Category: #sg2015

End of the starry night…

Note: I have been acting crazy over the last few days (about ten days or so). I’ve tried to not show the crazy bit to people around me. They may or may not have noticed. But deep down inside, I know I have been crazy. As they say, the easiest person to fool is myself and the hardest to help is also self. So instead of falling in the delusion that all is well, I shall work on and fix things. 

van Gogh’s Starry Night

Since this is a very public place (and yet apart from PD no one reads this blog and I am not sure if after IM she has time to read this anymore) I will not get into a lot of details. But I know I need to fix a few things. Let me make a list of things that I would work on over the next few days.

1. Find that office (or a place where I could sit and work). Fast. Super fast. I cant work out of home. Even though I have a fancy table and an ok chair to sit on. Starbucks is fine but I no longer want to spend 200 bucks every hour. I have a couple of options. They are not ideal but I shall exercise those options and see which one can I close. 

2. Do something about my fitness. I just do not like the way I look. I need to loose (or lose?) that fat around my belly. There are so many things that could be done. I have to finish a marathon before the end of this year and apart from buying running shoes, I haven’t done shit about it. It will change from today. I will go for a walk, if not a run every day from today. Irrespective of the city I am in.

3. The longing for sgMS is making me super crazy. I know I can’t be with her and I know I can’t live without her. Everything I do is meaningless without her. There are times when I question the very reason for doing things (writing etc). I will no longer worry about it. Let the reasons take a break. I am just going to assume that she’s around and do my shit. More on it on the secret blog.

4. There are couple more things. I will not write about em here. Too personal. Too private.

Apart from these, other things that often trouble me are my attempts to improve the way I write, my quest for learning and the never-ending chase of money. I am thankfully doing pretty ok for the time being (I am learning about writing, have enough money to feed myself for the next 6 months and learning new things everyday). I am moving ahead in my own little silly ways. The only thing hampering em is the general gloom that I have subjected myself to. Like I said, I need to get out of it. And I will do it now!

Oh, I am working on a new business idea. And this time, I have a partner who’s been there and done that (started and exited a successful start-up). So, things will have a higher probability of working out. Look forward to it. More in a few days when we are closer to the output.

That’s it for the time being.

P.S.: The very damn act of writing this is so therapeutic. I often wonder why I write a blog when I very well know that very few people read this on regular basis. And in the process of writing, I am making my life public. More public that those cricketers or film stars. Just that they have people who care about the color of underwear they’re wearing. And in my case, the person I love the most, doesnt even care if I am alive. Or dead.

Anyhow, I dont know the real reason why I write. I just think that writing helps. Like I said, its therapeutic. And if you’re reading this, thanks a ton. It really is gratifying to know that people can read through long personal rants. 

More as and when I have newer updates.


P.P.S.: Why did I put van Gogh here? I dont know. It felt like the most natural thing to do.


P.P.P.S.: I have made similar list no less than a hundred times in the past (too lazy to post links) and every time I have failed to keep up to them. Let’s see if this time I can.


P.P.P.P.S.: The other change that has happened to me is that I no longer care about the perception that my acquaintances have of me. The realization happened as a result of this long rant on the events industry. May be read it, if events business interests you.

Reclaiming life (search for meaning)

Wrote this towards the end of last year. Couldn’t post it back then because the post got extremely person it. But now that I know that I am back to being good, here it is!

This is an edited version.

As the new year dawns closer, I am in my thinking mode that I get in towards the end of every year. I think about what went right, what went wrong and how to change things. And I realize that one thing that I am very sure is that I want to be the master of my time and there is no way I’d let someone else control my time.

This day on, I promise that no one else will control my time.

Why this time-bound thing all of a sudden?

Because when your nose starts bleeding all of a sudden and a trickle of blood starts dripping from somewhere inside your nose and makes a puddle on the white-tiled floor below, you know that your time is limited. It’s like that wake up call that shakes and wakes you up.

If it were a one-time occurrence, you may dismiss it. But when the bleeding happens again and this time soils the bed-sheet you are on, you realize that life is fragile and you dont have control over it. You realize that life is indeed limited and precious and you ought to row your boat, however small it may be; Rather than being a captain of the largest ship they ever made.

The deep red liquid that supports life, when you see it flowing like that, it makes you question the meaning of life. The more evolved ones may have questioned before me. But then I am one of those “if it doesn’t affect me, I am not affected by it” kinds. It sucks to have such a philosophy but that’s how I am made. I want to change but I haven’t been able to. May be someday I would. For the time being, I know that my time is limited and I ought to control it. I can no longer be at the mercy of others. I need to address that meaning of life question now!

I dont know how many more days I have left but I better make the most of em. And unlike a lot of other people who have real talent, the closest thing I have, that I can call talent, is the ability to write. I may not be a good writer but I know that writing gives me pleasure. I know that I love to see words appear magically on the screen in front of me. I know that it’s a vocation that I can better at, if I keep at it, if I keep showing up.

So, while I continue to question the meaning of life, I am going to continue to write. Till I find answers, if there are any.

In terms of meaning of life, is life about making a difference? Is it about immortality? I have no clue.

But whatever it is about, I know that I ought to be healthy and happy. And I ought to master my time.

Next question is, how!

Hello 2015.

2015. Via

Every year, around this time, I get into this self-evaluation mode. I think about what went right and what went wrong during the year. I think about the year ahead and things I would do in the coming year. I am after all, big on new year resolutions!

So, #in2015, I would do the following.

  • #writing. Write 250K words. Yeah. 250,000. Translates into about 4 full-length books. Looks tough to do but if I manage to write a 1000 words everyday, for say 5 days a week, for 50 weeks, I’d do it.
  • #writing. Publish book 2. I don’t know what to call it though. I am thinking of calling is #trss. But let’s see what it ends up being. I have a vague idea of the storyline. I was supposed to get the first draft ready by the year end. But havent been able to even start. So, I am looking at a 2015 release, I will have to get the draft out to Sachin and Parul by end of March 15. 
  • #fitness. Will be 30″. This’s been like a perpetual goal. It’s been three years that I’ve been trying but nothing has happened. I did lose some inches but I am back to my former glory, thanks to long work hours and a sedentary lifestyle. 
  • #running. Will run a FULL marathon in the year. Despite my hernia. I am targeting a marathon in August / September. I am following this book (after I saw it on Prof. Bakshi’s blog). Will start training in January. Have started the prelim training already. I am using the C25K app to get me to start running for 30 minutes before I begin the book. 
  • #money. Will have saved 10 lakhs. Right now, my savings account stands at Rs. 5005 700. Also, I will have created an alternate source of income. And I will not have to work for money. This is the number 1 goal on my list. For this, I am willing to be taken for a ride, willing to follow those babas, talk to those self-help gurus, walk the tight rope between ethics and legality. 
  • #music. Learn to play guitar. It’s going to be an expensive hobby. But I will learn it. Not because I want to perform on the stage but I want to challenge myself to learn a new skill. Why guitar? Because I like it’s sound. I love music. I can give an arm and a leg to be good at it. I just need to give it some time! 
  • #poker. Restart poker. I am an average player and have had some limited success with it. As per my poker stats, I have actually lost a total of 30K (not including travel, hotel and other incidentals) on poker. So, yeah I have lost money. I will focus on it and see if I can get any good at it. I will give it a year and see where it goes. If I dont become any good, I will revert to being a recreational player. The dreams of WSOP can take a back seat then.
  • #social. Identify a cause and work with that. Human conditions, diseases, nature, culture, conflict etc do not move me. Rather, education does. Development does. Sustainability (not in terms of nature but in terms of perpetual existence) does. Or may be something else. I will pick something up and work on it. 
  • #sgMS. I will try to get over her. No promises though. Thanks to rr for pointing out that it’s sucking the soul of me and I need to move on from her. 
  • #read. Read more. Learn more. Write more. Talk less ;P
  • #travel. As much as I can. Irrespective of money. Travel. 
So, in terms of a calendar, the milestones look like…
Mar: 5K race with a friend (Akshay)
May: Stop working for money
Sep: Marathon (full, in about 5 hours)
Dec: Book 2 out in market
Dec: 30″
Dec: Money in the bank
Sometime: Poker Tourney
That’s it. Wish me luck! And may be, help me crack these goals may be?

Oh, to get me to actually achieve these, I will have to resort to a few ideas. These sound like deviation from what I have been like. But like most other learning systems, I remain an evolving specimen of the tribe called the homosapiens. So I am learning. And evolving. Here are the ethos for 2015.

  • Do. 
  • Ship. Steve Jobs way.
  • My time is limited. Money is not. I can earn money. I can make money. Not time.
  • No regret principle. Something that Jeff Bezos says. 
  • Idea to project in 90 days. Read on Anaggh‘s twitter stream. 
  • Get aggressive about marketing (without being obnoxious about it)
For the context, here are the links to previous posts. 
2011

What about you? What are your goals #in2015? And, most importantly, can I do something to help you reach your goal #in2015?