Category: sgMS

Untitled – 16th Feb 2012

Its 5 AM local time. I am not in India. Not that it matters but the fact that I cant just pick up my phone and call you. It must be what 3 in the morning there? Unless you are out partying with your super happening friends, I dont stand a chance. I mean even if you were not partying, I still wont have a chance. After all I am no where close to all those people you have around you. Nah, not trying my hand at self-deprecating humor. Being really serious.

Since we havent spoken for the longest time now and I now know that you can live without me, I still cant live without you, hope you are doing good.

Always,
SG

The Shopping Spree

You never knew that a trip to a mall could fuck your head. I was at this mall in Bangalore, miles away from Delhi or Mumbai and I saw this amazing store that stocked all things Indian and ethnic. Since I am very interested in such stuff, I had to walk in.

The first thing I saw in that store was a leather purse shaped like a her favorite shape. And it brought back memories of the time when I had bought her that very purse, on my last visit to Bangalore, from a different store. It brought back memories of her smile and excitement in her voice when I gave her that purse.

I have always loved the concept of gifts. Don’t really like getting em but nothing like a well planned and executed surprise. I totally believe that life’s too short and you can’t really wait for the right time to make someone happy. If something reminds you of someone, you better pick it up and dispatch it. And since she was is obviously more special to me than anyone else is, get always got a truckload full of surprises. Every time I met her, I got her something. A small stupid hand written note, a large box that has nothing but small post-it notes where I’d written things that I loved about her, a teeshirt, a fake flower and million such inconsequential things.

Coming back, I saw this purse and after the adrenaline rush, my heart cringed. Before I could think, I saw this set of small ceramic dolls. I had got them from yet another place for her. Then there were these pencils, that coaster, a mirror, a wall clock, a bunch of fake flowers (I dont, as a policy give flowers), a tee shirt (that she refuses to wear, her taste is better than that) and some more things that I had bought for her. It was like she had decided to open a store and stock it with stuff that I got for her.

All those things were bought for a reason. Everything had a back story that’s miles long!

And then there were these things that I have always wanted to buy with her, once we started living together. The bookshelf to start with. It could stock books, CDs and all the little kick knacks that both of us are fond of. There was this rug that I had thought I’d put next to the TV in our living room. And that small chandelier that I would have put in the dining area. The damned store had it all. If not with me, I am sure she would have bought some of those things. May be not actually. Despite knowing her for all these years, I still have a hard time guessing what she likes.

Its been a week since I went there and even now I regret the decision of entering that store. After a point, I just couldn’t bear to stand in that store and look at all those amazing things. Dejected, while I was walking out, right at the exit, I saw this yellow nameplate that I always wanted to buy for our home. It read, “The Happy Home”.

P.S.: Sucks the way this has come out 🙁

Untitled – 28 Jan 2012

As I write this, I am sitting at the Chennai airport. I have had a whirlwind day. Woke up at 4 to catch a flight, fought with an aunty who liked throwing her feminine side to people at 5, caught a flight at 6:30, landed in Chennai and navigated my way through the alien language, wrote a presentation about a project I had no clue about, delivered that presentation and rushed back to the airport to catch a plane to Mumbai. In the entire day, I hardly had time to breathe. I mean I did tweet about mundance things, installed foursquare on my phone, go out for that leisurely lunch at Sarvana Bhawan and bought a Grappo Fizz and an ice cream from Spencer’s and created time to write this blogpost. But I had no time to think of things that otherwise bother me. sgMS to start with. Despite all the time that has elapsed since she and I spoke I still cant get her out of my head. Then there are things related to work. I am losing hair at the speed of light and am still poor. On the other hand, every Tom, Dick and Harry seems to be minting money as if they are the modern day incarnation of Scrooge McDuck! Then there is some shit brewing up at home. I dont even want to talk about it.

Anyways, the point of this post is that I have reazlied that I am the thinking kinds (MBTI – thinking) and more time I have on my hands, more I think. And more unhappy I become. May be the immediate solution to all my vows is actually finding something that can keep my head occupied for good. Something that makes me trapped in the rut so deep that I spend all my time wading through the shit. Something like what a bank teller does. Sits on a seat and attends to queries all day long. Now, if I had a degree that made me fit to be a teller!

P.S.: I wrote this in Chennai. Now as I hit the publish button, I am in Mumbai, waiting for Neo to come pick me up.

Dear sgMS

Dear sgMS,

Its been quite some time since we decided that things weren’t going to work out between us and we need to move on. Of course its far easier said than done. And like we both knew all the time, that despite you being younger by more than a year, you are far more experienced in worldly matters. And you were the man in the relationship.

From the look of things, I guess, you did work on what we decided and you have indeed moved on. At least the constant barrage of messages, emails and phone calls has ceased from your side. Not that I wanted it to stop. I really really miss them. Every time the phone rings, something in me hopes its you. Every time there is an email, I hope its yet another picture of you that you would have clicked to show me the new accessory, dress or the gift you bought/got. Every-fucking-time baby!

You know, there hasn’t been single a day when I haven’t missed holding on to your hand. When I haven’t wondered multiple times a day what would you be up to. In fact in my greatest moment of glory, when my entire world (of less than 10 people) was showering praises on me for being the best, something was amiss. Till five minutes back I dint know what it was. Now that I am writing this and thinking about you, I know it was you who I was missing. I had kept searching and searching through all the faces that I knew and it sucked to know that you weren’t there. The damned victory felt incomplete. And you know that I don’t win often and every such instance matters a lot.

You know that whatever I do, is never ever complete without your inputs. You lend me so much strength that even insurmountable tasks become easy. I become oblivious to all the hardships and obstacles. So much so I refuse to even acknowledge their presence. The X, that marks the victory target becomes so easy to spot and reach. Of course I am lazy and procrastinate all the time but with your reminders, some of which are really cute, got things done. If not sooner, then later. There was this game that I constantly played. Cook up an idea, make you privy to it and then see you make me bring that idea to life! With you not around, life ain’t as much fun.

But then things change. Time changes. People change. You and I changed. From being inseparable, we grew comfortable living in different cities. And now a time has come when we no longer talk to each other and yet we continue to live. Survive in my case.

Of course both of us are extremely social. You have always had fans, friends and followers that were spread from New York to New Delhi, Surat to Sydney and Mumbai to London. I am sure you would have found comfort in their company. In fact some of them were really cool. So much so that it made me insecure. Though I told you that your friends make me insecure, and I have never admitted to this in the past, but when we were together I hardly had any issues with anyone. You were mine, you told me you were and that was all that mattered. But now, when we aren’t together, for some strange reason I feel bad, really bad when I hear that you are meeting them. I hate it when I get to know that they send you gifts for even non-occasions. Its a right, that I thought I had reserved, for rest of our lives. But then I cant really control things. Can I?

You know, after you left, even God seems to have deserted me. Of course I have been His favorite child and things have fallen in my lap when I dint expect them to. Dint you happen to me by chance? Who could have thought you and I could be together. You, the princess. And I, the ugly frog. I still remember that kiss that changed it all. Ya, that awkward one. Always brings a smile. I cant believe I turned away from you. I know you’d hold it against me for rest of our lives! There are tons of moments like that, and I can talk about them forever.

But then, I cant really live in the past. I need to look up to what future holds for me. There are dreams that I have always had. I need to work on them and get cracking. I know it would become all the more difficult without God and your shoulder for support. But I would still chase em. Its a different story that once I do get to those milestones, I will not be celebrating them. There cant really be any celebration when some part of me is away from me.

Baby, this is one those letters that I know would not reach you and even if it did, I know, it wont make an iota of difference to you. But then its my karma to write. What it does, what effect it has, I cant really control. And even if I could, I wouldn’t. I’d do my bit and then let things take their course. I had to write this because I was missing you like hell. I try not to!

I think that’s about it for the time being.

Hope you are doing good. Hope you are as strong as I have known you to be. Hope you are happy. I know I need to move on and all that. I am trying. Trust me.

Till next time,
Always,
SG

Bawra Man Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

I love iTunes. And not just because its a brilliant music player but because it has this feature called Shuffle. All the shuffle features are brilliant in the sense that they allow for serendipity, the happy accidents. I came to office, booted my PC and then put on iTunes. I clicked on shuffle and it played Bawra Man by Swanand Kirkire.

O M G !

I havent heard that song in a long long time. Months I think. And this is when I love it. Probably more than any other song. Even more than all the Lucky Ali and Mohit Chauhan ones. I love it for the lyrics, the way Swanand has sang it, the way he has written it. Its the complete package if you ask me.

Everytime I hear this song, I get lost in my world where I let my imagination take over. I can conjure images of two people madly in love. The guy is full of ambition and wants to do well in life. Like me, he is dreamy, eternal optimist, knows no rules and has no respect for the status quo. And the woman, is rock solid and is the foundation on which the guy would create his empire. The woman would act at the support, the guide, the latch that keeps the guy grounded. The two are different as chalk and cheese and are yet inseparable. They complement each other beautifully. So much so that its hard to even think of them as individuals. And I can think of so many shots! Like they sharing a Kulfi at a busy market. Or they travelling in car full of family and friends and yet talking to each other, with their eyes and looks. Or a shot in bed where they embrace each other and sleep curled up like babies. And a shot the next morning when they are in the kitchen together, getting ready to take on the world. There are so so many things that I can think of. If I ever become a film director or something, I would shoot this one before anything else. I think I can do at least this much for the great song.

Anyways, coming back to the real world, the best line I think is “Bawre sey ek jahan main bawara ek saath ho // Is sayani bheed main bas haathon main tera haath ho”. Has the entire life’s philosophy in a mere two lines. Thats all that we crave for no? Someone who we can share our lives with?

2011. What did I get? What did I lose?

Found on This Isnt Happiness

Its that time of the year when almost everyone, including me, is waiting for the new year to begin. I thought it would be apt to take a stock of things. Lets make simple lists.

What did I lose?

  • Lost
    sgMS.
  • A friend, who has been very close to me for last five years or so (made friends with her, right after MDI I think), who at one point in time was probably closet to me. No she dint die or something. We aren’t talking any more. Hope she is doing well.
  • Steve jobs. Not that he was my best buddy or something but I did look forward to everything that he did. His speeches, interviews, launches, ideas etc. Now that he is gone, I dont really have a role model. In fact I know for a fact that wherever he is, if hes there somewhere, he would be making grandiose plans to make that part better. 
  • Stopped drinking coke. I loved coke so much that it was unthinkable for me to survive without it. I haven’t had it for 6 months! 
  • Respect for Naukri. This is one of the first intangibles. Before 2011, I use to think that working for someone else is really cool. Systems would be in place, people would respect you for your brains and all that but then I realized its a big sham. Not talking about my workplace per se but been talking to a lot of people about work.

What did I get?

  • <tapping fingers on the table, trying to cook up things I may have achieved in this year>
  • <still thinking>
  • <still thinking>
  • <there must be something Mr. Garg>
  • <you cant be that worthless>
  • <tap tap tap>
  • <arrgggh>
  • <I give up>
Now you know why am I looking forward to 2012 so much? 

Har Ghar Kuch Kehta Hai

Har Ghar Kuch Kehta Hai
Ki Iskay Andar Kaun Rehta Hai
Jo itna Gandha Banda hai
Ki Ghar Paint Karne ki Sochta Hai

The first two lines are from an Asian Paints jingle. The last two lines are my contribution, for the sake of this blogpost.

Of all the things that you can subject your home/house to, the worst of them all is painting. Of course its required. You must flush out the old to allow the new to take its place. Change is the very nature of, the nature. Of course you ought to clean your home every Diwali, after all God Ganesh and Goddess Lakshmi and Goddess Saraswati like residing in clean places.

Painting is actually not bad. If you can live with some occupational hazards. And before I go and talk about them, please note that these could leave a permanent mark on your psyche and next time someone uses the P word, you may try and attack them. At least I have reached the point where I can no longer tolerate any painter anywhere within 100 feet of me!

Of all the million fuck ups that may happen, some of the most potent ones are…

A. The fumes of the paint. They say if the paint does not smell bad, it not a good paint. And since most Indians consume they-says too literally, paint companies, I think, put in extra effort to make the paint smell bad. Really bad. I mean I do enjoy the smell of petrol at a petrol pump and all that but paint, uh!

B. Dust. Everything gets coated in white dust. You know how things and places look when it has just snowed? If you’re a five year old, you may play with it and use it as a chalk board and make smileys and scribble your names in it. You can get your legs and arms smeared with whiteness apt for princesses and polar bears. You could even put some in your hair and pretend as if you are 40 and your hair is graying. I mean there are multiple ways to find comfort with dust. Sadly, I dont think I can call a truce with dust. There is so much of dust all over the place that if you made bricks out of that dust, you could erect the great pyramids of Giza all over again, right here in my home!

C. No place to sit. Since the paint that you use to paint on the walls and doors, is the industrial quality one, you are scared that the tiny droplets of paints would spoil your electronics, bedsheets, sofas, clothes, shoes, crockery, rugs, toothbrushes, teddy bears and other things that are important to you. And to save on the damage, you cover these things as if they are the newly wed brides and put them in hiding. And when you want to sleep, you realize that you dont have the mattress. Wait, you dont even have the remote to the AC. And there is no bottle that you can fill water in that you are used to drinking in your sleep. And no, I aint got no teddy bears at home.

D. Disruption of normal life. You make plans about how you would lose weight because #sgMS asked you to. You get up at 5 in the morning, go for a walk. Reach work early. Come back earlier so that you may sleep early and go for a job the next morning. And once you reach home, you realize that only place not claimed by painters is barely enough to allow you to stand on one leg. But hey, look at the bright side. You could learn how to sleep while standing. I bet, not many people in the world can do that!

E. Finally, it takes forever. Last memories I have of normal life at home, I was happily reading some book in my room. Though its just been little over a month since I have seen normality (was traveling for work and ever since I came back, they’ve been painting the house. They could have painted the entire Taj Mahal in this long a duration!), it already feels like a lifetime. Everything is new. Everything has changed. The TV is standing on the tin box that used to have cookies. Cookies are now kept in a plastic box that had the detergent in previous life. The detergent is now in the washing machine. The top of washing machine is stacked with my bookshelf. The bookshelf does not have books but now has screwdrivers, other tools and the phone. The phone line btw is nowhere to be seen and with it, gone is the reliable and fast Internet. The bed that you dearly love is no longer there. You have to make do with sleepless nights on the sofa. While taking a shower, you cant use the shampoo because there is no place to stack that many bottles in the bathroom. Anyways, I could go on forever. Thankfully my towel, toothbrush and undies are in the right place.

You know I could go on forever about the perils of painting your home. I really wish there was a better way to do things. And like they say in the college, welcome to Painting your home 101.

Oh, and I just realized that I havent even spoken about the money that its costing us. We could have bought a Jumbo Jet, a Jaguar and a Yatch with all this money. And would still have had some change to buy a bike or two. And the painters give you so much grief that you for a minute think that you owed them some money or something!

And in the end, next time you want to get your house painted, please rent out an apartment (even if its a small one room set) and move in there with all the things that you hold dear to you. It would, one, be a welcome change from the monotony of living in the same place for all these years and two, help you retain your sanity while your home is being painted. And three, you would have the answer to the comment that the jingle throws at you, har ghar sahi main kuch kehta hai!

So Long, Coke!


Dear regular readers of my blog, regular audience of my sob stories, Warren E Buffet, Neo, sgMS (remember those coke walks?), Ronald, friends and family,

Over the past few years (read ever since I can remember), you would have observed (and in some cases, tolerated) my addiction to a certain beverage and its various variants. Better known as Coke, Diet Coke and Coke Zero, this is a cola beverage. Made from water, sugar and some mystery ingredients (that apparently just two people know in the world), coke sells at about 1000 times the cost of its ingredients. Awesome business to in!

Anyways, so coming back to the point, I have finally quit drinking coke. At the height of my addiction I would drink upto 4 litres of coke and innumerable cans of DietCoke a day. Ofcourse it left a funny aftertaste on my teeth and tongue but I think I can live without it. I quit because as I grow old, I am trying to outlive myself and trying to get fitter et al. Am I saying coke is bad for health? I may be. May not be. Lets not get judgmental here.

So, with the benefit of the hindsight, I think I owe a lot to coke. The long list starts obviously with sgMS. I dont remember much now but I think she and I started bonding over coke and walks. Apart from her, coke got me access to so many other places and people that otherwise would have been difficult. Coke also gave me an escape route and a reason that I could use to avoid alcohol. Then coke gave me my sense of style (huh?) – imagine a bald guy holding a whiskey glass topped with ice cubes and coke!. Any armchair freudian analysts here?

However shunning coke creates a huge problem for me. What about all the craving for something liquid the entire day? I drink oodles of water but then there is a limit to tastelessness. While travelling, I get my fix of liquid with VitaminWater but here at home?

And since I dont really booze and I dont like citrus drinks (read fresh lime water, sodas and other assorted variants) my escape route was coke on the rocks. With coke out of the scene, I would be left sipping water and eating onto ice at parties, dinner dates and other social gatherings where you are expected to hold a glass. I need to find a replacement.

For the record and posterity, I stopped drinking coke on 15th of this month. Been 8 days and I am still going strong (despite repeated attempts of DJ Killa at corrupting me with offers to have coke at 3 in the morning). Hopefully the resolve will last for a meaningful period. Wish me luck so that I may pass through this life without another sip of coke.

And oh, one last issue! Now that I am no longer a coke aficionado, what do I do about all those coke fridge magnets, empty bottles, posters, tabs from cans, images that I have collected over the years? Any takers?

P.S.: I have made an attempt to shun coke in past as well (Feb this year). It dint last long. Lets see how long this one lasts.

King of Wishful Thinking

If there is one term that defines me, its this. The King of Wishful Thinking. VK08May spoke to me today about this.

Here are the lyrics …

I don’t need to fall at your feet
Just ’cause you cut me to the bone
And I won’t miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone
If I don’t listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself..

I’ll get over you.. I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking
I am the king of wishful thinking

I refuse to give in to my blues
That’s not how it’s going to be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don’t want to let you see.. no
That you have made a hole in my heart
And now I’ve got to fool myself..

I’ll get over you.. I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking..
I’ll get over you.. I know I will
I’ll pretend my ship’s not sinking
And I’ll tell myself I’m over you
’cause I’m the king of wishful thinking

I will never, never shed a tear for you
I’ll get over you

If I don’t listen to the talk of the town
Then maybe I can fool myself..

contd …

Wow! I mean imagine being able to write like that. The King of Wishful Thinking!