Category: #untitled

Untitled – 14 Aug 2020

Hello, World! 

I am back with another post on the blog. And another post in the #untitled series. A place where I pour out my head, without an agenda, without any expectations. 

Here we go. 

1. 15th August.

Tomorrow is India’s 70-something-th Independence Day. From a kid that was like a true patriot and thought about Bhaarat Mata more than I thought about anything else, I am today an indifferent middle-aged man. I don’t know how this transition happened. I don’t know what pushed me towards becoming indifferent. I am not sure if I am even coming back to being a jingoist nationalist. But I know that I am disillusioned with the idea of India that I grew up with! 

2. Technology snafus.

These last few weeks have been terrible in terms of technology – the laptop broke, the phone is anyway half-broke, I’ve not stopped spilling things on the keyboard. This new blogger sucks. I think after using this for over 14 years, I am finally ready to move elsewhere. Where to though? Someone help please! 

3. Attention-deficit.

While I have been mostly ok with the lockdown, lately I have started to feel a problem with how I attend to things. I’ve anyway had the attention span of a goldfish. Now, it’s reducing even more – I am guessing I can give a hummingbird a run for its money! 

I did try meditation for a few weeks ago but I just could not get myself to sit still for those 10 minutes. Compare it to a point where I was doing some 60 minutes every day! I don’t know what is wrong and what needs fixing but something IS broken somewhere. Let’s see when I discover it. 

***

That’s about it, I guess. 

This new blogger is really not cool. I can’t even type on this! I need to port out soon. Will update a few days. Till then, over and out! 

#untitled – 160220. This too shall pass.

Its been a while since I wrote an untitled piece (the last one was in Nov last year). Thing is, there’s way too much going on in my head and I don’t know who to talk to and thus this post. Super ranty. Read at peril. Ignore if you can. And why am I writing? Clear my head. Archive my thoughts. Throw my intent in the universe. 

So, this is one of those days when I have a mile-long list of things to do and almost no energy to get any of those done. I mean I have all the energy of a child to move around, walk fast, talk faster, think faster than all of the above. But I don’t have the energy to open my Asana and start knocking off things from it. You know, there’s way too much work to even think about working.
Guess you know the feeling.
Or may be not.
Anyhow.
The point is, I have a lot to do and no energy. And I can’t seem to find it. I don’t know why. I get inspired by the largeness of ideas, the awesomeness of people and opportunities that are so much in abundance. And I know that I am at an amazing place and the timing is amazing and I have the will and inclination and all that. And yet, for some reason, I am poor and stuck. Stuck as in I am still a nobody. Stuck as in I still have limited capital. Stuck as in I don’t know how to break the shackles of helplessness. I feel that life is moving past and I am stuck at an obscure corner, with no ride to ride on. Ride to ride on. Lol. 
You know, FOMO!
I know I shouldn’t but I am afraid. Of missing out.
And I know its a fleeting feeling and this too shall pass.

If there is a trough, this is the deepest ever I’ve been. And while I know that this too shall pass and I will eventually come out of it, this feeling of getting stuck is not cool. And not cool is this feeling of helplessness. I don’t know what to do to get out of this.
And I am fucking up at multiple levels.
What multiple? All levels.
Everything that you use to measure your life, I am fucking up!

I want to eat healthy.
I was supposed to be on this vegan and sattvic diet – I subscribed and all despite it being an expensive idea – but I am unable to keep my hands out of large plates of food. I am eating like a dude who’s just come out of famine. May be, in my head, subconsciously, I am staring at impending starvation and thus eating all that it can lay its hands on?

I am supposed to meditate.
I try and sit down every day but I am unable to concentrate. With all the bells and whistles that I can manage (you know, an app, silent and cold room, etc). And yet, I can hardly concentrate.
This post that I am writing right now, I have this window open for more than half an hour and I have typed less than 200 words. And I have posted a photo on Instagram, opened numerous WhatsApp conversations with people that don’t really care if I have a conversation with them or not, replied to a few emails and judged these three kids at the Starbucks where I am sitting. Why Starbucks? Because I can’t seem to sit at home. I need to make a den for myself that is me. And no one else. And with the kind of money I have, it is impossible to have a den per se. A roof is a luxury. And I have just grabbed water and all that from the bar. 
All in the last 30 mins. If I could concentrate, I could change the world, you know! Remember that thing about the dude asking for a lever long enough?

I am supposed to get fitter.
I know that I need to start yoga, go for a run, climb 100 flights a day and do other such things. I am unable to do even one of those. Of course, these are merely tiny steps that I need to take to be able to reach my ultimate goal – climb the Mt. Everest and run a marathon. But I am not fucking taking those steps. I don’t know why I am unable to.

I am not being a great contributor to the community. Or my family. Or my people.
They need emotional, financial and life advice and I don’t have what it takes to give any to any. I’ve always imagined myself to be that strong pillar that allows everyone around to take shelter. Ok, shelter is not the word – support is more like it. But I see myself as a pillar that supports and enables people to climb higher. But here I am, leaning against nothing but wind!

Things are not that bad, to be honest. May be they are – since I am talking about myself, maybe I am biased?
I do know I am not doing well. Except for putting up the facade when I meet others. And they may seem very well be if you look at em from the perspective of those that look up to me (if there are any). But on the standalone, unbiased basis, they are not. I need a fucking intervention. I don’t know which one. Devine? Medical? Spiritual? Don’t know.

I am lucky to have the option to live my life in a way I would love to – I am mostly the master of my time, my office is at a walking distance from home, a tiffin service delivers food (and that ensures that I don’t have to think about what to eat), there is a maid that knows what to do. Everything is on autopilot. But I am struggling with work and I haven’t been able to crack this piece – mostly a result of my inability to generate new business. And like all similar things, it’s a vicious circle – I need money to invest so that I can generate business. And the business thus generated would throw more money at me to invest in more people, processes, and things that allow me to generate more business. You know what I am saying?

I need to create opportunities – work and otherwise and I am unable to make any headway with that. There are other business things that I am a part of that could start moving fast and give me access to work. But I am stuck because the ones that are supposed to lead those things have other priorities. Of course, I am to blame. I have entrusted my life with them and if they have other things happening, I need to move ahead. No?

Ok, Eureka!

Thing is, as I was writing this, something occurred to me. This is why I love writing – answers often dawn upon you; plus this is a great way to emulate conversations with others and I think the best when I am talking to others. 

So, what if I am merely drowning in the pool of misery that I have imposed on myself? In the sense that I can see the effects of my inability to get work (less money, stress, inability to support others, etc). But I am not seeing the cause. I have been reliant on others for far too long. What if I take things in my own hands? I become that person that drives things. That makes things happen. That pushes around? Moves the blocks till I find an answer!

Plus, if I reflect on the last few days, I’ve had a very erratic schedule – I am sleeping at odd hours, doing things that were not planned and taking way too many breaks. I can blame those on all the meetings that require me to criss-cross the city. But then those are part and parcel of life. Irrespective of the time I sleep, I can at least wake up at 5:30 every day and reach work at 6:30! How tough could it be?

Let’s do it. Starting tomorrow. Irrespective of what time I sleep tonight. Will set alarm once I have finished writing this piece. No, I am not picking my phone up unless I finish this piece. I did! I could not concentrate. 🙁 


And finally, if I try and review things that I have planned to do in a certain day, week, month, etc, I often miss those goals (which is ok – I often have stretch goals and I like the idea of impossible challenges) but I don’t even revisit the ones that I miss and I don’t lament over those. I don’t obsess over the fact that nothing is moving. If others can’t, I need to be able to move those. Even if its a pendulum motion where I go back to the center after all the hard work, I need to get things moving. I know, I know. The direction is more important than speed. But right now, I am standing still. I am not creating opportunities. I need to do that! I will have to simply work harder than I have ever worked in the past and create more opportunities. It’s ok if I am 37. I can still work hard. Like I said at the beginning of the rant, I am full of energy. Lemme put it to good use!

And with this, over and out! Thank you for listening, reading, etc, etc.

#untitled – 20092019

Yo Fam (see am a hipster – I call readers “fam”. If you are old like me, you may want to read what fam means here)!

Trust you are well. I am ok. I could be better though. Such is life. You know, ups and downs. Ebbs and flows. Light and darkness. Yin and yang. Yes and no. Fuck I can make a long list of dualities that us humans are subjected to all the time! But that’s not the point of this post. The point is, well, no point.

Thing is, I haven’t written for a while – not here, not on book2 (which is a focus area for me this month), not on SoG (even though, thanks to a tweet by Ashish, it got more than 20 new subscribers), not on my echoChamber, not on my tracker that tracks EVERYthing I do. Heck, I am not even posting on twitter (well, I am. But not as much as I would like to).

There’s this lull. I think its a reflection of how things are around us. Almost everyone including me seems to be struggling to make ends meet (except the ones that have stable naukris – and what’s a stable naukri, well I don’t know). And because there is this general pessimism, it probably has trickled down to me. And you know these things tend to have a feedback loop. I am not happy. That means I don’t feel like working. I am not working and hence I am not creating anything. I am not creating anything, I don’t see the output. I don’t see the output, I don’t get happy. And I get unhappier. And the thing spirals down to a point where I hit rock bottom.

This spiral had to be broken. And that can only happen if you are creating (in my case). Works different for different people. So, I am back to creating. Starting with this blog. And then extending this to work. And beyond.

You know, how they say that you can’t control shit that happens in the world but you can control how that manifests at your end? That!

That’s about it for the time being. Good to be back.

Oh and in case you did not spot anything amiss, I think I would say I’ve done a great job. And if you did, pray tell me. And if you don’t care, well, who does 😀

The day that was – 11 Jul 2019

Yo. I have nothing special to report. Except that, today was one of those eye-opening days. I met this guy who made me think about the very reason why I am alive! I always thought I had the answer but I did not 🙁

I mean I know I want to enable a billion people to do better. By setting an example (you know, do tough things like climbing the Mt. Everest, making a billion dollars, etc). And then by connecting them with others that I know could help them. I just don’t know how to do that at scale! 

So, he gave me this brilliant framework to think on. And that means I will have to work hard, think hard and probably get hurt as I uncover those patterns that have made me who I am. Task’s been cut out for me. Tough thing.

Apart from that one meeting, I did some work, walked almost 13K steps (not that I did not want to – blame it on Mumbai traffic), ate like a pig (need to fix this), published a letter, wrote this post and getting ready to call it a day. Oh, now, when I end the day, inspired by Deep Work, I shut down the laptop and do not even think about things.

So, all in all, a pretty ok day. I just hope that I get to sleep well.

Until tomorrow, over and out!

Day 3.

Today is day 3 of publishing three days on the trot on my blog. The one I wrote the day before, there was an agenda to it. The one I wrote yesterday, there was no agenda. Today, I have one. To take the streak to 3. In absence of anything meaningful on my hands and absence of ideas that I can work on to make meaning, this is the least I can do.

As I write this, I have not checked my email in the last 18 hours or so and no the world has not come crashing down. I will check emails right after this post is done. I have spent less than 10 minutes on Twitter + Instagram combined. I feel I am missing out on a lot. But so far nothing has been taken away from me. Guess once I miss on a big opportunity because I was not around to respond to messages. But then, like they say, if there’s something that is important enough for you to know, it will find a way to reach you. So, let’s see. I have stayed away from Whatsapp as well. Unless absolutely necessary.

Thing is, I am trying to implement Deep Work philosophy in life.

It is tough – this concentration without the distractions that I am used to. So far its been a few hours and I am yet to see any tangible positive results. If I can do this for a month or so, I will probably see the impact. Let’s see how that goes. I just need to get enough writing and enough exercise done. Once that happens, life would be ok I guess – other pieces are good (family, relationships, friends, etc). Money continues to remain a challenge. Let’s see when that gets resolved. 

The thing with Deep Work is that it asks you to allocate distraction free chunks of time on things. Like this piece. I allocated 30 minutes to write this piece. I am in the 17th minute and I don’t know what else to write. I have to persist for 13 more minutes and write whatever comes in my head. Ok, 10ish. I will need 3 minutes to edit, spell-check, etc.

The biggest takeaway that I had from this book was the importance of winding down. I knew about it but I would never exercise it. Now is the time to do it. Yesterday I did not work as I was about to sleep. I did not start work immediately as I woke up today. Of course, work is light these days and thus I have the luxury. Let’s see how the next few days (as I get busier) go.

Ok, I am at the 23rd minute and I can’t write anymore. Will edit and publish this.

And that’s about it for the time being. There is nothing else to write. I will, however, write a few more words today on SoG 1KWAD piece. In case you want to receive those in your mailbox, please let me know.

Chalo, over and out.

PS: As I was editing this, I realized that there are so many forward-looking statements in this piece! Such has life been – forward-looking. Saving up sex for old age. Etc.

PPS: Why would I force myself to implement Deep Work? Because I realized that life is short, you are alone and we waste so much time that it’s not funny. And, this quote…

Dr. Peterson says, “if for 10 years you dint avoid doing what you knew you needed to do, what would you be like?”

My next ten years started on Jul 1, 2019. I am 10 days in and if I can’t write every day, why am I even trying? There is so much comfort in taking up an easy job!

Till tomorrow…

#untitled – 28Mar19

This is an excerpt from #SoG130.

What is SoG? 
A series of letters that I write every day where I talk about ideas that can help us become better. Subscribe here. You would not regret. Promise.

Here goes… 

I did not send the letter yesterday. Even though I could. I had the time. I knew what I wanted to talk about. But I did not. In fact, not just the letter, last few days have been tough for almost everything. To a point that I am unable to write. And I am unable to even think. Or operate. I have no clue why. Maybe its all the heat in Mumbai? Or maybe its something else? Is it all the work on my plate that is keeping me occupied? Or because I am not working out? The worst part? I can’t seem to find time to workout! Oh, workout for me means a leisurely walk for 10 minutes. 

Also, I am not doing so well in my head. In the sense that thoughts are swirling and “flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup, they slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe. Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind, possessing and caressing.”

I am actually at that point where I am questioning if I want to write these. One part of me says I must – each letter is an opportunity to write and thus, an opportunity to read. Plus writing every day is one of those discipline things that I must have in life. This is the thread that could define my life. Heck, define me.

And then I read how Picasso lived for 33,403 days and has 26,075 published works (see this tweet and this post). And I realised that if I can’t write a letter a day, how am I going to get closer to my mission of inspiring a billion people? 

On top of it, I got this message from a stranger (on Twitter) that said that he would like to subscribe to my letters. I don’t know if it was a random act of kindness but it did make me smile. I know that these letters touch a chord and thus the resolve to write every day got stronger. Thank you, Mr. Shah. I hope you are reading this. 

Oh, and of course responses to this letter affect my writing. And my sanity. And of course people, things, incidents, circumstances and all that affect my sanity as well. There are a few things that I can control. And a lot that I cant. Writing is one. Feedback, readers, subscribers, unsubscribers, I cant.

So yeah, I am committed to writing these. Let’s see when the next jolt comes in. Do let me know if you would want me to write something specific. 

Thank you for reading and staying with me! Here’s to 1000 True Fans.

#untitled – 17Mar19

There is nothing specific that I want to say. I write this because I have nothing else to do. I mean I do have a few million tasks to do a few thousand projects to work on and a few hundred conversations to make and a few billions to make. But right now, I am not sure if I want to work on any of those things. I do however want to not waste the time and consume something that just allows me to not get bored. Plus today is a special day. Plus there are so many thoughts in my head that need taming. Plus I am so restless that I need meditative things to be able to not lose sanity. I need music from Lucky Ali and Rabbi Shergill and Silk Route and the ilk. You know, the one that I grew up on? Or from Bob Dylan, if you will. If I were any different, I would get drunk. Or get high. Or get slow. Or whatever. Something that soothes me. Something that pats me on the back and tells me that all would be ok. And gives me that big bear hug that puts me at peace.

No no. I am not in need of medication or therapy or something. Alls well. Just that I need to be able to find ways to make enough to chase that I want to pursue.

Chalo, over and out and lemme go find out something that adds meaning. Meanwhile, see this.

#Untitled – 21 Feb 2019

This is a short post. I am writing this as I take a break from the madness of an event setup. I dont do this normally but life hasnt been normal lately and now that its in this spiral, I better do all things that are typically not normal. Wow thats some gibberish. Anyhow. So I am at this event. This is among the largest events I do each year and the audience has atleast 100 people that are worth 100 crores. Each. Not kidding.

And each time I come here, I make a promise to myself that I will go back and do something that will make me as rich (as the attendees), if not more. And since I’ve been doing this (2016), I am yet to do it 🙁

Each time I do this, there is a bittersweet feeling.

Bittersweet because there is so much excitement at the prospect of doing an event. And then there is sadness that I am so so far from money that its as distant at the Everest.

Bittersweet because there is so much excitement about the a new show. Each event is a new show. Each show is new. And same. And yet different. And anxiety that you may not get to do this event next year!

Bittersweet because there is so much excitement about the things at stake while working on a project of this scale. And there is sadness that after this is over, that jolt that I need will go hanging for another year (assuming I get to do this event the next year).

Bittersweet because there is so much excitement because after each event you go back home with a new set of friends that in normal course of things, you’d never meet again. And there is this matter of chance that you’d bump into those people at some other juncture in life! And there is sadness that your regular tribe, your crew, your family, the people you are used to seeing next to you arent around when you are fucked with some crisis.

However a few things do get clear each time I do this. Chief of those is that I love this business like no other. The excitement of running a live show is unparalleled. If I ever choose to deviate from the mission that I am on with C4E, I will go and become a freelance event show director / producer. Really.

Talk of life goals, eh?

#Untitled – 17 Feb 2019

There is this ajeeb is sadness and I have no clue why. I wish I had a car that I could take to the hills. Or to the beach. Meet some strangers, get pally with them, talk of new things and not worry about the baggage that I am hiding in the boot of the car. I don’t know what’s the source of this sadness. Is it that I don’t have anyone to hang out with. Or is it my lack of tangible achievements that makes me sad? Or maybe the fact that I’ve been unwell for last so many days. Or maybe its trip of sad songs that I am on. Really. Sad songs make you sad. Happy songs make you happy. I mean look at Punjabis. All most of their music is happy and they ARE the happiest bunch around.

Or maybe because I haven’t written in the last few days. Or maybe because I faced this soul-crushing rejection a couple of days ago. Of course, rejection is not new to me – I have been rejected multiple times in the past for multiple things by multiple people and in multiple situations that were both controllable and uncontrollable. And yet when I play, I want to win. I don’t like to lose.

I am not sure which one it is. But one of these is at fault. Or maybe something is at fault that I can’t seem to put my finger to. And I don’t like it. No, not the sadness. Sadness is ok. That’s part and parcel of life. But the fact that I can’t put my finger to it 🙁

I am so sad that I don’t even know how to explain it to you.
If it were a colour, it would be what? Pale yellow?
If it were a song, it would be Tanhayee. Or maybe Kyon Main Jaagoon. Or that last scene and the sad riff from Kabhi Haa Kabhi Naa? You know that right?
If it were a cartoon character, it would be snoopy.
And if it were a piece of text, a poem, it would be this!

P.S.: You know the funny thing? On my daily letter (subscribe now), I wrote about how happiness is a great lifehack! Lol! Irony just turned in its grave.

P.P.S.: Wrote this yesterday but couldn’t get around to publishing it. I thought it was too depressing. Reviewed today and no, it’s not that sad or depressing. 

#Untitled – 21 Dec 2018

As I write this, its 9 AM at a residential area (Thane).
I am here to meet a friend and hoping to get some homeopathy treatment for whatever ails me (which is I dont know what, except Lichen Planus and a suspect pain in my balls – this could, if I believe Google, be anything ranging from an infection to old age to hernia to those diseases that I dont want to name). 
As I write this, I feel good. Really good.
The kinds that I havent felt in a while.
I dont know why.
May be because I am a morning person?
Or maybe because I am on pseudo Keto for last 15 days (most days I stick to Keto meals but I have been cheating and that means I am essentially on a lo-carb diet).
Plus the weather is nice (people are shivering even after layers and layers of clothes and I am in a thin tee and shorts).
And I am at an empty cafe (Chaayos, not Starbucks) and I am sipping on to Green Tea (which as per a twitter friend, is pure evil) and listening to Hindi pop-music (the kinds I like – Lucky Ali, Mohit Chauhan, Papon etc).
Right now, at this moment, assuming the mood swings dont happen, I have no worry in the world (the year is ending and I am going off technology in a couple of days – so I am excited, scared, intimidated and more about it).
I am in general hopeful about life and all (not that I have a lot of things planned #in2019 but I am hopeful).
I am writing frequently (#SoG) and words flow easy. Like I am in the never-ending flow state.
This is that feeling that I would love to last forever!
Fuck! As I write this, just thinking, is it all the meditation that I have done in the last few days (except yesterday when I missed)? I mean meditation doesnt really work for me. The mind runs in all directions all the time. But then I do sit stable for 10-15 mins that I meditate. I use Headspace which I think is brilliant. And no I have not tried other apps. 
Or may be it is all the mindfulness that I have been practising?
Or is it because I have forced EVERY negative thing out of my system? I mean I told my best friends that I dont want to talk to them if they merely diss me. And I left all the conversation opportunities (Whatsapp groups, family gossip, toxic workplace etc) that can drag me down. The kind of person I am, I feel bad for days for simple tiny things like someone being curt to me. And I tend to take on misery of others as well! Ok, rambling.
Back.

Just that I would want a tad lot more money. I would want to make a difference to the lives of people around me. I would want to write and create impact. I would want to enable passionate people. Soon, Mr. Garg. 

This is like the perfect day! I would however want to change a few things. Here’s a list.

A, the place I live at? Thats way too crowded for my taste. I would love this laidbackness at where I live. I can potentially move in this part of the world, but then I would be super-cut off from work. And at this point in life that can NOT happen. Work is priority. And I have to make all the damn money. I will move and all once I make the money.

B, I would shift my patronage to Chaayos if they werent this wannabe and stopped copying Starbucks. But then who cares about me. Or I’d love to have Starbucks to start playing Hindi music. To me, music is the thing. And I love Hindi way too much! 

C. I’d like to be fit. This is something that I can work on. And I will, in 2019. After all this IS required to take me closer to my #lifeGoal of the the Everest. I dont know why I want to change this. Like I said, I feel good physically, mentally and all that! 

D. All those kids that use these coffee shops as date haunts? I would line them up and open up a hose of cold water. I mean this sounds like an apt punishment for the ones in Mumbai that wear thick jackets and all that. Thing is, I have nothing against dates – life is meant to be spent in love. I hate the concept of their frivolousness and approach towards life. There ARE far more important things than whiling away time at cafes.

E. I REALLY wish Diet Coke was not harmful in the long-run. I mean all reports say that Diet Coke is just water and some secret recipe and aspartame and lot of carbon. And I know that all reports says that Diet Coke is not cool. And I love the taste and the feeling. I dont know what to do about it! #help

That’s it for the day!

Oh, apart from these “changes”, I think I’d sum up this piece with following.

  • I like vast, empty spaces with some habitation. And businesses that are open and are willing to cater to what I may need. This is probably why I like the US of A. Vast open spaces. Businesses that want to do business (unlike India).
  • I love mornings. Really. I think its the greatest thing that I have. I wish I can stay like this. 
  • Hindi music is my catharsis. Must make a playlist on YT or something that I can shift to when I need rejuvenation. 
Chalo, gotta go. Over and out! 

#Untitled – 16 Dec 2018

So its been sometime that I wrote here. There are a couple of reasons for it.

A
I dont have anything interesting to report. Thing is, this is my personal blog and I think I have said all that I had to. I mean there is nothing special happening on the personal front. I am merely growing old and along with that, I am growing more rigid, rude and un-companionable. And thats not something that I want to report. Or write about. I can talk about how growing old is giving me the clarity and making me better and all that. I actually wrote. But when I did some review while editing, I realised that it had become a ranty piece. And since I’ve decided that I wont whine, I removed it all.

So, in one line, nothing worth writing, reporting.

Of course I do write a letter everyday to a few friends (called #SoG, some letters are available here, where everyday I talk about one thing that you can do to improve yourself; lemme know if you want to subscribe) and I am active on twitter and all that (this will change, read below). But I simply dont have anything that I may want to write.

One may argue that the blog is not meant to be a report-card but a place where you dump your thoughts. Thing is, I have found better alternatives for that. I write on my echoChamber, my journal and other places and that helps a lot.

Oh, in case updates are important, there ARE a few things that I am trying in the next few days. Maybe those will interest you!

Here’s a list.

1. As of today, I am off twitter, Instagram and Facebook. Till the 2nd of Jan 2019. Lets see how long do I last. This is important to me. Because I believe that these SM channels allow you to create your personal brand, that in turn gets you opportunities and all that. More than that, I really enjoy “eavesdropping” on the chatter on the twitterverse. Twitter in fact is the first source of information for me! 

2. On the next Saturday (or maybe Sunday), I will get off whatsapp as well. Till the 2nd of Jan’ 19. In case you wish to reach me, you will have to call me. Or SMS me. Like the good old days. Its ok if I lose out on the opportunities. Again this is big. MOST of my work happens on WA. From tiny things like coordinating to large things like reports and invoices and all that – all happens over WA. Lets see how I survive.

3. And on the 25th or so, I will switch off my computer. Again till the 2nd of Jan. Really. Last time I went this long without my laptop, it was in 2009 when I went to Vipassana. Lets see how the experiment goes this time.

I plan to do a complete digital detox. This means no electronic device except a basic phone.

I will still goto Starbucks and wework to work sit and read and write. With a physical book and a pen and a paper. It will be tough to walk around without a laptop or an electronic device that gives me access to Internet. Lets see if I can be a modern day hermit!

Oh while I am in my self-created hermitage, I plan to revisit some old classics – Walden, Meditations, Count of Monte Cristo et al. There are health books that I am hoping to read (Bulletproof Coffee etc). If I can find time, I will read some modern ones as well – 21 ideas for 21st century tops the list. I would have learnt to code but I am not sure I can do that without a computer. And I dont even want to try.

Oh, while I go on the detox, the only thing I am worried about is my meditation. I am dependent on Headspace for guided sessions. I will see what I can do about it.

The other thing I am worried about is writing with a pen and a paper. I really suck at it. Ideas dont really flow while I use a pen. But a decision is a decision and I dont want to have an iota of distraction.

Wish me luck 😉

B
I am on this trip where I want to eliminate all negativity from my life.
Negativity. Not feedback.
Trolls, not debate.
Things that drag you down.
That snide comment, that mocking reference to your achievements or to your shortcomings. Those jokes that are cracked at your humor. Anything that puts you on the back foot. Of course as a man you ought to fend those off and get back with a louder wise-crack. But, do you want to invest your energy or time or intention in that?

Not me. Life’s short and there are things to be done. And now that I am on the wrong side of 30s, every minute is at a premium.

So, if this means that I need to choose my battles. And if this means I need to get away from things that I dont appreciate, I will. If this means leaving all friends behind because they cant understand where I come from, they will have to wait on the sidelines. If you are the woman I love and you dont respect time, I am out. I will run on my clock and if you can keep up, good for us. In case you cant, well, there are so many great men! If you are my family and all you care about is what would others say of my decisions, please stay with them. If you work FOR me, WITH me or I work FOR you, please know, work takes priority over everything!

I know I am being a dick about things. But thats ok. Its about time I took control of my life and it starts today. I sincerely hope that people important to me can keep up.

In fact I am told that when people die, one of the top 5 regrets is that they wished they kept in touch with their friends. I think thats bull. I’d rather die alone than die a pauper because I spent all the time in doing things that made my friends “value” me. More on this later. I have a letter (#SoG51) to write 🙂

Thats’ it.
Over and out.

PS: Of course at some level I am responsible for this. I revel in self-deprecating humor and texts (this blog is a testimony). But all of it changes now.

PPS: While I am on detox, I will have help from my “assistant”, who will help me order books, change my meals (I am this subscription service that sends meals at home) and all that.

Untitled (and The Wheel of Life)

Hello, world!
Where’ve you been?
Well, life’s been up and down last few days.
I got a new workplace.
I have started to learn new things.
I am discovering re-discovering meaning of friendship and relationships.
I am little more aware of my limits as an individual.
I am still as dreamy as I were when I was 16. For context, am 36. PS late 30s without money sucks. Please do whatever you can to make all the money while you are in your 20s. Must write a thing for people in 20s to not waste the best part of their lives on chasing frivolous things. And make them pick skills that computers cant do! 

Ok, lemme use this Wheel of Life thing that I found on the Internet, to talk about things.
It looks like…

Health
I’ve tried to get into Ketosis at least 5 times in last one month. But I have failed. In fact as I write this, I am at a McDonalds and I have had half a KG of vegetable oil. And deep fried potatoes. Well!

I did start jogging and meditation but that lasted exactly one day. I plan to start from tomorrow. Lets see how that goes.

But I am reasonably sharp and alert and active. I’d thus give myself a 5 on 10.

Wealth
I am doing ok. I have enough in the bank to fulfill all my commitments for a year. I would have wanted this to be at 24 months. But thats where we are.

Money is an object that allows me to do things that I want to do. Nothing more, nothing less. Right now the amount of money I have, I can do whatever I want to but there is that nagging thing at the back of my head for sure when I spend. In fact, I am running in the Eco Mode. I wrote about it in 2012 and 2013. Will write about it in today’s letter. What letter? See below. 

I’d give myself a 3 on 10.

Relationships (and family) 
I am probably at the bottom of the ocean, with a rock of the size of the Mr. Everest tied to my legs with a chain made of Titanium.

After all these years I think whatever little emotions I had left (and had buried deep in my heart) for sgMS, they’re gone. I dont know if its a good thing or bad. Its a thing. Like they teach you in mindfulness, I am just aware of it as a thing. No emotions attached to it.

Most friends are increasingly busier with their respective lives and things that are important to them. And I know I dont feature in any of those things. Not because they dont. But because I’d rather be writing or reading or dreaming.

Other relationships, well lesser said the better.

Also, recently, someone I know decided to call it quits and depart from the world. 
He was a colleague for almost 4 years and even after I quit the company we worked at, we decided to stay in touch. And we continued to help each other out. To me, he was one of those “magicians” that could get things done, come what may. 


I will never know why he decided to do this. He was strong, confident and had things figured out. 


I still dont know how to cope up with death. I like to ignore it and bury myself in meaningless hedonism. I try to make my life into a blur and pile on things. So as to not think about them. 

I’d give myself a 3 on 10.

Writing 
Of course I have been writing. I think the month gone by has been amongst the most productive when it comes to writing. As I write this, I have written 28K words (and I have written EACH day for last 25 odd days). And I have edited a few blogposts for friends, I have written things that I havent pushed in public domain and more.

Most of what I’ve written is in public domain (just that its not on this blog). I sent a email out EVERY DAY to people who have subscribed (this is what I talked about when I talked about Eco Mode above). They are archived here and should you want to get those in your email, send me your email address. I am @saurabh on twitter.

In those emails I talk about one thing that I learnt in the day. And how you could apply to your lives. And often when I dont learn a new thing, I talk about things where I need help. I sincerely think I add value to readers. Lemme know if you want in.

PS: I am substituting hobbies for writing. I would love to read, play the Uke, play pool, learn swimming and all that but I cant seem to find time after all the work and writing. May be once I get into a routine. But writing is fun. Its my catharsis. 

I’d say I am at least a 7 on 10 on this.

Work
A lot has changed at work. There are new challenges and new opportunities. That’s all I’d talk about.

There is a lot of excitement (when do I not have this?) and if things pan out the way I planned those, I would get lot better on the work front. Finger’s crossed.

I’d say, I am a 5 here.

Thing is, I have decided that the work I do HAS to inspire others, make an impact and of course make me rich. My ability to inspire and make an impact is constrained because of the limited influence that my company has. Once we are able to scale, I think this will sort itself out. 


Personal Space
On a personal front, I think I am challenged enough. However I am still not making the kind of impact that I would want to make. And that is not happening because I dont have a podium to talk from.

But I am reasonably sure of things and the path I am on. So, I’d give myself a 5.

Contribution.
I think I am making a difference to the lives of people around me. I try to make them better, I nudge them (even if I am rude), I invite them to challenge themselves and chase a higher calling, a higher purpose.

I’d give myself a 6 on 10.

To end this, 
So, once I do this little exercise, I came up with this edited version of the wheel.

As on Nov 2018

The idea is that over time this wheel must have more area confined in the lines than outside.
And of course all will not be stable all the time. Things will change. But idea is to work on all these aspects as I chase that elusive dream of the perfect life!

That’s about it for the day. What does your wheel look like?

And finally, no, I havent disappeared. I am still around. Still writing. Just that life hasnt been kind lately and I hope to get out of this better, stronger and richer! 2018 has been among the worst years of my life. I will write about it toward the fag end of December.

Do let me know if you would want to subscribe to my daily emails.

PS: Do I sound like a whiner? Or do I sound like a dude who’s got no one to share things with and thus is trying to use this blog as his audience?