached out to all those people. And of all those people that I’ve trusted with money, just about 3 of them came back to me with an offer to return. What about the other 5? Well…
Lesson for me?
Choose your friends well.
Make more money.
Try not to loan it – it always causes a trouble.
***
So yeah, that about it. Happy to have written some.
To end this, I need to put this on some index cards and remind me from time to time. I need to…
I need to start running.
I need HAVE to make more money.
I need to stop giving into urges and not eat crap.
I need to sit still and meditate for 45 minutes per day.
That’s about it for the day.
Oh, the post about luck? I havent worked on that in 2 days. Maybe today I will. I promise that that will be the next one. Till then, over and out.
I did not write yesterday. I could’ve. I just dint feel like it. No, not cool. Need to overcome these bouts of laziness if I am to get ahead. No, not being harsh at myself. But looking at myself from a few feet in the air and evaluating what am upto.
Anyhow, without further ado, here’s the post of the day.
So, Krishna read the posts that I’ve been making over the last few days and told me to get married.
When I asked him about his rationale for saying so, he couldnt give me a specific answer. He said, it just felt like saying that.
Now when someone says that, it either comes from deep experience. Or from deep insight. Or from the gut. In any of these cases, if I trust the other person, even though they say something that is counter-intuitive or something that I dont agree with, I tend to give things a thought. The other filter (apart from trust) I use is if they have skin in the game. In this case Krishna doesnt. But I know that he cares deeply about me, I am inclined to give things a thought.
So, I am thinking.
About two things.
One, That if I should get married.
Two, and if what I write prompts the outsiders to evaluate me as a lonely, miserable man, I need to fix it. Fix both – what I write. And how I feel.
And after all the jamming, I think I have answers.
One.
No, I am not getting married.
I am selfish af.
I dont have enough to love someone more than myself.
And to me, my dreams, my ambition is greater than anything else.
However if things go the way they are going and I am forced to take a full-time employment, I will revisit this piece.
Two.
I will not write about my deepest darkest fears and all that here.
I will push them on echoChamber.
The point is to not run away but to give the tribe (the set of people that read my blog – yeah there is a set now!) something that adds value (rather than give them gossip that they can anyway get from a million other sources).
The other thing that needs fixing is how I feel. Now, I am not sure how to do that. What I write on this blog is true. Nothing is manufactured. Things here are as true as my existence is. Each word posted here is as close to truth as I’ve ever known. I’ve written shit here that my closest friends dont know. If I am misunderstood and I have no one but this blog to pour the grief on. If I am elated, I celebrate by writing a post here.
I’ve had great days, superb victories, glorious falls, bouts of melancholic days on stretch and much more. And for each thing, this blog has been the place where I’ve shared it all. This is closest to a soulmate that I’ve had.
I know its funny.
That I seek company of strangers.
And for someone who wants to change the world and make money in the process and enable people with that money, I dont have enough people for company.
Its ironical but that’s how it is.
I am as alone as that lone camel in that infinite desert.
Or as an actor under the lights when he’s asked to perform. Lol. That’s some creative writing.
Anyhow, I cant run away from what I have or who I am. The point is, I need to fix how I think and what I pour out here.
Hence forth I will.
So, the big change would be that on this blog, while I will write personal things, I will not rant. Except those one off days. Even the most serious magazines have cartoons section :D.
I’d instead write about ideas, projects, things that I am working on, things that I need help on, things that I can help with.
I will talk about big ideas and themes that I am passionate about, causes I want to contribute to. For example, I’d talk about eduction and platforms that enable people. I’d talk about health. I’d talk about pushing the human limits – mental and physical. I’d make this blog a place where I raise a storm (even if its in a mere teacup).
If I cant think of ideas, I will write about what I learnt in that day. I’ll probably write 10 ideas and work on working out the idea muscle. I’ll write about what I observed during the day. I will write about things that ought to get looked at. You know, become an activist!
Basically, I will write about things that make you wiser.
Or more informed, if you will.
Starting tomorrow today.
So, what did I learn today that I think world at large ought to know?
I am the most effective when I wake up early and get some work done before the world wakes up. While this is applicable to me, I sincerely think you should try this. Try getting up early. I have had friends who love nights like they love life. And when they started getting up early, magical things started to happen for them! So, there may be a merit in becoming a morning person. Try it. For a week and if it doesn’t work, big deal!
There are two kinds of people. One, who are willing to work to reach where they want to go. And second, who’d just talk about it. Which one are you? Are you the one who acts upon their desires? I am clearly the second one. And I need to become the first one. And how do I straddle from being the second to the first? Any inputs?
And what is the big idea of the day?
You need to find your “blue zone of work.” What is a blue zone of work? Inspired by blue zones where on an average people live longer, a blue zone of work is a place where you get your best work done. Where you get in the flow with rather ease. For me, the blue zone is at a Starbucks outlet (the one in Powai). I cherish my time there and I dont let anyone interrupt me while I am there. For some, its their office desk. Some people are most effective when they are at home. What is your blue zone?
And I think thats about it for the day. For tomorrow, thanks to a prompt by SN, I am writing this super long post on manufacturing luck. Watch out this space 🙂
That’s it for the day.
Over and out.
PS: Thanks to VG for prompting me to write. Need more people in the tribe to do so (push me to write when I havent written. Are you guys listening?).
PPS: I fucked up on the day count on the blogposts (count of the days remaining till to Jan 1, 2026. I got the count wrong on the last few days. Fixing it today on. As of today, its 2714 days to go. Here is the proof.
If there are days that I’d say are weird, today would take the cake.
I had a good time while working.
I had arguments over petty things.
I said no for the first time and it came to bite me back in the ass.
I was told that I cant keep my people happy.
I saw a silver lining in the otherwise cloudy, vague kind of life am living. And the kind of work am doing.
There were good things. And there were bad.
There were expected thing. And there were unexpected surprises.
I need to not have days like today.
I promise myself.
Thats it for the day. More tomorrow.
PS: Technically, this should NOT count as a post. Anything less than 500 300 is not a post. But I had to hit publish before I slept. I remain committed to 1000 words on average a day till the end of the year. Lets see.
So here’s the post for the day. I am ODing on coffee and hope.
Coffee.
Since I am no longer on Keto, I am eating, drinking and binging on everything that comes my way. Oh and while I am it, I had some variant of chicken the other day. Thanks to AR. And surprisingly I was ok with it. I need to ramp this up.
Hope.
I was in Delhi and I was here to pitch to a prospective client and kick off things for the next phase of C4E. And what is that next phase? A phase where I go really fast for the next 9 months and try to make it into a fine events agency.
Anyhow. The post for the day. Since I have a million things clouding my head (as I edited this, I realised that all things are related), I will use a slightly different format to talk about things.
Unlike other times, here is a list of things that I will talk about. A table of contents if you will.
A. The day.
B. The fear of flying.
C. The Promise to Sleep well.
D. The lure of a good life.
E. Health.
A. The Day.
It was a weird day.
In a lot of ways.
First, I missed the flight I was supposed to goto Delhi on. And no, I dont do this often. This is the second time in my life that I have missed a flight. And no, unlike people that get worked up about missing flights, for some reason I was calm. Good job, Mr. Garg. I can attribute this to a lot of things – I dont care much about money; I am not serious about the flight and all that; I have attained nirvana!
Then, I booked myself on the next available flight (which was of course expensive). And again, I dint have an iota of remorse. Am I becoming truly invulnerable? Bulletproof? Lol! Read yesterday’s post, Mr. Garg!
B. The fear of flying.
I never thought I’ll say this but I am.
Lemme give context. Since I took my first flight, I’ve been fascinated with the idea of flying. In fact airports are among my favorite places (no, not all transit places are favorite. Airports are). As I write this, I am at an airport. In fact some of the best ideas come to me when I am at the airports. Or in the planes. Or on the pot.
So, I obviously love the idea of flying.
Also, to the middle-class Indian like me, flying is a symbol of achievement (other symbols are cars, houses, phones etc). And since I am a little underachiever, to me, these things that validate my status are important. To the extent that I keep a count of all flights I take. For example, this flight that I am going to get on in a couple of hours is the 33rd flight of year. Last year I took 53. So on and so forth.
And while I have been on these flights, I have seen all sorts of things – turbulence, calmness, air pockets, babies screaming in my ears, couples making out, comp upgrades, people using air sickness bags, false landing, air traffic congestion, excess baggage issues, lost baggage and dont know what all.
What I havent seen? The oxygen masks falling from the top (from a couple of friends who’ve experienced it tell me of horror stories of the time when that happens). And of course a life-threatening experience.
Of the times when I have been in flights with serious turbulence, I have remained calm. As calm as I was in the morning when I missed the flight and paid a fortune to book the next flight.
But… there’s always a but… for a change, in the morning today, I was scared. At the slightest turbulence that the otherwise comfortable flight had to go through. And this is the first time I recognised the emotion of fear while in a plane. And I dont know why am I scared. I know that flying commercial is statistically amongst the safest ways to travel. I also “know” that it cant happen to me – you know what I am saying?
So, why am I scared? Am I afraid to die?
Probably yes.
Probably no.
But I know that there is way too much happening in my life to just die like that. You know what I am saying? I have to make a dent in the universe and it cant be that unfair (to me) that I die in a plane crash! There are plans and ideas that need implementing. There are people dependent on me. There are a handful that love me. And most importantly, there are people that I want to help.
What if I am in an “incident”? What happens to all those people and ideas and things?
Ok, cant be thinking of these things before I take a flight. The point is, I get scared when I am in the planes. Need to think more on this on the other side. No. Not the 7th heaven side. But the other side once I have landed and safely tucked in the bed in a cold dark room.
C. Sleep
That brings me to the next thing that I want to talk about. Sleep.
I missed the flight because I could not wake up on time despite putting three alarms. And I could not wake up despite the alarms because I am tired. In my body, head, soul and everywhere. And I am exhausted because I have been working REALLY hard last 2-3 weeks. And I hardly get time to sleep.
Things are taxing (and I know that none of the things I am working on will pan out to give me either the money or the reputation or the future – these things are paying me just about enough to pay my bills. Yes I am struggling). And there is a lot of incompetency around me and thus I am jacked even more.
Ok enough of rant.
Point is that I am not getting enough sleep. And that means I am killing myself fast. And if I need to make a dent, I need to live long. Till at least 120. Side note. As I grow older, I am more aware of my mortality and the fact that life is so useless and meaningless. Dont know what prompted who to create this thing called life. Makes me sick as I think about it.
Ok enough of rant.
So while life is meaningless and all that, while you are here, you ought to do whatever it takes to make sure that you enable others and spread happiness. I dont know what else is the purpose of life. Agreed that I want to make money and all that but I want to make money and all that to be able to inspire and enable others. If I can, anyone can. That. If I can climb the Mt. Everest, any one can. If I can make a billion dollars, anyone can. That.
And to be able to do all this, I need to be effective. And to be effective, I need to be “fresh” and rested and calm and in peak state. There are two ways to do it. Take performance enhancing substances. Or you take enough rest. You sleep well. In fact DS told me today that he wants me to sleep well before I attend a meeting with him. That’s a sign enough.
So, I hereby promise that I will NOT compromise on my sleep.
I will sleep for 6 hours (not 8 – I am ok with 6).
And post that I will assume that my day has just 18 hours.
And I will wake up at 430.
Even if I have to sleep at 10 PM.
No more late night calls, dinners etc.
No more coffee (except when I am on Keto and that too limited to one or two).
No more things that interrupt my sleep.
Here’s a joke… if Akshay Kumar can, I can ;P
Of course there will be exceptions – when I am travelling, when I am on a break (#sidenote: must write about breaks – how I [plan to] take one weekend off every month, one week every quarter and 3 weeks every 6 months) etc.
But I will NOT compromise on my sleep.
Oh, if you know me, you would know that I encourage that 24×7 on-the-job, work, hustle-hard, chase-purpose, push-yourself lifestyle. I just want to put on record that I do NOT encourage not sleeping. All I mean is that all the frivolous things we do – partying, gossip, killing time on SM – those things have to stop!
D. The good life.
Today, I realised yet again that I love a good life more than anything else. I define a good life as
a life of abundance where you have enough to feed you and your loved ones. AND have enough to live in comfort and not worry about material things. You know, Maslow?
a life where you are making impact in the community that you live in. Where you inspire others. Enable others. Give them a shoulder.
a life where you affect change (rather than a mere victim of things controlled by others).
a life where where n the sense that when I have the money and I can afford things without worrying about it, life looks great.
and much more.
Side note. Must write about what a good life is. And then write a note to self about reaching there. And get all my people to write about a life that they ought to live. And more.
Am I there today? No.
Do I want to be there? Hell yeah!
How do I plan to do it? I have no clue!
What happens now? If you are reading this, HELP me!
E. Health.
I wanted to write about health as well. But I am not sure if I have the time (or the inclination) to do so. This post must be a 1500 words if not more. I know words flow when I rant on the blog, but I too have a limit! I will thus park health for some other day.
Just one note. I bought a pair of shorts today. 34″. And the pair is loose. I am legit 32″ now. Next goal? 30. Will talk about how I do this in the next post.
Till then, over and out.
PS: I will send this post to people I want to help me succeed in life. If you get this and do read this, please support me. And not diss me or troll me. And in case I dont send this, it doesnt mean that I dont care for you. It merely means that you are already by my side 🙂
Today’s post. Its 1104 and I have less than an hour. 1000 words. Let’s do this.
Disclaimer. So, today’s post is going to be kind of sad. And one of the things that I preach to the world around me is that we need to avoid things that make us sad. These things rub off. So in case you want to not spoil the day or whatever, may be don’t read (assuming you read this on a day to day basis).
So, why am I sad? I have no reason to be sad to be honest. Life is ok. I am not really unhealthy. I have enough money to pay my bills. There is enough work on my plate to keep myself busy. There is enough stress to keep me alive and kicking. And there is enough ambition and dreams and all that in my head to keep me going. So its cool.
And as I write I realize that I am probably lying to myself! Lemme make a list of things.
Life is ok.
I guess.
I am not really unhealthy.
At my age, I should be running the marathons, climbing the Everest and all that. And I on the other hand am lying on my stomach, trying to write this post. And getting breathless as I write this. The very act of writing the post is becoming a task. You know what am saying?
I have enough money to pay my bills.
Who am I kidding? My bank balance is in low 4 figures and I need to find a way to make more of it. And lot more at that. I HAVE to get rich.
There is enough stress.
Yes!
There is enough ambition and dreams.
True. But I think I need to find a way to get those dreams to become reality! All I do is dream all day long. And not put things in action. Ok. Wait. I am not that bad. I actually do things but I need to up the ante and do lot more. Agreed that life is just 24 hours and and we ought to prioritize but then what about trying to be the Superhero? More on this later.
So yeah. That’s it.
#note2self: You are clearly lost Mr. Garg. You need to find a way out!
That’s it for the day. Not really a 1000 words. 400 odd if I am right with my estimation. But I got the post done. That’s the good thing for the day. Phew!
So it has happened! After 11 days of non-stop one post a day, I did not post yesterday and the day before. So a break of 2 days. Bummer!
Day before, I could’ve posted but I did not. There are no excuses. I was plain lazy. I mean I did get stuck at a meeting that never ended and then I had to attend a social gathering and then had to meet a few friends at night, but I did have a few hours in the middle that I could’ve used to write. But I did not. I know everyone has an active social life and I am not the only one but unlike everyone that I hang out with I am the only one with super high ambitions and unreliable income (#note2self – time to find others to hang out with? people in the similar space as you are?).
Yesterday, I got dragged into a day-long firefighting thing at work. Which is not new. I need to understand why does this happen this often!
Anyhow, its 2205 and I have to leave at 2300 and that leaves me with little less than an hour to get this post done. And unlike previous times where I was hard on myself and I ranted and ranted and all that, this time I am not going to that. PM, are you listening reading?
I’d rather write about good thing. Things that I am thankful for. Here goes.
A.
There is enough work on my plate that I dont have time to even sleep. This is a good thing because work translates into money. And this money is more than enough to allow me to fund all the projects! Which is THE thing that I want from life. Make a lot of money. Use that create things that give me that satisfaction of creating things. And then repeat. You get the drift?
B.
There is some travel coming up. Even though most of those “trips” are just about a day long and will be super hectic, I am still excited about the prospect of being away from office. Thing is, there are days that I love to sit around and work and all that but for most part, I want to not be confined to a physical space. I infact need to work on things that allow me a life where I can travel constantly. Like a cricketer, you know. Or a poker player!
C.
The Team SG that I’ve always dreamt of being a part of? That is happening. One person at a time. There are 5 people on it now. The good part? Everyone on the team is less than 30 (except Paras but he’s like a 5-year old in the head! The youngest is 19 though). I just need to find a way to keep the team together.
Also, I need to ensure that this does not become an ego trip. At this point, I am very clear that I dont own them. Neither do they report to me. I am not their manager. And I definitely dont own their time. Or idea. Its like that round table that King Arthur apparently had at Camelot. Everyone is equal. Everyone ought to work to help each other. Each person gives a shoulder to others. And so on and so forth. Together we lift each other. And grow the tribe.
I know this is too idealistic to be true but I am sure I can make it happen. You want in? Read this and lets talk! #note2self: Need to write more about this.
D.
The fact that I am back to writing! I know this is little and probably stupid and insignificant that I am writing a blogpost about writing on a blog. But to me, its important. I have realised that writing keeps me sane and grounded and all that. The fact that I am back to the rigour of writing something everyday (apart from longish work-emails) is a great great thing!
***
So yeah, this is about it. Post for the day. After a break of 2 days. Wish me luck for tomorrow!
PS: I need to stop using these many exclamation marks. Really.
Day 11.
As I write this, its 10:52. About an hour from the impending deadline for the day. Which is ok. I think I work better when the deadlines are hovering over my head. The point is that I am consciously trying to publish a piece every day. Which, given the life that I lead is next to impossible.
And yet, here I am. Doing it. I agree that most pieces that I write may not qualify as quality content. But like I keep saying, I am the kinds that needs to put in hours and hours before I get some good content that could engage someone for even 4 seconds!
In terms of the day, it was a pretty routine day. Woke up rather late, went for a meeting, had eggs for lunch and dinner. Had 3 Diet Cokes. Made a few phone calls that were pending for sometime. Got some work done. Moved the needle on one of the projects. And of course a lot of other projects are open. So that’s something that I need to fix as we go along. Who’s we? Main aur meri tanhai. Lol.
Moving on. As I was writing this, I realised that I some travel coming up (Delhi and Kolkatta) in the next few days. Delhi is as early as the next week. And if all goes well, I could be in Chennai as well in the next week. All of this is work. Lets see how that pans out. In case you are in any of these cities and want to catch up, please do lemme know. Who are you kidding Mr. G? Who the F reads your blog?
Ok people may not read the blog. But that does not mean that you will not write. The intent of this 1000 words a day pact is to sharpen the muscle and see the extent to which I can push myself. I keep telling myself that I am very strong willed and this is one sure way of testing that will!
So yeah. That.
And in terms of other updates, a lot hasn’t changed since yesterday. I am still the same – happy, sad, excited, scared, careless, cheerful and all that. Bipolar anyone?
Thing is, this pouring of random words on a public medium is an interesting idea. This makes me blurt out things that are clouding my head. And while writing, once I get in the flow, I often write things that I dont even know are fucking with my head. So, this is therapeutic in a way. And this also means that this exposes my vulnerabilities to the world – which is not a great thing. Especially if you have the grandiose ambitions like mine. I am often asked about my plans to reach my ambition and I dont have an answer. In an ideal world, you ought to be doing this blurting out in front of the ones that you know will stand by you. And this is where I suck. People that will stand by me.
This also brings me to the lesson for the day.
So, what did I learn today?
I learnt that no one cares for you. Apart from you, no one is responsible for your success or happiness. No I am not talking about me per se. But about people in general.
How did I learn this?
I was talking to Krishna about the post I made yesterday and I realised that while he wants to help me but he can do only as much. He can give me inputs and talk to me and give me the emotional support that I need but he will not quit what he’s doing to stand by my side! Will I stand by his side? Not really. But I will stand by a LOT of people. All of my ex-bosses for example. They’ve given me long leashes and if anyone is in trouble, I will do whatever it takes to fix things for them. Even if I cant fix things, I will ensure that I try hard.
That.
I dont have one person like that. I have great friends and others that are invested in my success but I really need people who make me their number one priority. Or a cabal where we are a clique and everyone is taken care of and does well and stands by each other. You know what I am saying? Guess this TED talk by Derek could help? Or may be its only about creating reputation for yourself? May be. May be not. Time shall tell.
Day 10. Of publishing everyday. An average of 1000 words. Yay to that. No, none of the posts has gone viral. Yet. So, Nay to that. As I write this, I am not sure what to write about. There are ideas and thoughts and open ends and all that but I am not sure any of those are worth writing about. I mean most things that I wrote about over the last few days dint have any great insights! Ok so I know what to talk about. Work! After all that’s what’s been clouding my head over the last few days.
I run C4E. Which on most days is a brilliant events agency. And the days we are not brilliant, we are so good that people actually look upto us. I get so many queries and all that that I am often vain about it and gloat and all that. wtf is all that?
The question begets, why do you have days when you (aka C4E) are (is) NOT brilliant?
Because those are the days when I dont have work! Thing is I am the happiest when I am working. And work for me is creating things. If what I does not allow me to create things, I dont want to!
For example, when we do events for clients, we actually create a temporary “experience centre” if nothing else. And when we do other things that we work on (investments, content, stories etc), we create new things.
So, in an ideal world, I should be working on mandates from various clients. And I ought to be so busy that I dont have time to even die! And when I do get squeeze out the time, the money I make from work I do for clients ought to help me create things that I am typically not paid for – things like IMHO, Podium, OnW, TRS, DIY etc. And the loop has to continue. You know, enough clients giving me enough work to keep me busy for a large part of my time and then enough interesting projects to allow me to get the gratification of creating new things, while I ensure that I enable others, make that dent and make money in the process!
Simple. No?
Just that despite all my intentions and attempts and all that I cant seem to get enough work to even quit all the side gigs, let alone pay the damn rent, get that car and then invest into all the projects and side gigs. Sigh.
You think you can help?
PS: Not really a post per se but I had to write to keep the continuity going. May be I will write a longer one tomorrow?
PPS: This is one of those days where I need divine intervention to keep my spirits going high and prevent my sanity from going… poof!
