Rant – Page 9

Untitled. Oct 30, 2014.

I don’t even know when was the last time I posted on this blog (edit note: On 6th Oct). Since the book went live on Amazon and Flipkart, I have spent all my time talking about it, to everyone that I meet. So much so that if you wake me up at the middle of the night, I would rattle that TNKS is the story of one Nidhi Kapoor who happens to be a famous actress…

Most of these people-many are meeting me for the first time-look at me with pity. They are like, “Here’s another misguided soul who thinks that writing could feed his expensive lifestyle.” Some obviously are kind. Take GK for example. He is the first contributor to my campaign to try and raise money for the book. Thanks GK.

To top the misery of ~~marketing~~ hustle (to get the book known by as many people as possible), I just started a new job. It’s been a month and with the Diwali leave and other small leaves, I have spent very few days in office. And, trust me, all those days were so full with work that I did not have time to even die. Writing, reading, meeting people, traveling, thinking, poker and everything else’s now been reduced to things that are meant to be done on weekends. I am now part of the rat race. I am now trapped in that inevitable month-on-month paycheck cycle. A life that I detested all my life. Irony. Guess when they said “never say never,” they said it from experience. It’s like someone’s clipped the wings of a grasshopper. Or a bird. Take your pick. So, yesterday, the monotony of warming one chair with my fat butt got better of me and I left office before the time I was scheduled to leave. Of course I would be reprimanded by HR for it. But what the heck. I am not a slave. I love what the company does but my freedom is more important to me. I left early, came home and fell face first on my hard bed. And no, it did not hurt. It actually felt nice for a change.

It was 7 I think when I forced myself to doze off. The sleep was fitful and I woke multiple times at night. Each time I checked my phone, hoping that #sgMS would have reconciled things and would have asked me to come back. No, she did not send any message. She’d never do something like that. Her pride is far too big for it. I did dream of her though. She and I were on some train journey. Very unlike because I detest long train journeys but I am not complaining. It was a dark night and train was passing over a never-ending bridge, erected on top of some ocean somewhere in Europe. Apart from that faint sliver of moon at some distance, it was a pitch black night. I flipped out my phone to take a selfie, both of us bathed in moon light. But I am klutzy when it comes to camera. So she snatched my phone and extended her smallish arms and took a picture. While she clicked, she squeezed in close to me. I could breathe in her perfume, see that tinge of white hiding behind the thick bun that she loves to tie her hair in. She was close to me than she has been in years. And I wanted the moment to last forever. Ok enough. Just because I am reading my first Mills and Boon does not mean I start writing cheesy things on a public blog. And that too about sgMS.

To come back to the afterlife of being a published author, to be honest, it sucks. While I was writing, I had no one to answer to. No one had any expectations. I broke away from all relationships. I was a free fucking bird. I had saved some and seen the world and all I had to do was write 1000 or so word everyday. The 1000 words were a struggle but every word I wrote brought along elation and excitement and satisfaction. I was rowing my own boat in the vast ocean and it did not matter if the boat stayed afloat or drowned. No one would’ve noticed to be honest. I was truly by myself. I was the master of my time. I could choose what I did.

Now, now that the book is done, I am back to being the chief bread-earner for my family. A side-note on my parents. If not for them, I wouldn’t have been able to lead such a nomadic life. Not nomadic but hippy. Thanks Ma and Pa.

But now that I am back, the grind sucks. The ones I listen to, I goto advice for, my mentors, they tell me that that’s how life is meant to be lived. I refuse to accept. When God, or whoever else made us, he had to have a plan. And that plan definitely could not be as wasteful as spending hours in a room with other people, trying to give wings to other people’s dreams. Damn life. It’s so frivolous and wasteful. Something needs to be done. I don’t know what.

At times I think the ones who are called mad, they probably weren’t mad at all. They were merely taking the world for a ride. That dude Nietzsche said something interesting about such people. He said, “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” I want to believe that he was right. I want to believe that a lot of people around me are dancing to their tunes and I have no clue as to what they are listening to. Wish I had a tune playing in my head. I could’ve danced to my tune and I could’ve ignored the world around me. But then, the eternal question. Is it what the life is meant for? To take other for a ride?

There has to a way out. Someone has to have answers. Someone must know the meaning of it all. Someone has to solve the conundrum. There are so so many things that are wrong about the world around us. The unfairness of the world, the hazaar khawahishs, the bonds that prevent us from taking wings, the expectations, sgMS, money. There are so many things that I dont have a clue to. Time to seek help? I don’t know. Who’d have answers? Are they easy?

Guess this is what Midlife Crisis is all about?

P.S.: Loved writing this little rant. Oh, the pleasures of venting out. And the pleasures of writing. And the pleasures of a coffee shops. Thanks Starbucks!

P.P.S.: Just updated my bucket list.

Hello September. Of 2014.

And just like that its September. Of 2014. Time flies. And how.

I don’t recall the specifics but it seems like yesterday when it was September of 2013 and I was planning for a roadtrip through the US of A with friends. The trip for reasons beyond the scope of this blog did not happen in September. Apart from the trip, I was thinking about my book. And about what life holds for me in the times to come. The times to come have arrived and life pretty much looks the same. Except that I have little less hair and little more gray hair.

Anyhow, the point is, its almost been a year and I have no clue where time went.

Of course I did things and I met people and all that. But do I recall how I spent the time? No I dont. I just recall that since last september, I wrote and travelled and worked and spent all that I had saved and read and blogged. I generally had a good time. But again, I dont know any specifics. I dont have stories to share, I dont have medals to boast of, I dont have bank balance to show off, I dont have sgMS to go to. I dont have any of those things that make life worth living.

Brings me to the question that I have been asking a lot lately. What’s the point of all this?

And no, I am not depressed before you start recommending solutions and medicines.

This time, like the previous four or five months, I wont really do an analysis of what went wrong and what I learnt and what I missed and all that. I think that I am not programmed for that kind of planning. I forced myself to work on it. I tried but I could not. The question is, how do I make time count, before its September yet again. Of 2015. Assuming I make it to Sep of 2015.

Hunt for the second / third place

Lets start this rant with a few facts. Quirks, more than facts to be honest.

Fact 1. I dont like moonlighting my home with my office. It works for a lot of people, but not for me.

Fact 2. I seek flexibility, freedom and independence over a stable job. Even if its a well-paying one. Anyhow, well-paying naukri is a myth.

Fact 3. I see a bed and I want to lie down. Yeah I am lazy like that. I can’t say no to the allure of the bed.

So, now the rant.

Because of facts 1, 2 and 3, you can guess that most of my work happens from coffee shops and all that. Which was fine till late. But then a lot of people are now in my position and thus these coffee shops now frown on people spending long hours. Plus, with the prices going through the roof, its become very expensive to sit there. As a result, the productivity has taken a hit and I’ve wasted a lot of money and time on the hunt for the illusive perfect place to work out of.

So, I need, no not need, want… so I want a place where I could sit and work for long hours. And odd hours because I want to keep the flexibility going. I have tried talking to all those fancy co-working places and communes around where I live and nothing seems to be working.

I put a tweet, posted a question on Quora, put it on FB but nothing is working out. And time is running out fast. Fast like crazy fast. And I cant seem to do anything about it. Someone, please help! Any good samaritans know of some place that I could use?

Perils of Plastic

Ever since I got a Credit Card (which took considerable effort to acquire despite my fancy MBA degree and long ~~illustrious~~ career), my relationship with money has changed.

Let me dive into history. Please indulge me.

There was a time not too long in past when every rupee I spent, I took from my ma. Even though I was gainfully employed, I liked asking her for money. I’d withdraw a chunk of cash and give her and then I’d ask her for money as and when I needed to spend. I loved it. And I think she liked it as well that I asked her for money. After all when I was still a student, she was the one who handed me my pocket money that was so so dear to me. Every rupee that I got from her was precious. It was hard earned and everytime I spent it, I could see the balance with me dwindling. I had to make tons of sacrifices to be able to ensure that the money I got from her lasted me some time before I spread my palms in front of her.

Now, that I am jobless and away from home (home is where ma and pa are, and some day #sgMS would be), I dont really keep a lot of cash handy. There is no incentive to make those trips to the ATM. There is no one to give money to. As a result I rely more and more on plastic money. My credit card. The one that took effort to acquire. Add on top of it the ubiquity and ease of swiping machines, even with courier companies. Everytime I spent more than a 100 bucks, I would use the card. Suddenly from the actual quantum of money going from my pocket, I was now merely swiping a plastic card through a machine and the transaction would happen. Gone was the need to run to ma or ATM. Convenience, I tell you.

And, and, ever since the proliferation of things like flipkart, cleartrip and amazon, I have this new shiny instrument. Online banking. Where I dont even touch plastic or coins or notes. Its amazing. All I do is enter a number and the transaction is done. Its fast, smooth and intuitive. In my sleep I can rattle the card numbers, security keys and passwords. And I can use it for large transactions. And unlike physical currency that went from my pocket or a mechanical swipe of the plastic, everything happens without a physical interface. What else could you ask for in life! The future of payments could be that I walk to a Starbucks counter, point at the coffee I want and just nod at the cash register. Money would automatically deduce from my profile that Starbucks has that is linked to the movement of my retina (indicating a yes for expense) enabled by a NFC between a kiosk at Starbucks and my phone.

Funny how fast this world of payments and transactions is changing!

So, to summarize, from spending money by hand to swiping a piece of plastic to merely disturbing a few electrons, I have changed the way I (and the world around me) spend(s) money.

Money, to me is now largely a number that rests in an account (which is yet another number). I cant see it. I cant touch it. I cant fathom how little or how much do I have. Its a damn number. And like all numbers, without context, it has no meaning. Maths is boring like that.

If I had 10 lakhs in coins, I am assuming it would be like a river of coins that Uncle Scrooge could take a dip in. If I had it in notes, the wad could be a thick like a book. But on a fuzzy webpage, it looks like a number to me. Every time I spend some money, say 10 bucks, since there is no physical contact involved, I dont realize that I’ve spent it. All I see is the number reducing from 1000000 to 999990. To me, this small reduction in number is not big. And before I know it, all these small reductions make a considerable dent in the stack. All without me realizing it. Without an inflow, the bucket could soon run dry with these small leaks!

The only way out is to go back to the dark ages of cash and budgets. Stop using the numbers and plastic and start handing notes and coins. Even if it means carrying a thick wallet around. At least I would know what I am spending on and I would know where is the money going.

Starting today, I am going to use lot more cash. A smallChange that would help me get frugal (until I become filthy rich).

P.S.: There are apparent advantages of using plastic. I dont have to lug around a lot of cash. I dont have to worry about running out of it and finding ATMs. I earn points that I could redeem to book free tickets to places that I want to visit. I get discounts at places where these credit card companies have tieups at. I get a monthly printed account statement that tells me where all I’ve spent my money at! And so on and so forth. But, but, I end up spending lot more than I ought to (or want to) spend. I have to control it. Somehow!

Notes to Self

Read the difference between “which” and “that”
Restart thinking / working on frugal life

I am back!

Where did I go you may ask? Somewhere. Someplace. Here and there. At a place where I was away from a computer. I did have internet but it was on a handheld and since I am too lazy to type on a handheld, however convenient it may be, I didn’t really write.

So I was away for a large part of a month and when I came back, I realized that nothing had changed. True that the Football World Cup fever had engulfed everyone alive and eyebrows were raised on Mr. Modi’s first budget and a few countries were fighting with each other over petty things. But apart from that nothing of consequence happened. Its like that slow and steady chipping on a rock where you chip away the edges so slow that you cant perceive. And after a while, the rock takes an entirely new shape.

Looking at things around me, I think everything is like that damn rock, taking newer shapes with time, without me noticing. Everything, from the world at large to things like relationships, people, thoughts, everything is changing. Slowly, imperceptibly, gradually. It it. does. It has. It will.

And there is nothing that I or anyone else could do about it.

Anyhow, in other news, the edit on the book is done. I need to re-write some part and I am hoping to get it done within a week or so. And hopefully, the book would be out by July.

The big new, I have started working on the next one. So far, the plot is hazy but like #tnks, I hope to write the first draft by end of the year (2014). And then I’d take it up from there.

And, and I need to find a naukri. I got this SMS in the morning from my bank that said that the bank balance is Rs. 0.50. Egads! Need to work on that. Have had enough with living on udhaar. Need to do something about it. Like Now! But, before that, let me go write some.

And until, next time!

P.S.: Like multiple times in the past, I promise to be regular with blogging.

Untitled. 18 Jan 2014.

Crib Alert. This is a whiny piece of text. You may not want to read this.

We are almost 20 days into 2014 and I am already hoping that it gets over fast. To me, it seems as if the world is out to get me. To drag me down. To create obstacles in my path.

I know that I am wrong and this is never the case. Almost.

But these many coincidences can’t really happen at the same time. Mathematically, its impossible. A coin toss can’t continue to fall on the same face all the time. There are so many things that are going in opposite direction (from as planned) that if I made a list, it can reach the moon.

I can actually make and submit a long list of things that are dragging me down.

But to what effect? To whom? How would it help? God up there would look at it and help me fix things? I am not sure about God. If He had to help He would’ve helped already. No? Been some years that I have been drifting around here.

But I’d rather not.

I want to fight this battle with time. The one we are losing with every passing second. The one we are lagging behind in every minute. The one that takes us closer to the end with every passing year.

There are two kind of things that affect me (or anyone else for that matter). Things that I can control. And things that I cant. I can work on the first set of things. And ignore the other.

So the fact that I have been lazy and busy, I can fix it. I can blame is on preoccupation with a freelance project that I’ve taken up. I can blame it on weather. I can blame it on things at home. I can blame it on my general boredom with life and all that. I can blame it on a lot of other things.

But the fact of the matter is that I am singlehandedly responsible for my laziness. No one else is. I need to stop wasting time. Our time is limited and I can not spend it in not doing things.

Further, this laziness is already affecting everything that I want to achieve in 2014. My health, the book, career, money, love et al. I don’t know how its affecting my non-existent love life, but I want to believe that there is some karmic connection somewhere. Again, the affects are evident. In last twenty days, the story hasn’t moved a lot, I haven’t posted on my blog, I haven’t written my ten ideas a day, I haven’t met new people, I haven’t stopped spending money on frivolous things, I haven’t become any slimmer or wiser, I haven’t even made any attempts whatsoever to lose weight, etc etc.

Apologies. I said I wont crib and I wont make a list. Let me leave this hanging here.

Coming to things that I can’t control that fuck my head, its again a very long list. It may not reach the moon but it would reach zero gravity for sure.

Sunanda Pushkar for starters. I heard about it and was shocked beyond words. She was in news just a day before and I cant explain the extreme step. I don’t know what really prompted her to take her life but I sincerely believe that overly intrusive social media has had a role to play in her decision. If I could, I would really really try and stop those jokes and quips that the world made on her.

Even though I did not know her and I did not make any of the aforementioned jokes on her, as a participant on “social media”, I feel responsible for her decision. I have been trying to write about her, to her for more than an hour but I haven’t been able to. There are a very few occasions when words fail me, this is one of those. I just hope that these incidents are not repeated. I hope that all the funny people learn a lesson. For our five minutes of fame, we have abetted her in killing herself.

The other thing that has left me numb in my head is the gross unfairness of the world that we live in. I dont want to write about the specific thing at a place that is in public domain but I am deeply moved by it. Its proof enough for me that God is merely a figment of our imagination. If He were around, I am sure He would not appreciate the unfairness. No no, I am not blaming God. I am merely saying that things around me are unfair and I need to start living with those.

Then these is this thing about shit happening at home. I can’t control it. The fact that I am too poor to afford a house that I want to live in, in Mumbai, I am left at the mercy of landlords and brokers. More than anything else, these things drain me out of my energy. And what do I do to get this energy back? I try eating junk food. To get that temporary kick from carbs and sugar. What happens in the long run? I go down the spiral!

You see my point? No? Ok.

Anyway, enough of a rant. Gotta get going and get some words written on the Nidhi Kapoor Story. It’s so close to the finish line.

Before I end this, I just hope that these 20 days are not an indication of the entire year to come and things improve as we go along. If they dont, I wont know what to do.

P.S.: Yet another reason why I blog. I don’t write personal diary and this blog is hardly read by anyone (may be excluding prospective employers). Ranting things out of my system help me get back on the track. Imagine climbing on a really high, tall place and screaming on top of you lungs. So loud that your throat hurts. Despite being that loud, there is a good chance that no one hears you. But then do you scream for others to hear you? No. You dont. You scream because you want to throw shit out of your system.

This blog, this rant is my attempt at screaming like that. On top of my voice. Loud enough to clean my system. Clean the shit going on in my head. That.

Thank you very much. Why? I dont know.

I have nothing to add

Hotlinked from Flickr

Charlie Munger made this term famous. The “I have nothing to add” one.

And as I embark on the journey of the lifetime, something that I can do just once in this lifetime, something that I have been looking forward to since I was a kid, something that has taken so much planning and has been marred by so many obstacles, something that is scary and exciting at the same time, I have nothing to add.

Its so funny, its not funny. Really. I have been writing about all sorts of stupid things all my life and here when I am just about to leave, I have nothing to add.

When I am back, may be I have something to talk about. I may take notes. I may not. I dont know. But right now, I am blank. Blank as a blank canvas that is starting point of all the great masterpieces. Call it recency or whatever, I can not stop thinking about what Red said when he was finally allowed to leave from Shawshank.

“I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain…”

However there is nothing similar between Red and I. The journey Red is talking about and the one I am about to embark upon, they have nothing in common. And yet I can think of this one quote only. Funny how us humans are.

So, if you are reading this, do wish me luck. I may just come of age by the time I am back. I may write my own Bildungsroman once I am back.

Till then, so long!

The curious case of missing comments / viewers

For someone who’s been writing for almost ten years now, I have a surprisingly low count of regular readers (the exact number is here). And subsequently, lower count of comments on the blog.

I mean its not really surprising, considering that I am not really popular (even in my friends’ circle). And if I was interesting or funny or intelligent or a loud mouth or opinionated or smart or an eloquent speaker or a photographer or a social media expert or well endowed or well versed with history or connected or rich or something similar, people might have read my blog. But I am not any of these. In fact I am like Hugh Grant in Notting Hill and “…even my mum has a tough time remembering my name…“.

Thing is, all this while, I did not matter if someone read, commented on the blog. After all this blog is more like a conversation with myself, on things that I find interesting (or things that catch my fancy). But now that I am trying to get my first novel out, I need to solve this curious case of missing comments. Simply because I need people to read what I write and give me feedback on how/what I write.

So here is a quick list of reasons why people might not be reading this blog regularly…

I am Joe Nobody and since this blog talks about my life, my boring life, no one is interested in it.
I am an average writer. Or may be I am a bad writer. Or may be I dont even qualify to be called a writer. And thus reading this blog is not the best use of their time.
There is no “theme” to this blog. I write about a wide range of things (poker, writing, travel, getting old etc) and most things I write are my conversations with myself and hence people dont want to read an ill-informed guy talk about a million things, to himself!
What I write do not make sense. Worse, whatever I write does not provoke any thoughts in those who read. Its like eating bland food. You stuff yourself with a lot but you do not enjoy the process of eating. You know that you have had a lot, but you dint enjoy it. That.
May be, I do not know my target audience and thus my product has no real market per se. A typical marketing problem. And just to put things in context, I am a post-graduate in marketing.
I dont market my blog.
People do not have time to read blogs. They are happy with 140 characters. And blogs by celebrities. And other such people.

There may be other reasons why people do not read my blog but at this point in time, I can only think of these 7.

I mean, to be honest there is nothing on this blog that someone would want to read on a regular basis. If I wasnt myself, I would not read it! Most people (out of 100 odd that come everyday on this blog) land here by either searching for some lyrics or hunting for startup reviews or using complex queries that somehow point to my blog. Or something frivolous like that. Chasing multidisciplinary expertise has its own disadvantages I guess.

Of course thanks to this blog, I have had the opportunity to meet quite a few people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise. But like all mortals, I want tangible gratification and all that. And for (an aspiring) writer there is no better gratification that readers and comments from those readers.

May be over the next few weeks, I would try and get people to start reading what I write. Not because I am hungry for gratification. I mean that is a very important reason but also because every reader that reads and shares his/her feedback helps me improve and makes me aware of my mistakes and makes me a better writer. Remember that thing I wrote about Anton Ego?

And starting with this one, any advice anyone? Why do you think I dont get traffic on my blog? Why do you think I dont get comments?

P.S.: If you want to point about grammar and long sentances, I am working on that. I still think in Hindi and translate in English before I write 🙁

What is it to be free?

Before I get into a long drawn rant, I want to show a picture, if you guys are interesting in reading this. So, I dont know who sent this to me. Or may be I found this on the Internet somewhere. But its am amazing picture that I would want as a background on my phone / laptop.

And you may want to read this tweet that I sent out today morning.

So coming, to the post, this friend and I, we met over lunch today and we got talking about life and times and careers and money and opportunities and other such things that two wannabes talk about. We also spoke about the fact that we are on the wrong side of age now. He’s 34. I am 31. We were at Breeze and while he was busy getting drunk at 11 in the morning, I was content with a mere Red Bull.

So the thing with Breeze is that, on your left, you can see Bandra, Andheri and the sea beyond all those hazy buildings. In front of your eyes is the Powai lake and Vihar lake and the mountains, all these hidden by those multistory towers of Hiranandani. On your right are more buildings by Hiranandani and the hills. Its probably the best view of Mumbai that poor us can afford, second only to the view from AER.

These views, the bird’s eye views, its like being on top of a miniature city that someone built and then abandoned. From such a vantage point, the city that never sleeps looks like a ghost town. You can only see the hazy outlines of buildings and the geometric continuity that these buildings seem to make in the distance.Of course there are cars and trains and other things that you can see but these are mechanical and scaled down. You don’t see the detail, the very detail that brings the world alive for us.

Anyway, that is not important. And that is not why I wrote this.

I wrote this because we had this interesting discussion about being free. Free like birds that we could see flying among those tall buildings and going up and down at their whims. Free like that wind that was blowing at that height and was free to chose the direction it went in. Free like those thoughts that run amok when you are on a drive. Free like that free man that Morgan Freeman talks about in Shawshank Redemption. For the uninitiated, he says,

“I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain…”

We, the friend and I, we talked about it. About being free.

And then an amazing realization dawned upon us. We could be free as well. Free like those birds. Free like a man on the start of a long journey.

And all we needed to do was to hold our phones like we were holding a cricket ball. And then extend our arms all the way back. As back as it goes. Even bend backwards while we are stretching the arm back. Take a deep deep breath. Place our feet on a firm footing. As firm as they come. And then fling the arm, the whole upper torso towards the emptiness below us. And just when the arm is out there, travelling away from our body, let that deep breath escape from your body. The breath that had been trapped all this while. You let it go. And with it, you let go of your phone. The one that you were holding like a ball. The one thing that has been stopping you from letting go and being free.

But we did not. We did not have the balls or money to do so. We had he money but we weren’t free. We weren’t ready to be free.

The route is out there. Its simple really. Its only about doing it. Some day soon. I promise to myself, that I would be free. Free like a free man on the start of a long journey. Soon.

The pursuit of frivolous things. And #no!

So today, on this blog, personal blog, Id talk about a friend. A really good friend. Without getting into specifics, lets call him SS. Damn! another friend that has a name that starts with S! So this SS is an awesome guy. As good as a guy could get. Better than me. Really. He has everything going for him. Except that he cant seem to find his way in this big wild world. Pretty much like me. Lost. If I had any more hair, I would be him. Or even if I had more money, I’d be him. But then he’s got a job and a girl as well. So that makes him three times better than me. Or may be 333 times. Who knows.

So the point is, that this guy is on a mission. Arent we all? The mission to make a dent. Where have I heard the dent word? And unlike me, he knows what his dents gonna be like. And I know what it is. And its pretty awesome. But then like VK says, everyone has some or the other shit happening all the time. And this guy is no different. He has his own set of demons that he needs to fight. Who doesnt? But then unlike me and others, SS knows those demons. He can see those in the face. How I wish I could see mine.

And here is the fuck up. Despite knowing his demons, he refuses to do anything about em. I can see my reflection in him. We could be twins if at all. He excels are procrastination and is lazy beyond comparison. He has a tough time saying no. He cant prioritize. He knows what he is supposed to work on but often that takes the back seat. No, no I am not talking about myself here. I am far worse. I dont even know what I am supposed to work on.

Fuck up is that I think it would be a great loss to mankind if he continues to waste his time in pursuit of frivolous things and misses the important ones that he ought to work on. But then, who am I to decide what is important and what is frivolous for him? Damn the dude has left me confused. As confused as sgMS makes me.

Anyway to end this, SS, dude! You need to learn. And if not from the books, if not from movies, if not from other people, at least learn from your mistakes. No?

Start saying #no!

At least start saying no? Its your life. You came by yourself and you’d alone. There’s be noone to give you company. If there is just one thing that I can make you do, it would be to give the gift of the ability to start saying no. Here, use the hashtag. #no.

Ok?

The Charging Cable Conundrum

If you read this blog regularly, you may know that I use an iPhone 5. In my opinion it is the best phone available in market. I know its debatable but we’d get into it later.

The thing with iPhone 5 is that it comes with a different charger, as compared to all other previous iPod and iPhone family devices. Apple calls it lightning charger. Its a great charger. Takes less space, charges fast and is as small as a charger can get without affecting functionality. But then since its so unique, its so hard to find. I mean most people I know has either an older iPhone or a phone that uses a miniUSB charging input. So if I am in a room, the probability is almost zero, of finding someone with a charging cable for my phone. Let me park this here for a bit.

Next up on the rant is legendary requirements of smart phones for constant charging. And when they are on 3G, this requirement goes up by tons. And something in me refuses to use the iPhone on EDGE or GPRS. I mean whats the use of a smart phone if you cant use the awesomeness that data connectivity allow you to indulge in. And an iPhone 5 is a sucker for battery juice. Really, literally and otherwise. The battery drains out in less than 4 hours for me. And all this when I use it moderately. Blame it on million applications that are running on my phone or constant use of twitter feed or whatever, the battery dies so soon that I am left wondering, if there was any battery at all in the first place. Ok, hyberbole but I’d park this as well.

Third thing is my legendary carelessness. Funny thing is that till three months back, I wasnt. Am I getting into the artist zone? I dont know. Its a post for another day. But now that you know that the charging cable for an iPhone 5 is so important, can you believe that I ~~lost~~ misplaced my cable? I have lost larger and more important things – my wallet, my driving license, my credit cards etc. But iPhone 5 cable! For God’s sake I can not move around without a phone. People dont call me that often since that July evening but I still need a phone. I love the concept of being connected all the time. If for nothing else, but for Google Maps and Twitter (follow me on @altSG and @saurabh). And since I cant charge the phone without a cable that I lost, I am left in a conundrum. What conundrum? Hang on for a minute.

Fourth thing is legendary money making prowess of Apple. The charging unit is patented and that means that a company of repute will have to license the design from Apple to make their chargers. And that means that their accessories would be more expensive than Apple’s. This to me was counter intuitive. I thought Apple made the most expensive accessories and here I am looking at units from Griffin, Capdase that are more expensive than Apple! There are a few fly by night operators as well, that sell these accessories for a fraction of money but then they are fly by night. What do you expect from them. Id come back to those guys.

So after these 4 back stories, after I lost my cable, the jobless me decided to save some money and buy a cable from those fly by night operators. The cable was priced at 499, compared to Apple’s 1460 and Griffin’s 1799. I saved about 1000 bucks at the drop of the hat. The cable worked well for a week and then it stopped working. I bought yet another cheap one for 179. It worked for exactly 5 days. Then I bought one for 250. It worked for a month. And then I bought one for 499 again. It worked for, a week. And then finally I was on the road whole of yesterday and I missed an amazing opportunity to meet colleagues and friends from my previous job, because my phone did not have battery and I did not have a cable. I decided its time to take matters in my hand. And that my dear friends is the conundrum I am talking about.

I could chose to buy the cheaper cable, at the rate of one every fortnight. Or I could buy the expensive one and be in peace for a year at least (apparently the official Apple cable comes with a one year replacement warranty). Of course this time, I bought the official Apple cable for 1460.

And I am cringing since then for the insane amount of money that I have spent because of my carelessness. Damn me. Side note, you have to see the packaging of this official cable. Its so beautifully done that it almost bought tears to my eyes. Thing as insignificant as a charging cable has been packed with so much love and so much care that I dont really feel bad about paying them all this extra money.

But you know unlike popular belief, iPhone 5 users are NOT rich. They could be jobless as well you know. I do love the iPhone 5 and I would recommend it any day to anyone. I love using it. I love owning it. I love everything about it. Just that, I wish the accessories were cheaper. Or may be I wish I could make some accessories and sell em to people at these inflated prices!

And for you, the reader, next time you want to buy me something, you know what to buy. No? #facepalm!

P.S.: If the title of this post sounds familiar, you, my friend, are addicted to Big Bang Theory. As Sheldon would have said, “O, I am amazed at how the great mind works, in its own subtle ways!”

And Yet…

The other day I was reading about famous authors, I do that a lot now a days, and I realized something about myself. Nothing profound. Simple to be honest. I realized that I am everything that I did not want to be and I am not a single that I have wanted to be.

Here are some examples.

I wish I could design and yet I cant draw a single straight line

I wish I could sing well and yet I don’t even qualify for being a bathroom singer

I wish I could stand out and yet I am drowning in the sea of mediocrity

I wish I could travel the world and yet I am stuck in a nondescript neighborhood in Mumbai

I wish I could stand out and yet there are times when even I fail to recognize myself when I look in the mirror.

And few more things like this.

I think its because I want to be a lot of things at the same time.

Of course I cant be good at everything that I do. And before I decide what I don’t want to do, I want to try those things out. And after I have tried them, if I don’t like, I want to move on to the next set of things. Let me call this “discovering myself by process of elimination”. This process sounds like a brilliant plan, on paper. Except one small hitch. We, humans, have limited time and in my case, half of it is gone already. If I do discover what I want, at the age of 60, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.

So, to do that thing that I’d enjoy doing and to make a dent (assuming that dent would happen once I know what I love doing and I am good at it and I keep doing good at it for some time), I need to find it fast. And fast means really fast. Faster than that fleeting glance that I just made at that woman in red on the next table.

If life was like a shop full of tools and machines, I could do quick prototypes and decide fast, on what I wanted. But then life is not a mechanic’s shop and it takes forever to learn a skill. And it takes even longer to realize that you are not good. And still longer to admit that you aren’t anywhere close to where you thought you would get, if you put in time. You get into denial and all that. More on it later. But bottom line, it takes forever to realize what you are good at and what you are not. All you get is “drifts”. But to be able to sense those drifts is the tricky part.

Let me digress for a bit. There are some people, I know quite a few of them, that are somehow aware of what they want, from the time they were kids. And now by the time they are as old as I, they are doing really well in life. Then there are some people who get into lucky accidents, they hit the ovarian lottery (as Warren Buffet puts it), and get to know what their calling is. And rest of the people, they just keep doing what they get handed out randomly in life, they keep doing it, get good at it and assume that that was their calling. That was their purpose. That was what they were put on this earth to do those things. All the while they don’t even realize that they are spending their entire lives chasing someone else’s dreams and living someone else’s lives. They do make a lot of money and build large comfortable houses and move around in cars as big as their houses and drink wines as rare as their opulent houses and develop a ego that is larger than all of these tangible things (money, houses, cars, wines) put together.

I know quite a few people like this. Belonging to all three categories – aware ones, lucky ones, rich ones. And none of the three kinds is as unhappy as I. Unhappy not in literal sense but figuratively.

Coming back to the time it takes to understand yourself and continuing from the unhappiness bit above, I just have one question. Isn’t the journey supposed to be more rewarding than the destination? Everyone but me seems to have their destination in sight already. I, on the other hand, am having a tough time figuring out the road that I am supposed to take.

Funny?

And while I write this and read this for review, I realize that I am smart to be able to put this in words. And yet, and yet I am unhappy. Figuratively.